This Clueless Hero

I wanted to water the farm as quickly as possible. But more than that, I didn't want to be a burden on the others.

...No, I just wanted to spend a little time with them.

There was only so much time in the day, meaning there was only so much I could do. In other words, I had to cut away things in order to make time for other things.

But in the end, I cut the time I could've spent with the others each time. In a certain sense, that could be considered a waste of time...

After all, I knew I wouldn't be able to save the world in this life. The reason was simple.

I was too weak.

That was the whole reason I wanted to study these spells, to become strong enough to carry the weight of the world.

...And spending time with the others didn't contribute to that.

Logically it made more sense to just keep my head down and continue working. Perhaps I would be taking advantage of them now, but I would repay them in the future by making a reality where we could truly spend our days carelessly.

That made sense. It was the most efficient way, and the way I wanted to take.

So why?...

Why did it feel so wrong to just abandon them?

If I didn't spend so much effort healing Mildred, then I would've saved so much time. Casting those healing spells took a toll on me, forcefully exerting my mind. In the end, that exertion made me fall asleep. I assume it was to repair whatever damage my brain had incurred.

Yet, when I think back on it, I never hesitated to help her.

It was just not the type of person I was. To let someone I cared about die in front of me.

In the end, it was inefficient.

A waste of time.

It was always a waste of time.

...but how true was that?

Although I'm not too sure when I found this out, I've come to realize I wasn't some kind of machine. I couldn't just keep working because I had been switched on and powered. My body got tired, as did my mind.

I needed to go to sleep, no matter how much I wanted to stay awake.

And most of all, the others were what kept my sanity together.

Well, at least, most of the time. If you ignore... that time.

There was a need for balance.

Just like when I dipped the feather into the bottle of ink. If there wasn't enough ink, the feather could only draw so much before it faded out entirely. If there was too much ink, it would bleed into the paper, destroying the line altogether.

...Perhaps it was the excuse of a weakling. But frankly, I was always a weakling.

That wouldn't change no matter how strong I had become.

It was just who I was.

That's why when I saw Ned...

"This is kinda rude of me since I didn't help cook and all, but could I join you guys?"

Ned chuckled.

"Don't sweat it so much. Of course you can join us, we always make your portion anyway, even if you aren't there."

Alyx walked forth and peeked through the cased opening. She raised an eyebrow.

"It's the professional slacker! You timed your sleep schedule so that you would have an excuse to shove all the work on me, didn't you?"

I raised an index finger defiantly while the corner of my lip turned up.

"You have no proof! As professional of a slacker I may be, you have no evidence!"

As the corner of Alyx's lip turned up, both her eyebrow and lip twitched.

"You just admitted it yourself! As for proof, that's plenty!"

I turned to the side as though there was something really interesting at the side.

"Hm? I have no idea what you are talking about?"

Alyx pointed at me accusingly.

"You-"

"Jay?"

Erin backpedaled a few steps to reach the cased opening. She stared at me curiously for a few moments before waving her hand enthusiastically.

"Heyyyy."

A soft smile formed on my face.

"Hi, Erin."

Erin smiled brightly.

"You have to teach me magic again today, ok?"

The corner of my lip twitched.

"...Alright, but I will be doing it unwillingly."

I bowed as though Erin was a princess and I just gave some professional status report on the kingdom.

As for Erin, she flashed a cheeky smile.

"As long as you do it!"

The corner of my lip twitched.

"...Shameless!"

Erin giggled before prancing on forward. As for Alyx, she rolled her eyes.

"Come on, cold dinner doesn't taste as good."

With that, she went on ahead.

Ned looked at me with an awkward smile before helplessly shrugging.

I responded with a shrug of my own.

We came to a silent understanding, then made our way to the dinner table. As much as my mind wanted to drift off and think about how to learn the spells, I didn't do so.

I cleared my mind of all of those thoughts, anxieties, and plans.

Just to focus on the present moment.

By the time we finished eating...

"Jay, Jay!"

Erin ran up to me and tugged at my sleeve.

I tilted my head to the side.

"What is it?"

Erin grinned.

"You said you would teach me, so that means you have to! No going back on promises!"

My eyebrow twitched.

"Right now?"

Erin shook my arm up and down.

"Right now!"

Alyx giggled.

"Glad to see you have to share my responsibilities."

I turned to her helplessly, my eyebrow twitching.

"Can't you help me out?"

Alyx looked the other way.

"Hmph! It's only fair, no?"

I put on a distraught expression.

"Ehhh?"

Alyx got up from her chair and flashed a cheeky smile.

"You didn't help me cook, so I won't help you now!"

To my dismay, she walked out of the room, but not without letting out one last remark.

"It's only fair!"

I reached my hand out hopelessly like my last hope was leaving me.

Erin tugged on my sleeve.

"Hehe, it's only fair!"

I looked towards her as a bitter smile spread out across my face.

"...it's only fair."

With that, Erin and I went to the room with spells.

The bottle of ink I left out was closed, while the feather was placed neatly on top. As for the parchment, it was laid on the side, while there were only faint ink stains left on the table.

That definitely wasn't because of me...

I blinked a few times while staring at the now tidied up place.

...If someone didn't clean it up for me, my ink would've dried up. I really dodged a bullet there.

Erin looked up at me, noticing my surprise.

"Is that yours? I saw someone forgot their stuff because they were irresponsible, so I tided it up!"

An awkward laugh escaped me.

"Hahaha... yeah, thanks for cleaning up for me."

Erin pouted.

"Be more responsible next time! You have to clean up after yourself!"

I smiled bitterly.

"Got it!"

My life really was in a mess if even a child was lecturing me. Wasn't this... supposed to be the other way around?

Erin puffed up her cheeks.

"Don't forget it!"

Like her sad mood was all a lie, a smile blossomed across her face.

"Hehe, now you have to teach me!"

Erin ran over to a new spell, her head bobbing up and down along the way. A few moments later, she came back and set down the spell diagram in front of me.

It was the ice spell.

I furrowed my brows.

"Didn't we already work on the spell above this one? I've already taught you what you needed to know."

Layla tilted her head to the side.

"But I still don't understand!"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Well alright..."

My finger traced part of the spell diagram.

"The biggest point to remember is to encase the entire diagram with mana after you-"

"Not that!"

Erin raised her fists and swung them around aimlessly.

I blinked a few times.

"Eh? Then what?"

Erin pressed the tips of her fingers together.

"Why does the spell have to be encased with mana for it to create ice?"

I opened my mouth... then closed it.

Why did the spell have to be encased?

An awkward cough escaped me.

"Um... I don't know."

Erin stared at me curiously.

"Really?"

I sighed.

"Yeah... anyways, why don't we move onto another spell. I won't be able to explain that to you."

Erin poked me in the chest.

"No!"

My eyelid twitched.

"Eh?"

Erin poked me on the forehead once more.

"If you don't understand, we will figure it out together!"

It took me a few moments to form the words.

"...But how?"

Erin smiled.

"You can cast the spell, right? Maybe if we pay really close attention, we can make sense of how it works!"

This...

I've never thought about learning magic like this before.