Siheyuan (traditional courtyard house): Starting with the Korean War, returning home to take charge

The lights in the delivery room corridor hummed, their stark white light casting a cold glow on the green paint on the walls.

He Yuzhu stood in front of the tightly closed door, staring at the glass window. He couldn't see anything inside; it was frosted, with only occasional shadowy figures flitting by. The smell of disinfectant was pungent, mixed with some other unidentifiable odor.

He walked back and forth. From one end to the other, fifteen steps. From the other end back, fifteen steps. The paving stones were white with black spots; he counted them—forty-eight in total.

He Yushui leaned against the wall, watching him leave without saying a word. She clutched the bundle tightly to her chest.

A muffled groan came from inside; it was Qin Huairu.

He paused for a moment, then continued walking.

Another sound, longer than the last.

He walked to the wall, leaned against it, and stared at the door. His palms were sweaty and sticky, leaving an imprint on the wall.

He Yushui whispered, "Brother, don't worry..."

Before he could finish speaking, a cry suddenly came from inside.

Wow--

The sound was sharp and bright, penetrating the door panel and the buzzing in the corridor, drilling straight into his ears.

He stood there, frozen, motionless.

He Yushui stood up, grabbed her arm, and held on tightly.

The door opened.

A nurse came out carrying a swaddled baby, a smile on her face.

Congratulations, it's a son.

He Yuzhu looked at the swaddled baby, at the wrinkled little face, at the closed eyes. The little thing was still crying, its face flushed red, its mouth wide open, and its little fists clenched tightly.

The nurse tucked the swaddled baby into his arms.

"Hold me."

He took it and froze.

She was too light. So light it didn't feel real. He was afraid of hurting her if he used too much force, yet also afraid of dropping her if he let go. His arm was stiff; he didn't know where to put it.

The little thing cried twice, then stopped, but its mouth was still moving, one sip at a time, as if it were searching for something.

He Yushui leaned closer, looked at that little face, and her eyes reddened.

"Brother, she's so small."

He Yuzhu didn't speak. He lowered his head, looking at the little thing, looking at that face.

Remembering that year at Changjin Lake, Old Li lay beside him, his lips turning purple from the cold, saying, "If I can make it back alive, I want to have a child." Old Li didn't make it back alive. When the shells fell, he pushed He Yuzhu, but couldn't dodge them himself.

He looked down at the little thing.

My eyes feel a little hot.

The sun was shining brightly the day I returned to the courtyard house.

The deaf old woman sat on the doorstep, leaning on her cane, squinting as she looked this way. He Yuzhu walked over, carrying the child, and squatted down in front of her.

"Grandma, take a look."

The old woman lowered her head and looked at that little face for a long time. She reached out her hand, wanting to touch it, but then pulled it back, rubbed it on the old jacket, and then gently touched the little face.

The little thing moved slightly and its mouth opened.

The old lady smiled, her wrinkles crinkling at the corners of her eyes.

"Good boy."

She looked up at He Yuzhu.

"What's your name?"

He Yuzhu thought for a moment.

"Nianhua. Nian as in remembrance, Hua as in China."

The old lady repeated those two words to herself.

"Nianhua... Nianhua..."

She didn't speak, and lowered her head again, looking at that small face. After a long while, she finally said something.

"Whose names are you referring to?"

He Yuzhu nodded.

The old woman didn't say anything more. She reached out and gently touched the little face again, very lightly, as if afraid of waking her.

"You'll remember it after repeating it aloud for a while."

On the day of the full moon celebration, a table and several stools were set up in the courtyard.

Yan Bugui arrived first. He took out a small cloth bag from his pocket, wiped it with his sleeve, and then handed it over. Inside was a pair of silver bracelets, delicate and shiny.

"Pillar, put this on the child to keep him safe."

He Yuzhu took it and thanked him. Yan Bugui stood there, not leaving, staring at the swaddled baby for several seconds. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then swallowed his words.

Auntie Er pushed Liu Haizhong in. Liu Haizhong was carrying a basket filled with eggs, each one washed clean and neatly arranged. He stood there, rubbing his hands, unsure where to put them.

His second aunt gave him a push.

"Say something."

Liu Zhonghai managed to utter a sentence.

"Um... I'll give the child some nourishment."

He Yuzhu took the basket and nodded.

Jia Zhangshi stood at the courtyard gate for a while without coming in. She was clutching a piece of cloth in her hand, blue with white flowers, crumpled up. Then, she gritted her teeth, came in, and shoved the cloth into He Yushui's hand.

"Make a garment for the child."

He Yushui was stunned for a moment.

Jia Zhangshi was still muttering to herself.

"I'm not trying to curry favor with him. I just feel sorry for the child, being born in this courtyard."

She turned and walked away, but when she reached the door, she looked back one last time.

He Yuzhu looked at the piece of fabric without saying a word.

Everyone left in the evening.

He Yuzhu sat in the yard, holding his son. The moon hung in the east, bright and illuminating the yard. A few small clothes hung on the clothesline, their sleeves swaying in the breeze.

Qin Huairu came out of the house and sat down next to him.

"What are you thinking about?"

He Yuzhu shook his head.

"I wasn't thinking about anything."

Qin Huairu leaned on his shoulder, looking at the sleeping little face.

Nianhua slept soundly in her arms. Her little mouth moved slightly, as if she were having a dream.

He Yuzhu looked down at her.

She doesn't know how many people her father killed. And she never will.

A train whistle sounded in the distance, a long, drawn-out wail. He looked up and gazed south.

There's the Gobi Desert over there, cars that haven't been tested, and debts that haven't been paid off.

He pulled his son closer to his chest.

Qin Huairu asked softly, "When are you leaving?"

He Yuzhu remained silent for a while.

"In a few more days."

She didn't ask any more questions.

The moon is very bright.

He sat there for a long time.