Just because I wrote "Zhu Xian," the school beauty sent me razor blades.

As the stunning interlude of "Time Concert" came to a close, the attention of viewers across the internet was once again firmly locked onto the rapidly updating "Longmen Express".

In the very first episode of the sixth season, Lin Yuan gave everyone a lesson, demonstrating what textbook-level "cross-server chat" and the ultimate comedic mismatch are all about.

In the scene, Lü Qingcheng is complaining to Sheng Qiuyue and Qiu Yingluo with a wronged expression, accusing them of not only picking up her older sister's leftover clothes and toys since she was a child, but now even her men are "second-hand goods" - because Bai Jingqi once secretly spent a night with her sister, and her sister even gave him her most beloved hairpin.

Meanwhile, Bai Jingqi was frantically protesting to Lu Sanjin and Uncle Gong, tearfully recalling that night that felt like a "horror movie".

What followed was the most divine and extraordinary audio-visual mismatch and cross-reading performance in the entire play:

As Qingcheng shyly imagined her sister's gesture as "Don't look at other girls, be a good girl," Bai Jingqi, pale-faced on the other side, gestured: "She's holding a hairpin and saying if you dare look at other girls, she'll poke my eyes out! If you dare lie, she'll puncture your eardrums!"

When Qingcheng thought her sister meant for Jingqi to "write letters often and think of me more often every day," Bai Jingqi trembled with fear: "If you dare to slack off, I'll break your tendons! If you dare to betray Qingcheng, I'll make you feel like a thousand arrows are piercing your heart!"

As Qingcheng sighed with a bittersweet expression, "I wish she were here with me right now, I want to hold her tight," Bai Jingqi trembled like a leaf and wailed, "I was so scared I cried! Just thinking about it sends chills down my spine!"

Upon hearing this, Sheng Qiuyue, who was watching, instantly flew into a rage and blurted out a classic Cantonese phrase: "I'll give you a piece of my mind! You already have someone in your heart, and you still come here to confess!"

The comment section was immediately pushed to a climax by laughter:

"One's reading a domineering yet sweet romance novel, the other's filming 'Saw,' hahaha!"

"Qingcheng: He loves my sister so much. Jingqi: If you dare to cheat on my sister, I'll cripple you!"

"Hahaha, god-level reading comprehension! Qingcheng, you're a translator! Look at Jingqi, his PTSD is about to kick in!"

In an effort to salvage the relationship, the two "strategists" of Longmen Express officially went online, with the camera pulling out a split-screen tutorial.

On the left half of the screen, Sheng Qiuyue, the former underworld boss, exudes an aura of dominance, summarizing dating as a "street fighting theory." She frantically instills in Qingcheng the "preemptive strike" manipulative tactics, urging her to give the man hope first, hook him, and then coldly reject him when he is completely devoted, focusing on completely crushing him mentally.

On the right half of the screen, shrewd businessman Lu Sanjin, fanning himself with a folding fan, forcibly applies the business logic of "doing business" to picking up girls. He confidently instructs Bai Jingqi on "counter-attacking," frantically recommending the combo of "creating a jealous illusion plus a domineering CEO kiss," attempting to get Bai Jingqi to use the same business leverage to win over Qingcheng's heart.

Faced with two completely opposite and disastrous tactics, the audience's urge to criticize reached its peak:

"Holy crap! These two are the epitome of romance!"

"One dares to teach, and the other actually dares to listen! Hahahaha!"

"If Qingcheng and Jingqi were even slightly sensible, they wouldn't have been fooled by these two troublemakers."

After the theoretical lesson ended, the practical exercise immediately began at the campsite by the Huanglongkou River.

Following Lu Sanjin's advice, Bai Jingqi chose the innocent Qiu Yingluo as a "cannon fodder" to incite her jealousy.

Qingcheng handed Jingqi a skewer of lamb with a blank expression: "You eat it."

Jingqi then handed the food to Yingluo in a sickeningly sweet manner, loudly proclaiming, "You need to nourish your body, come on, let me feed you!"

Not to be outdone, Qingcheng snatched the grilled fish and handed it over. Jingqi didn't even glance at it, and shoved it back at Yingluo: "You eat it!"

The two men, one on each side, were like two merciless feeding machines, frantically stuffing meat skewers and fruit into Qiu Yingluo's mouth.

Poor Qiu Yingluo was caught in the middle, her mouth stuffed full of grease from both sides. She slumped on the rock, rubbing her round belly, rolling her eyes and looking utterly hopeless. She had become a victim of the two men's infighting.

"The most tragic cannon fodder in history has been born! Yingluo: I'm just a heartless, useless machine!"

"Is this what they call 'overeating to death for single people'? Goodness, it's literally overeating to death!"

"That's way too big for her! Yingluo's full, and the audience's laughing hysterically!"

As night deepened, by the campfire, Lu Sanjin, in full swing, decided to give Bai Jingqi a practical lesson in "deeply affectionate hugs."

To demonstrate his persuasiveness, Lu Sanjin casually pulled Cai Badou, who was passing by, into his arms and hugged him tightly. He then demonstrated that incredibly corny and cheesy line on the spot—forcibly equating the intensity of love with the strength of one's arms, claiming that the tighter the hug, the more genuine the love.

After hearing this incredibly cheesy confession, Bai Jingqi's eyes suddenly sharpened, as if he had grasped some crucial point. He tentatively asked, "Brother... do you mean I should strangle her?"

Lu Sanjin was taken aback: "That's interesting. Come on, practice on me."

Bai Jingqi stepped forward, wrapped his arms around Lu Sanjin, closed his eyes tightly, and tightened his grip with his arms!

Lu Sanjin's eyes rolled back as he was being strangled, but he managed to squeeze out some instructions: "Hey! The movements have to be passionate, not erotic! Your eyes have to be like a hundred thousand volts, burning her to a crisp inside and out..."

Before he could finish speaking, Bai Jingqi yanked his arm so hard that Lu Sanjin's eyes rolled back, his tongue lolled out, and he fainted on the spot with a "ga".

"Hahaha, a physical exorcism-style romance! Strangling her, please?!"

Lu Sanjin: You stole her heart, but I didn't ask you to take my life!

"Absolutely amazing! The comedic pacing and dialogue density are incredible. Anyone who says this is a bad movie will have to answer to me!"