I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

I opened the message function directly and wanted to ask her a lot of questions, but I didn’t know how to write the content I really wanted to edit.

I stared blankly at the blinking cursor, unable to press the letters on the touch screen with my trembling hands.

It seems that there is nothing more to say.

"Oh, what's wrong with you... Why are you standing here in a daze?"

Rinquanchuan, who hadn't noticed when he came to my side, tugged at my sleeve and said, "If you want to read, just find a place to sit."

"...Oh, um..."

I picked up a book at random and walked to the side.

"You look a little unhappy? Could it be that you don't like studying?" Rinquanchuan asked me, noticing something.

"No... I was just..." I quickly changed my expression while trying to form my words, revealing a less-than-friendly smile, "I was wondering if I had closed the door and the tap properly before leaving."

"...There's no need to worry at all." Her tone was completely nonchalant.

"Too..."

After all, I just made up an excuse.

"Even if you forget to turn it off, isn't there a maid to check it?"

"How could we possibly have something like that at home?"

.................

My mind was in a state of confusion for some reason, and I couldn't get through the book. And I had no idea what was going on in my head... Damn it, that guy had finally affected my thinking.

"Hey, guy over there, I'm hungry."

Rinsenkawa, who was sitting across from me, put down his book and initiated a conversation with me, which was unusual.

"Oh... then we..." When I was about to stand up, I realized that I had been sitting there for a long time, so I couldn't help stretching, "Well... it's almost time to go."

"Hey, do you have a library card?" she said, picking up the unfinished book. "I want to borrow this book."

"Hmm... Let me see." I rummaged through my wallet and found the library card I'd gotten at some point... It'd been tucked away in there for ages... If I hadn't suddenly decided to take my wallet, which had been sitting on my desk, I'd probably have been faced with the dilemma of getting another one on the spur of the moment...

Anyway, it's good to be able to find it. I took out the card with two fingers and waved it in front of her eyes, "Here, let's go."

"Oh, what a surprise! I thought you didn't have any." She said, standing up as well. "It seems you can still prove the value of your existence."

"...is it just the value of a library card..."

"Oh, of course you can do something else to prove it."

"...For example..."

"It'll become an urban legend or something." She said and showed me the cover of the book... "Strange Tales from Major Cities". Why would she be interested in this kind of book? She was obviously reading highly literary books before.

"Well, even though being a human being might be a little difficult, this kind of thing can be achieved with a little effort, right?"

"Ah, please forgive me." I don't know how to express my feelings now. Besides, what kind of efforts should be made to achieve such a thing?

"Speaking of which...what is your sister...no, Rin Hanekawa busy with at home?" I asked this question unconsciously.

It is not clear whether it is too reckless for her to mention the matter of Rin Hanekawa now.

"...I don't know, because I came out early today, so I have no idea what she is going to do."

"Yeah..."

"But if you ask her what she usually does... she probably accompanies her father to business meetings or banquets." She walked past me nonchalantly and headed towards the book check-in counter. I hurried to follow.

"Wouldn't that be very busy..." Thinking this way, I seemed to understand why what just happened happened.

"Yes, she's a very busy woman, and those two people think very highly of her. It's fine for me to just run off like that, but she'll definitely be stopped if she does. And they definitely won't remember what day it is."

Is this... a complaint? Perhaps she feels that few people in her family care about her anymore.

So, could it be that Rin Hanekawa was stopped by her parents and couldn't come out...

"If I'm busy... I guess I'm needed," she muttered to herself, then turned and looked at me. Her eyes, though disdainful, concealed a hint of resentment. "Why are you asking all this all of a sudden?"

"No...nothing." I shook my head.

In other words, does she really have something to do...If that's the case, complaining won't be of any use.

Really...why don't you think about your own affairs before worrying about others?

"It seems... birthdays aren't that important after all."

This is not the case.

There was one person who remembered and always took it very seriously. Although I didn't know the exact birthday at first, and I had to coerce someone into finding out, I've since done my best to bring happiness to the birthday person, even while constantly worrying about how to do it...

And that person is the one who has always been by her side. Her name is Rin Hanekawa.

I really want to tell her this.

But if I said it, she would definitely understand it as words of comfort.

"What does it matter... Even if it's not important, as long as someone remembers it, it's fine. Even if that person is me."

The beginning at the end

Doing the right thing will go unnoticed and will be taken for granted. But when you do something wrong, even if it is a small thing, it will always be noticed and brought up again and again.

Well, didn't something like this happen to me a long time ago? It's something I should have understood long ago, but when it happens to someone else, I don't notice it. Since this happened, it proves that I'm just an ordinary person.

...Ah, when did I start to have the illusion of being important? How ridiculous! I've always considered myself an ordinary person, but I'm actually someone who longs to be more than ordinary... How funny.

So it can be seen that the guy who says he wants to be an ordinary person must be an extraordinary person.

In the end, won't we still be unable to become the person we truly desire to be? So why reject "negative emotions" like despair and despair? After all, we have many reasons to feel hopeless about life, but it's hard to convince ourselves to face them positively.

Someone once advised me to live a more numb life because there are many things that I cannot do and cannot accept.

But only now did I suddenly realize that those who have been able to live to this day have more or less ignored some things and gradually got used to them.

...So, what are the things I'm used to?

"You're used to so many things."

Is that so...what should I do?

"So, let me help you forget all that."

Really...Is it possible?

"Haven't you forgotten something very important?"

Come to think of it...I seem to have forgotten...something.

Chapter 25: The Beginning at the End

I have to admit that I clearly felt my own hypocrisy.

For some reason, I was always worried about Rin Hanekawa's situation, but at this moment, I was with Rin Hanekawa, talking and laughing with her as we walked towards the amusement facilities.

"What is she going to do?" "That girl must be in a bad mood." "How should I consider words of comfort..." "Why should I consider her..."

My mind was filled with all this nonsense, and I didn't care whether she was bored or not. I just suggested we go to the amusement park... an amusement park I'd been to with many people before.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I glanced at Rinquanchuan beside me, her face still slightly flushed. As if noticing my gaze, she turned and met my gaze. I didn't avoid her gaze as usual... Compared to before, I felt less emotional.

"Well..."

She seemed a little unfamiliar with my behavior. Well, after all, she used to avoid me.

Now I could see a hint of doubt in her eyes, followed by a look of shyness, and then she looked away.

As expected... it's because of what I just said... "If only someone could remember me, wouldn't that be enough? Even if that person is me"? How ridiculous.

Even I want to laugh when I say something I haven't even thought about. And anyone can see that it's hypocritical, right? But Miss Rin in front of me doesn't feel a thing.

It seems that people will accept words that suit their own wishes without hesitation, even though it was just a lie told after understanding her way of thinking.

Isn't it really that easy to manipulate people's hearts? All it takes is a little trust, followed by some slightly intimate words, to successfully make someone drop their guard. So, no one is as friendly as they appear.

Well, so I'm doing a good thing. If she gets fooled by me once, she won't be fooled so easily again, right?

Well, if you think about it that way, you won't feel any guilt. Rather, guilt doesn't exist at all...it's just that my inner thoughts are too complicated.

So, now that you understand this...

"Let's go and catch up on the things we didn't finish before."

As I suggested this, I started thinking about another thing.

...................

Troublesome things need to be solved with difficult means.

And troublesome courses must have troublesome teaching...and so on, troublesome people will naturally need to be dealt with in a troublesome way.

That’s right, the person I’m vaguely worried about deep down in my heart is Rin Hanekawa.

When we first met, I discovered her hidden side... Her formal greetings, her tea-making skills that were much more unfamiliar than Rinquanchuan's, and her overly neat appearance clearly showed that she wasn't that kind of person.

In our subsequent interactions, I gradually understood her disguise, and after realizing this, she no longer hid it and became her normal president again.

Mr. President? That's ridiculous.

The school's power alone wasn't enough to call her that. So, the only thing others feared was her family background. And the more she was praised, the less attention she'd receive. So, I refused to show weakness in front of her... not to dislike her, but to keep her close.

Troublesome people should be approached with troublesome things...This is a real example.

Then I slowly began to understand that what this guy was worried about and what he had experienced were actually related to someone around me, and she happened to be Rin Hanekawa's sister.

Now that we have this relationship, the conditions for my few pleasures can be carried out.

.......................

"The phone in your pocket has been ringing multiple times."

I reminded Rinzenkawa, who had been trying to ignore this.

"Tsk, I know, I know." She said and took out her cell phone.

It seems like you don't want to go back... If this happens just because of my hypocritical words and false behavior, wouldn't that be pitiful... So please don't do this for now, I want to make things a little more difficult.

"It's better to go back." I reminded her, "Maybe your parents are worried."

"Oh, how could it be possible...they..."

"Sometimes it's just as important to trust your family... As long as you're a parent, you'll definitely pay attention to your children."

The reason I said this was simply to get rid of her. As for the situation on the other side, I couldn't wait to complete the final steps.

And if nothing unexpected happens, her parents won't notice the birthday, and this contrast will make her more reliant on me. And if, as I said, there's no harm in that, it just increases my importance in her eyes...either way, it's not bad for me.

"Ah... maybe next time then."

"Don't be disappointed." I interrupted her depressed look, "There are still many days for us to play together in the future."

"...Um!"

When I noticed the hope in her eyes, I felt relieved... Although so much time has passed, I still haven't forgotten how to do it.

..................

The element of surprise is the unexpected.

And if someone appears when she is feeling guilty and is willing to forgive or understand her, then the favorability will definitely increase, and the distance between them will definitely be shortened.

What I cannot miss is this moment...it is no exaggeration to say that it is an opportunity.

No one would have thought, not even Rin Hanekawa, how I figured out where she was.

My miraculous debut may not suit me, but it suits the image of me they have in their minds... Well, it shouldn't be a big deal if I brag a little.

“Ah… here it comes…”

From a distance, I could see the gorgeously dressed Rin Hanekawa slowly walking out of the elevator with her bodyguards. After seeing me standing in a conspicuous place on purpose, she really let down her guard and started walking towards me.

"Go ahead and complain if you want..."