Late Into Night,Give Me a Cigarette

I think a lot of words in my mind. I want to explain to them why I did it. I want to say that I'm not the person you think I am. I want to ask them how to judge me. This person is rubbish. Do they know me, have they met me, understand me!

They don't know anything! They just tap the keyboard irresponsibly, as if they knew me as well as the daughter of the second mother next door.

In the abusive voice to find their own sense of superiority and highlight their proud values of life.

I typed a lot of words into the screen, but in the end I couldn't get rid of them word by word.

At this time, I suddenly saw a comment pop out, saying that I was familiar with it. Later, I confirmed that it was a young lady selling in a nightclub. Later, I also made a shocked expression and said, "my God, the world has changed. Even if the young lady doesn't work well, she even wants to become a star on the stage.

As soon as this comment was published, people immediately praised it. Many people responded in the back, and said with great arrogance that I had slept, but it was cheaper. The whore also said that I live well and hope to let me sleep next time.

Such comments made me shiver all over my body, my scalp felt numb, and even my hand holding the mouse was shaking.

They are all people I can't see and touch. They can't seem to be a face-to-face provocation. I can also rush to argue with him about the theory.

If I respond to them in my own capacity, they will say that I am a whore to wash white. If I pretend to be a passer-by to say a few words for myself, they will say that you Sanguan, like that bitch, has been sleeping.

At this time, I'm like a lonely boat drifting on the sea. I can't find any supporting point and place to rely on. It's like being isolated by people all over the world. When they are unhappy, I'm their vent object. When they are happy, I'm their spare time.

Before she became famous, she had a bad name on her back, and Tian Yulu successfully made the headlines of the major websites because of this.

I know that in order not to affect my mood, I should not read those comments at all, but sometimes I always have a kind of heart, always can't help but want to look down all the way to see what they have scolded me.

One hand reached over and closed the notebook. I was stunned. I raised my head and looked at Zhang Yan standing in front of the table, frowned and growled in an irritable voice: "what are you doing, sister Yan? I haven't finished reading it yet!"

"Don't look." Zhang Yan's expression is indifferent, and there is no change because of my attitude towards her.

"You let me see it."

"I just wanted to let you know where you are now. I didn't ask you to read all the comments!" Zhang Yan's hand pressed on the notebook, did not let me open.

"I just want to see, in so many comments, can no one stand up and say a fair word?" I was more and more emotional fluctuations, "they are really terrible, they can dig out anything, and even some people say that I was abducted and trafficked!"

"What's wrong with the abducted one! If you are abducted and sold, you should die! Can't have ideal! Should be trampled on by the nose! You should have been born to sell for your mother

My brain is completely in a vacuum. I am so excited that I really want to smash things, like cutting myself with a knife!

I haven't felt like that for a long time. When I first came back to the city, I didn't think they were so bad when I was ridiculed and bullied by my classmates. At least I still have a chance to fight in front of them. But now I can't do anything. I only have to be scolded.

Zhang Yan looked at me, stretched out her hand and gently held me in her arms. She patted me on the back and comforted, "I knew you would be like this, so I came back. Over the years, you seem to live a strong and brave life, in fact, you have not come out of the shadow of the past, your heart has always been inferiority, so when your self-esteem is trampled, you have some more extreme behavior and words, with a strong to protect your fragile heart. I know all this. Even if the whole world doesn't understand you, I do. "

"Sister Yan, I feel very sad and angry..." I leaned against Zhang Yan's arms and cried wrongly: "why is it always me who is injured? Is it my own fault?"

"Yes, there must be something wrong with me. I can't do anything well. I can't do anything well. I just want to go to some singing competition and dream that I can live a good life with you in the future and leave the nightclub as soon as possible..."

"I'm really a loser. I can't do anything. I can't like a man. I can't be liked by other men. If I have ideals and dreams, I deserve not to pursue them. If I don't have ideals, I deserve to live at the bottom of society all my life. I deserve to be trampled and bullied every day. Do they think that only in this way can I live a normal life? Is it the funniest joke in the world if I stand upright and pursue my dream? "

I chattered on and on. I knew that Zhang Yan was the only one in the world who would listen to me seriously. So even if I told her, I could feel better.

I was really angry and cried bitterly, and finally fell asleep in the complex emotion of various emotions.When I woke up again, I found myself lying on the sofa with Zhang Yan sitting beside me asleep.

Look at your watch. It's three thirty in the morning.

I looked up at the notebook on the table. I had the impulse to go over and see what they had said. But I knew that I could only add to my worries because no one could say that I was good.

So I tried to control the impulse to open the notebook, went to the room to take a thin quilt to cover Zhang Yan.

When I saw a cigarette box on the tea table, I took it, walked barefoot to the French window, sat down cross legged, lit the cigarette, and looked out of the window at night. I felt mixed.

I think at this time, most of the people I scold have gone to sleep. They have never thought that if they say it casually, they will let a lonely soul fall into an abyss that will never climb up.

It's no wonder that Zhang Yan likes smoking so much. At this time, I realized that smoking seems to really help me to squeeze out some depression in my heart.

I just smoke in front of the window. The scenery outside the window changes from dark to bright gradually, from neon to sunrise in the East. I just stare out of the window like this, and my brain is as blank as a crash.

When I came back to my senses, I found that my legs were numb and my ashtray was full of cigarette butts.

I looked at the time and Zhang Yan, who was still sleeping. I decided to go out and buy some breakfast.

To tell you the truth, since I went to college, Zhang Yan has been making a lot of expenses. I really think she is too hard, so I decided to try that competition. But in the end, my heart was defeated by my self-esteem, and I lost in a mess.

Zhang Yan is right. Losers have no say.

Even if they do, who can hear them.

Because it is early in the day, in addition to morning exercises, the parents who rush to send their children to school.

As soon as I was standing in front of a pancake and fruit stall at the entrance of the community, a child pointed to my nose and yelled, "you are the ugly girl who bullied sister Lulu! I love sister Lulu's role as sister Qing, you villain! " With that, the child came up and gave me a kick on my calf.

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