Konoha Drunkard

"Can't you just smile or say a few more words?"

Shanks couldn't stand having him around anymore. So many people were sending lavish gifts to congratulate his son on his wedding, and this guy was still acting like this. No wonder he hasn't found love again after all these years.

"...It's been like this for so many years, it can't be changed."

Sakumo Hatake talks more with his best friend.

"Alright, go keep your old boss company. You two have more in common. I'll handle these people for you."

Shanks said helplessly.

How did Kakashi end up acting like his son is getting married...? He swears on his honor that if Kakashi were his son, he would beat him to a pulp. His son, Shanks, can't be this tough!

......

Not long after Hatake Sakumo went to see his old boss, the third-generation old man, two imposing figures walked in from the doorway, making way for everyone to step back.

Such a domineering person—who else in Konoha could it be but Tsunade? Even Garp, the little tyrant of Konoha, is just an afterthought by her side; his domineering presence is completely overshadowed by Tsunade.

"You two didn't just come back from the Sarutobi family's gambling den, did you? And Garp, how did you let Karin know that the people just arrived?"

Shanks looked at the two of them. Tsunade was arguably the biggest mistake of his life. Growing up with that old bastard Hashirama Senju, she inherited all his bad habits. Then Shanks spoiled her in everything, cultivating her domineering aura. Garp was essentially a male version of Tsunade, trained by Tsunade herself.

"I was going to bring her here, but when she saw Itachi with Sasuke, she ran off to find Sasuke."

Garp shrugged. He couldn't do anything about his infatuated sister. The pink-haired girl and the Yamanaka clan girl had already caused quite a stir by fighting over Sasuke Uchiha. Now, his sister had joined the fray, and it was almost a three-woman battle for one man.

He genuinely couldn't see anything special about Itachi's younger brother; even he, who was face-blind, thought Sasuke was slightly less attractive than his older brother Itachi.

"Hey!"

Shanks listened to Garp's words, then glanced at the three kids not far away. The second male lead was still dressed in his pants despite being tightly surrounded by Karin and Ino. What a headache!

Karin, who sees white every day, should have very high aesthetic standards, but somehow she fell in love at first sight after only meeting the second male lead once. Kishimoto's aura is just too damn powerful.

"Tsunade...! I'm back!"

Before Shanks could finish his exclamation, a flippant, flamboyant, and slightly lewd voice came from afar. The next moment, a white-haired figure was less than a meter away from Tsunade, about to pounce...

Clench your fist, gather your energy, and throw the punch!

"boom!"

"boom!"

After two short, powerful sounds, the white-haired figure was already crawling on the ground with a large bump on his head.

"Damn it, don't shout like that next time, I'm not dead yet."

Tsunade clapped her hands and looked at the figure lying on the ground.

"It's been so long since we last met, I'm so excited!"

The figure on the ground got up, touching the large bump on his head, and said...

"Yo! Jiraiya, it's been years. You haven't changed much, but you've gotten a lot bolder!"

Shanks laughed as he looked at Jiraiya, who was courting death. Apart from Nawaki and Garp, which man would dare to get within a meter of Tsunade...? They're all already asleep in the cemetery.

Jiraiya survived only because the Sage Mode he learned from the old toad had Sage Chakra protecting his body; otherwise, after being mercilessly beaten by Tsunade so many times, he would have become an idiot even if he hadn't died.

"Haha! The captain is still so handsome."

Jiraiya rubbed the back of his head and offered a compliment.

"Not bad, all those years weren't for nothing. I know you're flattering me, but I like hearing that. By the way, why are you back? Weren't you going to see Orochimaru?"

Shanks thoroughly enjoyed Jiraiya's flattery; it seemed... no one had ever mentioned how handsome he was.

"The news of Konoha's White Fang's son, Konoha's technician and copy ninja Kakashi, getting married has spread throughout the ninja world. Since Orochimaru can't be found anytime soon, why not come back for a drink at the wedding before leaving?"

582. Karin joins the battlefield.

"Sogga! It's good that you're back. You should give Asma a proper introduction to the scenery outside later. Don't keep putting the same thing on one tree."

Shanks said to Jiraiya with a meaningful look in his eyes.

"What? Asuma's here too, and he's even taken a liking to art and is planning to become a painter?"

Jiraiya said with his beady eyes, "Asuma's fondness for girls with colored contact lenses isn't a secret in the village. He even wanted to help Shinku teach Asuma a lesson back then. The girl's daughter was already engaged, and this little rascal was still shamelessly pestering her. Shinku gave the Third Hokage face, but Jiraiya couldn't stand Asuma's behavior. However, Shinku stopped him from taking action, but complaining to the Third Hokage was inevitable. He never expected Asuma to be so audacious, daring to come even after the girl was married."

Moreover, as far as he knew, Asuma was also a terrible student; what kind of rubbish could he possibly draw?

"You can have a good talk with him sometime. Your dear teacher is really not very good at educating children. This time, the third-generation old man wanted to see his youngest son, so he asked Kakashi to give Asuma, who has become a monk, a letter."

Shanks shrugged. Anyone would give Hiruzen Sarutobi a red X if they encountered something like this. He was just a freebie with a phone plan, why did he have to provoke his youngest son like this?

"...Phew! Thank goodness I'm not his son..."

Jiraiya said with a hint of schadenfreude that he had once doubted it, but later, because he was tall and handsome, he gave up on this unbelievable idea.

Why are you all staring at me???

However, after Jiraiya finished speaking, he noticed Shanks and the others looking at him thoughtfully.

"Uncle Jiraiya... There were rumors circulating in the village recently that you might also be the Third Hokage's... illegitimate son. According to their analysis, it all matches up with the Third Hokage's first trip to the Red Bronze Ward..."

Garp couldn't bear to explain it to Jiraiya again. After all, although Jiraiya hadn't been in the village all these years, he had sent him gambling money from time to time, so he could be considered one of his own.

"What?! Which bastard spread this rumor? Isn't Minato going to do anything about it? This is serious slander against me!"

Jiraiya was furious when he heard Garp's analysis. How could the Third Hokage be as handsome and stylish as him? How dare he slander him like that?

"You haven't been back to the village for a long time, so you don't know much about it now. Times have changed. Now we value freedom, and with such a large population, you can silence people's mouths, but you can't silence their hearts. Even Shuimen got involved, let alone you. In the end, it's because your third-generation teacher behaved improperly and was caught red-handed by Xiao Lv Miao and those paparazzi. You can't blame anyone else."

Shanks patted Jiraiya on the shoulder to comfort him, saying that it wouldn't be good for Jiraiya to cause any trouble on his best friend's son's wedding day.

"Are all villages like this now???"

Jiraiya looked around at the people and felt that their gazes were strange. He didn't know if it was just his imagination, but he felt that after glancing at him, they would also glance at the third-generation elders inside the house who were chatting and laughing with the clan heads, as if they were making a comparison.

"Hey! You should stay in the village and get used to things before going out to gather material. Our Konoha is already more than ten years ahead of other villages. If you stay outside any longer, you might be left behind by the times."

Shanks said.

“No, I won’t stay in the village until I find Orochimaru. But speaking of Orochimaru, that bastard is really good at hiding. I heard he appeared in the Land of Claws last month, but as soon as I arrived in the Land of Claws, he had already run off to the Land of Flowers.”

Jiraiya scratched his hair vigorously; he hadn't washed it in ages, and countless flakes of dandruff flew everywhere as he did so.

“He is a great scientist after my second uncle. He won’t be so easy for you to find. You’ll have to wait a long time. It’s not like you’ll miss a little bit of time.”

Shanks remarked that compared to Jiraiya, Orochimaru was living a life of luxury in the Land of Rain. Kakuzu provided this wealthy man with the best food, lodging, and scouts. Thinking about the ridiculously luxurious decor, Shanks was green with envy. Kakuzu was truly generous; if Shanks had to pay for the renovations himself, he wouldn't be so willing.

.........

"Karin, your great-uncle has a question for you. Do you think Bai Shuai or Sasuke is more handsome?"

Find some time, Shanks will pull Karin, who is sandwiched between Ino and the second male lead, into a corner and give her a good lesson to improve her aesthetic sense.

Previously, the drama of Ino and the pink-haired girl fighting over one man had become the biggest drama of the year, with every performance sold out. The news spread from one end of the village to the other, and the Yamanaka family lost face. After all, it's not a good reputation for a family girl to be jealous of a commoner.

If Karin were to join the battle, it would be a disgrace to the Senju clan, which wouldn't matter much since the Senju clan has already lost face. However, Shanks is the patriarch, and it wouldn't do for him to lose face in the end.

"...Brother Bai isn't handsome, he's beautiful! He's not the same type as Sasuke, you can't compare them like that."

After thinking seriously for a while, Karin said...

"But Karin is so pretty, I still think Haku is a better match for you. Look at Sasuke, he always has a long face and acts all sullen. His talent is just so-so, and his ninjutsu isn't even as pretty as Haku's Ice Release. What's so good about him?"

Shanks first scolded the second male lead, saying that the Senju clan already had a king-level single fighter, and they couldn't produce another diamond-level one, otherwise people would say that the Senju clan's girls couldn't get married, which would be very awful!

"Grand-uncle, you're absolutely right! You're practically my soulmate! What's so great about that bastard Sasuke? He's not even as handsome as me!"

The savior appeared beside them at some point, and after hearing Shanks' evaluation of the second male lead, he hugged Shanks' leg tightly and burst into tears, feeling as if he had finally found a kindred spirit.

"...Naruto, it's good for kids to be confident, but blind confidence is no good. If you say he's not as handsome as your dad, I can agree with that, but you... just keep it to yourself, and don't ever say it out loud."

He's already learned to lie at such a young age; it seems Kushina's parenting skills are lacking.

"You stinky Naruto, get the hell out of here! With your weird appearance, you think you can compare to Sasuke-kun?!"

Karin kicked the savior away in disgust. The savior, with snot and tears streaming down his face, was truly disgusting.

"Kids these days..."

Shanks watched as Karin punched and kicked the savior, looking like she wanted to eat him alive. Another girl who had fallen for Mary Sue's plot armor.

583. The Genuine Second Young Master

"Isn't Bai Piao Liang good enough? Look how popular he is. Er Zhu Zi is no match for him."

After Karin gave the Savior a good beating, Shanks continued to persuade him, "The Savior is indestructible, beat him however you want!"

"...Standing next to Brother Bai is too much pressure. I heard from Sister Tuo and the others that they don't dare to be with Brother Bai at school."

Shanks rolled his eyes. How old are these kids anyway? They're already under pressure.

However... Bai's appearance is indeed too devastating, especially his face, which is even more feminine than a girl's. Plus, he hasn't fully developed yet and hasn't grown an Adam's apple. Chuanxiang usually likes to dress him in unisex kimonos, so it's really hard to tell if he's a boy or a girl.

Which girl doesn't care about her appearance? But when she's with Bai, the contrast is stark...

On the first day of school, a little boy from the Sarutobi family mistook Haku for a girl. After Minato finished rambling on, he confessed his feelings to him in front of everyone. After finding out that Haku was a boy, this Sarutobi kid never came to school again.

However, this kid's backing is incredibly powerful, otherwise he wouldn't have dared to confess in front of so many people at the beginning of the school year. His grandfather was actually Shanks and Hatake Sakumo's homeroom teacher, the first headmaster of the Ninja Academy, a legend in the Konoha teaching community, and the elder of the Sarutobi clan. Sarutobi is so lewd!

When Sarutobi learned that his beloved grandson had confessed his feelings to someone in front of many people on the first day of school, he was overjoyed and threw a huge banquet. Why? His first student, the now-famous Shanks of Konoha, had also confessed to a girl on the first day of school. Based on his years of teaching experience, a genius is someone who is different from others. He wasn't sure if his grandson was a genius, but at least in this respect, his grandson showed signs of developing into a genius. How could he not be happy?

However, when he saw his beloved grandson return home looking utterly dejected, as if his father had died, he realized that the "little girl" his grandson had confessed his love to was actually a boy!

Fortunately, he has always worked as a teacher, and his career has been relatively smooth. He has no hidden injuries or psychological trauma, otherwise he would have been driven crazy by his beloved grandson.

There was no banquet that night, but his precious grandson would definitely be fed a night of rattan canes. The next day, he even went to the Senju clan to see just how monstrous the boy his grandson mistook for a girl really was, but he got drunk by Shanks before he even saw Haku.

His beloved grandson never went to school again after that day, and he personally taught his grandson with a knife.

This is why, even though Bai is beautiful and has a good personality, some girls still don't pursue her—the pressure is too great.

"Captain, who is that Uchiha brat? He's so popular with women, almost as popular as me."

At this moment, Jiraiya came over with a string of gourds on his head. He glanced at the second male lead and said to Shanks, "This guy is probably courting death again and getting beaten up by Tsunade. But it's normal for him to be unhappy to see the second male lead being guarded by a group of girls. Jiraiya has always disliked those guys who are popular with women and are more handsome than him. Orochimaru is the most representative of them."

However, Jiraiya never liked Orochimaru, which created a conflict in his mind. He both disliked Orochimaru and cherished the friendship between his comrades.

"...He is Fugaku's youngest son, the genuine second young master, whose background is much more impressive than yours."