I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"..."

I don’t seem to have anything I really want to do, but the reason is that I can’t do anything well, so I just don’t do it to avoid wasting time.

"So, if I were to get involved in writing like you, I could easily become number one?"

"I never said that. After all, this kind of thing needs to adapt to market demand. If you can let go of your pride and write fast-food content, then I think you should be able to do it."

"...wouldn't it be more interesting to defeat the mainstream with non-mainstream content?" Having said that, are there really people who can do this? Compared to highbrow content, more accessible content is more likely to be popular.

"I knew you would say that."

"...Whatever I said, I still didn't do it anyway."

"It seems you're not interested in creative work. Why did you choose to become an author?"

"...I didn't say I joined. Don't you know that I haven't revealed such an identity?"

"I know, but I originally thought you were trying to avoid being pestered by fans. Now I understand you don't want to be associated with us."

"It's not that I don't want to... I just don't think I'm qualified yet."

"Do you need any qualifications to call yourself an author? Didn't you write that book?"

"....You just don't need to play this debate game with me anymore." They kept talking like this over and over again. Unless one party stopped on their own initiative, there was no chance of stopping.

"Oh, let's talk about something else then." She obediently brought up another topic. "I just happen to have a question I've been wanting to discuss with someone."

If I'm not mistaken, the question she's about to ask must be quite difficult to accomplish.

"Do you have any experience in love? I want to win someone over, and you should know who it is."

"..."

This is too straightforward.

"It's Jiumuting...you mentioned it before." I just confirmed it with her.

"Yes, that's right, it's her."

"Actually, the easiest way is to be honest and just say that you like her." If you can be honest with someone like me, it shouldn't be difficult to tell the person you like.

"She'll think I'm joking... It's a 100% sure failure to confess your feelings to her before she's already developed a crush on me." She actually corrected me seriously.

"..."

Isn't it obvious that he is much more skilled than me? He still needs my guidance?

"I've tried that before."

As she spoke, she struck a pose as if she were drawing.

"While she was painting, I was just like this..."

He took a step back and pointed his hand towards his previous position.

"Hey, Xiaodie—"

He took a step forward and then assumed a drawing pose. Turning back, he replied somewhat impatiently, "Please focus on your work, Teacher Ailiya, and don't disturb me."

"Don't be so cold——this is not the expression I like~"

"...If you bother me again, I'll hate you."

After saying that, he immediately returned to the state of the conversation with me before, "Well, this kind of conversation happened more than once."

"..."

How should I put it? Although I haven't seen the original scene, I inexplicably feel that the degree of restoration is quite high.

"Is it really not okay to express it this way?"

"There's no way he can succeed."

Chapter 2: Overconfidence and Temporary Restraint

Love is usually between a man and a woman, but there's no specific rule that it has to be a man and a woman. Love is simply a matter between two souls, regardless of gender. While some people find it difficult to accept, if you've decided to be together (currently a one-sided decision), there's no need to worry about what others think.

"You mean you want my help..."

The bus, which had not yet arrived, was already crowded. Li Qinya and I were squeezed into two seats in the corner by so many passengers.

I don't think being close to a girl like Li Qinya is anything to be happy about. After all, I have no interest in girls like her. However, this does have one advantage: we can talk at a level that goes unnoticed.

"Of course, she and I are not from the same school."

"But what can I do? You can't ask me to improve your favorability on your behalf, right?"

"That's true." She nodded solemnly.

He admitted it without any objection.

"Look, haven't you carefully considered what you need to do to achieve your goal? Even if you come to me for help and I agree, what can I do on my own?"

"...Now that you mention it, I think I remember. You're not the only one who can help. If he's included, maybe it will be possible."

"...What? How many more people are you going to tell this to?" I have a feeling most people wouldn't agree... Well, I'm indifferent to most things, so I can accept it easily. I can't guarantee that everyone feels the same way.

"Tell at most two more people. Those two go to the same school as you, so if they can help, it wouldn't be a bad idea to work with them."

"It's a good idea... the key is how to act on it." He sighed slightly, "Besides, what if Jiumu-san doesn't mean that at all?"

"what..."

"what?"

Is she only now realizing that she needs to consider other people's opinions when it comes to love? Now, although I don't know if I'm a genius, I can be sure of one thing: this guy is an idiot when it comes to love.

"Things like this can be overcome with some effort."

Hey, what a perfunctory attitude.

"I don't think it can be easily overcome... After all, not everyone can accept same-sex love." Although I personally don't care, if a man suddenly comes up to me and confesses his love, I will reject him no matter what the reason.

“…I see.”

She is only beginning to realize this now... Never mind, that's all.

"So I think we shouldn't be so hasty. Let me ask her about her intentions... Of course, I won't reveal it's you. I'll just hint at it."

"Well..."

"By the way, those two people you mentioned are from our school. Who are they?"

"...seems to be in a club called the Cooperation Club."

"...ah."

I seem to know who those two guys are.

Let's make things more complicated.

When I accidentally strayed into Senior Sun's fiery Shura Field during the summer vacation, Li Qinya had already met two big idlers in the Cooperation Society through Jiumuting.

The reason why they are called idlers may be that in my impression, neither of them has really done anything great.

Anyway, after asking Li Qinya, she told me how they met. It's no wonder their comics are so well-made... having someone to help is always better than Ye Hui drawing alone.

But now is not the time to think about it.

"I think I can do this by myself. Although I can't guarantee that I can help you...but I will do my best to create conditions for you."

That’s just what I said. We need to consider further what to do specifically.

"...as if I were doing something bad."

Even at this time, this guy still cares about my tone.

"Don't worry about that... Ultimately, this is your own business. I'm not going to change anyone's mind, so it's natural that she might reject you."

Generally speaking, there are many reasons for rejection.

“…I understand that too…”

"One more thing." Having come this far, it probably wouldn't matter if he added one more thing. "There's a chance she might be afraid to get close to you because of your feelings... then there might not even be a chance for a casual conversation. Are you sure you want to tell her your feelings?"

"...are you afraid of me?"

"Well...if I put myself in their shoes, I think it's quite possible. But I can't say I'm afraid, but I'm more of a person who doesn't know how to deal with it..."

Putting aside her niche emotions, even in a normal relationship, after being rejected, it would be difficult for the two to get along normally again.

"It always feels... so difficult."

Is she finally beginning to appreciate the meaning of life? The sooner she understands, the luckier she is. It is truly a cause for celebration.

"Yeah, life is hard."

Living the life you want is even more difficult.

Chapter 3: Let’s make things more complicated

Night view.

It seems like it's been ages since I've been out and about at this time of year. Since I could stay home, why walk the streets in the bitter cold, where there's no warmth at all? The neon lights, bright as they are, still can't convey any warmth. Those walking the streets at this hour are either carefree young people, devoted to their playful desires, or all sorts of social types, driven by the whip of life and rushing about everywhere.

But Li Qinya beside me and I cannot be classified into either of the two.

"Will you continue after this? Writing or something?"

"Of course."

“What if I don’t do it?”

"I guess I'll just have to sit around. After all, no matter what I do now, my family will support me... and they'll even send me the necessary funds."

"..."

I kind of regretted asking that question. The choices and paths we could take were completely different from hers.

"But you, won't you continue writing?" she asked back.

"I'm not like you. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do next. Even if I decide to live this way, with no guarantees, my only source of income is royalties and the like... If I become famous, that's fine. But if I don't, I'll probably starve to death."

"Ah...Are you afraid of starving to death?"

This is the first time someone has asked such a question.

"It's not that I'm afraid of anything..." I didn't have much hope for myself in the first place, so why would I feel like there's something I don't want to experience... "I just think dying like this would be too sad... As a human being, it's kind of a failure if I can't even support myself."

“…That’s true.”

Even if she agreed, she wouldn't be able to understand someone like me. After all, we are fundamentally different, so she doesn't need to worry about any difficulties in her life.

"...Let's not talk about this. How far away is your home?...Why haven't we arrived after walking for such a long time?" I didn't want to walk on this cold street anymore.

"Well...actually, we have to transfer to the subway next."

"...I clearly remember your home wasn't that far away."

"I don't live there anymore. I moved to a new neighborhood during the summer vacation. It's in a very remote place."

"Why didn't you tell me such an important thing earlier?"

"If I tell you, will you still accompany me?"

"Absolutely not."

"That's it."

"Tsk..." Really, you always push the troublesome things onto me.

"If you are impatient with girls like this, your favorability will decrease."

"Oh, really? Then what's your favorability towards me? Did it drop just now?"

"Well... if one hundred is the upper limit, then my favorability towards you is probably around sixty."

"...It's actually this high?"

"By the way, this value only applies to friends. Your romantic affection is zero." After a brief pause, "And because of what you just said, it's been reduced to negative thirty."

"Why don't you just say you treat me as a friend?"

But I don't have any feelings for her to begin with. Being able to have a conversation is what I'd prefer... After all, having someone I can talk to more easily keeps me from daydreaming. Even though the world doesn't believe in pure relationships between men and women.