I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"...That's the kind of love I don't understand."

I wasn't surprised or surprised. After hearing the news, I was actually happy for her. I don't know what she went through during this time, finding someone who suits her in every way and freeing her from that mindset. But if it was because of meeting that specific person that changed her, there must be a reason for her infatuation.

If possible, I really want to know what happened between them...but even if I ask, she probably won't tell me everything.

"Don't say that. A brilliant person like you will definitely understand when you have the chance."

"So, does she know about your thoughts?"

"Of course not. She's a rather slow-witted person, after all, but I think I'll make her understand this sooner or later."

"...It seems like we still have a long way to go."

I don't know why, but these words just flowed out of my mouth. Now it seems that I just spoke them spontaneously.

"Well, just keep walking."

Just keep going.

Perhaps that senior's friend at the time only longed for such a simple sentence. No matter how treacherous the journey, as long as someone is there to support them, they will persevere. Humanity, fragile yet resilient, relies on seemingly insignificant things to survive in this imperfect world.

In this light, whether or not one is recognized should not be important.

“That’s a really good answer…”

She seemed to be chatting with me, but she was probably trying to answer my inner questions... What a strange person. No, maybe I was just as strange as she was... She had her own problems unsolved, yet she was still trying to help others solve theirs.

"...Hope everything goes well."

Although I never believed that wishes would come true, I still whispered my wish to a god that might not even exist.

“A-choo—”

However, this was the response I received. On the streets, where the chilly wind still blew unabated, my body uncontrollably expressed the cold it was enduring.

Well, it seems I should wish for the wind to subside a bit.

Impenetrable darkness and light

Ask for initial intentions

Before the night came, I finally arrived at my destination, having already gotten used to the cold wind.

"I'm so sorry to have called you out in such weather."

I didn't waste any time looking for him, because Senior Su had been waiting at my doorstep since I'd forgotten. He no longer had any reason to wear his school uniform, and he seemed less serious than before, yet more approachable. Although I didn't think he was too difficult to approach... well, anyway, seeing him again after three months was definitely a thrill.

It’s not like we’ll never have the chance to meet again, but I just feel...it’s really great to be able to meet this time.

"It doesn't matter. After all, I won't be staying at home all day today."

Instead, I experienced a lot of things.

"It looks like you haven't eaten yet. Come in quickly." He didn't say much and welcomed me into his home. "I wanted to keep Li Du with me, but he insisted on going home to read the second volume of the novel and refused to stay no matter what... The college entrance examination is coming up soon, but he's still so unhurried."

"..Maybe this is what is called confidence." After all, in my impression, Senior Li Du's academic performance is still good.

"Actually, I'm quite curious about your attitude towards life in your senior year." He frowned and thought for a moment. "It seems like you've never been very motivated. Are you going to have this mentality even at this crucial moment?"

“…”

Speaking of what kind of attitude to adopt...I don't think I've really thought about it. I've always just thought...I'll talk about it when the time comes...or something like that.

"However, it's your choice how you deal with it. I don't have anything to say about it. Just do it at your own pace."

As he spoke, his gaze wandered elsewhere. Despite his attempts to conceal it, he still looked quite dejected. Perhaps he hadn't found a friend in college he could talk to... Then, seeing me, he couldn't help but think of that friend.

While existing people are still continuing their stories, they no longer pay attention to themselves and live their own lives as if nothing has happened.

"..."

The senior was probably wondering why he had not contacted that person frequently before. It was not until the incident happened that memories of him kept pouring out of his mind.

"I won't force you to do anything from now on... I'm just asking for your opinion. It's up to you to decide how to proceed."

“…”

There are actually very few things that I can decide on my own.

But I can’t respond with that.

Because it is impossible for my senior to not know, so... I have reason to believe that what he wants to ask is something that I can decide within my ability.

"Then...please tell me what it is."

Chapter 0: Asking for Initial Intentions

"Do you want to go to another school?"

"....Eh?"

It's a fairly straightforward question... Having said that, I don't quite understand what the senior is trying to say. Taking it literally, it seems like he's trying to persuade me to transfer schools... However, I'm clearly doing well at this school, so there seems to be no reason to transfer.

"...Did I not explain myself clearly?" He frowned slightly. "Sheji, don't you know anything about the school's annual activities?"

"...Do we need to understand? Aren't they supposed to tell us what to do, and then we just do it honestly—"

After seeing Senior Su's helpless expression, I suddenly felt the urge to reflect. That's right, this was the first time I'd felt the urge to reflect in front of someone.

"Sorry...senpai, I do feel a little..."

"It's okay... If you think about it carefully, you are indeed different from those people."

I have no way of telling whether this sentence is meant to be complimentary or derogatory, because he said it with a smile... and that smile is inscrutable. Perhaps he only meant it literally.

"Thank you for the compliment, senior." In short, let's just assume it's a compliment.

"Actually, you should know... Last year, someone from our club went to another school to collaborate. You know that person, Haozi, who's currently guiding you, and Jia Lidu, who sees you from time to time."

"...Now that you mention it, I remember it."

But I don't remember, nor do I want to admit, that Senior Sun ever gave me any guidance. No, it seems my memories of him are nothing but trouble.

"Speaking of Senior Sun, I don't think I've seen him recently."

It was only then that I suddenly realized this. It wasn't just that I didn't see it, it was as if it had vanished into thin air.

"Of course, because he said he wanted to practice in seclusion in various ways... He wasn't even going to take care of the club activities."

"How come I don't know about this kind of thing?"

I was quite shocked after hearing about it.

"You're not in the drama club, so of course you wouldn't know."

“…That’s right…”

When I realized this, I felt a little embarrassed.

"Then... without Senior Sun, who is in charge of the drama club now?"

"Of course it's Lu Yunzi and Jia Lidu. We should have more trust in our predecessors."

"...Hmm, I see."

"Also, Lu Yunzi seemed to have figured out what happened between him and Ahao, and cut his long hair short."

"Eh—how come I didn't know about such a big thing?"

"...You don't go to the drama club often...and this is all what Jia Li Du told me. As for whether it's true or not, you can confirm it at school."

"....Too."

I couldn't think of any words to respond for a moment.

"Come to think of it, there's no one at home today, so I have to prepare the meal myself." He stood up from the sofa. "Although it's not very polite to ask guests for help...but as a junior, it's quite normal to help a senior who is in trouble, right?"

"of course."

I didn't have much to do anyway. Besides, I wasn't unfamiliar with cooking... so at least helping out wouldn't be a problem.

"Very good—then let's continue with the topic we started with."

After I walked into the kitchen with him, he brought up the topic that I had almost forgotten.

"What I'm talking about...whether we should visit other schools is actually something we've done before," he explained. "It's about selecting people to collaborate with other schools' cultural exhibitions. It's a short but not insignificant opportunity to go out... Although there are many clubs in school, the people selected are basically from the drama club. After all, this club is quite easy to collaborate with in other schools..."

"..."

Wait, if I were to ask which school it was linked to, I only have one memory in my head.

"Can I confirm first...if you are going, which school should you go to—"

"Does this need to be said?"

When the senior said the name of the school in a relaxed tone, my heart beat faster.

"...I see..."

Correcting past statements

"I'd better forget it..."

Although I was thinking about what I wanted to do, this matter was not included.

"Really? That's a decisive answer." He thought for a moment, "If possible, could you tell me the reason?"

"...I just think it's too much trouble."

This wasn't just a perfunctory statement. After all, it was simply too much trouble... both to implement and to explain. Even so, the most crucial reason was... her being there.

"Isn't life all about solving problems..." He retorted helplessly, "But since you said that, I won't force you."

"....Um."

"Well, take this," he said, handing me a metal scraper, "and I'll leave the peeling to you."

"...Uh...hmm."

"You should be doing housework normally, right?" She seemed a little worried about me.

"Of course. This can still be done." For some reason, I suddenly felt a little nervous.

"Ah, that's good." He said, walking to the chopping block nearby. "Be careful not to get hurt."

"Of course not. You're not a child."

"It's this mentality that leads to accidents... While the likelihood of danger is related to age, the biggest influence is undoubtedly a careless attitude."

"Yes—"

I answered absentmindedly and began to peel the radish. I wasn't a big fan of this ingredient for dinner, but it didn't seem right to be so picky at someone else's table.

"After all, you really don't plan to join the drama club?"

After a brief silence, he couldn't help but ask the question. Even after graduation, he was still worrying about the club's affairs...

“…Actually, I’m not sure either.”

Things have come to this point, and I can't bear to refuse directly.

"Surprisingly, it's not very clear... Well, I don't quite understand this answer." He showed a helpless expression. "If possible, please explain it a little more."

"...Actually, I've always kept myself out of the club. But for some reason, the seniors haven't forgotten me despite my deliberate distance... So even now, they still remember me. To be honest, I'm a little shaken. If I had joined the drama club first, maybe my life would be more fulfilling than it is now... I've thought about that."

"...Oh."

"It's just that I feel like I've found my own club... a club where I can feel at ease no matter what. I don't want to leave, and our club leader certainly wouldn't want me to leave either."

“…”

"But I also want to repay the care of my seniors. So, if Senior Sun hasn't found a suitable club leader in this final year, then I will take over. I will definitely not break my promise on this point."

"...Hmm, that's a rather surprising statement."

"Hey...is there anything strange about what I just said?"