Three Kingdoms: Start by buying a governor.

He was panting heavily, muttering curses under his breath:

"That brat Yuan Shao, he drew his sword against me in Luoyang back then. I spared his life out of respect for his family's four generations of high-ranking officials, and even appointed him General of the Vanguard, letting him leave Luoyang with dignity! And what did he do? He went to Suanzao to become the leader of the alliance! That bastard!"

"That bastard Cao Cao! He tried to assassinate me but failed and ran away. I haven't even settled accounts with him yet, and he's already jumping out! Sending a proclamation? I think he has a death wish!"

"And then there's Sun Jian! A barbarian from Jiangdong..."

......

He grew angrier and angrier as he cursed, and grabbed a bronze cauldron from the side. He swung it around and smashed it against the wall with a loud bang, knocking off a large chunk of plaster. The bronze cauldron rolled on the ground, creating a large crater in the floor.

The maids beside him all lay prostrate on the ground, not daring to lift their heads, for fear that this madman might chop them up if he was unhappy. Some of them were so scared that they almost wet themselves.

"I'll gather my troops right now, go to Suanzao myself, and chop those bastards all to pieces!!!"

Dong Zhuo roared and was about to rush out to call for reinforcements.

Just then, a slow, leisurely voice came from the doorway:

"Prime Minister, please calm down. Why waste your anger on a bunch of rabble?"

Dong Zhuo turned around and saw Li Ru.

Li Ru, dressed in a long robe with his hands tucked into his sleeves, slowly walked in. He glanced at the mess on the ground and then at the bronze cauldron with a dent in it in the corner. His face remained expressionless, clearly having long been accustomed to Dong Zhuo's tendency to lose his temper at the slightest provocation.

"Wenyou! You've come at the perfect time!" Dong Zhuo grabbed Li Ru's arm with a grip so strong it could crush bones. "Did you hear that?! Nineteen warlords! A full nineteen! They've all rebelled! They're practically at Luoyang's doorstep! What do you suggest we do?! I'll lead my troops right now and wipe them out!"

Li Ru gently patted Dong Zhuo's hand, actually trying to pry it open, but he couldn't, so he had to let him hold it, and slowly said:

"Prime Minister, please calm down. They're just nineteen feudal lords. What's the big deal?"

"What's there to worry about?" Dong Zhuo exclaimed, his eyes wide. "Nineteen routes! Hundreds of thousands of troops! And you're telling me it's nothing to worry about?!"

Li Ru smiled, a smile that carried a hint of "let me explain slowly":

"First and foremost, the most important point is that Prince Liu Ce of Yan did not come."

"Prime Minister, think about it. Who is the strongest in the world? Prince Liu Ce of Yan... If he were here, that would be a real problem. But he didn't come; he only provided some supplies. He merely sent someone symbolically... and it seems he only brought a few hundred soldiers to make up the numbers. What does this mean?"

Dong Zhuo stroked his long beard and asked, "What does that mean?"

"This shows that Liu Ce has no intention of getting involved in this mess," Li Ru said, squinting. "Or rather, he wants to watch us and the other warlords both suffer heavy losses, while he reaps the benefits from behind. So, as long as he doesn't personally get involved, these nineteen warlords are nothing to fear."

Dong Zhuo nodded thoughtfully.

Li Ru continued:

"Prime Minister, think about it carefully. These nineteen warlords come from various prefectures and counties, and none of them submit to anyone else. That Yuan Shao fellow, apart from the title of a member of a family that has held high office for four generations, has no real ability. As the leader of the alliance, he can't control his subordinates at all."

"This group of people are all looking to take advantage of others. No one is willing to really fight. They seem to be a united group, but in reality, they are just a loose pile of sand that will break at the slightest touch."

"A motley crew?" Dong Zhuo paused, his anger subsiding somewhat, and said, "But they have hundreds of thousands of troops!"

"Hundreds of thousands?" Li Ru laughed, his smile carrying a hint of "You've led troops for half your life, how come you still don't understand this?" He continued, "Prime Minister, you've led troops for half your life, and you still don't know the ins and outs? Hundreds of thousands of troops? That's just what they call them."

"To be honest, it would be quite good if they could muster a few hundred thousand regular troops. Moreover, these warlords all treat their own troops like precious gems; none of them want to go first, and none of them want to suffer losses. Although they say there are nineteen routes, there aren't many that are truly capable of fighting."

He paused, leaned closer, and lowered his voice:

"If you personally lead the troops, you'll only force them to unite. Once you arrive, they'll have a common enemy and become a cohesive force. If a real battle breaks out, even if we win, we'll suffer heavy losses, which isn't worth it."

Dong Zhuo stroked his long beard and pondered for a long time.

Although he has a bad temper, he is not stupid.

Li Ru's words make perfect sense.

"Then tell me, what should we do?" Dong Zhuo released Li Ru's arm, plopped back down on the couch, which creaked as he sat on it. "We can't just watch them march all the way to Luoyang, can we?"

"Simple." Li Ru squinted, confidently saying, "They want to fight, don't they? Let's send a fierce general with an elite force to guard Sishui Pass and fight them first, to dampen their spirits. If we can defeat their vanguard, these people are not united to begin with, and once they see they can't win, they'll immediately disband, and we won't have to put in much effort."

Dong Zhuo's eyes lit up, and he slapped his thigh, exclaiming, "That's right! How come I didn't think of that! You're the smartest kid!"

He turned and shouted towards the door, "Someone! Bring all the generals here!"

Before long, Li Jue, Guo Si, Fan Chou, Zhang Ji, and Hua Xiong, a group of fierce generals from Xiliang, stood below.

Each of them was fully armored, their backs straight, exuding a murderous aura.

Dong Zhuo sat down in the main seat, cleared his throat, and recounted the rebellion of the nineteen warlords.

Then he slammed his fist on the table and said, "Who's willing to be the vanguard, go to Sishui Pass, and bring back the heads of those rats from Northeast China!"

As soon as he finished speaking, a person stepped forward from below.

This man was burly and had a dark face full of fleshy muscles... It was Hua Xiong.

Hua Xiong stepped forward, clasped his hands in a fist salute, and loudly proclaimed:

"Prime Minister! To deal with those good-for-nothing bastards from Guandong... This humble general is willing to lead an army to meet them! I guarantee I'll bring back all their heads for you! If I fail, you may cut off my head!"

Dong Zhuo was overjoyed to see Hua Xiong's imposing presence.

Hua Xiong was one of the fiercest generals in the Xiliang army, the bravest in the entire army. He had never been afraid of fighting. With him in charge, those warlords would definitely have a hard time.

"Good!!!" Dong Zhuo slammed his fist on the table, stood up, and laughed heartily. "Hua Xiong! You've got guts! I'll appoint you as a Colonel of the Valiant Cavalry, give you 50,000 elite troops, and send you immediately to Sishui Pass to stop those warlords! Anyone who dares to charge forward, beat them to death! If you win, I'll come back and make you a marquis!"

He then looked at the others beside him and said, "Hu Zhen, Zhao Cen, and Li Su! The three of you will be deputy generals and follow Hua Xiong!"

The three men clasped their hands in unison and said, "We accept your command!"

Hua Xiong was overjoyed and clasped his hands in thanks, saying, "Thank you, Prime Minister! This humble general will go and muster the troops immediately!"

He turned around and went out to muster his troops, his footsteps pounding on the floor, as if he wanted to fly to Sishui Pass in one step.

...