I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"Then, it's Yehui who will go first. What is your understanding of the name 'Hekawa'?"

"...Well," she continued, pondering, "I feel like the character '羽' (feather) should symbolize the legendary '鹏' (peng), a bird after all. And if '川' (river) represents the sea, then I'm hoping that President Rin Hanekawa can be like the peng, spreading his wings and striking the water, soaring into the sky... or something like that."

"Oh, that seems interesting."

"What do you think about Sheji? How do you explain the president's name?"

"...I don't have any explanation, because I can't figure out why it has such a name."

"...Hmm." She didn't seem to believe that I had no ideas.

"Yehui, your explanation is very vivid, and I have nothing to refute."

"...Is that so? Never mind." She sighed and prepared to get back to her business.

"Well, let's talk about Yehui next."

"...Huh? What's there to talk about with my name?"

Even so, she didn't turn her gaze towards me. It seemed she was a little shy about discussing her own name... which was a normal reaction.

"I usually call you Yehui Yehui. Actually, I know that. The correct way to pronounce your last name is hei, but whether it's when you first introduce yourself, or when others call you or the teacher calls your name, you are always called Yehui. I know that this is because you are used to it, and usually no one will notice that the pronunciation of the word "Ye" as a last name needs to be changed."

"..."

She didn't respond to me.

But I know. She must have explained it to others before, but not everyone remembered. "Night" is easy to pronounce, so why does she have to pay special attention to the pronunciation of "hei"?

After correcting it ten or twenty times, I no longer wanted to correct it. No one cared anyway, so why should I care?

This is true of many things in the world.

"But I don't want to correct you... because I like calling you by your name."

“————?!”

"It's as if to say... you are the light in the night sky."

In fact, it's not just me. I think everyone who knows your name will think of this.

Chapter 17: Name

Give something a name - although people cannot decide their own names, they can name the things they like.

You can give your favorite item, your favorite pet, your character, your virtual identity...you can give it a name you like. And because of this name, you may like the thing you already like even more.

"By the way, Sheji, what's the name of your play?" Senior Sun seemed to have just realized this problem. He suddenly asked this question when the rehearsal was almost finished.

"..."

Of course, there are also things that I created myself.

It can be called a title, or even a name. However, for something supported by words and formed by concepts, it is quite difficult to reach the level of a "name."

"I haven't thought about it yet."

I know this response is a bit awkward, but I really don't have any ideas for the title. In a sense, this is what they call "undecided script."

"Then let me think of a name for you... How about calling it 'Space Story'?"

"It sounds like the title of a special effects movie from the Showa era. If you didn't know, you'd think there would be a monster or something."

It’s really hard to complain about this naming standard.

"No... Then let's call it 'The Bud of Birth'. It reflects the theme of the story and is also intriguing."

"I feel like I've heard of it in a game..." It seems to be some entry material or something.

"Still not working?" he asked further.

"No, I don't agree anyway."

"You're really picky... Never mind." He sighed. "You should come up with the name yourself, but it'd be best if you come up with a solution by tomorrow. Otherwise, we won't be able to prepare the posters and promotions properly."

"...We still need to put up posters?"

I was a little shocked by something so formal.

"Of course, didn't we do it last year?" He pointed at the wall behind him. "Senior Su designed it himself, but he's not very good at drawing, so he asked the seniors in the News Department to do it for him."

"Oh, it seems you were very busy during that time." I thought he was doing nothing every day.

"It's not so bad... After I finished my work, I went to a school in a neighboring city as an exchange student. You already know most of what happened after that, so I won't repeat it."

His eyes gradually shifted to the finished poster and he stopped talking to me. I had every reason to believe that he was missing his senior, Su, who had already graduated.

"...I'll figure it out as soon as possible."

Since it has been decided in the first place, it would not be good if it is delayed because of me alone.

"Ah..." As if he just remembered that he was talking to me, he quickly turned around and looked at me, "Yeah, just take your time to think about it and don't worry."

"Then, I'll take my leave first."

With only one day left to go, how could I possibly think about it slowly? Sometimes, when you look deeper, polite words really don't make sense.

"Going back to another club?"

"Of course, where else can I go?" Try not to ask questions knowing the answer again.

"How's your relationship with them?"

"It's just so-so...but why do you ask?" It felt like he was worried about me. But when I thought about it, there was nothing I could be concerned about.

"Nothing... I just feel that you seem to pay more attention to the situation over there."

"I'm already a member there... Isn't it natural for me to care more about the club's situation?" What kind of thinking is he doing?

"That's not what I meant."

"Um?"

"What do you care about, the club activities or the people in that room?"

"..."

"As far as I know, your club doesn't have any specific activities... Could it be that you're more concerned about..."

"For me, just sitting in that activity room is enough. Whether I stare out the window idly or drift off to sleep in the dull silence, it doesn't matter."

"....?"

It's no wonder I'm having doubts. As a pragmatic senior, I naturally don't have the leisurely feeling of following my heart. While such leisure will eventually fade, I'm at an age where I can afford to spend it. At the cost of my boring youth, even if it's just for a few minutes, let me enjoy this leisurely and carefree time a little longer.

"It's like I'm sitting in the classroom, I'm just here at school. For my parents at home, I just have to go out and go to school."

"Your remarks are too dangerous, aren't they? It would be better for you to just pay attention in class."

See, I told you he didn't understand much.

"That was just an analogy. Anyway, I'm very satisfied with what I'm doing now." Then he waved goodbye, "Keep doing your best before we finish."

赴约

Since there are already billions of humans in the world, then...is there any need for me to be born, since probability suggests I'm destined to live an ordinary life?

But reality isn't a game. It doesn't give players the right to refuse entry to the game—if I had been less aggressive in the fight for registration rights, I might not have been born into this world as a player.

In short, I came to the world crying.

Whether it's a game comprised of countless players, a corridor of time spanned by multiple planes, or perhaps it's an inherited wish from a past life... none of these hints exist. Tutorials and equipment vary from player to player, and different people possess different resources. There are no clear goals to achieve. While there are rules, some can break them at will, while others face sanctions for breaking them.

In short, the world appears normal, but in reality it is distorted and misshapen. However, this misshapenness is relative—when people believed the world was a large, square piece of land, a spherical world seemed distorted and strange to them. But when everyone believes we are standing on Earth, the previous notion of a flat earth and a round sky is considered false and absurd.

People only want to believe what they believe in. This is a truth that cannot be changed no matter how much time passes.

Believing the rules of their world are square, they strive to make them square. But the rules are distorted from the beginning. Those who try to change the rules in such a situation are ultimately futile. They gain nothing, yet those who believe the rules are square spare no effort to support the idea of ​​changing the rules, only to be distorted by the already distorted rules.

Justice is a lie... because there is no such neat, square thing in the world. Yet there are always people who think it exists and are willing to believe it.

"...boring."

This is essentially the message of my story. Yet, everyone understands the truth, yet they don't act on it... This is also normal. If everyone were so obedient, they wouldn't be human. Paranoia is the essence of being human, something deeper than repetition. Another way to describe paranoia is believing only what you want to believe—even when the truth is clear, those who were willing to believe it in the first place remain, like blind people, unwilling to see it. And precisely because of this trait, some will try to guide the public's attention, while others will truly treat these people as blind.

Unfortunately, they are just as expected.

You only see what you see, but not what you should see.

They deceive themselves with the unfounded belief that "the public's eyes are sharp," justifying their own paranoia. They also assume that because they simply believed something and didn't actually harm the person involved, they bear no responsibility. Even if they know they believed something wrong, they still don't need to worry about it.

As the straw that broke someone's back, there's no need to be held accountable for one's actions. And as bystanders, there's no need to blame oneself. Why should one reflect on oneself when one hasn't even had the chance to persecute others?

If I were a god, I'd naturally be disappointed with a species like this. I'd want to destroy it hundreds of times. Why, after all this, haven't the gods considered destroying humanity?

“…What a hassle.”

Chapter 18: A Date

If you don’t have any friends, you will hope to have friends with whom you can have normal conversations.

"Ah... Today is a day off..."

Similarly, if there is no rest time, it is natural to hope to have some rest time.

This is especially true for me now. Because of a promise I made to someone, I have to sacrifice sleep on my precious days off, not getting up early, and then at least taking care of my appearance according to the other person's instructions.

"At least..."

It seems this is the minimum she's asking of me. While I've never made such a request before, if I think about it, the situation back then was completely different from now. Besides, if she's asking this, I'll just give in to her for once, considering I've been taken care of before.

There's nothing I can do. Although I really want the world to be destroyed, I still want to get along well with the people around me, even though I won't actively approach them.

"Comb... Comb..."

If someone doesn't want others to get close to them, what's the reason? If we infer from the results, we'll conclude that it's because they're surrounded by too many people. But in reality, those who are surrounded by all kinds of people are called "Hidamichi." While such people may dislike being surrounded by too many people, they will never refuse anyone to approach them.

So we can conclude that people want to possess something simply because they don't have it. However, the desire to not possess something that one doesn't have is the product of a very complex experience.

"That'll be fine."

Suddenly, I thought tying my hair up wasn't such a bad idea. And I was very skilled at combing it, so it didn't take me long to accomplish what he had asked. The rest was simply a matter of going along.

Anyone still thinking about going out in this weather must be someone who doesn't normally have the opportunity to go out. It's a conclusion I can easily draw without even thinking too much. Frankly, I felt a sense of disbelief the moment I received the invitation. That person shouldn't have any free time.

"...Is this all I can do..."

I've been thinking about this ever since I received the invitation yesterday. However, despite all the thought, I can't imagine what I can change with my current abilities. The issues I've faced so far have nothing in common, simply because I simply can't understand what the person is going through.

What puzzles me even more is, if you have such troubles... why didn't you speak up until now? If you had spoken up earlier, maybe you could have come up with a solution that would satisfy everyone.

“It’s not that this is all you can do all the time, but this is all we can do all the time.”

It was like an echo in my mind. My own voice answered my doubts. I've been like this from the beginning... just a person observing the lives of others, living my own life, which I couldn't quite describe as good or bad.

.......

"You're really punctual. Have you been waiting for a long time?"

“…”

Knowing my own mobility was no match for the luxury car the Rin family had bought, I sat down on a park bench a while in advance, sipping on a cup of hot coffee I'd bought from a nearby beverage shop to while away the time.

By the way, I had already finished the coffee in the cup, so while greeting her, I threw the packaging into the trash can.

"It's just the time it takes to finish a cup of coffee."

"In that case, I don't need to apologize too much."

"...No, no, you're busy too. I won't complain even if you stand me up." Having said that, I would definitely be angry if I were stood up.

"I wouldn't say I'm busy, but my parents have too high expectations of me. And I'm the type who doesn't want to disappoint others."

This is the complete opposite for me.

"Well, let's end the pleasantries here." He rubbed his hands, which had grown warm from holding the cup, and said, "What are your plans for today? President Rinhanekawa—"

"We're not at school, so forget about the honorific." Rin Hanekawa, who was wearing a white down jacket, a dark red miniskirt, and black stockings, couldn't help but laugh. "In this case, just call me Rin-senpai."

"....Uh oh...Rin...Rin-senpai..."

I think it was the first time I formally called her "senior".