Leave A Scar

As sleep left me, my surrounds became more clear. The pillow I was resting against wasn't made of feathers but instead a solid ċhėst, my fingers perched against metal. I blinked, drawing myself upright and looking down. Looking at the sleeping figure below me.

He looked so peaceful, tucked away in some dream...

Memories threatened to tug, threatened to spill over and create a broken dam worth of pain. My left ring finger ached, the ring it once wore long forgotten.

The bedroom door opened and instinct acted for me; I quickly slipped out of bed and stood up, trying to be as casual as possible as I stared at the wall.

Al's voice called my name, and I fought down another burst of shock.

"What're you doing standing near brother's bed? And why are you facing the wall?" I could practically see the wide eyes, the big finger half-heartedly pointing at me.

How the hell was I going to explain this? There's no way I would start telling Al how I actually wound up falling asleep next to Ed...

I spun around, making myself as normal and cheery as possible.

"Well, I noticed he hadn't really moved at all from when he fell asleep, so I was just turning him over to prevent a bed sore!"

Textbook lie. I felt horrible about it, but i was actually glad I could keep such a solid grin. I didn't answer Al's second question about the wall; digging any deeper might result in hitting a sewer pipe.

The wonderful soul inside the suit was innocent enough to accept my lie, and I felt my heart crack when he smiled at me.

"Oh. Well, okay! Thanks for looking out for him like that! I'm really glad we have someone like you!"

I tried to hold back the pressure building beneath my eyes. I allowed my grin to die down into a soft smile.

"Of course, Al," I said. "I'm more than happy to help."

If only he knew how the meaning of that statement had changed... I blushed, thankful he didn't see as he closed the door again, merry voice telling us that the train would be leaving soon.

This must have been what stirred Ed awake, because I heard his soft groans. I looked over, seeing him roll onto his side, eyes still shut in a light scowl.

"Nrr..." He seemed like he was still half-asleep. He shifted again, arm wrapping around the pillow I had moved when springing out of bed. His arm moved towards him, face finding the pillow as he muttered something.

I remembered the time. I leaned over, trying to quietly talk him awake.

But as soon as my voice reached his ears, I swear I saw the hook of his hair move a little on its own. His face shifted, half of one golden eye half-heartedly staring at me. The small amount that I saw just reminded me of when he gave his request. I thought back to last night, seeing him bȧrėly look towards me, pink still touching his face.

"I... Need you... I need the distraction..."

My stomach flipped, and as if on cue, Ed faced me completely, eyes snapping wide. Alarmed.

I leaned back, stepping back with one foot as he sprang into a crab position.

He regretted last night. I was sure of it.

I stayed against the wall, standing in complete silence. I could only think...

Was he regretting last night?

I asked if he was okay and almost instantly, his expression relaxed.

"Yeah," he said in a sigh, "I'm fine..."

"O-okay." I tried to calm myself down, surprised at how shaken up I was at the thought of him regretting what happened between us.

A moment passed by, as his legs fanned out and his body hunched, wrinkling the navy tank top he wore. He stretched, arms by his head and hands reaching passed his head. He sniffed twice, and then his posture deflated.

He closed his eyes. "Shit. I need a shower."

I watched his expression suddenly get cheeky, a sly grin coming to his face as he stared at me. I blushed hard, looking away and shutting down his unspoken suggestion.

"There's no way I'm getting in there with you." I said. "Alphonse just came in."

"He did?" Ed glanced to the door before reaching to his suitcase and snatching spare clothes. "I really need to hurry then; what time is it?"

"Don't worry about it. We can catch the 9am train―"

He was already half-shouting curses when his hand slammed the bathroom door shut. The water started instantly, and I felt a smile come to my face, my heart fluttering a little bit at how frantic he was acting.

We stopped in Rebit, stretching our legs and checking into a hotel. The local library would be our hideaway, for the evening. When night rolled around and our eyes became too tired to read, I found myself on a couch, staring at Al's form. He wore that apron again, chef hat on his helmet and spatula in one gloved hand.

"Dinner!" he called, but he was presenting the food to me before I could get to the table.

I grinned, and Ed stole the words from my mouth, as he strode out from the bathroom. I caught sight of water trailing down his bicep, hair worn long and slightly damp.

"You givin' us breakfast for dinner, Al?"

"I just thought you guys would like some eggs!"

Ed and I smiled. The elder Elric took the plate as it was presented to him, a deeper smile in his voice as he replied. "Yeah," he said. "Sure, Al. We'd love some."

Love. The word sent heat to my face, even in a warped context.

But I didn't say anything. I remained inside myself, gently taking bites and listening to the casual conversation coming from the kitchen.

"We're fairly close to Central," Al was saying. "Maybe we can go visit Lieutenant Colonel Hughes and Brigadier Mustang!"

"Hughes, I'm fine with," Ed replied, waving a hand before taking another bite of the egg-sandwich he'd made. "Mustang can put a fork in it."

I stabbed the eggs, lifting up the dead carcass of an unborn kin.

"Brother...!"

Another bite, another way out.

"What? It's true. Mustang's nothing but trouble."

"He's the whole reason we're hear in the first place!"

"Ah, whatever..."

And just like that, I was left with two sole bacon strips and a heavy stomach. My ċhėst... the weight in the space behind my ċhėst was unbearable.

"I'm going to retire early," I stood up, sweeping the back of my skirt. Sweeping up the dust that should be there; dust of a broken toy left on the shelf.

Ed blinked at me, bacon in one hand.

"S-sure," he said, and his face flushed with color. Of course, considering what happened last night...

I smiled, and Al immediately smiled back, wishing me a good night. He had no clue...

I didn't panic until the door was shut behind me and I could rest a hand against it. Feeling something solid, something that was almost permanently separating me from those who cared most. I just breathed, trying not to make any noise but completely failing at being silent.

I just panicked, sinking down and still reaching a hand to the exit. An exit I wouldn't, couldn't, take.

I stared out the only window, the glass pane raised and letting in cool evening air. I just breathed, and tried not to break.

Panic Cord - Gabrielle Aplin