The person who likes me is a yandere.

"Buy tickets?"

"Yes, we've come all this way, so we definitely have to watch a movie."

Next up is a very popular Hollywood blockbuster. It's an animated film with the theme of fighting evil and promoting good.

Judging from the results, the second attempt was much more successful.

When Tohka saw the cosplay-style protagonist in the animated film and the heroic fighting scenes, she was so excited that she patted my shoulder and told me to watch it too.

In fact, my eyes never left the screen.

Yes, because Tohka usually gives people the impression of being brave and full of justice, so I think she should be able to star in this kind of cartoon-style hero movie.

Sometimes, the first thing you think of is right.

"That's really interesting!"

Even after leaving the theater and starting lunch, Tohka's enthusiasm didn't seem to have waned.

"A girl who loves watching superhero dramas so much is quite something," I couldn't help but think.

"Does Qianyu find it boring?"

"No, no, I also find it very interesting. It's nice to watch something like this once in a while."

But anyway, seeing Tohka's happy expression made me quite happy too.

"Qianyu likes that actress, but she doesn't seem to have many scenes."

"Haha, it's okay. I can just rent DVDs and catch up at home later."

"But, is that the type of woman that Qianyu likes?"

"what?"

"Do you like foreign women?" Tohka asked me with great interest, as if she were asking someone what they liked to eat.

"Wait, how does this relate to that?"

"Is it not allowed?"

"It's not that it's impossible."

"So, does Qianyu like blonde beauties?"

"I'm sorry, please spare me this topic..."

As we chatted about everyday topics, I couldn't help but start thinking.

Today's date was completely different from the one in our first year of high school. That time, we barely spoke a word to each other; we watched a movie in silence, and then went our separate ways afterward.

Back then, whenever I was alone with Tohka, I would become a completely different person, and I would even be distracted while watching movies.

If I remember correctly, that time I watched a tragic romance drama.

When I got home that day, I even thought I would never watch a movie with Tohka again.

That's life; you never know what will happen next.

After dinner, I strolled around the commercial building. When I looked back and realized it was already evening, I was surprised to find that it was late afternoon.

It didn't feel right to keep Tohka out until late. In the end, we decided to go home early before it got dark.

The two reached an agreement and hurried back to the station.

"Qianyu is very capable."

While waiting for the connecting bus, Tohka suddenly said this.

……sharp?

"what do you mean?"

"When I watched the first movie, I realized I was scared, so I chose a movie I would also like, and many other things too. How did you do that?"

"Well, can't we just read between the lines?"

"I know that too, but I just can't be like everyone else."

Her words seem to admit that she's bad at reading people's expressions.

"Someone like me is just an ordinary person."

"No, Qianyu is better at observing others than the average person."

Her method is a bit inappropriate.

Trying to guess what others are thinking is, in other words, monitoring their every move, regardless of whether the intention is benevolent.

Even doubt, or fear, is not something to be praised; on the contrary, it is quite impolite.

Although that's what I thought, I felt a little embarrassed to be praised to my face like that, and I couldn't express my true feelings.

Chapter Thirty-Four: Guilt

I even started to think of myself as a good person. But it only lasted for a moment, like waking up from a dream. I know best what kind of person I am.

"At first I thought Qianyu was a very cold person, because you have been ignoring me since the opening ceremony."

"...Indeed, I haven't contacted you at all during the entire summer vacation."

"That's part of it, but I later found out that Qianyu is only like that to me. She's very kind to everyone else, so I figured you must hate me... But even so, Qianyu can be very gentle sometimes."

Tohka, sitting in her chair, looked down at her hands and continued speaking.

"After talking to you for a while, I found out that you are a timid person. To be honest, I thought you were really pathetic at the time. For a long time afterward, I was troubled by why I would associate with someone like Qianyu before I lost my memory."

"You still haven't figured out the reason, have you?"

This was meant to discourage her, so my voice was correspondingly lower.

It was something I couldn't see or explain, and the degree of rejection was shallow, but I still expressed my refusal.

She was silent for a moment before resuming her statement.

"When I first spoke to Qianyu after I lost my memory, I said something like this: Qianyu is the type of person I hate the most."

"……Um."

"Please let me take back what I said."

"I see."

"Ever since I lost my memory, I've been thinking about this. So-called memory is like building blocks, which a person has accumulated over all the time they've lived so far, with the present time at the top. For different people, each building block has a different shape. Countless differences ultimately build a self that is unlike anyone else, which is personality. That's probably it."

Even if you lose your memory, it doesn't mean the blocks disappear or your self is destroyed. Memories may always be hidden deep within us, just as we don't understand how the food we eat becomes our blood, flesh, and bones, yet we exist there now. Therefore, even if you lose your memory, your personality won't change much..."

I could also tell that Tohka was trying to express concepts that she herself didn't quite understand through language.

"Asago has become who she is today only after experiencing many things and thinking many times. Whether it's Mr. Tadokoro, Ms. Kato, Mr. Aki, or Mr. Yamada, everyone is the same. Only after experiencing joy and sorrow can the concept of 'individual' be born, and the difference between individuals becomes their respective boundaries. Even if you lose your memory, you can't suddenly become a different person."

"I see."

"In the end, I'm just me. So my relationship with Qianyu wasn't a mistake—"

Her voice gradually lowered. A flicker of doubt appeared in her eyes, which had been staring directly at me.

"Is this your second date today?"

"……Um."

"But actually during summer vacation—"

I took a deep breath; she was about to bring up the thing I least wanted to be touched on.

It's unbearable to recall. Like a large, heavy stone, slowly sinking into the water with splashing droplets, the pain of it all is unbearable. My chest feels tight, I feel nauseous, and I want to vomit. But the boulder in my heart only sinks deeper. This oppressive feeling won't go away; I feel extremely uncomfortable. My eyes are burning, and my throat is parched.

I was so happy until just now, why did my mood suddenly turn so bad? I suddenly feel a little desperate.

I wanted to stop her, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I closed my eyes.

"We were supposed to have a second date during summer vacation, weren't we?"

The agreed meeting place was a coffee shop that was relatively close to both of them.

Summer vacation is already halfway over, and I've been agonizing over writing a short message every day. How should I write it to avoid misunderstandings? In the end, I completed a very simple and unpretentious message.

The work, which took several days to complete, received a reply very quickly after I sent it out.

That day, I waited for her at the coffee shop from around noon. At first, I just thought it was a little strange.

The agreed time has passed by ten minutes, twenty minutes, an hour.

It lasted until 7 p.m.

Suddenly, the phone I had been holding rang. I pressed the call button, put the phone to my ear, and heard the familiar voice of Mr. Yamada.

"Qianyu, calm down and listen to me. You promised to go out with Tohka today, right? Um, Tohka—"

There was a traffic accident. There were no external injuries, but the head was impacted and the person lost consciousness.

To help a child who had accidentally run into a traffic light, at a crossroads with pedestrian overpasses connecting all four directions...

Although my classmates made all sorts of guesses, I actually already knew the truth during the summer vacation.

Afterwards, she regained consciousness but lost her memory.

"I am deeply sorry for the inconvenience caused." Tohka bowed her head and apologized to me.

I didn't understand why she did that. When I asked her why, she replied—

"Because I didn't keep my appointment on time."

"what……"

"I want to ask you something."

"please."

Do you think that you bear some responsibility for how I've become who I am today?

Yes, I have felt guilty ever since that day.

Because if I hadn't asked her out that day, that thing wouldn't have happened.

Guilt coiled around me like threads.