Mud beads

"I don't know what we can't say to each other."

Echizen Toru remained seated, without even changing his posture. The slight smell of alcohol and ruthlessness he had brought out on the balcony was completely gone under the lamplight.

The surrounding noise rose up from downstairs and above, but the area around the table was so quiet that you could hear the faint cracking of ice.

Ji Yong looked at him, her fists clenching tighter and tighter.

The two had known each other for so long that many things didn't need to be said; they understood each other implicitly. Over the years, they had shared everything—hobbies, opportunities, resources, even women.

But relationships are an exception.

When Ji Yong was a child, she noticed that Eshima Toru was extremely generous with material things, but very stingy with emotions.

When he was in elementary school, he went to play at the Yue family's old house. At that time, Yue Ma Tetsu's mother was still alive. The woman sat by the French windows, playing the cello, and was so beautiful that she was almost divine. But he knew that this woman was crazy—Yue Ma Tetsu missed a perfect score in math by two points, and she used the cello neck to whip him until his back was covered in bloody welts, and called him "useless", "as disgusting as that Yue guy", and "would be better off dead."

He led Echizen Toru back to the Hime family, where his mother applied medicine to him, her heart aching with worry.

For a while after that, Toru Echizen often went home with him. They wore the same clothes, played with the same toys, and sat at the same table drinking the soup their mother had cooked.

One night, he woke up in bed and found that Toru Echizen was not beside him, and the bedroom door was open.

He walked out half-asleep and saw Echizen Toru standing at the door of his mother's bedroom, looking up at his mother and talking to her.

"Auntie, can I switch with Ji Yong?"

He heard Toru Echima say, "Can you just be my mother?"

The answer is of course no.

That's his mother, how could she not want him?

Not getting a satisfactory answer, Echizen Toru didn't cry. Hime watched him get dressed and call his driver.

After that night, Echizen Toru never went to his house again.

They are still friends, going to school together, going out to play together, nothing has changed.

Starting in junior high school, women of all ages began to appear around Toru Eshima.

He wasn't after sex. Some relationships lasted for months without any physical intimacy, while others involved going to a hotel after only a few hours of knowing each other.

He could tell that Echizen Toru didn't love any of them, because every breakup was swift and decisive, never dragging things out.

Paradoxically, Toru Koshima seems unable to be alone. He doesn't love anyone, yet he constantly needs a lot of love.

This situation seems to have continued unchanged to this day.

Moth

"Anyone could have done it, right?" Ji Yong stepped forward, bent down, and grabbed Yue Jian Che by the collar. "If anyone could have done it, why did you have to take mine!"

On the other side of the booth, Zhou Qiyu reacted quickly. She immediately stood up and reached out to grab Ji Yong: "Let go! What's wrong with you?"

"Get out of my way." Ji Yong didn't let go, turning to look at Zhou Qiyu, her eyes still blazing with anger. "And what about you? You're eager to be Yuejian Che's dog, do you see him even paying you any attention?"

Zhou Qiyu released her grip, her face instantly turning red.

Song Ban stood up immediately afterward, the cigarette falling from his fingers and rolling around on the carpet.

"Ji Yong, don't go too far."

"Too much?" Ji Yong chuckled, pulling Yue Jian Tetsu closer to her with force. "Who's going too far between us?"

Echizen Toru's white knit sweater was ripped open, his neck tilted back slightly, revealing a patch of his chest. His eyelids were drooping, and he looked at Himeko as if she were a drunkard in a daze.

"Yours?" he asked slowly and deliberately, his voice low. "What, Young Master Ji, are you getting too into character?"

Ji Yong paused, her fingers moving slightly.

Echizen looked at him, his smile widening: "Will you submit me for the Oscars next year?"

The tone was joking, the words were joking. Yet, no one present could laugh.

Ji Yong stared at Yue Jianche, wanting to say that he wasn't acting, that his feelings for Yu Zhu were genuine, but his Adam's apple bobbed, and the words caught in his throat.

Koshima Toru wasn't entirely wrong.

He liked Yu Zhu. He liked the whiteness of her skin when she stood under the lamp after washing herself, he liked her sensitive and lively expression, and the panic she showed when she was cherished. He liked the way she was poor and stubborn, yet refused to bow her head no matter what.

It's true that I like him.

It is indeed fresh.

Digging deeper, you find the taboo of brothers fighting, and a man's desire to conquer and his competitive spirit.

None of them can be washed clean.

Hesitation is the best answer.

Ji Yong slowly loosened her grip.

Echizen Toru raised his hand and casually straightened his collar. The wrinkles from his grip were uneven, but he didn't care. He picked up the glass on the table and took a sip of wine.

Song Ban relaxed his tense shoulders, his gaze sweeping over the faces of the group, and smiled: "That's enough. Which of us is more innocent than the other?"

No one responded.

Screams erupted again from the dance floor downstairs as the DJ pushed the tempo even higher. The lights in the booths, however, were cold, illuminating a table full of beautiful faces. Each person looked like they'd been torn from a magazine; their clothes were expensive, their perfumes were expensive, and even their silence was expensive.

We clinked glasses, exchanged insults, and that was it.

Ji Yong sat down again, asked for a few empty glasses and placed them in front of Zhou Qiyu, then picked up the wine bottle and filled each glass to the brim. The liquid splashed to the bottom of the glass, causing the amber light to shimmer.

"I was wrong," he said.

Zhou Qiyu ignored him.

"I got carried away and said something harsh." Ji Yong pushed the wine glasses in front of her, raising his voice as if to tell everyone, "Today, Nana-jie tells me to drink as much as I want, and I'll drink as much as she tells me to. If I drink less, I'm a coward."

Zhou Qiyu turned her face away, her eyes still red, and spat, "You're all bastards."

Song Ban immediately raised his hand: "Yes, yes, we're all bastards, you're a fairy descended from heaven."

Zhou Qiyu grabbed a lumbar pillow from the sofa and threw it at him.

The stiffness dissipated. Someone chuckled, and the waiter bent down to replace the ice bucket, the cards being rearranged. Echizen Toru remained seated, glanced at his phone, and put it down again. A lighter clicked, and a flame leaped up.

The game continues.

Moth

As Yu Zhu stepped out of Limbo, the wind at the doorway slightly reduced the smell of cigarettes and alcohol on her.

The shopping street was still awake. Several drunk men were squatting by the roadside vomiting. A sanitation worker pushed a trash can out of a back alley, with piles of black plastic bags containing unfinished drinks, wet wipes, and trampled flowers. The roadside stall selling grilled cold noodles was still lit up, the sizzling of oil on the griddle, the egg mixture spread on the spatula, and the aroma of sweet and spicy sauce lingered in the air.

Yu Zhu did not take a taxi.

She didn't live far away; just two streets away, and around the back gate of the university town, was that old residential area. The May night wind was damp, not cold, just dirty. She hugged her coat to her chest and walked on, her phone vibrating twice in her pocket, but she didn't take it out to check.

Back in the rented room, another light in the hallway was out.

She opened the door in the dark, locked it, changed her shoes, and threw her coat into the laundry tub. Only after doing all this did she enter the bathroom. Hot water quickly gushed from the showerhead, splashing onto the tiles, and white steam slowly rose up.

Yu Zhu stood under the shower brushing her teeth.

She brushed the toothbrush back and forth in her mouth, quickly filling her tongue with minty foam. Head down, she heard the splashing water. She spat out the foam, bringing with it a little powder, which swirled around the drain with the water before disappearing.

She paused for two seconds.

I squeezed out more toothpaste and brushed my teeth again.

After taking a shower, she came out of the room to find only a small fan running. She dried her hair until it was half dry, sat down at the table, and her phone screen lit up with a WeChat message from Liang Xia.

Liang Xia: Everything at home has been taken care of. I'll take the train tomorrow night and arrive the day after tomorrow afternoon.

Liang Xia: Dare to try spicy rabbit head? I'll bring you some to try.

Yu Zhu stared at those two lines of text for a long time.

It turns out that some people will come back after leaving her.

My nose suddenly stung.

Yu Zhu put down her phone and looked up to catch her breath for a while. Only after the heat in her eyes had subsided did she start typing again.

Rabbits are so cute, how can you eat them?

Liang Xia replied quickly, sending a fist-waving emoji.

Yu Zhu looked at the screen and smiled.

I didn't sleep well that night.

She dreamed of Toru Echizen.

In my dream, they got married and lived together in a big house with a wardrobe full of clothes and a children's high chair next to the dining table.

The happy days didn't last long; she found long strands of hair that weren't hers in his clothes that he had changed out of.

She confronted him with a strand of hair in her hand, while Toru Echizen stood in front of the mirror tying his tie, answering without turning his head, "Don't you have anything else to do? Why do you have to be so conscious of your life?"

Yu Zhu woke up with a start; it was still dark.

She had a history and theory class in the morning. Before leaving, she packed her backpack and stood in front of the mirror.

Her hair was a little longer than when she first entered university, the ends just touching her chin, a very well-behaved bob. Wearing a white short-sleeved shirt, blue jeans, and canvas shoes, she looked obedient, docile, and easy to bully.

She opened the drawer and took out a lipstick from the very back.

It was a dusty rose color, bought on sale. She rarely used it, and the edges of the balm still had a fresh curve. She applied a little in front of the mirror and then blended it with her fingertips. The color was very light, but it made her whole face look a little more vibrant.

She tucked her hair behind her ear again.

Her sharp facial contours were revealed, making her look more capable. The girl in the mirror had small earlobes, no ear piercings, large, deep-set eyes, and long, straight eyelashes.

Yu Zhu looked at her for a while.

She remembered the booth from last night. She remembered Zhou Qiyu's hand holding a cigarette, her nails long and slender, her rings gleaming. She remembered the fleeting coldness in her eyes when Yuejian Che refused to answer Cheng Fu's question, and the captivating smile that immediately followed.

Yu Zhu recently saw a popular science article.

When encountering rip currents, swimming upstream often results in being swept into deeper waters. Only by going with the current and swimming to the sides can one escape the current.

She looked down and took her phone out of her canvas bag.

In the chat list, Ji Yong sent a message last night: "Are you home yet?" She didn't reply.

She scrolled down and found Zhou Qiyu.

As her fingertip hovered over the input box, Yu Zhu suddenly felt a pang of disgust. But she already understood that standing still would only lead to being dragged along.

She can no longer wait for others to make arrangements.

Yu Zhu is typing.

Sister Nana, are you free the day after tomorrow? I'd like to chat with you.

After sending the message, she put her phone in her bag, slung her canvas bag over her shoulder, and went out.

My phone vibrated in my bag as I locked the door.

Yu Zhu looked down and took out her phone.

Nana: Come to my house.

Location: Ziwei No. 9