I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

The living room was empty, making me feel lonely.

Well, come to think of it, if I go out, the only one who will face this situation is my dad.

"Who cares... He must be obsessed with anime now."

Even though I said that, I saw clearly at that time that he was indeed looking in that direction.

“…Really.”

If you really feel sad, why do you have to be strong and calm?

I walked to the corridor, opened the shoe cabinet to change into my going-out shoes, and then took a look at the things on the shelf next to it.

The certificates I've received since elementary school, the trophies I won in speech contests, the medals I've received from gaming events, and the out-of-print game my dad's fans gave him at an offline gathering (he didn't even open it to play...his willpower is amazing.)...there are so many of them...those things carry our memories, so no matter which one I see, I'll fall into deep thought.

But I know... he didn't see that. Because he pretended not to see it, I already knew it.

He saw the photo at the bottom.

There is a very beautiful girl in the photo.

She has long black hair and a smile that never gets old; it's soothing to the touch. Her fair skin and ageless features... If you took away her slightly old-fashioned clothes, someone would definitely believe her if they told them she was my sister.

But she is my mother.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Maybe I shouldn't have come into this world at all.

Because of my arrival, a happy family became unhappy... A family of two is still a family of two, but the people are very different.

I can't understand how he got here.

Because I've never been a father, and I'll never be one in my lifetime, so... I just can't understand. I can't fathom the pain he's going through, or how he tries to make up for the loneliness in his heart... Ah... Could it be that he's really using games to make up for it?

Anyway, I've been thinking about it.

Would it be better if I had never been born?

"Why are you in a daze?"

My father's voice suddenly came from behind me, startling me from my daze.

"You... aren't you in the house?" I was so scared that I was a little incoherent, and if I was asked why I was in a daze, I didn't know how to explain it.

"Because your phone has been ringing non-stop since just now... I couldn't even listen to music properly. I thought you didn't bring your phone with you, but it turns out you were just daydreaming~"

As he said this, he tapped my head gently with his hand.

"Are you always daydreaming like this during class?"

"No..."

It seems like I've been exposed... I do often daydream and think about game strategies or fall asleep during class.

"Okay, okay, check your phone quickly. Maybe it's your friend calling."

"oh oh..."

It was only after he reminded me that I noticed it.

"I called back..." I suddenly felt a malicious gaze.

I looked up at him, and he was also looking at my phone screen with interest.

"What are you looking at..."

"Oh~ I didn't see anything~ I was a little concerned about whether that person was a boy or a girl..."

This is really... If he really is a boy, are you going to stop me from going?

"Girls, girls...really, what kind of random things are you thinking about all day long..." I said as I called back.

"A girl? Are you pretty? Why don't you bring your friends home to play?"

"I'm worried because you're at home!"

I always feel like you're thinking about bad things.

"How can you say that about your dad? I just care about whether you have friends... and whether you have a good relationship with them. After all, bringing friends home is proof of friendship."

"...Never mind me."

As I spoke I realized the call was connected.

"What's wrong? I'm just about to go out."

"Um... Xiaolu just reminded me that today is Father's Day. Should I bring some extra money and buy a gift for my dad... or something?"

"what..."

Now that I mention it, I seem to have noticed that today's game activity is indeed related to Father's Day...

"..."

I glanced at my dad who hadn't left yet.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"No..." I sighed, "Okay, I get it. I'll choose one after I'm done."

"Okay, we'll wait for you then."

"Ah."

"Are you finished?" He looked at me.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" I looked at him pretending to be impatient.

"It's not a big deal...um...be careful on the road...ha." He said this to me looking a little embarrassed.

"Uh-huh..."

What are you doing?! If you want to talk, just say it nicely... Why are you making it so... embarrassing?

"I'm leaving."

"okay."

Seeing me about to leave, he turned around as well.

No...that's not right. It's better to say it now.

“Right…right!”

I suddenly turned around and called him, feeling nervous for the first time in a long time.

"what?"

He turned around and looked at me puzzledly.

"Well... I didn't notice it before... So... I'll give you a gift or something when I get back... Well, anyway, just listen carefully!"

"......"

He seemed to understand, but also seemed not to understand, and stared at me blankly.

"Happy...holidays!"

It's a bit embarrassing... Well, forget it, forget it! Let's go!

"........."

He seemed to be stunned and stood there.

".....left."

"...Uh-huh..."

He turned quickly, thinking I hadn't seen him.

Seriously...it's just one sentence and it's like this. What should I do when I give you a gift tonight...

In short, wipe away the tears from the corners of your eyes.

Chapter 2 I am destined to live in the shadows

prelude

"Tsk, I told you, you can't rely on that guy."

Looking at the junior named Yi Sheji who turned and left after saying "People have to know how to give up, senior", a beautiful woman with long black and purple hair complained to the brown-haired boy next to her very dissatisfiedly.

"No, I can only pin my hopes on him." The senior smiled bitterly. "Sheji doesn't easily become interested in something, but once he has a reason to do it, he will devote himself to it more than anyone else."

"Then you might as well tell him..."

"Don't say that, Yunzi." The brown-haired man interrupted her, "There's still time. We just need to persuade him before then. There's no need to tell him the whole story and use that as an excuse to ask for his help."

"Hmph, whatever you want." Yun Zi replied unhappily.

The senior looked at the sky dyed orange by the setting sun and said to himself:

"But you should come out of the darkness once in a while, Sheji."

The author has something to say

This is not an update. I apologize to the readers who have been waiting for my update.

I just have something to say, and I hope, I really hope that you can read this to the end.

I encountered two things today. One was about the game I like to play, LOL, which is League of Legends.

It’s not my fault, but I saw a report saying that there are many Chinese players in the Japanese server.

There's nothing wrong with this, and I don't think it's excessive to use nicknames that contain insulting language towards Japanese players.

In my opinion, deliberately cheating Japanese players is just a matter of quality.

What touched me was the comments at the bottom.

These behaviors that lack the spirit of e-sports are linked to "patriotism", and many people agree with this behavior. Those who stand up and say that this behavior is incorrect are called "unpatriotic", and those who come out to mediate are called "sanctimonious bitches".

I should have expressed something in the article. I think there is no right or wrong in things, it’s just a matter of different opinions.

So why am I willing to stay up late and delay writing these words?

Because I just want to ask one question: What exactly is patriotism in your mind?

Is going to the Japanese server to show off your low quality considered patriotism?

Is saying a few words that belittle foreigners considered patriotism?

Is boycotting a country's products or culture considered patriotism?

I won’t express my opinion here. I believe readers will have already felt the same after reading this.

Let me move on to the next question.

The cultural heritage seen in Chinese comics.

Those of us who like light novels must all like the two-dimensional world, but most of us probably follow Japanese comics and rarely pay attention to Chinese comics.

Let’s put all these aside for now. As a high school student, I have the dream of becoming a cartoonist and also the dream of making Chinese comics rise.

So I pay close attention to Chinese comics, and also Japanese comics.

In recent years, most Chinese comics have gotten rid of the criticism of imitating Japanese comics, and have begun to have their own connotations, and have also incorporated our country's unique traditional culture. This makes me very proud, so even if there are some flaws, I am still encouraged.

Looking back at myself.

I really wanted to write something different in this, my first and last novel.

There is no gender change, no lesbianism, no benefits or dirty jokes.

There's only a story about a lonely protagonist like me and what appears to be a harem.