I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

After saying that, Ye Jin mercilessly punched me in the abdomen. Without strong muscles and defenses, the impact of the punch seemed to have no obstruction and directly penetrated the spine on the back.

"I cough!"

Then it was time for me to curl up on the floor, holding my stomach.

"...You know that people will die if you do this..."

I was currently on my way to find a ramen shop with Ye Jin. I still felt a faint pain in my abdomen, and I felt like I had been injured internally, because that blow had been delivered with such force that it could have killed me.

"Hmph." This was Ye Jin's only response to my words, as if the punch just now had never happened.

There's no remorse at all, which is simply too much. Even if I said something wrong, violence won't solve any problems and may even exacerbate the conflict.

"Actually, I'm telling the truth."

If it were Ye Hui and Xiao Ye, this would never happen, and it would even make me feel... comfortable.

"Do you want another punch?" She glanced at me and clenched her fist.

I can't tolerate this kind of talk...

"Why are you so angry... You are only in the second year of junior high school, and there is still plenty of opportunity for development. Just drink more milk and you will be fine." Compared to Rin Izumikawa, there is still a lot of hope. It should be difficult for her situation to change. Obviously, Rin Izumikawa has developed well.

"Shut up, you pervert who focuses on girls' breasts all day!" She punched me in the chest again, but with much less force.

"Hehe, how could I focus on breasts all day long?" There are obviously thighs and other parts of my body as well.

"You're so annoying! You're such a jerk! Girls still like you. You're a complete nymphomaniac! You must have some evidence against me! You porn suspect! Get away from me! I'm going to pull out my phone and call the police!"

"Don't say such things so cheerfully on the street... If you don't find it embarrassing, I do."

"Damn it...I just hate it."

She stopped talking to me, turned around, and started walking normally.

"...Well, calm down. I said something I shouldn't have said, but you still have your good points... Look, the curves of your legs are amazing, aren't they? Just keep this figure."

I was giving her advice seriously, not verbally harassing her.

"...Shut up, you bastard brother!"

"..."

Well, it seems she will need some time to accept this. However, growth is indeed something that one cannot perceive. Not only physical growth, but also the growth of thoughts is quite difficult to perceive.

"..."

And how much do I have to grow before I stop... Things that seem normal now, the world that seems normal now, how will they appear to me in the future?

Well, we'll know about this kind of thing when the time comes.

Convincing myself in this way, I turned my gaze to Ye Jin, who had already opened up quite a distance from me. It seemed that he had deliberately quickened his pace...

"Hey, wait for me!"

After shouting at her, he quickly chased after her, although she still didn't look back.

From the initial concern

There is a saying that goes "Existence is reasonable."

In other words, some actions, even if they're not recognized, still have a reason to exist. If we apply the theory of "survival of the fittest," then those that are preserved are actually those that are recognized.

Is it recognized? By whom?

Things that are difficult for everyone to agree with simply exist, which shows how difficult it is for human will to change anything. Whether it's the opinions of others, the current state of society, the cruelty of nature, or the unpredictable nature of the human heart, these rules are created by the world. Human wishful thinking alone cannot change them... Humans are such humble creatures, forever living at the mercy of fate.

Challenge fate? Take fate by the throat?

Those who survived the ravages of fate are often labeled this way. If fate possessed human senses, would it, upon hearing such praises, laugh at the pathetic weakness of humanity?

Absolutely... because fate is not fair and has no emotions, it just controls everyone's life as it pleases.

Those who dream of challenging fate are actually not qualified to do so. Those who think they have changed their fate are actually receiving a gift from fate.

Ignorant people exaggerate human power.

Those who are unaware blindly follow orders, only to end up feeling sorry for themselves...

What's the point of living like this? Or rather...what's the purpose of my existence in this world? Success is a lifetime, and nothing is a hundred years.

"It's really... troublesome."

"There's no such thing as rationality."

Chapter 35 [Response] Originating from the initial concern

Why do schools exist?

In elementary school, I didn't realize the irrationality of things because I was immature. It was only when I entered junior high school and then high school that this idea gradually emerged in my mind.

"School... I know. It's just a facility that brings together a bunch of people with no particular personality, and a few with unique personalities."

A man who worked at the same company as my mom once explained this to me. I felt very close to him at the time because he was the only one assembling plastic toys on his desk while everyone else was busy working.

"This is a model... What? Why aren't you working properly? I am working, I just happened to finish the things I was working on. Otherwise, how could I have the time to listen to you, Xiaoye?"

In my impression, he is such a kind person. But his head is also full of principles that are difficult for me to understand.

"I'm not talking about personality like 'approachable' or 'friendly'. I'm talking about the feeling you can spot in a crowd. It's a feeling that's hard to describe, but you'll understand it if you actually meet someone like that."

I had no idea what these words meant at the time.

"Hmm? Why is that... Well... Think about it, if you put gold and dirt together, even if there are a lot of dirt, we'll still be able to notice the gold in the dirt at a glance, right? That's the principle."

Not everyone is unique in their thinking. There are countless people who simply repeat others' ideas. Those who exist in this world by perpetuating others' thoughts cannot be considered complete. In other words, it's probably rare to find someone you find interesting...

"Don't be so against school, or your mother will still go to school to help you get an education because of this. She's very busy."

Despite this, he still advised me to return to school after our conversation. After all, in the eyes of adults of this age, school life is many times more interesting than simple working hours, and the memories I cherish most probably all happened on campus.

But can I really find anyone interesting on campus? I still doubt it.

...............

"This is a world encroached by darkness.

As if struck by a heavy hammer, the peace framework that had lasted for hundreds or even thousands of years collapsed in the turmoil called war.

It wasn't the result of the evil organizations often seen in comics, nor was it an alien creature that descended from the sky. Throughout history, it was simply humanity's unstoppable ambition, faced with limited resources, that finally broke through the civilization that had long constrained it.

While writers were still struggling to find inspiration; while businessmen were still calculating profits; while students were still sighing over exams; while the numb remained numb, and the blind remained dull. There was no consultation, no signs... If there were any, they would be for historians after the war to discover.

For those who are still in a false peace.

The war came so suddenly and quietly."

"Yan Xiaoye..."

"As far as I can remember, the world has never been so quiet. This street in my memory should have been busier, more prosperous, but instead, all I see is ruins revealing rebar, and the twisted metal bodies of cars lining the roadside."

"Yan Xiaoye! What are you doing..."

"Perhaps it was the unique instinct of animals that helped them escape the ravages of war.

The crows gathered in front of the suspected corpse and immediately spread their wings and flew towards the cloudy sky when they noticed someone approaching.

[Ga--!] "Ga--!" "Ga!--"

The hoarse voice echoed in my ears.

A creature once despised and cursed by the people with an ominous name has now become the only living thing in this city. And my feelings towards it have subtly changed... If it's alive, then even if it's ominous, what's the big deal? If I'm lucky, I might even get close to one of the crows that isn't afraid of me. It's been ages since I've spoken... If it's alive, then talking to it wouldn't seem so strange. After all, there's no interest in talking to a deformed piece of iron.

"...No wonder he ignored me. Turns out he was playing on his phone."

"Eh?"

At some point, my furious homeroom teacher appeared before me. She snatched my phone from my hand, along with the image I was conjuring up in my mind and the novel that had piqued my interest.

At least let me finish reading the first episode... Although it feels like I should just say it, reason still overcomes impulse.

"Yeah...sorry!"

I quickly stood up and admitted my mistake. My classmates' laughter filled my ears...as usual.

"...It's always like this. He's quick to admit his mistakes, but he won't repent." She was quite helpless with me. "Calling the parents seems to be useless..."

She had asked my mother to come before, but my mother, an editor, was quite relaxed in disciplining me, probably because she knew that there was nothing I could do except read novels.

"Let me see what's so attractive to you..." she said, glancing at the contents of her phone. "Still reading novels? Looking at useless stuff like this all day... Although your grades can be maintained, it should be better if you don't read, right? Are you willing to live like this? Others can catch up with you as long as they work hard. You have a sense of crisis..."

"..."

I lowered my head silently without saying anything.

"If you like, you can watch it after class. If you don't pay attention in class, your grades will definitely suffer... Oh, forget it, I still have to teach. ... Come to my office after school to ask for my phone."

"OK..."

"Sit down."

. . . . . . . . .

"This time I came to see you for nothing else but your daughter..."

"Eh? Have you discovered that my daughter is in a relationship? Who is the partner? What does he/she look like? What grade is he/she in? What's his/her family situation like? Does he/she have any criminal record?"

"No, no, no, please calm down... There's nothing wrong with your Xiaoye in this regard. She hasn't had any premature love affairs or boyfriends yet."

"Huh? What?... I was so happy for nothing... No, I was just worried for nothing."

"...Uh...actually, it's about her studies."

"Her father is usually in charge of this, but he seems to be doing some academic work lately... I don't understand. Teacher, let me tell you, I hated lectures when I was a kid, so please spare me this."

"...No...well, actually, Xiaoye's grades aren't that bad, they're just above average."

"Are you still not satisfied with just being above average? Don't set your sights too high, teacher. If only I had this kind of experience when I was little..."

(Mom...be careful.)

"Oh, teacher, please continue."

"Ahem... well, although Xiaoye's grades are relatively good, the other teachers and I feel she still has room for improvement. After all, being able to maintain this level of skill while reading novels during class is rare... or rather, quite incredible."

"Oh, did you hear that? The teacher is praising you."

"That's not a compliment to her!"

(This was the first time the teacher got angry at a parent.)

"...Yes, I'm sorry. Teacher, please continue..."

"Ah... what a mess these mother and daughter have! (whispering) We think your daughter's grades might improve if she could read less novels, or even stop reading novels altogether, which are distracting things."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with her reading novels...it can improve her writing skills..."

"While we don't deny that this has an impact, overall the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Our advice is that you strengthen your supervision of her and, ideally, stop letting her bring her phone to class. And please do your best to cooperate with us. We all want our children to excel, right?"

"Huh? To me, Xiaoye is already perfect enough, so there's no need for her to be better. Her obsession with novels is also one of her cute points. How can I ask her to change? It's impossible."

"...Then...then at least tell her not to use her phone to read novels during class. Is that okay? If you can guarantee that, I'll give her the phone back...otherwise, I'll keep it for her until the holidays."

"Is that so... Then I'll make a promise. Now, Xiaoye, make a promise too." (I... I won't read novels in class anymore.)

"Ah... I'm so tired. Okay, I'll give it back to you. Remember what we said today and be sure to follow it."

(nod.)

"Is everything alright then? Can I go now, Sensei?"

"Nothing else is going on... If there's nothing else, see you next time."

"Okay, goodbye, teacher. Come on, Xiaoye, say goodbye to the teacher too." (Goodbye, teacher.)

"goodbye..."

"How could you be so stupid? I've never been caught cheating before, so why are you like this? Don't get caught again..."

"..."

. . . . . . . .

[Ding Dong Ding Dong——Ding Ding Dong Ding]

The long ring of the bell signaled the end of get out of class. Even though the math teacher, with his Mediterranean haircut, was still explaining the final problem, it held no appeal for me. It wasn't because I could easily solve it, but rather because I simply had no interest in mathematics and couldn't discern any fascination in equations and algebra.