The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic

Lately I've been having the same nightmares.

The memory of that day when my mother and father left me in the dark forest.

It was my happiest memory and my worst.

My mother's smile, the same as always.

Back then, I thought it was a natural smile.

That's why I was glad that you relied on me, a child.

.

The same kind words from my father.

But they were just words without any emotion.

Back then, I believed them so easily, and I wanted to be useful... so I stepped into the dark forest alone.

---I should never have been born.

I hear a dark, stagnant, haunting voice in my ear.

I don't know who that voice is, but I'm sure it's the voice of my heart.

My true, unspoken, untruthful feelings.

---Why am I the only one who has to suffer like this?

My family abandoned me because I possessed dark magic.

I was almost eaten alive by demons.

---I don't want to be alone.

If Gref hadn't picked me up I'd be dead in a ditch somewhere.

If it hadn't been for Rose and Ram, I still wouldn't have been able to open my heart to anyone.

But if I stay with Gref and the others, my dark magic might hurt them.

I don't want that.

Then I'd rather .......

--- he won't get hurt if he's with me.

I heard such a voice in my ear.

That man, Usato, will accept me.

He understands my pain.

He teaches me how to use dark magic.

He smiles at me without pretense, just like Gref and the others.

He will stop my magic from hurting someone.

--- I know he won't reject me.

I'm sure.

Of course he would.

His face and his words were not empty.

That's why..,

●

"----uh......"

--- Is this exactly what the worst feeling is like?

Waking up from the dream and covering my eyes with my hands to block the sunlight coming in through the window, I remember the dream I had just had, and I feel a tremendous sense of disgust.

It made me realize how ugly I was and how much I only thought about myself.

"Keira?"

What?

I look up from staring at my hand as I get up from the bed.

"Mr. Usato, ......"

Entering through the open door was Usato-san, the demon who saved me from being attacked by a demon.

He is a user of the same dark magic as I am, but he is so kind that I cannot believe he has the same magic as I do.

When he noticed that I had woken up, he looked relieved and sat down on a nearby chair.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?　Do you remember how you used so much magic yesterday that you fainted?"

"...... sorry."

Of course I remember.

I did not follow your words and trained on my own, and I collapsed.

And... I lied to this man.

He looks at me strangely when I apologize and gives me a smile that isn't fake.

"Don't worry about it. I've trained myself to the point of collapse. I've trained until I collapsed. hahaha"

Sometimes, Usato-san has a unique pause in his conversation.

He reacts as if he is talking to someone even though he is not talking to anyone.

"Keira, let's take a break from training in the morning, shall we?"

"......?　Eh!?"

"I'm sure your magic hasn't fully recovered yet, so you need to rest a little longer."

No. No, no, no.

I couldn't help but raise my voice in response to Usato-san's words of concern for me.

"I'll be fine!　I can do it!"

"No, I can do it! ......It's the same with magic, you can't do what you can do when you're tense. I'm going to take the morning off until my magic recovers.

I'm already on ......."

You've already met your goal.

But I can't say it.

I can't tell the truth because I lied.

"Already?"

"......, it's nothing."

Usato-san tilts his head with a smile on his face, and I can't say anything more.

He sighs a little, as if he can't help himself, and continues to speak.

"So, do you want to go get some fish?"

"...... yes?"

Yes, ...... fish?

Usato's sudden suggestion made me let out an unintentionally smug sound.

The river flows with a quiet murmur.

If you look into the surface of the water, the water is so clear that you can even see the bottom, and you can see some fish swimming in the water.

"...... cold."

Somehow, Usato and I had come to a river near the village.

Sitting on the riverbank, with only my bare feet in the water, I look at Usato-san who is standing in the middle of the river.

"The river is for fishing, but I don't have a fishing rod and I can't make one. Then, I can reverse the situation. You don't need a fishing rod. ......!"

"Ho......"

"Hmph, don't compliment me."

Usato-san is smiling a satisfied smile, and before you know it, he has a messenger owl on his shoulder.

"Usato-san, what are you doing ......?"

"As you can see, I'm catching fish."

"As you see?"

...... What, with your bare hands?

I was surprised that he took off his shoes and went into the river, as if it were a matter of course, but he really wants to catch it with his bare hands?

Before the demon king came back to life, but now the nature and animals in the demon king's territory have regained a lot of vitality, so river fish shouldn't be so easy to catch.

"Grab it?　No, no, ---- nea, binding spells."

As Usato muttered something in a whisper, his right hand was covered with the black magic of dark magic.

He raised his fist and slammed it into the water with blinding speed.

"---Tumbling fist!"

Instantly---the surface of the water explodes from where Usato slammed his fist down.

Something purple rushes through the water, and a dozen or so fish float by. They are still breathing, but somehow they seem to be stuck.

"Yotto ......"

Usato quickly caught about six of the fish, and the remaining four that were just floating around began to move energetically as if they had come back to life.

"How did you do that?

"What?　I hit the surface of the water and knocked the fish out with my momentum.

"Can you do that with dark magic too?

If it were possible, I'd like to try it too.

When I asked him with such a thought in my mind, Usato-san was clearly flustered.

"No, this has little to do with dark magic. It is a technique that can be done with arm strength and other elements.

"Arm strength ......?　U, Usato, you have great arm strength too?　You must be very strong!

"Ho-ho-ho!"

The owl on Usato's shoulder clamped its wings over its mouth and shook its small body.

No, come to think of it, it was the same when it protected us from the pack of hangwolves. He had thrown the hangwolves with great force even from the demon tribe's point of view, no wonder considering his power.

"Hey, hey, what are you laughing at?"

"Haw."

An owl flies off his shoulder to get away from an angry Usato, his cheeks twitching.

Flapping its wings in the air, the owl heads for my shoulder ....... What?

Suddenly, an owl jumps on my shoulder, startling me into jumping.

"Usato-san, what should I do?

"This guy's got the smarts. ...... that kid's gonna be okay. He's basically quiet and won't hurt you."

"Ho-ho-ho!"

I'm sure they're very quiet when you think about it...... though their squeals are a bit funny.

If you reach out your hand to her on your shoulder, she offers you her head and seems to understand your words.

When I pet her fearlessly, she squints her eyes at me pleasantly.

"Ho."

"......"

Ah, this is a totally seductive creature.

Probably a lot of people must have been attracted to this girl.

After stroking the fish as if possessed for a while, Usato-san, who had put away the fish he had caught, raises his right hand.

The owl on his shoulder jumped up and stayed on Usato's right arm, then jumped to his shoulder.

"Well, now that we have the fish, let's go back.

"...... yes."

I can't help but let out a depressed sound, but Usato-san smiles at me.

"Haha, you can do whatever you want with him when you get back."

"Are you sure?

"What?

I am ashamed of my loud voice, but I continue with Usato-san along the roadless path to the village where Gref and the others are.

"I guess that was a nice change of pace, huh?"

"......?"

"You seemed to be in a great hurry during yesterday's training. I thought it would be good if I could clear my mind while recovering my magic power.

It is true that I had trained ignoring Usato's words in order to be able to handle my own magic. Because of that, I was reckless to the extent that I almost ran out of magic power, and I caused trouble for Usato-san as well.

Mr. Gref, Ram and Rose were worried about me."

"Gref and his team are at ......."

As soon as I heard the names of Gref and the others, a bad thought came to my mind.

It is the worst possible future that my magic will attack the Grefs, hurt them, and finally take their lives.

No.

I won't let that happen.

I tell myself that I will be fine as long as I learn how to use dark magic from Usato-san, but I can't erase the imagination that pops into my head.

"Um, Mr. Usato..."

"Hmm?"

"May I ...... follow you on your journey?"

I had said those words unconsciously.

By the time I realized it, it was already too late, and Usato-san stopped on the spot, silent and not saying anything.

I felt a familiar fear in her reaction, so I opened my mouth and let my emotions take over.

I don't want to hurt anyone!　Not Gref, not Rose, not Ram, not ...... anyone else ......!"

"......"

"So, Usato, you can stop me and teach me about dark magic..."

"Keira. Sorry, I can't do that."

For a moment, I could not understand what Usato-san was saying.

"Our journey has a purpose. I can't take you with me for that purpose."

"Why, sir? ......"

It's an important mission. I can't put you in harm's way."

Is that true?

Maybe he's saying the right things and getting turned down.

Maybe he is lying to me, a child.

A voice of doubt echoes in my head.

I push in my mindless words and still desperately appeal to him.

"I'll never learn how to use magic power if I don't do this!　That's why ......!"

"Don't worry, I know ...... you don't have to lie."

They even know I'm lying.

If I don't do something, Usato will leave me behind. Just like your mother and father did when they tried to feed me to their demons.

No! No, no, no!

I'm shaking with agitation, but Usato-san is still talking to me.

I was wrong. It's not your magic you don't believe in. It's you."

"I don't know anything about myself!　How can I believe in myself!

I raise my voice against Usato's calm tone.

I realized that he had asked me a question to my face.

I didn't believe in myself.

I was a child who deserved to be abandoned!　I was born with dark magic!　I wasn't a good child for my mother and father, so they abandoned me!

"......"

"I was the only one who thought we were family, and it was a lie!　I was the only one who thought we were family, and it was a lie!

I know it's wrong to complain to Mr. Usato, but I can't stop the black feelings welling up from deep inside of me.

"If I had survived and not been picked up by Gref, I wouldn't have had to worry about Rose and Ram getting hurt!　I wouldn't have been a burden to Gref because of the people around me!　Because of me, people are scared and their loved ones are unhappy!"

"......Keira"

"I wish I had died in the dark woods that day..."

"Keira!!!!"

Usato's loud voice brings me back to myself.

In front of me, Usato-san is looking behind me, his arms covered with the black magic of dark magic.

Don't look back. Walk slowly toward me.

"Usato, Mr. ......?"

I'll take care of that thing that came out of your body. That's why ......!"

---There's something right behind you.

I looked at my feet and saw that the dark magic I had unknowingly activated was spreading around my feet and flowing behind me.

I was tormented by the sensation of a large amount of magic draining from my body, and I involuntarily turned my head back.

There was..,

A black, skeleton-thin, humanoid object, much taller than I am.

It swung down at me, snapping its knife-like fingers.