Mud beads

Yu Zhu's rebellious period ended abruptly after that night.

As if realizing something, she stopped torturing herself with silence and hunger strikes, and stopped trying to provoke Toru Etsuma. She was willing to eat and sleep, and the whole house returned to its original tidiness. The bottles and jars that had been locked in the cupboards finally saw the light of day.

She started washing up early at night.

After the bedroom light was turned off, Yu Zhu quickly turned her back and quietly lay down in bed.

After finishing his work, Echizen would naturally walk to the other side of the bed, lift the covers, and lie down. In the dampness after his bath and the faint scent of wood, the peaceful night seemed to have redefined boundaries for him.

At first, Yu Zhu would close her eyes and wait for the stiffness to pass on its own. Later, even that reaction gradually faded, as if whether the person was sleeping on the sofa or in bed, whether they were farther or closer to her, no longer mattered to her.

For the first two days, Echizen thought she had finally made enough of a scene.

But not long after, he began to feel unwell.

The house began to be filled with various sounds other than human voices: the tapping of the keyboard in the study, the slow movement of the clock on the wall, the low rumble of the kitchen range hood, and the occasional bird calls from the wetlands.

On the third day, Yu Zhu sat on the sofa in the living room and underwent a doctor's examination.

The silver-gray medical case snapped open, making a soft clinking sound as the instruments clattered together. The doctor had told her where he was standing beforehand and had quietly asked for her consent before touching her.

She nodded, and when the cold stethoscope touched her skin, her shoulder twitched slightly, but she didn't pull away.

After checking her blood pressure, the doctor sat down in front of her and used a small flashlight to test her reaction to light.

"Can you feel the light?"

Yu Zhu opened her eyes and carefully examined it for a while.

"It seems so."

"Left or right?"

"right."

The doctor moved the light to a different position.

She paused for a longer time, and finally shook her head gently.

After the examination, the doctor sat on the single chair opposite her, organizing the records while asking her about her recent sleep and diet.

Yu Zhu answered very carefully.

As the doctor closed the notebook, she suddenly asked, "Is it not so cold outside anymore?"

The other person paused for a moment, then laughed: "When the sun comes out, it's about ten degrees Celsius. You're near a lake, so it's a bit colder than in the city."

"Have the trees by the lake sprouted yet?"

"Not yet, but I estimate it will be soon."

Yu Zhu nodded quietly, as if she could see the branches beginning to turn green.

Moth

From that day on, Yu Zhu began to receive some basic rehabilitation training for visual impairment, and the doctor arranged for a rehabilitation therapist to come to her home.

She learned to use a white cane.

The sound of the cane tip hitting the wooden floor is muffled, but it becomes crisp when it hits a corner of the wall. When the space in front suddenly opens up, the echo also goes further away.

Every day, she follows a fixed route from her bedside to the bedroom door, then from the hallway to the living room, and finally from the living room to the balcony.

The slender white cane in her hand slowly broke the silence, and also helped her to re-measure this originally empty world.

The doctor's words became one of the few connections she had with the outside world.

Occasionally, Toru Echizen would stand at the study door, watching them talk.

When Yu Zhu is with the doctor, she always appears relaxed. She smiles politely, thanks the doctor courteously, and asks a few questions earnestly in response to the doctor's remarks.

But once the examination was over and the doctor left, she fell back into a numb silence.

Echizen asked her how her checkup went today.

She said, "That's good."

He asked her what she wanted to eat that night.

She said, "Either is fine."

She answered every question he asked calmly, her voice even gentle, but Toru Echizen would rather she smash the cup on the ground like she had a few days before.

She would listen intently for his anger, judging whether she had succeeded from his sudden, heavy breathing. Every act of sabotage, every venomous word she uttered, was clearly directed at him.

At that time, her attention was still on him.

Now, she begins to accept strangers into her life and starts to care about the wind and fog outside, the trees by the lake that have not yet sprouted, and the birds in the wetlands.

They don't care about him at all.

Being allowed to stay by her was no better than being kicked out by her.

They lived a life of mutual respect and courtesy from then on.

The apartment was quiet and clean, and everything was proceeding smoothly.

But the air seemed to grow heavier day by day.

Moth

As Yu Zhu calmed down day by day, Yue Jian Che spent less and less time in the apartment.

He would be away for a long time one or two days a week.

She heard him changing his shoes in the entryway, heard his coat being taken off the hanger, and heard him tell her he would be back later.

Yu Zhu never asked him where he was going or what he was doing; she only replied, "Okay."

The door lock wouldn't turn until late at night. He would return silently, take a shower, and then quietly lie down beside her.

That night, Echizen Toru returned in the early hours of the morning.

He walked into the bedroom with light steps, but the smell of alcohol, tobacco, and lingering perfume from the room permeated the air intensely.

Yu Zhu slowly opened her eyes.

It seemed that Echizen Toru was crouching beside her bed. She could hear his breathing, which was close to hers, slightly heavier and slower than usual.

Perhaps it was because he had been drinking, but he remained silent for quite some time, as if he were observing her through the darkness, or as if he were waiting for her to discover his presence.

Yu Zhu's face remained turned toward him, saying nothing and not turning her face to the other side as she had done in the past.

A few seconds later, warm fingertips landed on the corner of her eyebrow.

Koshima Toru's fingers slowly moved downwards. They roamed over her nose, cheek, and jaw, finally stopping at her lips, where he gently caressed them.

Yu Zhu's lips were parted slightly by his fingertips. Soon, he leaned in and kissed her.

It started as a light touch, a tentative one. Seeing that she didn't refuse, his hand slid from her neck to her shoulder, and the kiss deepened.

The alcohol did not numb Echizen Toru. He sipped skillfully, drawing in the alcohol, and with a long sigh, the metal tie clip snapped to the ground with a soft thud.

Echizen Toru pulled Yu Zhu into his arms. She trembled like a newly sprouted willow branch by the lake in the early spring breeze.

This reaction led him to mistakenly believe that he had finally touched her.

His hands gradually lost control, brazenly tracing her figure downwards, his fingertips probing into the soft fabric.

The only sensation upon touch was a dryness that felt almost stiff.

Koshima Toru's movements suddenly stopped.

In an instant, the effects of the alcohol rushed out of his body. He slowly withdrew his hand, sat up, his chest still heaving violently.

Yu Zhu lay quietly in the same spot.

The blanket had long been thrown aside, and her nightgown was piled messily around her waist. She stared blankly at him with her dark, empty eyes.

The only sound in the bedroom was the ticking of the vintage grandfather clock.

In Echizen Toru's memory, he seemed to have never been rejected by a woman. At least not physically.

He reached up and pressed his hand to his chest, unsure of what kind of emotion was surging within him.

Outraged? Disappointed? Resentful?

He cannot describe it.

He brushed the sweat-dampened hair from his forehead back, his voice turning cold: "Do you know how many hours I drive to and from here every day?"

Yu Zhu did not answer.

"You think I have a lot of free time, don't you?"

She still didn't say anything.

"Yu Zhu." A sudden wave of weariness forced Yuejian Tetsu to pause. "Have I been bad to you?"

The person on the bed lay quietly, with relaxed brows and a serene expression, showing no sign of deliberate provocation.

Yu Zhu's silence was no longer as sharp as it used to be. But precisely because of this, it was more like an invisible wall of air, making Yue Jianche feel suffocated in his chest.

"say!"

He finally raised his voice.

Yu Zhu seemed startled, her hands, which had been resting peacefully at her sides, suddenly curled up. She swallowed, then slowly braced herself on the mattress and sat up.

She remained calm.

"How do you want me to repay you?"

Toru Echizen was suddenly stunned.

Yu Zhu lowered her head slightly, her disheveled hair falling beside her face. She calmly reached out and gently tucked it behind her ears.

"I have never forgotten the kindness you and the Yue family have shown me."

She raised her head and said seriously, "I've always wanted to repay this."

Echigo looked at her, the anger flashing in his eyes suddenly finding no outlet.

Yu Zhu followed his direction, groping her way forward. After confirming Yue Jianche's location, she stopped and knelt in front of him.

"I transferred money to you, but you didn't want it. And you even made me lose my job."

At this point, she frowned, a hint of annoyance in her voice, but it was mostly just a statement.

"You can kiss me, possess me, anytime, anywhere, without ever needing my consent."

As she spoke, the last trace of anger in her voice disappeared, replaced by a calmness reminiscent of reminiscing.

Echizen looked at her, his lips moved, but he didn't know where to begin.

Seeing that he didn't speak, Yu Zhu moved forward a little more. She reached out, her fingertips first touching his arm, then slowly stroking upwards along the fabric, finally resting on his heaving chest.

Through the damp shirt, my heart pounded heavily and hot beneath my palm.

"I don't know how I can ever repay you now." Yu Zhu lowered her head, smiled faintly, and said in an almost sincere tone, "I probably can't repay you in this lifetime."

Echizen lowered his eyes.

The pair of pale, white hands that had been on his chest now rested on his collar. Slender fingers touched the top button of his shirt, examined it briefly, and then began to unbutton it.

It was neither like temptation nor like revenge.

Koshima Toru raised his hand and pressed it down on her.

Yu Zhu's hand stopped in front of his chest.

His hands were large and hot; one hand was enough to control all her movements.

Yu Zhu did not pull her hand away.

Do you want my heart?

She let him hold her hand, and after a long while, she sighed softly.

"But I can't control my heart either."

Eshima Toru slowly lowered his hand.

Another button slipped out of the buttonhole.

"Do it," Yu Zhu said.

Her voice could even be described as gentle.

Echizen Toru closed his eyes.

In the darkness, the tolling of the grandfather clock sounded like a judgment from heaven. He waited fearlessly, and as the last button was undone, he leaned down and pressed himself against her again.

He kissed her passionately and fiercely, like a traveler in the desert finding a miraculous oasis. In his arms, she was so soft and fragile, like a helpless, adrift boat, tossed about in the storms he stirred up—

Is that so...?

Let this little boat stay in his harbor forever.

Koshima Toru's hand, which was resting on his belt, suddenly stopped.

Love or hate, they will be entangled for lifetimes to come—isn't that what he wants?

He brought her out of those mountains and showed her freedom.

She deserves to pay the price for freedom.

What is the price?

Moth

Echizen Tetsu removed himself from Yu Zhu.

He got out of bed, fastened his belt, and bent down to pick up his tie that had fallen on the carpet.

Footsteps left the bedroom, passed through the quiet hallway, and soon after, the sound of a door lock turning came from the entryway.

The door was opened, then slammed shut again.

This is the first time since Echizen Toru moved in that he hasn't spent the night here.

Yu Zhu lay on the bed for a while, then slowly got up.

She groped her way barefoot to the windowsill and sat down.

Through the window cracks at a fixed opening angle, the sounds of the wind, the trembling of leaves, and the chirping of birds from the distant mudflats harmonized once more in the silence.