When we're young, we have tons of energy. Everything is new and exciting. And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of f.u.c.ks. We give a f.u.c.k about everything and everyone — about what people are saying about us, about whether that cute boy/girl called us back or not, about whether our socks match or not or what color our birthday balloon is.

As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have little lasting impact on our lives. Those people's opinions we cared about so much before have long been removed from our lives. We've found the love we need and so those embarrassing romantic rejections cease to mean much anymore. We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial details about us and we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than for others.

Bunk Moreland, not giving a f.u.c.k since 2002.

Essentially, we become more selective about the f.u.c.ks we're willing to give. This is something called 'maturity.' It's nice, you should try it sometime. Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f.u.c.k about what's truly f.u.c.kworthy. As Bunk Moreland said in The Wire (which, f.u.c.k you, I still downloaded it) to his partner Detective McNulty: "That's what you get for giving a f.u.c.k when it wasn't your turn to give a f.u.c.k."

Then, as we grow older and enter middle age, something else begins to change. Our energy levels drop. Our identities solidify. We know who we are and we no longer have a desire to change what now seems inevitable in our lives.

And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a f.u.c.k about everything. Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all. We realize that we're never going to cure cancer or go to the moon or feel Jennifer Aniston's tits. And that's OK. Life f.u.c.k.i.n.g goes on. We now reserve our ever-dwindling f.u.c.ks only for the most truly f.u.c.kworthy parts of our lives: our families, our best friends, our golf swing. And to our astonishment, this is enough. This simplification actually makes us really f.u.c.k.i.n.g happy.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a f.u.c.k

Then somehow, one day, much later, we wake up and we're old. And along with our gum lines and our s.e.x drive, our ability to give a f.u.c.k has receded to the point of non-existence. In the twilight of our days, we carry out a paradoxical existence where we no longer have the energy to give a f.u.c.k about the big things in life, and instead we must dedicate the few f.u.c.ks we have left to the simple and mundane yet increasingly difficult aspects of our lives: where to eat lunch, doctors appointments for our creaky joints, 30-cent discounts at the supermarket, and driving without drifting to sleep and killing a parking lot full of orphans. You know, practical concerns.

Then one day, on our deathbed, (hopefully) surrounded by the people we gave the majority of our f.u.c.ks to throughout our life, and those few who still give a f.u.c.k about us, with a silent gasp we will gently let our last f.u.c.k go. Through the tears and the gently fading beeps of the heart monitor and the dimming fluorescence encapsulating us in its divine hospital halo, we drift into some unknowable and unf.u.c.kable void.