Nerd Mode On!

Jay's P.O.V

After hearing the full truth behind everything, I unconsciously had shut down all my senses and became the old me again. Lifeless, distraught and eyes that had lost it's light to focus on. Atleast that's what my grandpa described me as. I've been through this a million time in my past, I was weaker and younger. Now I'm stronger and grown up. My mental state is more stable, no more relapses. But Why?! Why the fuck do I feel this way?

Why is it me? Always me who is suffering, who went through so much to find my ground only for the earthquake called life in reality to come sending me into the pit of the void?...Why....just fucking why?! What's the point of having a good life with wealth, being a living genius when nothing helps with the pain?

Hah, I knew it. I knew I would be back to blaming myself. Telling myself that I bring along a feel of ennui while I play tunes of melancholy from my heart over and over in my head. And soon enough it showers me with ice cold waters of self blame. Eventually It'll be slowly chipping away at me until I crack; then break.

It was times like this when people around me started to worry, asking me how I feel today and if I had eaten. I would answer them with a nostalgic nod or a short hum of my voice. They always went on their way right after my answer, not seeing my pale white face, nor my pained expression. Some people are blind but can tell if one is angry or sad just by their voice, but those who have the gift of sight, are blind when it comes to this.

It makes me wonder if the gift of sight, voice and hearing is the real disability. What am I saying? I am lucky enough to have these gifts but unfortune that I want to throw it away.

What doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. It leaves you in a state worse then death, wishing you were dead instead.

"Jay Xaiver?..." a man's voice calls out. "Are you Jay?" His voice seems familiar, is it deja vu? "Hey do you remember me? I met you near that cliff where you were fairly drunk."

Cliff? I don't remember being near any cliffsides in my life! But he knows my name.

"I think you've got the wrong person."

I notice that the man was fairly aged, age was starting to show on his chiseled face. He was just in front about a distance of 4 meters or so.

"You probably don't remember me then. I am your mother's second brother." He starts to make his way closer to me. "And that makes you my nephew. I saw you a few times when you were younger. Before the death of my sister."

I am face to face with my mother's brother that he claims to be. Even if it may be true, I can't just go around trusting claims. Not right now.

"I'm so glad that I got to meet you, I want to catch up but I can't bare to see my sister's features represented on your face. It's going to break me down once more." He pats my right shoulder. "I'm sorry that I let you suffer even if it wasn't your fault that anyone died. I can take the heavy load off my shoulders knowing that you've grown up to be a fine young man."

Before I can respond he had already left and turned a corner.

Right. I got to find out all about my mother's relatives. I need to get them protected.