The Reason for Marriage

Iveca felt so removed from who she had become, who she’d been when they met. How could he love this version of her?

“I’m terrified your heart will go cold because Eve Jean is gone, because it’s just me now.”

“I’m the one who’s afraid. You know too much of my heart, of its flaws. I’ve shown you the worst of me.”

“No… all those things, those emotions, they have a reason. They’re not you.”

Iveca kissed him lightly and smiled.

“There are a lot of women like Eve Jean. They pour out of the college every year – confident, clever, working hard in the Bureaus.”

“Eve, what do you mean….”

“I love you,” she said suddenly, cutting him off.

“I love you so much. In another world, I’d keep you in my heart until my last day. The reasons I’m refusing to be Queen are about me, my life, not you. Don’t take that on yourself.”

“Eve…,” he whispered hoarsely, “saying that… refusing me. Do you think I’ll accept that answer?”

His arms slipped around her again, pulled her close. She stiffened for an instant, then relaxed again in his arms in spite of herself.

“You can’t run away, Eve. I’ll bring you by my side anyway. You know I can, but I want you to choose me.”

“Daniel . . .”

“You know your usefulness to the Bureau of Investigation office is over. I know you’ve already thought about that.”

“It doesn’t matter. If you leave the Bureau of Investigation, there’s a price.”

“I don’t care. Leave the Bureau of Investigation, let them monitor us for the rest of your life. I always keep secrets.”

Her eyes flicked to his for just a moment, then she looked away.

“No…you…you don’t want to erase your memories, do you?”

She said nothing, kept pointedly looking away.

“Even if you do, I can still make you my Queen. Then what would you do?”

“It wouldn’t be me.”

“How would it not be you?”

“Just…,” she waved the question away. “We can talk about it later, not now. I still don’t know that I’m leaving the Bureau.”

The lie tasted sour in her mouth.  She knew she would leave the Bureau, and not to be his Queen. He’d never find Iveca, because Iveca wouldn’t exist. Her appearance, her name, everything about her…it would all change so much he wouldn’t recognize her if they met again. Just like Anriq, who grew up with her and didn’t recognize Iveca as his childhood friend.

“No. You can’t erase your memory, no matter the cost,” he whispered, leaning in close. “You’d give up your memories of me, of us? Leave them to me alone? How could you do that?”

“I don’t belong in the Queen’s seat. It’s better we forget each other.”

“Why are you so cruel?”

“You’re the one who asked me if you were as good as the cute boy on that business trip to the countryside.”

He winced slightly at the retort, but persevered.

“You can do whatever you like, so long as you stay by my side…”

“As can you.  If I erase my memory, I won’t even remember if you tell me everything.”

She played it as if she was joking. She met his eyes and smiled clumsily, disarmingly. If he believed she was serious about leaving the Bureau and erasing all her memories, she knew he would have her locked in this bedroom for the rest of her life.

“If you haven’t decided yet,” he said, “why do you seem so serious…”

“I’m always serious with you.”

“Fine. Erase your memories. Then I’ll make you Queen.”

“Not now?”

“Now, if you would, but you won’t. I can’t force you. I can only beg.”

“Would you force it after?”

“No,” he whispered.

His fingers traced lightly along her neck, shoulder, chest. Her skin flushed red at his touch.

“A few secrets that I keep to myself…”

His fingers began to taunt her n*pples. He shifted downward to kiss her stomach, her hip.

“Ah…,” she gasped.

“With a few lies that come too easily for me…”

His lips grazed her womanhood. Each time he whispered, his hot breath stirred her, making her toes curl.

“Ahhh, ah, ah…that…stop…Aaaah…”

“…I won’t let go.”

“Oh…wait… ah…. Ah…”

“So, don’t erase your memories. I’m warning you…”

“Wha…whatever you want…”

Iveca slid her legs around him. Her hands clutched at his shoulders, his hair.

“Your…heart…wants…”

They were irresponsible words, born of an irrational, intimate moment. It was language that would be gone from her memory tomorrow. Desire wound with a desperation which only he understood.

“As your Majesty…wishes…”

Even if the memory of him was stripped from her, she held onto the thought that she could somehow stay by his side. Even if everything about her changed, if she became someone new again as she once became Iveca, would something in him recognize her, or she him? Was that just an irrational love’s wish, spinning dreams and promises that couldn’t be, that dulled her fears of the future?