Please Let Go Of Me Now

Chapter 12

When the not-so-pleasant past was over, Roxanna stood up first.

“It’s dinner time.”

Lily decided to soak her gloomy love life in a cold tea cup.

Lily and Shasha also got up and went down to the dining hall.  Hundreds of candles lit the room in the hall.  The sacrament served on the dining table that was connected like a carpet was indescribably magnificent.  While each of them found a seat and sat down, Lily was reluctant to do so.  It was because of the special meal prepared in front of her.  What was marked Lily’s share was five green grapes on a silver plate.

“What are you doing? Without sitting down.”

Leo, who suddenly appeared, took the top seat and smiled. Lily stared at Leo’s profile as he unfolded the napkin. It was obviously the same plate, but why was there a thick chunk of meat on other people’s plates?

Of course, the food they eat will be different because of their different status, but when compared to Shasha and Roxanna’s  plates, this was clearly discrimination. But Lily was hungry, so she sat down. She deliberately grabbed the tablecloth to avoid looking at Leo.  However, it was impossible to stop the juices that were oozing out in accordance with the movement of the knives. The sound of blood and oily water dripped and wet the eardrums.

Lily stared intently at the grapes the more they did it. Leo raised his glass full of wine to Lily, who was having a staring fight with the grapes.

“Eat a lot.”

She suddenly felt heartbroken when she heard the absurd sound.  What was there to eat a lot? They have to give her something to eat, so she can eat more or less.  Lily turned her attention to the large basket in the middle of the table.  It was too far away for her to reach.  Now that she saw it, the prepared food was also far from the same place.  When she reached out her hand to get some fruit wine in disappointment, Leo took the decanter as if waiting for her.  In her empty glass, only the remnants of cider remained.

‘Why are you doing this to me?’ 

Lily stared at the grapes again.

‘You’re not even a five or six-year-old kid, so why are you being so mean?’ 

It was not polite to get up from the table when everyone was stilleating. But she had to. Shw had to avoid it to the fullest before she was humiliated by the sound of her flat stomach rumbling.

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well today….”

Whoever heard it, they could tell it was a lame excuse, but Leo chewed a piece of meat without even looking at her.

“Sit down.”

With his fingers, he raised a knife and cut through the bloody meat.  And then she put a lot of it on Lily’s plate.  He didn’t forget his courtesy to fill her empty glass with plenty of cider.

“Eat then go. You’re hungry.”

Leo gently folded his eyes as if he didn’t care about the other person’s face.

He reached out to Lily’s plate with a cute smile that looked like something out of a torch. He put a bunch of green grapes on his hand, teased them, and then threw them into his mouth. It was green, resembling his eyes.  He crushed the fruit with his teeth and popped it.  Sweet juice flowed from the crushed spot. He licked his lips, stealing the sweetness.

Lily, who could only watch the slow process with no expression on her face, bowed her head to say goodbye, and turned around.  Her empty face as she held the hem of her dress and exited the hall was a starving ghost. When Leo burst into laughter in the room, Shasha, who was not able to see it, got up.

“Bad girl!”

She glanced at the well-prepared food, just in case she had packed anything.  Then, she grabbed one the buns. She tried to grab the olive oil next to her, but she thought it was too much and she put it down again.  Instead, she grabbed the four remaining green grapes in her small hands and followed Lily.  As Shasha disappeared, the big woman spoke.  She had barely touched her share of food.

“Why did you give up the West Annex?”

It was said that the northern palace was being renovated, but it was one of the two that he had provided a residence in the west, where Leo had not usually visited.  Either he really liked the new toy, or vice versa.  She asked what he was doing, but nstead of answering, Leo gently turned the glass of wine he was holding.

Roxanna knew him well.  Leo was a man with a knack for breaking things, reassembling them, completing them and breaking them down again. Whether it was a beast with a clear instinct or a human with a clear reason, both were bound to lose heart in the face of loss.

Because they were imperfect from birth.

So Leo struck the hunter and the old woman. To inflict a sense of loss.  However, the toy he thought would break easily was surprisingly sturdy.  There was nothing in the world that Leo could not have with the ideal of being the master of the throne.  So it was in the past, so it is now, and it will be so in the future.  However, an imperfect foreign body intervened in his perfect life.

A Count’s daughter who had nothing and was insignificant. When he touched a trivial subject, he poured out a lot of it, but he couldn’t be touched easily. It was hard to catch, so he was chasing it. It was useless sincerity, but Leo regarded it as a kind of play.

The big woman who was holding her hands in contemplation loosened her hands.

“There’s one more man.”

She knew what Leo wanted.  How to cause a sense of loss. The consequences of that sense of loss. So she spilled it.

“First love and once fiancé….”

****

“If Leo finds out, you’ll get hurt.”

The bobble hair protruding through the doorway scored a hollow goal.  In front of Shasha, Lily, holding an angled silk pillow, stood like a lost child.

“I’ve put you to sleep for the past few days, do you think it’s your house?”

She threatened to go back, narrowing her brow, but the effect was insignificant.

“Did you come because you were hungry?”

Lily must have come here because she was hungry, Shasha concluded. After Lily left the dining hall, Shasha took her bread and followed her.  However, she was caught by the guards instead of pursuing her, and she had to return to her room.

“You’re so lucky. There’s no one else to take care of you like me.”

Sasha was emotional and nervous, but she was not tough enough to kick out a starving person. This allowed Lily to hold her pillow in the corner of her lace-upholstered bed.

“When he feeds you, you say yes! Why are you so stubborn about it?”

Shasha opened the drawer and took out a loaf of cold bread, and gave Lily advice. Don’t be stiff, there’s nothing good about showing your hatred to Leo, be aware, etc.  Lily, who didn’t even hear it with her earlobes, took the whole bread and chewed it. Shasha held out her one hand towards Lily.

“Tada, look at this! I brought you this.”

One, two, three, and four. She put four grapes into Lily’s hand.

“Look, I’m the only one who thinks of you? I have a lot of hidden sweets? Do you want some?”

“No, this is enough.”

When Lily  was living with the old woman, there were days when she had to fill her meals with fresh water, so this hunger was no problem.  Shasha, who heard the skinny kid talking like that, felt a bit cold in her nose for no reason.

“But is that real?”

“What?”

“Actually, I heard from Roxanna.. She said you’ve never been out of the mansion?”

“Yes. None.”

“Really? Never once in your life? Why?”

Shasha, who had been rebuking Lily, forgot everything she said and asked.

“Why? Why didn’t he* let you out? Did he* lock you up?” (*He=Lily’s father)

“No.”

“He just hit you without feeding you!”

“No.”

“What is that? What do you call it?  Abusing, imprisoning, beating…Oh yes torture!”

“It’s not.”

Lily strongly denied the unfamiliar words she had ever heard. As she shook her head, her silver hair swayed from side to side. It was not abuse. It was not confinement. It was just that she was not allowed to go out.

“My father loved me….”

“If he loved you, why did he do that?”

Yeah. Why did her father do that? Lily knew, but couldn’t say back. Maybe she knew it from a very young age. It was around the time she opened her eyes and started to understand.

“Once upon a time, there was a fortune-teller.”

“Fortune teller?”

It was a story that Lily had heard and grown up from her days, and now it just stick with her. There was a prophet who said he could see the future.

It was said that his foresight was never wrong. The fame carried by the wind spread rapidly among the nobles, and rumors of coming to the capital at the invitation of the imperial family also spread quickly.

Countess Paulman, who was usually embarrassed to be the second in luxury, could not miss this opportunity. She headed for the capital with her full-term body.  Upon entering Lasantine, the square was already occupied by luxurious carriages.  All she had to do was to see the brilliant prophet.

At the same time as dawn, a wagon pulled by an old mule slowly rose from the distant horizon.  He was a great prophet, but his behavior was worse than that of a beggar. There were terrible sighs everywhere. It was time to close the wagon window, laughing at Countess Paulman’s joke that he had wasted his time for nothing.

The mule, which had been quietly pulling the cart, stopped next to the white carriage with the some symbol on it.  A gypsy, as old as a mule, lifted his head and showed his rotten and mutilated teeth.

[This is a flower, a firefly that bloomed at the foot of the mist at dawn. She’ll be born with the blood of her father and the milk of her mother. O, it’s a bird that swallows thorns, Crown woven in blood, do not cry, do not cry.  It resembles a spinning wheel, and it wears out and spins a thread.]

The gypsy pointed to the Countess’s bulging belly with his finger.

“Burn it. Cleanse it with fire. The moment it comes out into the world, it will bring disaster. Only children who will drink blood and eat bones will grow up. The place where the scent of lilies stays will be filled with only pharynx. Oh. You are losing.”

The Countess dropped the fan she was holding, and the Count’s blue veins raised up.

There was no such curse.  However, because there were many eyes, the Count and his wife left the capital without making a sound.  Inside the wagon running as if running away, shouts rang out.

Despite his wife’s cry and screaming, the Count was immovable.  The pride of the nobleman did not allow him to accept the mere absurd remarks.

However, his proud pride was shattered on the day Lily was born.  She was the girl the old woman had foreseen, with silver hair resembling the mist of dawn, eyes with the color of fireflies.