I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

"There's nothing I can do about it..." He encountered a spot that was difficult to wipe clean, so he wiped it vigorously. "After all...my parents don't really like to keep pets like this. They shed hair in the summer, and it's quite troublesome to eat, drink, and poop..."

"...Which do you think is more important, human life or the life of another animal?"

"..." This question... "So what do you think? Do you think... that both lives are equally important?"

I have had this idea since a long time ago.

"Shouldn't we think so?"

He raised his questions without hesitation.

"..."

As I expected, this child's thinking was very similar to mine. And since I had this thought, I haven't forgotten it.

复述

Perhaps the world only needs creatures that serve as livestock and pets. Other forms of life don't warrant significant attention—livestock are about money, while pets are merely vehicles for channeling untended hypocrisy. Even if the destruction of too much plant life leads to the slow destruction of the world, that's nothing to worry about. As long as it doesn't happen immediately, humans can forget about it and leave it to future generations to worry about.

In a world where humans generally believe their own lives are superior to those of other species, upholding the idea of ​​"equality of life" is truly valuable. However, this doesn't mean avoiding meat and vegetables... it means developing a reverence for them.

Carnivores constantly hunt to survive, but they never kill indiscriminately or for pleasure, but simply to survive—they themselves are part of the ecosystem's constant cycle.

However, the people around him don't seem to realize this. Just for the sake of his seemingly stubborn nature, he can use all means to kill all life except humans.

“This is not right…”

"Ah, I know."

Of course I know this is wrong. But who cares about these things... and even if they do, what good does it do? It's taken, it's taken. No one can judge the actions of a child at such a young age.

"what do I do...?"

Just like me at that time.

I, with no one to agree with me, and he, with no one to agree with me, helplessly asked this question. It seemed heavy, yet also like a completely irrelevant question... I couldn't change the opinions of those around me, and expecting to change the opinions of everyone in the world was a pipe dream.

"There's nothing we can do."

Even if someone affirms his idea at this time, it will still be defeated by reality. Rather than letting him realize this through gradual growth, it is better to tell him directly.

"You just have to get used to it."

Get used to everything in this world. Try to love this world that may not be worth loving at all. Try to make yourself numb and stop thinking.

"Lower your purity... Make friends with ordinary people, and taint yourself with evil... Turn a blind eye to unfair things, and pray that they won't happen to you. Hope that you can live an ordinary life..."

The hand that had been wiping the dust off him gradually stopped moving. It wasn't because he fell silent... it was because I finally understood what I was thinking. I'd been trying to convince myself to be that kind of person, hoping to be indifferent to everything.

But the result is still...

"You really are the same type as my sister."

His shoulders were shaking, and he seemed very angry, but his tone was also mixed with disappointment towards me...or rather, towards a guy like me who was about to become an adult.

“…”

"That's enough. I won't trust anyone anymore!"

As he spoke, he broke free from my hand that was wiping the dust off him, walked into the street that was about to enter the night, and gradually disappeared from my sight.

Chapter 26 Retelling

I don't know how I ended up at that guy's doorstep again when I was feeling so down.

However, I felt it would be a bit unreasonable not to report this situation to her. Anyway, I was still standing in front of Feng Rongqing's apartment—her studio—and knocking on her door. There was a light on in the house, albeit a dim one, but she must be home.

However, after knocking for about a minute, there was no response.

"...Classmate Feng Rongqing? Are you at home?"

Finally, having lost a little patience, I called out her name and put my ear to her door, trying to listen to what was going on inside.

“…”

But I still heard nothing. It seemed like there was really no one at home... Could she have gone out for a walk or gone out to buy something to eat?

With this in mind, I prepared to go home. I'd better leave today's success to her tomorrow.

"What are you doing lying in front of my door, Shaji-kun?"

Just as I was about to turn around and leave, I heard Feng Rongqing's voice and the aroma of food.

"..."

When I turned around, I found her standing in the hallway of the apartment with a takeaway package in her hand, greeting me with a smile.

"Didn't you say that food wouldn't be brought into the studio? Why did you pack it up and bring it back?"

The first thing I complained about was this, and even I was shocked.

"Yeah, so I'm not going to leave it at home." She said, sitting down nonchalantly against the wall, then opened the lunch box in her hand, "I'll just eat it outside like this."

"...why not just eat at the restaurant instead..."

A feeling of powerlessness and exhaustion surged into my heart, and I couldn't help but sit down with her by the door of her house.

"The restaurant is too crowded. If no one's there with me, I'll feel restless and dizzy." She casually said this, as if she had made up an excuse, and then she ate her food quite generously. "Oh, right. I see you're still carrying your schoolbag, so you haven't eaten yet, right? Do you want to have a bite first?"

"No need... I'll buy it myself later."

"Really? Then I won't be polite to you anymore." She said and continued eating. She didn't seem to care about her brother's incident at all, and I couldn't think of how to start the conversation.

But after hesitating for a while, I still felt that I should take the initiative to propose it.

"...By the way, about your brother..."

"Didn't it work? Well, I can understand that outcome... After all, that's just his personality. Even though he's small, he's still pretty stubborn—ah, really... Even Shaji-san couldn't handle that little guy~"

"If you thought I couldn't handle him from the beginning, why did you insist on letting me go? And you even said with such confidence that you knew I could definitely do it..."

"Would you have agreed if I hadn't said that? Would you have been happier if I had said, 'Ah, you definitely have no chance. But I think you have a glimmer of hope, so I think you can give it a try. Failure doesn't matter'? Really? You really are a wimp..."

"Please shut up and eat."

"Okay, okay~" She still didn't say the word. I wouldn't let her say it either. Because that would be a complete distortion of the truth.

"By the way, you two don't actually live together... Are you having trouble with your family or something? Also, you didn't go to school today, and you don't look sick or anything... What's going on?"

“...Mmm, delicious...”

She seemed to have not heard my series of questions and just buried her head in her food. Even though I told her to shut up and eat, she didn't completely shut up... It's not like she was obedient at all.

"...Okay, stop it. Tell me the answers to these questions right away." I usually don't have the patience to talk to people who just remain silent when asking questions.

"...It's not that I don't want to tell you, but I feel like it's pointless even if I tell you. And I don't need your attention." She had almost finished her meal as she spoke. "As for my brother... He's been like this since he was a child. You've noticed it, right? He has a lot in common with you. I thought you could be a bit of an inspiration to him, but I didn't expect you to tell him to give up."

"...After all...Hmm? Wait, how did you know about our conversation?" I suddenly realized this. "You shouldn't have met your brother in such a short time."

"..."

Faced with this kind of question, she was able to laugh.

"Don't dwell on this kind of thing. I've said it many times before. I know a lot about you. More than you know."

"what."

I didn't want to find out how she knew that. It wasn't important to me. "But I didn't do what you wanted. And it seems like you won't tell me anything about her, right?"

We're almost on the verge of catching her...isn't there any other way...

"It stands to reason that it is."

She nodded, tied the lunch box and plastic bag tightly together, and threw it towards the nearby trash can. It actually landed right in there.

"But I have more than one request for you. So, you little bro, please hold off for a bit. I have a cousin who's about my age and has a crush on a girl. See if you can help her win him over. If that goes well, I'll still tell you where she is."

"...I'm not good at this... Can you give me another one?"

Having no experience in pursuing girls, I had no confidence to do it.

"...My family doesn't run a law firm, so how could we have so many commissions?" She sighed slightly. "Although we're about the same age, he's only in the eighth grade. You should have the skills to deal with girls that age, right? I still have high hopes for you."

That being said, it's not impossible to give it a try.

"Let me confirm first... Are you making fun of me?" I always feel that there is some conspiracy in this commission.

"If you were making fun of me, I would have come here on my own. Why did you have to leave you where I couldn't see you? Stop being so suspicious." She waved her hand nonchalantly. "I just can't stand seeing my cousin looking so lost all day. It's not good for him to let his studies suffer like this."

"I don't want him to miss out on his studies..."

Then I might as well persuade him to give up.

"Okay, the conversation is over, and the agreement is established again. You can leave now," she said, opening the door to her house. "By the way, I didn't go to class today because I had too much clothes to make. Since I'm pressed for time, I won't invite you into my house. See you later."

"Ah... tomorrow..."

Before I could finish my words, she had already slammed the door shut. I had no idea what kind of clothes she was making at home.

“…Tsk.”

That girl just said she'd see me later, so does that mean she might not even be at school tomorrow? Why is it so easy for her to get time off, even if she's not sick at all? But when I think about how I don't have anything I need time off for, my envy fades a bit.

"...a young man trapped in love..."

I don't actually dislike people who exude such youthful energy, because they have the greatest potential to fail and become useless.

"Anyway..."

It’s better to find a way to get in touch with him first.

既视

The sound of a car horn could be heard faintly in the distance.

Being able to hear such a voice, I can roughly confirm that I am still alive. However, I cannot be sure where I am now.

“…”

My body, which had been completely numb, suddenly felt sleepy. I tried to open my eyes, but nothing happened. It felt as if I was surrounded by endless darkness. I had no idea where I was, or what I was facing.

"..."

I wanted to make a sound, even a slight one. But I couldn't. It was like I couldn't control my body. I had no idea what time it was, and I couldn't sense the passage of time.

Sinking in the dim darkness, my thoughts and senses gradually became numb.

"..."

The chill that comes with the season is climbing up from the soles of your feet.

But the gradually numbing feeling interfered with my attempts to solve this problem. The chill, coming from all directions, continued to attack me. My defenseless body seemed to have fallen into an endless sleep, remaining unresponsive, unable to even shiver.

"..."

When will it be alright... When will it be alright...

This thought kept circling in my mind, getting farther and farther away, just like the sound of a whistle that had drifted in from afar at the beginning.

Chapter 27: Deja Vu

I don't seem to be very familiar with this school.

The school gate was much wider than the one I attended at my junior high school. An electronic screen hung overhead, continuously scrolling subtitles encouraging students to study hard. Two stone lions, seemingly meant to suppress something, were placed on either side of the gate.

It was time to go home from school.

Now, standing at the gates of junior high, I'm sighing to myself. I was living this same life just a few years ago... but for some reason, I haven't felt particularly happy during this time. I can't even remember what happened in junior high that made me unforgettable.

"...Hasn't it arrived yet?"

I realized the time, but I searched everywhere but couldn't find my phone, which I should have brought with me.

Did I forget it at home when I left home today? I wasn't particularly panicked about not being able to find my phone. I didn't know why, but I was certain it wasn't lost.

But there's really no way to figure out the exact time right now. Judging by the time school ends, it should be around 6pm—