I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Ye Hui was standing in front of me in her butler uniform. Since I was sitting at the table as a customer, she leaned down slightly when speaking to me.

"Ah..." I stared at the half-eaten omurice in front of me.

"...Does it taste bad?" she asked me worriedly.

"No..." I quickly denied, "I was just a little worried because Rinquanchuan didn't show up... Well, it's because of the show..."

"Is that so..." She straightened up slightly after hearing my explanation. "Don't worry about that. Xiaolin is very responsible and there's no way she'd run away."

"Is this...Is this so..."

Since Ye Hui said so, I will trust that guy Lin Quanchuan...

..............

"It's already half past five...Rinsenchuan still hasn't shown up. What's going on..."

I was sitting in the music club's activity room, feeling anxious again unconsciously.

"It's okay, don't we have two options?"

Liu Yan looked relaxed.

"Even though I said that...I still feel..."

"Don't worry, we should have confidence in Rinquanchuan."

Mo Xiaozhi said to me with a smile.

"Yeah, it'll be fine." "Yeah, don't worry..."

“…Well…”

Since everyone says so...I'd better believe that she will appear.

.....................

7:18 PM

There were still twelve minutes left until the final performance, but Rinsenkawa still hadn't appeared.

"What's going on..." I started to get worried. After all, I hadn't seen Rinquanchuan since I came to school. He didn't answer my calls or text messages...

I always feel like something is...

"It's about to begin."

Jiayin's voice came from behind.

"yes..."

I turned to look at her. Jiayin, who was already wearing her performance costume, looked very dazzling, even though it was already night and there was no light coming in from behind the scenes where she and I were.

"...You seem...always worried about her."

"Yeah. After all, she also has to go on stage, and she hasn't shown up for several hours... She's really a worry." I held my forehead.

"Maybe he didn't want to join in, and suddenly got stage fright... Don't take it so seriously..."

Jiayin smiled, but the smile seemed a little forced.

"Is this so..."

My mind went blank for a moment and I didn't know how to react.

"There are ten minutes left until the Christmas Eve Party begins. Please gather in the playground..."

The sudden sound of the radio brought me back to my senses.

As if on a whim, I said to Jiayin in front of me, "I'll go find her," and then prepared to turn around and leave.

"and many more."

I felt a soft and slender hand grabbing my wrist. Although the force was not strong, I still stopped.

"what happened?"

I was a little surprised by Jiayin's sudden action.

"Although it may seem a bit selfish to say this...but..." She seemed to hesitate, "But...I still want to say it, Sheji."

She looked me straight in the eyes with an extremely determined look.

"what?"

"Can you please not go look for Rinquanchuan?"

.........................

Why do people get disappointed?

Because what was hoped for did not come true.

According to Liu Yan, Jiayin's lost expression must be because of me... because I... seem to be very close to Lin Quanchuan.

In other words, does Jiayin like me?

Although I want to deny it as always, it is useless now because I cannot deny it.

When did it start...

................

Just as I was stunned, Jiayin said these words as if she was talking to herself:

"If only I had held you like this instead of letting you go at that time."

So it was...that...time?

【True Title】I finally have the courage to...hold you

Slowly falling

What is she doing at this time...

When I realized this, I suddenly sat up from the bed where I had been lying for a long time.

Because I had been lying in bed for a long time, the sudden movement of standing up made me dizzy, and I had to hold my forehead to relieve the dizziness.

Ah... Come to think of it, it has nothing to do with me now... After all, it is the result of my own choice.

Thinking of this, I, who hadn't been to school for a long time, almost fell straight onto the bed.

I'm almost a useless person...

........................

On Valentine's Day of my second year in junior high school, I had someone I liked.

But this relationship should have ended for me... I ended it without even confessing my feelings... It's really sad.

What would have happened if I had stayed with her that night instead of leaving without permission?

Given that situation, it wouldn't be surprising if anything happened.

But...is this the ending I want?

.......................

"She has transferred to another school. Didn't she tell you?"

"Ugh?"

......................

She's gone... Well, that's good, at least she's on the path she wanted.

It's just a little regretful...

I stood by the window, watching the catkins floating by.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"If only I had held you like this instead of letting you go at that time."

At this moment, facing her eyes with a hint of tears, my heartbeat inexplicably calmed down.

Facing her, I have a lot to say to her.

"Actually... I was thinking the same thing. If I hadn't left then... it would have been better."

Looking at her face, I really want to say this.

Just say it out loud...you can have a happy ending that others may think is beautiful.

But now my mind is full of the question I once asked myself, so I haven't responded to her yet.

Is this really the ending I want?

Chapter 38: Floating Down

"..."

I turned my eyes away.

I obviously have a lot to say, but I can't organize my thoughts at this moment.

Perhaps seeing that I was silent, Jiayin let go of my hand and remained silent.

There were already noisy sounds all around.

.........

"Na."

She suddenly spoke.

"Why, why do you have to go find her?"

Faced with this question, which is not difficult to answer, I was at a loss for words.

Seeing my silence, she seemed to understand something:

"It's because I can't compare to her..."

"No, it's just for some special reasons. I don't mean to think you're bad. Besides, Jiayin, you're great and excellent..."

I explained quickly.

"Then...why do you have to..."

"......"

She lowered her head and her shoulders seemed to be shaking.

"Please... take good care of me... I'll always remember the promise I made to you and will always work hard towards it..."

Faced with such words, I was speechless.

What am I still hesitating about?

A girl who works so hard for a promise, such an excellent girl, why am I hesitating...

"Why can't I stay in your eyes? Please... please take a good look at me... just this once, just once... okay?"

Is it difficult to do such a simple request?

Is it so difficult to do something that can be solved by just saying "yes"?

I asked myself this question, but still hesitated to answer her...because if I didn't go find her...things would get worse.

This is... the time to let go.

"Before that... I'd like to introduce you to that guy, Rinsenkawa... He's a real worry."

I didn't answer the question that Jiayin in front of me just asked.

Because my mind is a mess right now... I just thought that if I talk things out, maybe I can get some ideas.

"Ugh?"

She made a sound of surprise, but did not object to my continuing.