Konoha Drunkard

"Aunt Chiyo, guess again. What kind of egg in the world can't be eaten?"

"do not know!"

"Aunt Chiyo, there's one more..."

"do not know!"

Along the way, in order to complete the mission given by Hiruzen Sarutobi, Shanks recited all the funny riddles he could remember from the previous night, while Grandma Chiyo always replied with "I don't know."

"Do you know the answer to the first one?" a Sand Ninja whispered to his companion.

"I don't know! But I know the answer to the second one," his companion replied proudly.

"Oh? What's the answer to the second one?"

"asshole."

"You dare to insult me?"

"No, I mean the second answer is 'bastard'."

........

The Uchiha brothers, who were suspected to be blood relatives, silently looked at the group of Sand Ninja in front of them speechlessly. The eldest brother and sister hadn't been led astray, but the younger brothers had all gone astray!

Shanks sighed and returned to pat the shoulder of the man who looked like his brother, saying earnestly, "You two remember this: never offend a woman, especially one who is in a high position of power."

They nodded in agreement, seemingly like brothers.

Two days later, a group of people arrived in Konoha. At this time, the group from Iwagakure had not yet arrived, so the three leaders of Konoha only received Aunt Chiyo and her group.

"Welcome, Advisor Chiyo!" After saying his opening remarks, Hiruzen Sarutobi looked at Shanks and the two exchanged glances.

"How is Hiruzen Sarutobi doing?"

Shanks: "Useless, this woman is too damn vengeful?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi: "Even you can't do it?"

Shanks: "What do you mean I can't? I can, but Aunt Chiyo can't. How old is she..."

Hiruzen Sarutobi "........"

"Ah, Konoha is indeed prosperous and wealthy, but Hokage, I'd rather see your Konoha White Fang now! Is he hiding somewhere?" Aunt Chiyo's tone turned cold when she mentioned Hatake Sakumo.

"boom!"

"Chiyo, you old hag! What do you mean?" Tsunade, with her fiery temper, couldn't take it anymore.

"Tsunade! Be good! Aunt Chiyo is so sorry, you know, women have those days every month, Tsunade just got her period today!" Shanks had just finished speaking to Grandma Chiyo.

"Clang!" A fist hit him on the head.

The ninjas around him were barely suppressing their laughter, their shoulders shaking.

Shanks' interruption eased the atmosphere considerably, and Hiruzen Sarutobi teased, "Sakumo is on a mission and not in the village. When you have time, Advisor Chiyo can come to Konoha to catch up with Sakumo."

"Hmph! As expected, there isn't a single serious person in Konoha. Is this how you try to make peace with an old woman like me?" Grandma Chiyo finally spoke up. Being teased by Shanks was something a junior should do, and they were even acquaintances. But you, an old scoundrel, are trying to tease me too?

"Ahem! Advisor Chiyo, please come in!" Hiruzen Sarutobi also realized what was happening, his old face turning red with embarrassment.

........

While Konoha was negotiating peace, Madara was furious in an underground entertainment club in the ninja world.

"That bastard, I'm going to kill him! Cough! Cough!" Madara was even angrier than when the Uchiha clan betrayed him, just like when his younger brother was killed.

How dare that red-haired brat from back then slander him like that, claiming he was stealing a woman from that weakling Retsuto, and even losing? While it's true he bullied Retsuto, does that even need to be said? Most importantly, doesn't he know his true love is Hashirama?

His uncle could tolerate it, but his aunt couldn't, let alone the invincible Uchiha Long Aotian Madara!

"Wow! I never knew Lord Madara had such a past relationship!" the white object said in a frivolous tone.

"White Zetsu, do you want to die?!" Madara, already enraged, became even more furious upon hearing White Zetsu's taunt!

"Black Zetsu! How is Nagato?" Madara didn't want to pay attention to the thing created using Hashirama Senju's cells.

“Nagato and the two kids have recently been receiving instruction from Konoha’s Jiraiya, and they’ll be able to fully adapt to the Rinnegan before they even start using it!” Black Zetsu said.

"Good! Let that red-haired brat live a few more years, then I'll make sure he dies a horrible death!" Old Man Ban said with satisfaction.

"..." Black Zetsu was too lazy to waste words with this useless man. With his pathetic appearance, he still wanted to kill Konoha's Shanks? He was lucky if he didn't get killed himself. In order to perfectly execute his plan, Black Zetsu kept dragging Madara along. Once he found a perfect replacement, he wouldn't care whether Madara lived or died.

......

On the third day of the discussion between the Sand Village and Konoha, the Iwa Village also arrived. Before the Iwa Village ninja even reached the village entrance, Shanks had already dragged Sakumo Hatake onto the Hokage Rock.

"Why did you drag me here? I haven't even sent the Iwa ninja back to the village yet," Hatake Sakumo said, standing on Sarutobi Hiruzen's head.

Shanks rolled his eyes. "You still want to go to the village? With Aunt Chiyo in Konoha right now, you'd better stay home or go back to your Anbu headquarters. If she finds out where you live and that you have a son, then there's no point in talking!"

"Why? What does my having a son have to do with her? Are you still spreading those rumors in the ninja world?" Hatake Sakumo looked at the big mouth dangerously.

"Haha! How...how could that be! You're overthinking it. What I mean is you just slept with her son and daughter-in-law. Enemies meeting are bound to be furious, especially a vengeful menopausal old woman!" Shanks forced an explanation.

"Alright! I'll stay home for the next few days." Hatake Sakumo reluctantly accepted his explanation, and thinking about it, it made sense. Who could calmly face their enemy? He certainly couldn't. If Ginkaku were still alive, he would definitely cut Ginkaku into a thousand pieces without anesthesia.

"Go back and keep Yuza and Baode company. I'll help you send the Iwa ninjas away." Shanks waved his hand.

"His name is Kakashi!" Sakumo Hatake, who was about to leave, suddenly turned around and said in a serious tone.

"Alright, alright! Kakashi, is that enough? You're such a straight man," Shanks retorted. He'd never seen anyone so serious!

Shanks had just finished dealing with Sakumo Hatake when an old woman appeared behind him. "Konoha is really beautiful!"

"Right? But shouldn't you be waiting at the village entrance with the three giants of Konoha for the giants of Iwagakure to hold a roundtable meeting?" Shanks asked without turning his head.

"Hehe! I don't know where you got these words from, but they sound quite pleasant! Aoki Nozomi of Iwagakure isn't worthy of an old woman like me going to greet him." Aunt Chiyo chuckled, a rare occurrence for her.

"It seems Aunt Chiyo has been in a good mood these past few days." Shanks raised an eyebrow.

"Yes! Ever since my son and daughter-in-law died, and seeing everyone in the village looking so sad every day, I haven't felt good. I hate Konoha so much, and Konoha's White Fang! But these past two days, I've been walking around Konoha and discovered that it's not just people from Sunagakure who lose loved ones; it happens to people in Konoha too. It turns out that I'm not the only one who knows about mothers losing their sons; other mothers also lose their sons. In the end, we're all the same," Grandma Chiyo said with some emotion.

"Well! Aunt Chiyo's mindset is really high. Well then, congratulations, you don't have to live with hatred for Lila anymore," Shanks laughed.

"Hehe, revenge is still necessary. But I'll have Scorpion take it. You must tell White Fang for me that Scorpion will seek revenge on him one day," Aunt Chiyo said with a smile.

"Ha...haha! I'll definitely pass it on!" Shanks broke out in a cold sweat. A vengeful woman is truly terrifying; he'd just been praising her for her high moral character. As for Scorpion coming for revenge? Pshaw! Who knows, you might be the one killing your grandson in the future...

148. Back in the Village, the Advisor Grandpa Still "Please Subscribe"

Once all the Iwa ninja had arrived, the meeting of the three great ninja leaders officially began! What? Why isn't Hanzo from the Land of Rain here? It's not that Hiruzen Sarutobi looks down on him; he'll wait until Hanzo returns from his adventures in Konoha alone with his scythe. Otherwise, with his meager resources from the Land of Rain, he's not worth that much!

At the meeting of the leaders of the three major villages, Koharu Utatane, the "Flower of Konoha," spoke first on behalf of Konoha, welcoming the leaders of the two villages to the peace talks. Afterwards, Koharu Utatane conducted a more detailed analysis than the most brilliant mind regarding the ninjas and resources lost by Konoha in this war, and demanded that the Iwa ninjas compensate Konoha double for the losses suffered on the battlefield in the Land of Earth.

She demanded that the Sand Village pay double compensation to Konoha for the losses suffered on the battlefield in the Land of Wind! When it comes to negotiations, of course, you start with a high price and wait for a counter-offer. If she weren't afraid of angering the leaders of both villages, she would have dared to ask for ten times the amount.

Just as the Flower of Konoha finished speaking, Aoki Nozomi, a leader of Iwagakure, rested his chin on his hand and tapped the table lightly with one finger, seemingly deep in thought. In truth, he was indeed deep in thought. He was thinking about how to insult Konoha's shamelessness without using any profanity.

The villages have been quietly developing for twenty years, thinking everyone was the same. But when the fighting started, we realized we were different. The Leaf Village is still a top-tier village, so fat and strong, and they're still stealing our territory. Have they no shame? It's like they're the only ones who suffered losses while we didn't.

The last person sent by that cunning old fox Onoki to negotiate peace was truly exceptional. He picked up his teacup and slowly sipped the cheap tea leaves prepared by Hiruzen Sarutobi, brewed with water from the river beside Training Ground No. 3. After spitting out the tea leaves, he spoke.

"I feel deeply saddened by Konoha's losses on our side, but! Our Iwagakure's losses are equally significant, far exceeding Konoha's if we were to calculate them carefully. So, I ask you, who will compensate us? Of course, as the losing party, we cannot refuse to compensate."

"Well then, our Land of Earth is poor. We don't have the golden sands of Sunagakure, nor the fertile land of Konoha, but we have plenty of rocks. Konoha can mine them anytime they want!" The Iwa ninja leader, Aoki Nozomi, finished speaking and slowly sipped his cheap tea. He added, "Sigh, Konoha's strength is truly undeniable; even their cheap tea tastes better than our Iwa ninja's!"

Hiruzen Sarutobi's eyelids twitched upon hearing this. He finally understood why Onoki had sent this somewhat young man to negotiate. This guy was practically an actor! His expression was somber when he was grieving for Konoha, even more heartbroken when he complained about being poor, and then he calmly mocked the cheap tea at the end. Hiruzen Sarutobi summed him up with two words: "Exaggerated!" He'd better let Shanks handle things with him.

Grandma Chiyo wasn't as flamboyant as the younger generation; every strand of her hair was a performance in itself. "Our Sand Village's losses are far greater than Konoha's. I won't even mention the puppeteers' losses, but just the deaths of my son and daughter-in-law, two top-tier puppeteers, are something I don't think any other village has suffered more from. Since the Iwa ninja say we have too much gold dust, then so be it. We'll give Konoha a piece of desert, which is full of gold dust!"

After listening to both sides' accounts, Hiruzen Sarutobi took a few deep drags of his opium pipe. He thought to himself, "One side is offering stones, the other is offering sand. It seems both sides are waiting for the Raikage."

Hiruzen Sarutobi guessed correctly. Both sides were waiting for the battlefield in the Land of Lightning. They'd heard that Konoha's Root had been utterly thrashed by the Raikage, and they were waiting for him to send someone to be the first to act. Given the Raikage's personality, especially since he'd been angered by Hiruzen Sarutobi, would he really pay up? Would you accept two mountains as compensation?

Once the Cloud Ninja takes the lead, they can just follow suit. Does Konoha think they can just take away two mountains and not their stones and sand? The Great Ninja Village has its dignity; there's no longer a forest plantation like Hashirama Senju's.

Finally, the first roundtable meeting also came to an end, with both the Iwagakure delegation and the Sunagakure delegation waiting in Konoha for the effects on the Land of Lightning.

On the battlefield of the Land of Lightning, after recovering, Danzo was depressed and gloomy every day. His own clan had fallen, and he had also ruined his best friend's clan. The more he thought about it, the more heartbroken and angry he became!

Especially when he saw that many ninjas no longer looked at him with respect but fear, Danzo clenched his fists tightly and secretly vowed that one day he would make everyone fear him.

The best way to make everyone fear you is to become powerful, and the most effective way to become powerful is through bloodline limits! A single Byakugan and Gentle Fist could seal the Raikage's chakra, so what about the even more powerful Sharingan Mangekyou Sharingan? He lived through Madara's era. And what about Wood Release? The more Danzo thought about it, the more excited he became, and he lost all interest in the battlefield.

The next day, without even a word of explanation, they returned to the village with two or three Root members. That's how awesome the Root of Konoha is. Who can blame them when they have a good buddy protecting them? When they come back, they're still your advisor!

Orochimaru took over command after Danzo left. Actually, that's not quite right. Orochimaru has always had command, but he just didn't have the position of the head of the group. Now, he naturally took over.

After Orochimaru took over, the Konoha ninja finally breathed a sigh of relief, though they now numbered less than 10,000. While the Cloud Ninja also suffered some losses, they didn't engage in Danzo's disastrous tactics of sending 8,000 men to their deaths. Therefore, in terms of kills, both alive and inflicted, the Cloud Ninja held the advantage. Especially after Danzo's successful infiltration and subsequent casualties, Konoha's morale plummeted. Fortunately, Danzo's departure helped restore some morale.

At this time, inside the Konoha camp, Hiruzen Sarutobi sent a message to Danzo, but Danzo had run away, so the message could only be given to Orochimaru.

"Lord Orochimaru, what did the intelligence report say?" the Hyuga clan leader asked. Now he had to call Orochimaru "Lord Orochimaru," since Orochimaru was the commander now.

"What the teacher means is that both the Iwa and Sunagakure villages are waiting for our results. We must end the war in the Land of Lightning this year, otherwise the two major villages will start to get interested again. And most importantly, the Land of Water hasn't made a move yet," Orochimaru said.

"That means there are still two months left? But we don't have many people left. Even including our Hyuga clan, we don't have more than ten thousand." The Hyuga clan leader was frustrated; it was all Danzo's fault, that weakling.

"So we have no choice but to launch a decisive battle! The teacher has already sent another five thousand men. Once they arrive, they will attack the Cloud Ninja camp. We'll have to trouble the Hyuga clan leader and me to besiege the Raikage." This time, Orochimaru isn't going to resort to any tricks. With one of the two smartest clans in the ninja world on the other side, thinking about those things is useless. It's better to just go all out and cripple the Raikage's teammates, forcing him to surrender.

149. My Brother Danzo (Please Subscribe)

When Danzo returned to Konoha, he gave Hiruzen Sarutobi a real shock. Was this really his best friend? His chin had gone from an X to an SX! His mouth looked like two sausages hanging from it—basically, there wasn't a single unblemished part of his face. The anger at Danzo for causing his clan's near-collapse instantly vanished! He was undeniably handsome, even if he was a bit shorter.

"It's good that you're back. Go back and rest. Focus on healing your injuries first." Hiruzen Sarutobi felt much more relaxed looking at his best friend, who looked even more like a pig's head than a pig's. He didn't blame him; his clan was ruined, yet he still left some people for him. He was still a good friend, after all.

The next day, Shanks heard that Danzo had returned. He believed that this friend of the villain must be up to no good, so he immediately bought a fruit basket and some cheap water and wine and went to Danzo's house to visit him, looking heartbroken.

"Brother Danzo! My brother Danzo! Is this really my brother Danzo? What happened to you? Where did the dashing, handsome Shimura Danzo go? My god! The Raikage is so ruthless! You even have a letter stuck in your chin! What happened to your mouth? Are they two sausages? What! It's swollen from the Raikage's beating? That bastard is despicable! Don't stop me, I'm going to avenge you!" Shanks deliberately used his Observation Haki to amplify his voice throughout Konoha!

"Wow! Lord Shanks and Advisor Danzo are such good friends!" exclaimed Jonin A, a minor character from Konoha, as he prepared to leave the village.

"Yes! But why is Lord Shanks' voice so loud? We can hear it all over the place," said a companion who was about to leave the village.

At Konoha Hospital, "Tsunade, are my father and Lord Danzo on good terms?" Big Mom, one of the Four Emperors, was off school today to help out at the hospital.

".....What a load of rubbish! Your father's just crocodile tears!" Tsunade covered her forehead. How could that bastard have given birth to such a daughter? She's so damn naive!

In the Hatake clan, Sakumo, holding Kakashi, looked up at the sky, thinking, "That bastard's going to provoke me again!"

The leaders of the three major ninja villages were all in the Hokage's office, and their reactions to Shanks' roar were all different.

The three giants of Konoha really want to sew that bastard's big mouth shut! He's never had a moment's peace, and now he's brought shame upon himself beyond the village!