A Young Woman's Heart

Chapter Sixty Sleepless Nights

It's getting late.

The prison in the far suburbs was dimly lit.

But as you get closer, you can still hear the sounds coming from the production line.

Logically speaking, the nights here should be quiet, with only a few prison guards patrolling.

But at this moment, it was like a factory operating 24 hours a day, never stopping.

That's because we've been working overtime to produce goods recently.

These inexpensive small commodities will flow into various wholesale markets and then appear on the stalls of night market vendors, bringing convenience to ordinary people's lives.

If you work overtime until 10 PM at the latest, the entire production line here will stop.

All prisoners who work overtime do so voluntarily, but those who do so are eligible for a reduction in their sentence.

As the whistle blew, the overtime shift ended, and groups of female prisoners of different ages left in neat rows.

The public bathrooms will soon be packed with people.

Pan Jiexiang didn't need to worry about this, because the private room arranged for her had a dedicated washroom.

"Pan Jiexiang." As she went upstairs, a prison guard she already knew well greeted her as if she were just a dormitory supervisor downstairs. "You work overtime so late every day, you should take a break once in a while."

"fine."

Are you getting enough sleep?

"That's enough, thank you." Pan Jiexiang was too weak to speak, but she still managed to force a smile in response.

The female prison guard glanced at her and handed her a bag of soda crackers: "You don't need to work so hard. You'll be out soon. I heard you didn't eat much for lunch?"

"I don't have much of an appetite." Pan Jiexiang looked at the soda crackers handed to her and shook her head with a smile.

“Eat up. I’ve heard that you didn’t eat much for dinner. If you get sick, report it truthfully. Even if you’re a prisoner here, you still have basic human rights.”

"Thank you, I'm just not very hungry."

"Take it, you can eat it if you get hungry after your shower."

"...Okay, thank you."

"Go on, get some sleep." The female prison guard smiled kindly. "You seem to be carrying a lot more burdens lately. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. You'll be out soon, and you can start over. What obstacle in life can't you overcome?"

Yes, that's right.

Pan Jiexiang's smile became increasingly forced.

She returned to her room, and the smile on her face vanished as if it had collapsed.

Struggling to use the last of my strength to finish the shower, I lay on the bed, curled up like a shrimp.

I was so sleepy, but I just couldn't fall asleep.

I have no strength at all. As soon as I close my eyes, it feels like I'm falling into an abyss, and I'll be startled awake instantly.

On the table by the window was a crumpled medical examination form, with several lines of text written in striking red ink.

Pan Jiexiang turned over, bathing herself in the starry sky outside the window, her turbid tears streaming down her face.

She murmured softly, "Yan Yan... Mom really wants to stay with you forever..."

……

In the small room of the fruit shop, Li Wanyan was bathed in the same starry sky, her eyes wide open, like an owl preparing to hunt for food at night.

"Ha-hoo..." Mo Xueyao yawned widely, placing the romance novel that Wang Jiale insisted on recommending to her on a cardboard box beside her. Usually, she was still very energetic when reading until midnight, but today she started to feel sleepy after reading only half of it.

These romantic and lingering stories always made her feel as dizzy and sleepy as a teacher with mediocre teaching skills explaining math problems.

Mo Xueyao pressed the button for the lamp beside her, turned to look at Li Wanyan, and bumped her head against hers: "What? Aren't you asleep yet? What are you thinking about?"

"I wonder if my mom is asleep yet."

"You should be asleep by now, right?" Mo Xueyao tilted her head and continued to nudge her. Li Wanyan's way of addressing her mother always made her feel a little nauseous.

It feels strange to call someone so grown up "Mom".

Perhaps it would be better to just call her "Mom" or "Old Mom"?

"Yes, she must be very tired lately."

"But I can see you as soon as possible."

"Mmm." Li Wanyan shrank deeper into the blankets, covering her lips with the covers, and snuggled closer to Mo Xueyao. "Will Yaoyao miss her mother when she's away for so long?"

"Uh... the longest I've ever been away from home was probably last summer vacation. It was alright, I should say, I didn't even think about it." Mo Xueyao lowered her voice, her parents were sleeping outside, and if she spoke too loudly they would hear. "My mom is such a nag, so annoying. She criticizes me for doing anything even slightly entertaining. Honestly, she doesn't allow anyone else to have any entertainment, even if she doesn't have any herself. Every time I finish something busy and take a break, read some extracurricular novels, or play some video games, I get scolded. She says I should be able to enjoy myself properly when I'm playing, but who can stay on edge all the time..."

The so-called game console was actually just a cheap thing that could only play Tetris and Sokoban, which I won in a lottery.

Li Wanyan's face remained expressionless; she simply poked Mo Xueyao's soft waist with her bare hand.

“Ah…except for Wanyan, but not everyone can be like you. You and my mother are really… a bit alike.” Mo Xueyao sighed, bent her legs to prop up the blankets, and then quickly straightened them. “I’m the kind of person who needs to balance work and rest, and generally speaking, the time spent on entertainment and serious work should be about the same.”

"How did you catch up in your studies during junior high school?"

"At first, I tried hard to study, but I felt like I couldn't concentrate as much as I could. So I started to relax more, rest, daydream, doodle, and so on. My efficiency actually improved. I really admire people like you who don't need any entertainment at all."

"..."

"And it seems like my mom doesn't even have any hobbies. It feels like her hobby is making money and making the family better. There's nothing wrong with that... but I always feel like she doesn't live as a complete person, so she wouldn't understand why I don't live like her."

"Ah."

"If a person lives their whole life like a tool, that would be too boring... Well, but I can't say my mom is wrong. Anyway, I can't stand it. Sometimes I really want to go out for a while. Sometimes I feel a bit depressed at home."

“Is that so?” Li Wanyan said with a smile. “But to others, the atmosphere in your home is already very relaxed.”

"It's easy... but I can't stand the constant nagging... Women are so scary, they can bring up old grievances from years ago or even decades ago."

"I am a woman too."

"A polite refusal doesn't count!"

"Aren't you the same?"

"I don't even count..."

"Your mother's nagging is actually very gentle; it's all out of concern for you, not harshness."

"I know... but I've heard it so many times, and some habits are hard to break, like being lazy, isn't that just human nature?"

Li Wanyan shook her head helplessly, grasped Mo Xueyao's right hand, and gently placed it on her flat stomach.

It seemed that this would make her feel warmer.

"Don't worry, time will pass quickly. You'll be able to meet your mother next year, ha... phew..." Mo Xueyao yawned again, tears streaming down her face. "Have you finished writing the reply? Just send it out tomorrow."

"Okay, go to sleep."

As the sounds of conversation faded away, the fruit shop, late at night, seemed to slowly blend into the boundless darkness.

Tonight, the sky is devoid of moon and stars, with only the occasional passing car bringing a blinding flash of white light.

The dim yellow light from the streetlights seemed unable to penetrate the slightly dusty little window.

Mo Xueyao tossed and turned, finally lying diagonally against Li Wanyan's chest and falling asleep.

Perhaps it was the rhythmic nature of her heartbeat that had a hypnotic effect.

However, she was unable to fall asleep for a very long time.

Until my body finally succumbed to sleepiness, it felt like I was on a small boat on a lake at night, and then I was dragged to the bottom by the dark hand of a water ghost.

At first, I had some difficulty breathing, but I gradually got used to it.

A torrential rain is falling from the sky of my dreams.

But a pale crescent moon, rippling with light, hung high in the sky.

It didn't match the inky black rain at all.

The wind lifted her long hair.

The rainwater accumulated into a flood, and the mother stood on a small boat, waving to her while tears streamed down her face.

She was carrying fruit and beef in her hands, and her heavy pockets were stuffed with a bulging wallet full of banknotes.

She ran wildly, chasing after the small boat in the rain.

"Mom! Mom! I'm working now, I can earn money, I can buy you fruit and beef, Mom!" she cried, stumbling and running after him.

The mother seemed unable to control the small boat and could only watch as she waved goodbye with tears in her eyes.

"Mom—don't go!! Mom! Mom! I can give you a happy and joyful life! Look! I bought it! I earned the money to buy it! I bought a lot! We can eat it every day! We can eat so well! Mom...look...it's beef...your favorite..."

"Splash." She finally fell into the rising tide, and the small boat disappeared into the hazy gray mist.

She supported herself on the ground with both hands, sobbing and weeping.

"Mom...don't leave me..."

Until the tide engulfed her.

She was awakened by the feeling of suffocation.

Li Wanyan suddenly opened her eyes, struggled to throw off the blanket covering her face, and sat up, panting heavily.

The night outside the window remained dark and still, as if time had not passed for long.

Mo Xueyao maintained the same posture, only turning her head to the other side.

She smacked her lips, muttering unconsciously, "Ugh, Mom... I can't eat anymore... So annoying... Don't make me eat... You always complain I eat too much... Ugh... I know... So annoying... Why did I marry..."

Just as Li Wanyan was drawn into her ramblings, she turned over and swallowed the rest of her words back into her dream.

Interrupted by her like that, she almost forgot what she had just dreamed about.

I only remember having what seemed like a nightmare.

But drowsiness washed over her again, leaving her with little energy to think about the contents of her previous dream. She slipped back into bed, covered her mouth with the blanket, and yawned.