I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

So, what should I say then?

"Congratulations on becoming a successful writer"? No, no, no, that seems too cliché... "...You no longer need my guidance." Ah, that doesn't seem good either, as it makes me seem a little too serious... "You are indeed amazing..." Is that okay?

"Xiaohui, hey, Xiaohui~ There seems to be a handsome guy looking at you." Xiaoqian's words suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you trying to hit on me again?" I've met so many guys like this in school, so I'm used to it and I know exactly how to deal with them.

So, I looked at the "handsome guy" that Xiao Qian mentioned.

...Wait, I think...I've seen this face somewhere.

Yes... Although a lot has changed, the face in my memory, the person I wanted to see before coming here, the guy I had a premonition that I would meet today, now really appeared in front of me and was walking towards me.

"......"

Premonition... Really... But...

I can't take it anymore. My mind is in a mess and I can't speak. Now I can only stare at him as he approaches me.

I seemed to be able to hear my own heartbeat clearly.

He is already very close to me and much taller than me... Am I the only one who has to look up to him now?

"Hey... Li... classmate." His mouth opened slightly, calling my name... No, not my name, classmate? Eh? Why... do you call me like that?

"that...."

"that!"

Before I could raise my question, he interrupted me loudly. Maybe he was also very nervous at that time...

"I...I don't do that anymore."

"Hey?"

That thing...which one...Hey, wait...

"I still couldn't do it right, so I simply gave up writing novels after that. Well, I often thought... this would make you happier."

What a joke, what is this guy in front of me kidding...Giving up? He is obviously much more talented than me, and he is the identity I have always longed for, so he just gives up like that?

"You..." I couldn't help but lower my head and felt my body trembling.

All the words I wanted to say before have turned into blanks in my mind. Now I just want to say one thing to him.

"...What's wrong?"

"Are you kidding me?"

With a strong sense of consciousness, my hand had already hit his face.

Why, at this moment, saying those words... can you still smile? Are you still hypocritical? Are you really still that hypocritical self? After all these years, haven't you made any progress?

"enough!"

"I don't want to see you anymore!!"

.........................

At this point, I couldn't figure out what I'd gotten myself into... Relationships shouldn't be tangled up with outsiders. But seeing someone with such a rough road ahead and a lack of experience still made me uneasy... And thinking back to how I'd just reacted.

"Senior, are you okay..."

"...I see..."

That look of self-abandonment really scared me.

"What is this?"

"She's still mad at me."

"...Aren't you going after her?"

"No, I'm not qualified right now."

"Wait a minute, I think I've heard that line you just said somewhere before."

The beautiful girl in front of him, named Ming Xinxi, raised her hand and asked her question, which caused her chest to fluctuate greatly.

"Ahem... Um, is there?"

In fact, the last two sentences do not exist.

The current situation is not friendly to me, because the senior just left in disappointment, and it seems that I can't just chase after him... As for the girl with long hair, she has disappeared too. Only the girl who acts as an assistant looks at me blankly.

Maybe because I looked harmless, she didn't leave, but moved a little closer to me.

"Hey, can you treat me to ice cream?"

Are you asking me to treat you directly?

"...What flavor?"

The above was my first conversation with her.

No matter how many times I think about it, it still sucks. And I think I understand why she's not afraid of me being a villain... Anyone who can play a supporting role isn't a villain.

"Alright, alright. Although I'm not entirely sure what happened, intuitively speaking, things aren't what you think they are."

....Hmm...intuition...

"Besides, although Xiaohui didn't say it explicitly, whether it was yesterday or today... and before at school, she gave me the feeling that she was always thinking about someone important. And today she also said that she had a premonition. If I'm not mistaken, that person must be my senior." As she spoke, she scooped a spoonful of ice cream from the cup and put it into her mouth with a "ah".

This kind of behavior can usually only be seen in TV dramas. After all, the normal way of eating is not so complicated.

"Senior...he should be the same age as you. Senior is just the title I use. As a senior, you shouldn't call him senior." I said and took a sip of the juice at the corner of my mouth.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm relatively young, so I can be considered a junior to many people."

"Well... whatever." Faced with this, I didn't know what to say for a moment. Maybe trying to appear young is a must for every girl. "So, that... Hui... do you know where Senior Xiaohui went? It's a bit dangerous if she wanders around here."

After all, in romantic dramas, the heroines who have experienced emotional setbacks always run out onto the road without even looking at the road conditions. And what I saw was definitely a plot from a romantic drama.

"Don't worry. From what I know about her...she's probably just a little tired." She slowed down her ice cream intake. "She's the type who can't say things out loud."

"...Hmm, I see..."

If you think about it carefully, isn't this what is called tsundere?

No, not necessarily. After all, she thought she understood Xiaohui, but that was just her perception. The truth might be that she didn't. By analogy, perhaps neither of them understood the other's true feelings... perhaps each was doing something to disappoint the other.

"So what should I do now..." Should I intervene in this matter? Logically speaking, the senior should be very capable of handling problems... It's probably okay to just leave it alone.

"Do I need to ask?" She propped up her cheek helplessly, then turned to me and asked, "Don't you want your close friends to be happier?"

A close friend around you...?

When I heard that, I felt a flood of faces pop up in my mind... Compared to before, when I couldn't even remember people's faces, I felt like I'd changed a lot. And the thoughts and feelings of those people I'm concerned about... naturally, they'll affect my own emotions.

So faced with this question... my answer is of course yes.

"...I hope so, of course."

Well, let me put a little effort into this matter.

"If that's the case, you can't just talk nonsense, right?"

"Hmm...right."

For a split second, I seemed to notice a hint of smugness in her eyes. It completely contradicted her usual cute and innocent personality... Something seemed a little dangerous, my subconscious warned me.

"Well, how about we exchange some information?"

She suddenly mentioned words that had nothing to do with my daily life.

"intelligence?"

To verify whether I heard it correctly, I asked her again.

"That's right. Because the person who happened happened to be one of the people we know, but we can't figure out what happened. So... if we can piece together what we know, maybe we can come to some conclusion."

"Ah, I see..."

This can indeed improve efficiency.

"So, who's going to speak first..."

"I'm a senior, so I'll go first~"

At this time, I didn't emphasize my young age...

...............

You in my memory

Time can change many things, but the disgust for a person may never disappear no matter how long it takes.

To her, I must be just a hateful person. I thought I could tell her so much... my inner feelings, my longing for her, and... all the words I've wanted to say for ages but never had the chance. Now it seems like there's no chance anymore.

It's ridiculous... I was still looking forward to the moment when I would meet her, always thinking that things would be different from then. But now it seems... I haven't changed at all.

I can still remember that expression.

Tears welled up in her eyes, her body trembled slightly, and she uttered those angry words. It was as if time had returned to that day... Because of my stupidity, she had grown disgusted with me. Whenever I was in her presence, I always acted like I didn't understand anything.

Just like she once said to me "You don't understand", today she said to me "I never want to see you again"

...As expected...I haven't really changed at all for her in these years...

“...Ah...” What should I do?

What else should I give up...

Chapter 5: You in My Memory

"That's an expression I've never seen before."

It's hard to pinpoint exactly when this started. From the moment I realized it, I realized that school was just a place to showcase ourselves. Whether in elementary school, middle school, high school, or college, all we did was strive to present ourselves, to make ourselves visible to others, to make so-called "classmates" and "friends" who would be more readily available for use in later life.

You should show your achievements in elementary school, and start showing your charm in junior high school.

Unfortunately, I only gradually realized this when my junior high school life was nearing its end.

I once had a crush on a guy, so much so that I thought I had to match his grades, working all night long and even neglecting my appearance. But what good did it do? The most I got was praise from my parents and teachers, and a prominent spot on the school's academic charts. People passing by would only glance at me, never remembering the names of the first and second place finishers, let alone understanding who they were.

Of course, the relationship ended before it even began, and appearance played a decisive role from the beginning.

Grades are deceptive. If my hard work isn't rewarded, it simply means I'm working in the wrong direction.

After understanding this, I began to examine myself...and then decided to start with imitation and gradually present myself in the eyes of others.

The stiff imitation unexpectedly worked.

Regardless of your personality, if you're beautiful, no one will think you're bad. Even if you have flaws, there will still be people who can't help but get close to you.

Ah, those guys approaching are probably just guys whose minds are overwhelmed by hormones.

So, in just one year, I have undergone a lot of changes.

I changed my glasses that made me look stupid when I wore them; I learned how to match clothes; I threw away textbooks that were meaningless to me and started paying attention to fashion magazines; I acquired good makeup skills; and my tone of voice also started to become more likable.

I'm already perfect in front of others...that's how I present myself. Ah, I guess many people have had the same experience as me.

So, even though I'm in everyone's spotlight now, strictly speaking... that's just something I've managed. Whether it's truly mine... I can't tell.

Just when I was confused, she appeared in my sight unexpectedly.

"I've never seen an expression like that."

As a transfer student, she glanced across the entire classroom without any sense of nervousness, as if she didn't care about the whole world.

I've always believed that everyone, like me, gradually understands the meaning of life and makes the necessary changes. Regardless, I always eagerly hope to be approached, and I also like to approach others without permission.

As a transfer student, shouldn't I seek my own so-called "friendship"? Aren't humans afraid of loneliness?

"My name is Li Yinghui..."

With a blank expression, she wrote her name on the blackboard.

"Um..."

After nodding, she put the half-broken chalk in her hand aside and looked at the head teacher, as if asking where her place was.