A Young Woman's Heart

"Is it a borrowed camera?"

“Yes, there is an aunt who often goes out to take photos. If she has time, my mother will take me to take a photo with her. But she is not always in Hangzhou, so we only have two or three chances to meet each other a year.”

“No wonder there are so few photos.” Before Li Wanyan could answer, Mo Xueyao continued, “But at least it’s a memento.”

Li Wanyan nodded gently, her movements as she flipped through the photo album were very tender.

The girl in the photo has grown up and looks more and more like her now.

"Splash." Suddenly, a letter fell out from the gap in the photo album.

The envelope was somewhat worn, and only one of the four corners was missing.

It's stuck together with cooked rice; if you try to open it by force, the envelope will definitely break.

"Yaoyao, where's Xiaodao?"

"It should be in the second drawer of the desk...can you look for it?"

The drawer made a crisp sound as it was pulled open, as if something inside had broken.

“The cabinet is getting old too…” Mo Xueyao remained in the same position, waiting for Li Wanyan to sit down before resting her shoulder under her chin.

And that's exactly what she did.

The envelope was carefully opened, revealing a piece of poor-quality paper covered in impurities.

The letter was written very neatly, perhaps it had been drafted beforehand, so much so that there were hardly any typos or corrections.

"Yan Yan: I wonder when you will find this letter? Perhaps by the time you do, I will no longer be here..." Mo Xueyao had only read this sentence casually, but she stopped abruptly.

She looked at Li Wanyan nervously and found that the latter's face was almost expressionless, but her eyes were fixed on the letter, as if she wanted to pierce through it.

Mo Xueyao shifted her body back, no longer resting her chin on Li Wanyan's shoulder.

She braced herself against the bed with both hands, propping up her upper body. The blankets slipped off her back, and the cold air made her shiver, but it didn't make her look away from the letter.

"Perhaps by the time you find out, I will already be gone."

"Mom is sorry for giving you such a dilapidated home."

"My mother couldn't stand him anymore, and today I finally couldn't take it anymore and killed him."

Mo Xueyao's eyes widened, as if she were witnessing a murder scene.

"A murderer must pay with his life. I don't know where to run to, and I don't want to run away. I'm just sorry, I can't take care of you for the rest of my life."

“But your mother is still sending letters, which means she’s doing well… This was probably written right after the murder… when the situation was still unclear…” Mo Xueyao noticed that Li Wanyan’s face was getting paler and paler, and she tried to comfort her anxiously.

However, Li Wanyan simply shook her head, and even though she tried her best to restrain herself, her lips pursed.

"I heard that the death penalty is usually not carried out immediately. I might be imprisoned for two or three years, and then executed one day."

"Yan Yan, I don't regret it no matter what. I only regret not doing this sooner. At least you'll be free now and won't have to suffer those torments anymore."

"Mom is so sorry, I've dragged you down and prevented you from having a happy childhood..."

The six dots of the ellipsis were blurred by some unknown liquid, like ink spots on rice paper, staining other characters and making them indistinct.

Fortunately, only four or five characters were affected, and they could still be understood in context.

"You must live well on your own from now on. Don't be afraid of the future. Mom believes you can definitely live a good life."

"Remember to wear more clothes when it's cold, and stay indoors as much as possible when it's hot to avoid heatstroke. You can eat less, but make sure you eat enough. If you really can't afford the tuition, find a factory job first. Don't rent a place that costs more than 300 yuan a month. You can live further away. There's a car repair shop nearby that we often go to that specializes in selling stolen cars. You can go there to buy one; it's very cheap. Twenty yuan a car is the normal price. Don't be cheated by the owner..."

The letter contained a lot of rambling words, and even Mo Xueyao felt her vision blurring as she read it.

The sentence "I don't know whether I should give you this letter" ends without punctuation, and the entire letter concludes with this sentence.

……

Chapter 220 Don't Cry, Tactful Words

Li Wanyan covered her mouth to prevent her facial expression from changing, but tears welled up as if a dam had burst.

—They first swirled in their eyes, then a few drops rolled down, and then it became impossible to stop them.

Mo Xueyao glanced back at the heavy snowfall outside the window and told a lame joke: "Wanyan, look, the snow outside the window looks like dandruff..."

Li Wanyan's shoulders twitched, and then she began to hiccup softly.

The pale light from the window shone on her neck, revealing fine, pale golden downy hairs.

Mo Xueyao was at a loss. She jumped off the bed, her big toe hitting the table leg. She winced in pain, but still managed to pull out a few napkins. When she turned around, Li Wanyan was already hugging her knees, like a hedgehog curled up in a ball. It seemed that she couldn't even pass a few napkins through.

Mo Xueyao shivered from the cold. Her hand hovered in mid-air, unsure whether she should hand her the paper or leave her alone for a while.

“That… Wanyan? If your mother had passed away, how could she be corresponding with you? She’s still alive…”

Seeing that she didn't speak, she swallowed hard, scratched her cheek, bit her lip with her left teeth, and continued, "You don't need to be so sad. She must have felt she couldn't escape, which is why she wrote it. If there was no turning back, why would she hide the letter? There must have been some turning back, so there was no need for you to see the letter..."

Mo Xueyao hesitated for a moment, then sat down on the edge of the bed—the bed still warm from where she had been lying: "Besides, didn't she say she would come back in three years...?"

She lied to me!

Li Wanyan was like a wounded little animal. She raised her head and roared in grief, the veins on her neck bulging and her temples throbbing as if blood vessels were pulsating.

Mo Xueyao was stunned for a moment. This was the first time she had ever seen Li Wanyan so 'fierce'. She knew that although Li Wanyan was usually serious, she would never scream so loudly that her voice would crack...

Her Adam's apple bobbed, her eyes darting uneasily to the doorknob in the distance. She took a half-step back. "That... she probably wouldn't lie to you, it should be true, she..."

"Yaoyao doesn't understand anything!!!" Li Wanyan suddenly stood up, tackled Mo Xueyao onto the bed, raised her fist high, but then gently brought it down, striking Mo Xueyao's chest.

Then, finally unable to hold back, she burst into tears.

Mo Xueyao stared blankly at the ceiling, feeling cold and her lips dry.

She had barely moved her arm when Li Wanyan grabbed it tightly. Her pinkish-white nails were now turning purple as she gripped Yi's (meaning "her," referring to Mo Xueyao) arm so hard that she left five deep marks.

"Wanyan, why...don't you trust your own mother?" Mo Xueyao asked awkwardly and stiffly, grinding her teeth with her tongue.

“She…she didn’t even tell me…that she was in jail…! She said she was in another city and would be back in three years! Actually, I had guessed this, this possibility…!” Li Wanyan’s sobs blocked the words she wanted to say next; the rest was obvious.

Her mother didn't tell her that she was in jail, so the claim that they would meet again in three years was very likely a lie.

Otherwise, if she's only going to spend three years in jail, why not tell her?

Li Wanyan is clearly not the kind of person who would dislike her mother.

And why is this number such a coincidence, exactly three years?

When they said it would take three years, Li Wanyan was graduating exactly three years later. Perhaps they said it that way so as not to affect her studies.

And only after their feelings had faded did he tell her the truth three years later—and that might be the last letter he ever sent.

It's even possible that Li Wanyan's mother won't live for three years; she might be executed this year, or even this month!

Letters can be written by someone else, or she could write many in advance and have them mailed out gradually...

Until she grows up.

Mo Xueyao's arm was a little numb, and her chest was already soaked with tears.

Li Wanyan's crying was very restrained, but these low sobs were all the more distressing.

Mo Xueyao seemed to choke, unable to utter a single word of comfort for a long time.

Li Wanyan with her hair down.

Li Wanyan, her eyes brimming with tears.

Li Wanyan seemed to be crying from her stomach.

Li Wanyan's eyes are red and swollen.

Li Wanyan's right hand, which was gripping her arm, was still trembling slightly.

Mo Xueyao took a deep breath and gently placed her other, still-mobile hand on her head.

For a second, she was at a loss, unsure of what to do next.

But Li Wanyan gently pressed down on her right hand with her left hand, preventing her from letting go.

Mo Xueyao seemed to understand something and tentatively touched it.

The hand that was tightly gripping Yi's arm slowly loosened, and her furrowed brows relaxed slightly.

Yi used her free right hand to support herself as she sat down, and she moved close to Yi's body.

Li Wanyan clung to Mo Xueyao like a sloth, her little face still pressed tightly against Mo Xueyao's chest.

"Don't cry, Wanyan." Mo Xueyao patted her head again with her right hand, and then reached out her left hand to gently wipe away the tears on her face.

The tears were ice-cold, as if they had just been taken out of a freezer.

“...Even if your mother is gone, I...we will all be by your side. Yinyin, Lele, Chengyuan, everyone is here and will always be with you…” Mo Xueyao licked her dry lips, her left eye twitched, and her lips moved as well.

Li Wanyan looked at the strands of hair that had fallen into Mo Xueyao's collar and whispered, "I want to see my mother..."

"But how can we see each other now?"

"Teachers have to go to work today too," she said in an even softer voice, and then let out several more burps.

Mo Xueyao patted her back gently, as if coaxing a child: "Okay, okay, let's go. We'll go to the school and ask Awen where your mother is... okay?"

"Okay, Yaoyao will stay with me."

"Of course I'll stay with you," Mo Xueyao replied matter-of-factly, picking up the napkins scattered on the bed and handing them to her. "Hmm... want to wipe yourself?"

Li Wanyan pouted and whispered a thank you, then seemed a little shy as she gently bumped her forehead against her chest.

"Ouch—don't bump there, don't bump there, it hurts, it hurts..." Mo Xueyao said, grimacing, but it didn't actually hurt that much.

She buried her face in Mo Xueyao's face and rubbed against her hard, feeling the coolness of her lips in the process.

"What, are you taking this opportunity to kiss me? You can kiss me anytime you want!" Mo Xueyao laughed loudly, mimicking Hua Yinyin.

Li Wanyan's ears turned red. She turned her back and said softly, "Get up and get dressed, you'll catch a cold."

"Hmm." Mo Xueyao didn't dare to provoke her too much. The joke she had just made should have eased the awkward atmosphere. Making any more jokes would only backfire.

Then, shivering and complaining of the cold, she put on the icy clothes, but didn't put on her coat yet because she still needed to wash up.

In winter, when washing your face at home, you have to pour out the water from the thermos and add some cold water before you can wash it. If you just use tap water, you might wash your skin off.