Marvel: The Alchemist Just Wants a Peaceful Life

How come you, the Northeast Laozi, have become a watermelon seller? No, we're all Laozi, so why are you doing so poorly?

Sherlock's shocked yet slightly disdainful gaze did not escape Lao Jun's notice. He casually picked up a brand new, large, oily-edged skewer from the table and handed it to Doro. Taking the skewer that Doro had already eaten, the Northeastern Lao Jun, without saying a word, immediately started whipping Sherlock's head with the skewer.

"You little brat! What kind of look is that? Hmm? I'm asking you, what kind of look is that? Since ancient times, scholars, farmers, artisans, merchants, and doctors have been the five professions of humankind. What's wrong with me, an old man, focusing on farming?"

?

Upon hearing Laozi's words, Sherlock's question mark didn't disappear but instead grew even larger. Almost subconsciously, he recalled the dignified and otherworldly Laozi who had come to pick up Doro last time, riding backward on a green ox.

"Wait a minute, if nothing unexpected happens, Lao Jun in Henan should be from the Xuanmen sect, right? After all, it's located in a place like Lao Jun Mountain..."

Sherlock hadn't finished speaking when he was interrupted by the Northeastern Laozi in front of him, who gave a cold snort in annoyance before speaking to Sherlock.

"Henan? That bastard from Henan is just someone who collects admission fees at best; he's nothing but a nobody in the Xuanmen sect!"

???

No, is that right?

Hearing Laozi's words, Sherlock was completely dumbfounded. So last time you were wearing Taoist robes and riding a blue ox backwards, looking all high and mighty, but it was all just a prop?

Yes, even now, Sherlock doesn't know which of the times the one who came to pick up Doro was actually Laozi in disguise, a switcheroo.

After all, after seeing the white-haired, youthful-looking, and otherworldly version of Laozi's true form, Sherlock subconsciously assumed that Laozi's true form was not the blue Christmas tree-like clone.

Sherlock probably never imagined that Laozi's true form would transform into an avatar to intercept Doro!

Wait a minute, at least the Laozi in Shanghai has a shop, and even the Laozi in Henan who collects tickets has a formal position. How come the Laozi in Northeast China only has a Dongfeng tricycle and half a peck of watermelons?

As an incarnation of Laozi, if I still can't understand the changes in Sherlock's facial expressions after living for so long, I might as well give up on life.

However, even though he understood it, it didn't stop Laozi from breaking through the great defenses at all.

"Compared to the others, I just like that leisurely feeling of picking chrysanthemums by the eastern fence, is that wrong? Who gives you the right to look down on me, you little brat? Damn it, the more I think about it, the angrier I get. Come on, kid! Stand up, let's have a go!"

Seeing that the old man from the Northeast was getting angrier and angrier, even changing his address from "old man" to "father" and starting to demonstrate moves like the Jiamusi Big Bend and the Harbin Cannon Lightning, Sherlock was startled.

He quickly composed himself, put on a fawning smile again, and struggled to persuade the old man from Northeast China.

Only after Sherlock promised to buy all of Lao Jun's half-bucket of watermelons did Lao Jun abandon his stance of preparing to spar with Sherlock, and angrily sit to the side, turning his head away and ignoring Sherlock.

'Oh ho, so this one's a tsundere!'

Sherlock raised an eyelid when he saw this and muttered something to himself, but he didn't show it on his face and remained his usual sycophantic self.

On the contrary, Doro, after swallowing the last piece of meat on his skewer, looked shrewdly at Sherlock, who was still acting as a lackey, and then at Lao Jun, who had his back to Sherlock but kept giving him winks.

Kirby Doro scratched her head, subconsciously remembering Laozi's instruction to cooperate in getting Sherlock, that big jerk, to take his watermelon.

He immediately gave Lao Jun a reassuring look, not even bothering to wipe the oil stains on his face that looked like a little kitten's, and then said smugly to Sherlock, who was still acting as a lackey on the other side.

"Human! Doro isn't fat! Doro isn't the world's thinnest person, someone who can't be hit by an uppercut, someone who can't hang himself, and he's not some Kirby from the Star Realm!"

"???"

When Sherlock heard Doro's words, three huge question marks suddenly appeared above his head, and he almost instinctively sensed that something was wrong.

He stared blankly at Doro, who was breathing on him, then at Lao Jun's retreating figure, and blurted out a sentence.

"No, are all transitions this abrupt?"

Sherlock even began to suspect that Doro had been fed too much by Laozi and had really turned into a Kirby, otherwise how could he explain his reaction time being so long that even he couldn't quite understand it?

The shocked Sherlock didn't even notice that the old man from the Northeast in front of him helplessly covered his face with his hands when he heard Doro's extremely abrupt transition.

Chapter 648 Mini Doro!

Doro didn't care whether his transition was awkward or not; he just followed the process he had agreed on with Lao Jun and began to show Sherlock the skills he had learned.

Doro clenched his little hands tightly, his whole body tensing up as if he were gathering energy to transform into a Saiyan.

Although in Sherlock's eyes, Doro looked more like someone struggling to defecate due to constipation.

However, Sherlock quickly forgot the amusement he felt for Doro's adorable appearance and stared in disbelief at Doro's transformation.

As Doro exerted his strength, four or five round, fleshy lumps soon appeared on his round body. Combined with Doro's own white and soft body, it even gave people the impression of a marshmallow being baked into bubbles.

As Doro exerted his strength, the four or five round, white fleshy lumps gradually swelled to the size of a fist, and then fell off Doro's body under Sherlock's incredulous gaze!

As for Doro, after Doro seemed to forcefully 'squeeze' those four or five fist-sized round fleshy lumps out of his body, Sherlock was surprised to find that Doro had actually returned to his original form!

What kind of terrifying weight loss method is this?

Sherlock didn't understand, Sherlock was shocked, and Sherlock even wanted to have it.

Seriously, Doro's ability to squeeze out fat, even if the process looks as unrefined as straining to defecate, is something Sherlock believes would drive the entire world crazy if it got out.

Seeing Doro back to his original chibi form, Sherlock's jaw actually slammed to the ground this time.

Looking at Doro, who had returned to normal, with a shocked expression, and then turning to look at the old man from the Northeast who had only left him with his back, Sherlock's mind was now filled with nothing but regret besides shock.

If you had told me earlier that you had this trick up your sleeve, I, Sherlock, wouldn't have had to make you angry just now!

Sherlock seemed to see a future where he could eat as much as he wanted without gaining weight waving at him and then walking away!

Just as Sherlock was immersed in regret, he suddenly felt something crawling up his thigh and onto his body.

Looking down, Sherlock was completely dumbfounded.

There were four or five round, miniature doro hanging on his thigh. Almost every miniature doro had a smile on its face and would excitedly make a 'doro, doro' sound when it looked at him.

???

What is this stuff?

Sherlock carefully picked up a mini doro and examined it closely in his palm. You have to admit, this little thing is quite cute!

Looking at the little thing that was jumping around excitedly in his palm, making "doro, doro" noises, and then at the others that were hanging anxiously on him after he picked one up, Sherlock felt like his brain had short-circuited.

All he could do was grab each of those mini-doros and put them in his own hands.

But to be fair, these mini Doro do ...

Of course, this didn't stop Sherlock from being completely bewildered. While rubbing the mini Doro in his hand, he stared blankly at Doro, who stood with his hands on his hips looking like he was 'I'm awesome.' It was as if his cerebral cortex had been soothed.

It seems, maybe, possibly, probably, this is not the same as the method I initially imagined that could directly shake off fat.

Sherlock looked at the mini Doro in his hand, which had turned into a 'Doro pancake', and then at the Doro standing on the small stool, completely bewildered.

Fortunately, at this moment, Laozi from the Northeast explained Sherlock's doubts.

"Hmph, you heartless little bastard, listen up! This is my ultimate technique, the Body Avatar! If little Doro hadn't been with me for so short a time, his performance would definitely not have been such a silly little thing!"

After explaining to Sherlock what an avatar was, Sherlock was speechless when he looked at the mini-Doro in his hand.

Hey, I thought it was something special. To put it simply, isn't this just Luo Xiaohei's sex machine?

After realizing what these mini-doro were, Sherlock's gaze towards the doro began to turn dangerous.

After all, according to the setting, Doro did indeed eat himself into becoming Kirby, but because of this so-called 'external avatar', Doro simply divided all his fat equally among the five mini Doros in his hands!

In other words, Doro still needs to lose weight!

Of course, Sherlock would never say this in front of Lao Jun. After all, judging from Lao Jun's doting attitude of feeding Doro until he was practically half-dead, if he dared to say he wanted to lose weight now, Lao Jun's golden watermelon knife would probably be chopping him on the head the next second.

Having figured this out, Sherlock decisively adopted a delaying tactic. He threw a dozen green US dollars to buy all of Lao Jun's watermelons, then stuffed the watermelons into his four-dimensional pocket. With two chubby mini-doros on each of his shoulders, a doro in his arms, and another mini-doro on his head, he used the Space Stone to make his escape.

Upon returning to the hotel, Sherlock immediately made Doro put away his fat, ignoring Doro's crying, tantrums, and threats of suicide. He then forcefully demanded that Doro start losing weight, and even went so far as to roughly rub the chubby Doro.

To be honest, it feels really good!

Indeed, aside from humans, everything looks adorable when it gets chubby!

Doro naturally didn't want to lose weight and even planned to have Mini Doro lose weight for him, but Sherlock firmly refused.

If you eat meat yourself, you have to lose the meat yourself. You can't just let Doro get out of control.

Sherlock watched with a dark expression as Doro cried and contacted a group of outside helpers, including Hua Jie, Helen, Little Pepper, and Zhao Weike, to try and reject Sherlock's ruthless weight loss plan.

Sherlock simply took a picture of Doro in his current Kirby form and sent it to him when Doro was seeking help, thus ruining Doro's plan to find an outsider.

After her attempts to charm her failed, Doro could only reluctantly agree to Sherlock's weight loss plan. After all, Doro wasn't stupid; she was genuinely struggling to even scratch her butt, even though she was undeniably adorable in her current state.

Fortunately, Sherlock wasn't heartless. He promised Doro that her diet would consist of Doro's favorite oranges, which barely managed to get Doro to agree to the diet.

After dealing with Doro, Sherlock also took the opportunity to deal with the half-cartload of watermelons from the Laozi's cart that he had just bought.

As for how it was handled?

Apart from keeping a few of the best-looking ones, Sherlock gave the rest away.

What? You're asking who it was given to?

Go ask Red Right Hand and Old Zhang, who have been eating watermelon for half a month straight!

Chapter 649 "A Family of Three"

Sherlock wanted to ruin Doro's weight loss plan, but to Sherlock's surprise, the failure of Doro's weight loss plan was so easy, simple, and absurd.

All he had to do was roll around in the arms of all the women the next day when he met the Avengers and their families at the airport, using his round, chubby body, comparable to Kirby's, and act all cute.

With her inherent cuteness and the extra softness of her skin after gaining weight, she completely captivated the group of women, making them less firm in agreeing to Sherlock's plan to make Doro lose weight.

Once everyone was back on Tony's private jet and the plane began cruising in the stratosphere, Doro simply performed a short act of avatars on the table, showing the five chubby, round mini Doros lying in the ladies' hands for a fleeting moment.

The women who were dazzled by Doro's "bewitching charm" were completely betrayed, to the point that Sherlock's so-called Doro weight loss plan was immediately and utterly bankrupt.

Of course, Sherlock had little interest in how Doro was resisting his diet plan, as all his attention was focused on Anya and Tiffany.

However, it was quite obvious that Sherlock's CPU burned out a bit too early. What those two said afterward didn't just overload Sherlock's CPU, but directly caused it to explode.

"Sherlock, if you don't mind, Anya and I would actually prefer to form a family of three with you. Of course, if you can't accept my current gender, you can also let me be a woman at home?"

At this point, Tiffany paused as if she had thought of an even more brilliant idea, and a hint of anticipation even appeared on her face as she continued speaking to Sherlock.

"Or, I wonder if you know that kind of alchemy... uh... you mean, something that happens to be somewhere in between, turning me into an intersex person?"

Sherlock: () ? ? ? ?

Seriously, Sherlock recognized every single word Tiffany wrote, but when put together, he couldn't understand a single word. It felt like his cerebral cortex had been smoothed out, and then his worldview had been blown up again, leaving him completely dazed.

What the hell is this family of three?! What the hell is this hermaphrodite?!

Sherlock swore he would never look at the words "family of three" again, which should represent warmth and continuity. Was that fucking right?