The One Who Kills Time

People often say that what we see as individuals is not reality. All that we can see is what we, as individuals, perceive it to be. However, I feel that the reality I see is not mistaken. The reality that this life is meaningless unless we find a way to convince ourselves otherwise. The only way to live in this reality is to escape reality. To deceive ourselves into thinking that there is some purpose of our being born.

Frankly speaking, there are two main reasons I choose to continue living. One is because my parents would be sad if I died. Two is because I am as scared of death as I am of the uncertain, not so bright future ahead of me. In conclusion, there is nothing that really motivates me to live. It is just that I do not have any strong urge to die either.

Perhaps, I may seem like just another helplessly negative person trying to sound cool. Maybe, that is what I actually am. Whatever the case is, I have long since accepted the fact that I have the tendency to think this way. Thus, as I go about my daily life, I have learnt to stop thinking about such unnecessary things and live my life without worrying too much about anything. I mean, whether or not I believe there is any meaning in living, it is not like I can really choose to just die. Be it because it would trouble the people around me emotionally or simply inconvenience others. Or the simple fact that I don't have the courage to do such a thing.

Living life so aimlessly, perhaps some people would criticise me for not making the most of my "precious time on earth". There are so many things to do and dreams to be filled. Or so they say. Honestly, no matter how precious your life is, or no matter how much you accomplish in this life – once you die, you die. No action of yours will have an impact to last eternally. Even though words like "eternally" and "forever" exist, they are hardly ever used with accuracy in mind. It would usually be more accurate to say "for a long time" as I honestly cannot think of anything positive that could actually last forever or eternally. The only time people use "forever" or "eternally" is when they want to romanticise or dramatise whatever it is they are proposing.

Such ridiculous promises and excessively tiring lifestyle is the reason for so much conflict and complaints that riddle our daily lives. That is why, I promise nothing and just drift through life, not bothering others with any useless vigour, blending into the background.

This is the story of my rather dull and uninteresting life.