Laughing American comics, I am becoming more and more like a clown

“But I don’t feel so desolate inside.”

"So, to be precise, this isn't your inner self... you find nothing in common with it?"

What do they have in common? It’s beautiful here, but timeless, without fluctuations or life, like a live wallpaper.

"You mean, the plane... the plane of my character?"

"That's what I mean." The clown pointed at himself, "You've reached the point where the only visitors here are clowns."

"..."

Lucien felt that he had been silent too often. He looked at the red-breasted robin, a common and friendly bird with an alert temperament and varied tunes. It was a beneficial bird for agriculture.

"Why is this my first visitor? Because of the Eye of God?"

"Because of my family."

When the clown said this, it sounded like he was talking to some kind of animal... "Family" is also a word used to describe animals.

"Because I had no choice but to not kill anyone in the end, right?" Lucian was referring to the dream.

He attempted suicide many times, but succeeded only the last time... What's important is not that he had no other choice but to commit suicide, but that he didn't kill others when he had no other choice.

Mystery is metaphysical.

That's why he succeeded in the end.

"Then you can't use the term 'family' to describe them." He was choosing his words: "You should use the terms 'returning from the wrong path,' 'coming to your senses,' 'a prodigal son returning home.'"

Chapter 171 Don’t Kill

It is easy to commit suicide, and it is not difficult to kill someone.

The difficult part is how to save yourself when you want to commit suicide, and how to choose suicide when you want to kill someone.

……

"In fact, I never thought there was anything strange about me killing people. I don't kill indiscriminately, nor am I addicted to it... It's just a way of solving problems."

"That's the mistake." The clown's eyes reflected the sunset and the red-breasted robin. "You can kill indiscriminately, become addicted, practice sadism like a pervert, and even torture people to pieces... but you can't think of this as a way to solve the problem."

"Killing people indiscriminately means you're more despicable than a brute (brunte refers to a savage and ferocious animal, and can also be used to describe people). Using this as a way of life means you're an animal (a neutral word referring to an animal)."

Although there is no difference between these two evaluations, the subtext is very clear: only those who do not survive in a civilized society, retain their animal nature, and grow up think that killing is justified.

If this is hard to understand, then think about Damian, who was raised by the League of Assassins in the comics - he also does not kill indiscriminately and also regards killing as a way to solve problems.

Later, he did not kill people because of his admiration for Batman, but part of the reason was that he understood that this was a civilized society.

Killing is strictly prohibited and has never been a way to solve problems.

“…” Lucian’s curly hair fell on both sides of his cheeks, revealing his pale and bony neck.

The clown looked at him and laughed again: "Don't have too much psychological burden. It doesn't matter whether you are a human or an animal. The meaning of this matter is to make you understand that the significance of this matter is to accurately separate you from me - you are pale, thin, without a past, flat and fragile."

"You're being constantly merged and devoured by the Joker. You need to have distinct characteristics... Not killing people is the most obvious characteristic. Learn how to use tranquilizer guns and stun grenades..."

No wonder that during the month Lucien was trapped, the Joker became a well-known figure, with no bottom line and doing all kinds of evil things.

Thinking of this, Lucian couldn't help but say: "This way..."

"Shh." The clown obviously knew what he was going to say and interrupted: "It's good to be a saint, and it suits you, but don't say that to me... We are one person, and you would do the same if you were in my position."

"Sometimes you cheat, sometimes you frame, sometimes you insult, sometimes you beat, but you have to know that this is how you treat yourself—you hate and love at the same time."

……

If reason tells me that I should kill, but conscience tells me that I should not kill, then reason itself is rotten!

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

……

"You invented laughing gas and released it into the crowd, killing tens of thousands. You ordered bombs to be buried in the hospital late at night, detonated during the day when the patients were at their peak. You released the paranoid lunatics who once worked under Paul, distributed weapons, and made them fight against the current resistance. You deceived the people, nurtured assassins, and gathered people for an uprising. You besieged the building and let them kill each other..."

These are what Batman told Lucien about what the Joker did with his body in the past month.

Enough to destroy humanity.

The clown listened and nodded. He had indeed done so and was willing to take responsibility.

Lucien said this, but his eyes were fixed on him, trying to detect any different emotions in them.

But the other pair of eyes only had tiny holes in the middle of green - like the inverted world in pinhole imaging, with good and evil reversed. He had no remorse at all and was as calm as a devil from hell.

How could this be me?

Lucien was thinking, and finally confessed all his crimes, with the corners of his lips straightened.

The Joker, however, still maintained that arc, a hint of sarcasm.

"Now you tell me that this is all because of me...you did this for me?" Lucian seemed to have no strength left and looked a little tired:

"...Is this the result of using killing as a method?"

The Joker looked a little confused. "I thought you would understand." His face relaxed and he nodded slightly. "That's good. Condemning me, hating me, insulting me, accusing me from a moral high ground, that's good."

He meant what he said, but Lucian raised his hand to stop him:

"I'm not in a position to do that."

"what?"

"I mean... I'm very happy." Lucian had to admit his inner feelings:

"You did this for me, and for Lucien... I can now understand why the Joker was so happy when he found out that there was someone in the world who truly loved him."

He put his hands over his heart, which was pounding, and the heat from it spread throughout his body.

"...There's something wrong with your values." The clown's sparse eyebrows were tangled together.

"It's us," Lucien said.

"Okay, we."

……

"It took me many years to finally figure out one thing - how can I break free from the shackles of the clown and become Lucian, or even become a unique clown named Lucian."

"I've thought of many names for myself: a joke, not funny, a joke, and many origins: mental illness, misfortune, the fall of a hero - but when I look at myself in the mirror, when I list all these in detail, a long list of plans ABCD..."

“I realized that origins don’t matter, the past doesn’t matter, and even who I am doesn’t matter.”

"In the story of the clown, is the origin important? Is the name important? There are so many clowns like this now. No matter how unique they are, they will always be covered by similar ones."

"—I've come up with a brilliant enough solution."

"No more killing."

----

Batman resurrected the Joker using the same method Lucian used: the Pool of Lazarus and electrum.

The body was resurrected, and the Joker left him alone.

I don't know what method he used, but Batman's attention to Lucian has greatly decreased.

They are all very old and this is a fight between old people.

He completely became the Joker, and inherited the game between the Joker and Batman, continuing to perform one drama after another with their fragile bones and nearing the end of their lives.

Lucien was excluded, and after the Joker sent someone to rescue him one day, he completely cut off all ties with the two.

Batman never came to find him again, and he never met the Joker again.

Until March 12, which is "World Clown Day", this festival originated in the UK, which is also the first country where clowns were truly formed as a profession. On the day of the festival, only clown actors will enter the venue and who will be the "Best Clown" will be selected.

On this day, Lucien received a gift.

The ambiguous pink and purple color made him not need to guess who sent it.

When it was opened, there was a hat inside... a women's long-brimmed hat made of broken porcelain pieces, and decorated with peacock feathers made of iron wire and sapphires.

The gift came with a business card and a letter.

The business card contains the name of the artist who created the work, and the letter contains the value assessment of the work by experts from various countries.

Without exception, they are far superior to the porcelain itself.

This is porcelain from the Yuan Dynasty in China six hundred years ago.

At the end of the letter, there are finally a few stingy words from the person giving the gift.

“Maybe its current high value is because of its past high value, but people love to see this—taking something perfectly good and breaking it down and putting it back together.”

"The Joker is your life phase, your perfect moment, but if you reassemble him, your value will only be greater."

as well as.

"Happy birthday."

End of Chapter

To be honest, this chapter was a huge chore to write.

In the end, I was thinking about giving up. I told the editor that I would finish it this month, and then I thought about picking an auspicious day to disband the QQ group.

I even blocked all the messages in the QQ group, didn't read the comments, and ignored everything. I thought if someone would scold me, I would just let them scold me.

-----

The following are some things I really wanted to write about in the outline but didn’t, which I feel is a pity.

Conversation with Jenny.

Lucian: I know you don't love me. You just treat me as an object for you to vent your emotions. You put your resentment and anger towards the world on me. I satisfy your curiosity, possessiveness and sadistic desires, so you say you can't live without me.

Jenny: Do you think I am that kind of person? Have I ever hurt you?

Lucien: It is precisely because you have not obviously hurt me that I have not told you until now.

Jenny: What's the evidence? You can't make me take the blame for leaving.

Lucien: You hide it very well, Jenny, so well that you don't even realize it - you will occasionally do something excessive, like occasionally making an inedible meal, or persuading me to wear a certain dress with an ugly color combination, or imposing your habits and aesthetics on me.