Hot flashes

Zhou Heng stood under the corridor, watching the hurried figures of those people leaving, and suddenly felt a little tired.

It's not physical fatigue. It's a different kind of fatigue, seeping into your very bones.

He turned and walked back through the long corridor, returning to the Qianqing Palace.

Xiao Jue had already changed into casual clothes and was sitting on the couch. When he saw him come in, he looked up.

The two looked at each other.

Zhou Heng didn't say anything, walked over and sat down next to him.

Xiao Jue looked at him.

Zhou Heng didn't look at him, just sat there, staring at the floor tiles in front of him, without moving.

After a long while, Xiao Jue spoke.

"Are you still angry?"

Zhou Heng ignored him.

Xiao Jue moved closer to him, then moved even closer.

"Aheng."

Zhou Heng still ignored him.

Xiao Jue was silent for a while, then suddenly reached out and pulled him into his arms.

Zhou Heng struggled, but couldn't break free. Xiao Jue's arms were wrapped so tightly that he could barely breathe.

"open."

"I won't let go."

Zhou Heng struggled again, but still couldn't break free. He simply stopped moving, letting him hold him like that, burying his face in his chest, without saying a word.

Xiao Jue lowered his head, resting his chin on the top of his head.

"Aheng," he said softly, "I know you're angry. But I don't regret it."

Zhou Heng's muffled voice came from his chest.

I know you don't regret it.

Xiao Jue's hand landed on his back, stroking it gently.

Zhou Heng didn't sleep well that night.

He lay down next to Xiao Jue, listening to the sound of snow falling outside the window, his mind a jumble of thoughts.

Xiao Jue was also awake.

His hand remained on Zhou Heng's waist without moving, but Zhou Heng knew he was still awake.

"Xiao Jue," Zhou Heng suddenly spoke.

Xiao Jue responded.

Zhou Heng remained silent for a while.

Let me tell you about my family.

Xiao Jue's body stiffened for a moment. Then he tightened his grip and pulled Zhou Heng closer to him.

"it is good."

Zhou Heng looked at the blurry tent top in the darkness and slowly spoke.

My home is in a very, very far place.

Xiao Jue didn't speak, he just listened.

Zhou Heng continued, "I am... a concubine's son."

He paused for a moment after saying those three words.

Xiao Jue gently stroked his waist, as if to comfort him.

Zhou Heng took a deep breath and continued speaking.

"My mother was a hostess. My father was a wealthy businessman. She used tricks to get pregnant with me, thinking that this would allow her to enter his family."

My father's first wife hadn't had children for many years, so he was overjoyed when he heard that a child was coming. My mother thought good times were finally coming.

He paused.

"But after the child was born, the father gave her a large sum of money and told her to get out."

Xiao Jue tightened his grip on her arm.

Zhou Heng's voice was calm, as if he were telling someone else's story.

"I was just born then, and I didn't know anything. My father took me back and entrusted me to his first wife to raise. How could his first wife possibly like me? She didn't mistreat me, but I certainly didn't have a good time."

"I was young then and didn't understand. I thought all parents were like that."

He was silent for a while.

"Later, his first wife got pregnant and gave birth to a son. From then on, she treated me even worse. It was common for her to not give me food."

My father has his own legitimate child now, so he won't care about my stain.

I told myself then that maybe my parents were just like that, and all children have their own personalities. Who can expect all parents in the world to be the same? But then I thought, they weren't good to me, so why were they so good to my younger brother?

"I thought it was because I wasn't doing well enough. I studied hard and tried my best to be number one in the grade. Once, I showed her the test paper of the person who got first place in the grade, but she got even angrier and said—"

He paused.

Xiao Jue didn't say anything, but just hugged him tighter.

It took Zhou Heng a long time to continue.

She said, "Who's your mother? You're just an illegitimate child, how dare you call me mother?"

His voice trembled slightly when he said those two words.

"That's when I found out I was an illegitimate child."

Xiao Jue's arm was so tight it was a little sore.

Zhou Heng, however, did not stop.

"Later I went astray. Anyway, nobody cared. My father gave me money and told me not to get in their way. So I took that money and went around messing around and having fun."

I became a spoiled brat, but while I was falling into depravity, I was also unwilling to accept it. Sometimes, without realizing it, I would finish a class and then feel remorseful.

He smiled, a very faint smile, so faint it was almost imperceptible.

"But I'm always so lonely."

"Once, my mother came to visit me. She's the woman who gave birth to me. She came to ask me for money. I know who she is. But I was still nervous, and I was still expectant. When she spoke to me, my whole body was trembling."

"She asked me how I was doing over there, whether I had been mistreated. Even though I knew it was fake, my heart was still warmed by her words."

He paused.

"I desperately want a mother. Even a fake one would do."

Xiao Jue lowered his head and buried his face in his hair.

Zhou Heng took a deep breath.

"Then she left, taking all the money I had. I sat there, watching her retreating figure. I knew she would come back next time, and I would give her money again. I can't quit."

He was silent for a long time.

"Aside from these things, I'm actually doing pretty well. I'm waited on hand and foot, and I don't have to worry about anything. I'm the kind of person who just lives a life of leisure."

He turned his head and looked at Xiao Jue.