Jobless Reincarnation: The King with a Mental Problem

[Trevor's Perspective]

I hate losing my temper, because when people lose their temper, they always do things they'll regret...

When I saw that scene last night, I just looked at it quietly, but actually I had gone crazy and my rationality had long since disappeared.

In my mind, those two people were treated like insects.

They killed Paul, then claimed he died at the hands of a monster, and that Lilia was also to be silenced.

I have really considered this.

When he gets serious, Paul won't even have a chance to fight back in just a moment.

But when it came to actually taking action, it was still...

Looking at Paul's silly face, I realized I couldn't do it.

Realizing this made me even angrier.

Murder has become a mere outlet for venting.

I straddled him and punched him repeatedly until he was bruised and swollen, and my hands were also badly injured.

That bastard has a really thick skin.

His already exhausted and smelly face was covered in blood as he murmured "I'm sorry."

Whom did we really wrong?

I fought until I had no strength left, until I had no anger left.

After the anger subsided, nothing remained in the brain.

Why did it turn out this way?

Why am I so angry?

I remembered things from my past life...

My naive and innocent mother was a college graduate from the village. In those days, she had a bright future ahead of her, and then she fell in love with someone.

The idiot's father didn't finish elementary school, has no stable job, is divorced, and has a mouth that's good at lying and playing the victim.

She believed in that man, believed they could have a good life together, and then married him despite her family's objections.

I am their child.

My mother poured all her love into me. My childhood was indeed a bit poor, but I think I was happy during that time.

But she got cancer.

She died slowly, painfully, and tormented to the point of being unrecognizable before my eyes.

Ever since I was old enough to understand things, I have hated my father because I know he is an unreliable person.

But my mother's last wish was for my father and me to live a good life. My father and I cried and agreed.

I really tried to believe my father.

I believe he can change his ways, and my son and I will work together to make our lives better.

However, less than a month after his mother's death, he brought a new woman into his home.

They were sitting on the sofa where my mom and I used to sit, watching the TV shows we used to watch together. He was smiling and smoking. I asked him what was going on, and he glanced at me sideways without giving me any explanation.

us......

A complete break...

This feeling is really complicated.

I believe I love my mother, and I believe she loves me; this love is my most precious thing.

Love makes me believe that I was once happy and that my life was meaningful.

But such a precious thing was thrown away as garbage and eaten by dogs.

Therefore, I must hate him and love someone wholeheartedly in a way that he cannot, in order to prove that I am different from him.

I'm all about pure love...

What happened really hurt me, and I wish someone could help me, but I can't trust anyone anymore...

I suffered for a long, long time...

But... people always have to get over the pain...

Treating the world as a game, everyone else as NPCs, and ignoring their feelings, I felt true freedom.

If you treat the world like a game, you won't feel anxious.

If you treat others as NPCs, you won't be betrayed.

Treating your body like a game character allows you to use it however you like.

Moreover, the server they were playing on was quite advanced.

As long as you don't blindly pursue high-spending content or fall into version traps, the game's benefits are actually quite good.

The cost of this character's survival is actually very low; as long as there is food to eat and a place to live, that's enough.

After deducting the minimum cost of living from your salary, you have plenty of money left over, which can all be used to pursue happiness.

I have become a mature person.

A naive person.

A person who has transcended vulgar interests.

A person who has lost touch with refined tastes.

An independent thinker.

A... genius.

Of course, I still have some morals and conscience, and I won't turn Earth Online into a crime city.

I seek happiness within certain frameworks, but...

The threshold for pursuing happiness is getting higher and higher.

I'm tired of playing this Earth Online game...

The scenery is just so-so, the food is just so-so, the comics and novels I follow have terrible endings, and the new games are disgusting.

After a brief moment of joy... one immediately falls into emptiness.

Every night as I fall asleep, I think: What's the point of this kind of life?

Is this how you live?

boring......

To die like this?

Once this thought arises, it can never be eliminated.

I have reflected on why things turned out this way. It's because I crave love, but I no longer trust love, and I fear that love will become a source of harm...

Then......

I had a second chance.

In this life, all I hope for is to be happy.

I really did make a plan very seriously.

It's basically about loving parents, finding a wife they can entrust with their love and trust, having a lovely child with their wife, and then loving that child with all their heart.

My requirements aren't high, are they?

I could spend my whole life completing this task.

But I'm so embarrassed...

Is it because I felt something familiar about her that I projected my feelings for my biological mother onto Senis?

I expected Paul to prove that "fathers can be trusted," and then because of Paul's betrayal, I combined old and new grudges.

I've already let those things go, but why do I still feel so heartbroken and unable to breathe every time I think about them?

I had already decided to stop crying, but why can't I control myself?

But no matter the excuse, I lost control and then had terrifying thoughts.

In the end, I was just someone who was picked up.

He took it upon himself to regard Senis as his real mother.

To presumptuously harbor expectations of scumbags.

Then, disappointed and frustrated, they got angry on their own.

They actually thought about killing Paul. Would killing him bring them happiness?

Do I really have the right to interfere in my adoptive father's private life?

Why should I hold him to such high moral standards?

In the original story, Senis forgave Paul, right?

They were the ones who saved me and gave me a home.

Perhaps... I am the meddlesome villain.

Perhaps... I am not worthy of being her son, I am not worthy of her love at all.

Perhaps... my feelings are just wishful thinking.

Oh......

Looking back now, it was so naive of me to trust and rely on others...

Forget it.

Don't think about that anymore.

Feelings of displeasure are such a nuisance!

Once you're in a familiar field, you'll have experience.

The massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) – *Mushoku Tensei* – is now live!

Simply change into a different mask and coldly observe your former self.

In this way, emotions cannot control the brain, and pain becomes an error code.

Treat psychological problems as abnormal data that needs to be processed.

No one is indispensable; I can live a good life on my own.

This is not an exaggeration; I was actually doing quite well living alone.

I only transmigrated because I was too lazy to avoid the sudden stroke of good fortune.

Why not avoid it?

Because I'm not afraid!

Wipe away your tears and take a deep breath.

First, hold your breath in your lungs, then puff out your cheeks and make a funny face.

Then give a cute smile.

This is my go-to trick for regulating my emotions.

If you change your mindset, there's nothing in the world that's truly difficult.

Such worries are just unnecessary anxieties.

After healing the hand with healing magic, tidy up the messy hair again.

Then wash your face with water magic.

Ah!

It's that simple.

I stretched my body and looked back at myself who had been sitting on the ground crying.

What a weak and useless fellow!!!

Next, it's time to say goodbye to the old pretend play and find something fun to do to relax.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Paul."

It has always been me who has been bothering us and meddling in our affairs without our consent.

I believe you should be able to go back by yourself, right?

Rudy will cure you, and I will also compensate you with some money. Although I would like to suggest that you save some money, I suppose you won't listen.

That's it, I don't want to see you again.

I've always had this problem of getting angry whenever I see an idiot, because who knows what an idiot is thinking?

The most terrifying thing is the sudden inspiration of a fool.

So it's best to stay away.

I stretched and yawned, and then started a new life with a new mindset and a new mask.

He put his hand down and took a step to leave.

But something stopped her in her tracks.

"Don't go..."

What a... annoying... guy!

Why do you always stop me from pursuing happiness?!

Why do you always ruin my happiness?!

Forget it... it's not worth getting angry with an idiot...

"Wouldn't it be better if I left?"

That way, no one will know about you and Lilia?

You can do whatever you want after that.

No one will bother with this, and maybe you can charm them both with your handsome face. I really believe in your abilities, Mr. Paul.

"Don't go..."

Why?

"...It's not your fault."

Thinking about it carefully, I guess I was wrong?

He completely ignored Lilia and demanded such high standards of Paul, leaving him physically and mentally exhausted. Then, in a moment of carelessness, Lilia took advantage of Paul's vulnerability when he was at his most tired.

But...why think so much?

"It doesn't matter, I don't care anymore. Just go back and blame everything on me, I don't care. I've always been thick-skinned and carefree."

That's not what I meant.

"I know what you mean, but I just wanted to kill you."

"But you didn't kill me."

"..."

Tsk!

Why?

Seeing how exhausted Paul was for his family, I realized he genuinely wanted to do better, which is why I didn't kill him.

"You said it before, what a person thinks and what they do are not the same thing."

"Yes, I did. So why did you do that?"

"Because I... am an idiot..."

"Yeah, I hate idiots..."

"I'm sorry, I've let you down."

"Well, you've disappointed me."

"It doesn't matter if you hate me, but Senis loves you."

"..."

"Senice will be sad if you leave."

"..."

"At least you should tell Senis..."

"..."

"You're always so selfish. Even if you just leave like this, Senis will do everything she can to find you."

Senis...

They've clearly changed their mask...

Why does my heart still ache so much when I hear her name...?

I just laughed at myself for crying, so why do tears still want to flow...?

I...can't ignore her...

No matter how many masks you wear...

No matter how deeply you hide your heart...

I still want to respond to her...

Because she loves me...

If Senis is sad because of me, I will be sad too. If I leave like this, I will never be happy...

I'm so selfish...

Even if it's just for my own happiness.

I can't go back to being the kind of person who doesn't care about anyone.

The important thing now is Senis.

If she finds out she's been betrayed, she'll be heartbroken. No matter what happens afterward, her anger, resentment, and sadness won't disappear.

The more you love and trust someone, the more painful it is to be betrayed, just like I have experienced.

In the original story, she did it for the sake of her whole family...

This absolutely cannot be done!

Since that's the case...

Let me be a little more selfish...

If you don't know, you won't... suffer...

Heh...hehe...

I'm disgusting that I would do something like this for Paul...

But as long as the people I care about are happy, I don't care about anyone else, including myself...

I'm all about pure love...

Take another deep breath, wipe away the tears on your face, and take off that indifferent player mask.

He then turned around and punched that stinky Paul again.

"Next... whatever I say, you do!"

[Currently Available Information: Mask Design]

Everyone has an instinct that originates from animals.

This is the most basic human desire: to seek satisfaction and pleasure, and to avoid pain.

Without considering the consequences, reality, or morality.

During their growth, children internalize their parents', teachers', and social experiences to build their values.

Pride, self-esteem, guilt, and shame arise from one's own internal values ​​and standards.

Through the mutual influence of family and society, and through subtle changes, a person's most basic personality traits are formed in childhood, which is the most authentic self.

For example, kind people always hope that things will get better; they will be happy when they do good deeds and sad when they do bad deeds.

Selfish people may share their things with others due to practical circumstances, but subconsciously they are still more inclined to possess them themselves.

Even if reason has already told you what to do, even if your personality changes drastically for reasons in the future, there will always be a voice from within yourself deep down.

This is a person's deepest inclination.

The true self is hidden very deeply, difficult to detect, and may even become a subconscious behavior.

Therefore, it is very difficult to change. After all, how can you change something you are not even aware of?

In my view, no matter how many masks a person wears, or how different the masks may look, their true self will never change.

The different masks represent the varying proportions of one's values ​​and instincts, as well as the desired image one aspires to, which constitute the different forms of expression of each mask.

[Author's ramblings]

This is a setting that the author fabricated based on various psychological theories, and it is also the basis for the author's design of several main characters.

It draws inspiration from Freud's concepts of ego, id, and superego, as well as Jung's concepts of self and persona.

However, most of these are the author's own ideas and should not be taken seriously; they are only for the convenience of character design.

I've kept Trevor's mental health issues a secret for a long time, though I've hinted at them many times. I don't know if you've noticed.

Of course, it's not a big problem, as long as you don't get triggered with PTSD like this.

The protagonist's psychological state is likely a complex case of post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), accompanied by significant dissociative symptoms and an overly expanded persona.

The protagonist's PTSD stems from being betrayed by people he trusts and having his love discarded like trash.

Dissociation is the psychological process of separating oneself from real-life experiences, used to escape unbearable emotions.

Persona is a tool for normal people to communicate with society.

The protagonist attempts to completely replace his true self with a mask, even referring to himself as "this king" when speaking his true feelings.

His iconic "King" mask embodies the characteristics of being omnipotent, ruthless, rational, and infallible.

This is exactly what he envisioned.

This mask allows him to be carefree most of the time, without caring about other people's opinions, and he won't take it to heart even if he does shameful things.

In this way, he won't be deeply affected by many emotions, but can only enjoy happiness to the fullest extent.

They can achieve their set goals regardless of the cost, and in most cases, they function well.

Trevor is aware of his psychological problems and even actively uses them to make himself stronger.

He roughly knew how to treat it and hoped he could become 'normal'. (The protagonist's true nature was simply that of someone who longed for love.)

He longs for someone with whom he can fully entrust his love and trust, and who accepts his vulnerability.

The first person was Senis; with her, she could act like a child and enjoy maternal love.

The second person he hopes for is a lover, someone who can fall in love with the real person beneath the mask. (Luo Qixi once inadvertently discovered this trait in the protagonist.)

But because of our education system, which teaches men how they should be and how men should behave, he refuses to show his weakness.

Moreover, the threat posed by gods and humans is too great, so we should focus our attention on gods and humans first.

As for happily dating, getting married, and having children, leaving the danger to the children.

This idea never crossed the protagonist's mind.

He would willingly become an omnipotent king for the happiness of the first person—Senes—and weld the king's mask to his own face.

Trevor will readjust himself, but it will take time for him to calm down.

It takes a while for me to calm down after being outmaneuvered by Paul.

He would only truly change his mood once he reached the Land of the Sword Saint, where he would have a lot of work to do.