I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

Ah, it seems that it is not as simple as I thought.

Not everyone sees this kind of thing...that happens in the dark. If everyone could see it, I wouldn't have to deal with it.

That kind of thing shouldn't exist, at least in my opinion. And eliminating things that shouldn't exist...isn't that what I should do? Yeah, actually, no one asked me to do it.

"..."

"Really? So you mean I was wrong..."

After all, she never thought of asking me for help.

"About that!" she suddenly interrupted me. "I don't know, because I don't know what you did at all."

"..."

"If possible, could you tell me everything you've done? When did it start? What did you do for me? I want to know everything."

"..."

Should I tell her...

Only this time, I didn't know how to face her. Just like the person who was so important to me.

"...ah."

What a hassle.

Chapter 17: Shaken

It would be fine if I couldn’t think for myself.

When I finished that thing, what lingered in my mind was not the sticky feeling in my hands, but the... irregular movement that was struggling in my palms.

What is it thinking? Whether it's me or it, what kind of thoughts do we have when faced with the same fear? As living beings that can move, perhaps there are some things we can connect with.

"I don't understand." I don't want to understand.

What is done is done, there is no use regretting it.

But such excuses seemed useless... because I kept thinking about, and caring about, what I did back then. Was it necessary? Did I have the qualifications? Why didn't I have the same thoughts when it came to other species?

“It would be nice if I didn’t think about it.”

Grow quietly with time...will not hurt anyone. Even if hurt by others, it will just endure it silently and then wither away.

Live like a plant...

"Before I answer your question, can I ask you something? This has been bothering me for a long time."

"Hmm? Um... sure."

Ye Hui in front of him nodded.

"Do you think humans can live like plants?"

"...Huh? What does that mean? Plants? Why do you say that?"

"Well, it seems I'm still a little jumpy." I scratched my cheek and said embarrassedly, "Sorry, let me start over."

"...Uh...hmm."

Nodding quite obediently.

"Do you think it's normal for people to hurt other people, or hurt other species?"

"...Of course not."

"So, you're opposed to the way you've been treated... am I right?"

"......"

Don't want to talk about those things?

"Really..." I scratched my cheek again. "But, for species like flies, I believe you wouldn't think it cruel even if someone wiped them out without hesitation."

"Well... probably not..."

Why use "probably"? It's obvious that everyone is like this...

"It's strange, isn't it? We're all species living in the same world, yet humans always differentiate between our rights to survive... Don't you think it's strange? But most people have become accustomed to it."

"..."

"This means that humans actually harm other species based on their own preferences...it's just that resistance gradually develops from lower to higher organisms." He paused. "But if you look beyond the differences in form and species, there doesn't seem to be much difference."

"..."

"So I've always thought, it would be great if people were like plants... No need to communicate, no need to fight for anything. Just bask in the sun and grow as time goes by." Don't hurt anyone... "What do you think? Regarding what happened to you."

"..."

She was biting her lips slightly, perhaps thinking. After quite a while, she finally spoke...

"I don't understand what you're talking about..."

"Really? So you didn't know either."

Was he just acquiescing to what was happening to him while struggling with his feelings? What kind of excuse is that? If I didn't tell anyone else just for that reason...

"But I don't think this is an accurate measure..."

"What?"

"Ah... well, how should I put it?" She hesitated. "If the relationships between people, and between people and everything in them, were this simple... well, this definitely isn't the world we live in."

"..."

"A world divided simply into good and evil, black and white... is definitely unclear, and, to be more blunt, definitely incorrect. Humans simply can't be measured that way..."

"...measure..."

"Besides, even plants have species that kill their own kind... species that eat insects to sustain themselves... and even to grow, they must take root and absorb nutrients. Ultimately, everything in the world is connected, and there will inevitably be... differences in strength and weakness." She lowered her head. "So, it's not okay not to think..."

"..."

"Even if you keep trying not to think about it, you're still thinking about other people's affairs, aren't you? Aren't you also angry after hearing that I was treated unfairly... Do you think it's really right to just let go of all that?"

"..."

"Aren't people made up of people who support each other? No matter what... as long as they're around you, of course you value them. It's normal not to want them to get hurt... So, I really can't agree with you about wanting to give up on ideas... It's really strange. It's something you can't, shouldn't, give up..."

Trouble.

The girl in front of me, named Ye Hui, is truly an incredible person.

Thanks to her, I don’t seem to know what I’m thinking anymore.

Ah, if I were that person, the one I sneered at...if I were that person, what would I do when faced with such a topic? And just facing her, I feel that it is more difficult than facing any other person before.

"Ah... I'm so tired."

I gave up.

"Hmm? What..." She seemed confused for a moment as to what I was thinking. "You mean...what?"

"...Gu, let's end this conversation..."

After gulping down all the coffee in one gulp, I decided to retreat for the time being. When faced with an unsolvable problem, it is natural to escape before finding a solution.

"Eh? But..."

"Um?"

"No...it's okay." She seemed to realize something, but I really didn't do anything... Anyway, she looked like she wanted to say something but hesitated, and finally gave up on continuing the conversation with me, "Well, be careful on the road..."

"Ah...hmm."

Is it me who should be worried? Why can't I take care of myself more?

This is the first time I have seen such a person.

No matter what the matter is, the first thing to consider is not yourself, but the people around you. The priority is not yourself...

"Be a little selfish..."

昔忆

If the world can be saved by relying on just one person or a group of people...that would be too simple.

"Wow——"

However, many mainstream and hot-blooded comics contain almost all stories like this... It's not that I hate it or not, I just think it's meaningless to care about fictional stories in reality.

Come to think of it, I used to be quite fond of characters like superheroes... If that incident hadn't happened, I might still be dreaming about that, and trying to challenge things that I couldn't tolerate, only to come back empty-handed.

Ah, that's really stupid.

I have to admit that Ye Hui was right when he said... the world isn't that simple. I also know that even if I spent my entire life, I would only be able to understand the tip of the iceberg.

Even Archimedes couldn't find the fulcrum to shake the world. Let alone an unknown ordinary person like me. Not to mention the fulcrum, even the power is quite weak.

"Wow——"

I flip through meaningless comics, perhaps just to kill time... or to find something to do when I'm daydreaming. Unlike my past self, I might just be the type who doesn't like to be idle... even if it's meaningless, I just can't be idle.

"Wow——"

I have been planning something for a long time, and to some extent I can achieve things that others cannot, but in the end I cannot change the huge thing that lies before me.

"what...."

Suddenly, I couldn't help but think of someone.

I discovered it while looking through my memories like a comic book.

Even though I had never met him and the only thing I knew about him was a few words from others, I still developed a strong interest in him.

"Wow——"

Do people rely on others to exist, or can they exist on their own? I'm not sure about this... but for him, perhaps he does rely on others to exist.

"But..."

I still can't understand the figure that keeps flashing in my mind.

"Pah."

He closed the comic book in his hand, then turned his attention to the various books spread out on the side.

"Oh, what a hassle..."

Chapter 18: Memories of the Past

Looking at his unfamiliar back as he left on his own, the thought that had been wavering for a long time was finally confirmed.

I don't know what happened... but he's changed so much compared to before, so much so that he's like a completely different person. Whether he's passive or occasionally full of energy, he always has that... gentle expression on his face.

But now, even though he smiles more easily than before, he has lost that familiar sense of closeness.

“…”

At this moment, the street lights started up as usual.

Illuminated by the light descending from above, it felt as if everything around me had been plunged into darkness. I vaguely remembered that this had happened before. As a child, I was afraid of the dark, and with unease I could only try to move closer to the light.

Ah, I suddenly seem to recall... that scene I shouldn't have forgotten. Perhaps it's because life is so ordinary now, and the distance between us hasn't changed... I subconsciously overlooked it.

Still under the street lights.

That child, looking as destitute as his current figure, had casually thrown away something he once held so dear. Though he presented me with a tattered mask, I knew... for him, that was the dream he once cherished.

dream...

Until now, he still has no intention of getting it back... Maybe after so many years, he has long forgotten it, or maybe he still remembers it, but it has become a very shameful memory... But no matter what, he probably doesn't want to pick it up again now.

Is he like this now because he gave up something?

"in the end..."

I couldn't help but put my hands on my chest.

In this mood, how should my heart beat to be considered normal?