I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

But only someone like me would have such thoughts. If there really is someone whose future path is predetermined and cannot be changed no matter what they do, then... that person would definitely crave a life without constraints.

"Ah...what a hassle."

The reason why I feel troubled is, of course, not because of my own affairs.

It is very simple to handle my own affairs. Because I have never taken myself too seriously, so no matter what, as long as I feel it is appropriate, it is fine.

I want to give up hard work, give up the future, give up the boring youth and the sweat, give up freedom, give up hard work... give up everything related to action.

If you lose your bright future, you will get a life that is not glamorous but easy to live.

But just as I was about to step into that dark life, a ray of light appeared on the road. Just looking at this light, I could no longer move forward into the darkness.

"...It's...troublesome."

The reason why I lament the trouble again is that I would always choose to escape no matter what, but when faced with this matter, I still cannot escape after all.

"Stop talking about things that are troublesome or not troublesome..."

The words choked with sobs completely disrupted my already confused thoughts.

Looking at the Rinsen River, where I spent two years of high school, I was a little overwhelmed for a moment.

"...What should we do...Don't you have any ideas?"

It was the first time that her eyes became so urgent.

And I couldn't help but think that the first time the ice in her eyes melted was probably when I agreed to let her join the club two years ago.

I was a clueless person when I met her who loved reading. Simply because I found her interesting, we became friends who could chat casually.

"..."

Talking about what I have done in the past two years, it may be much more fulfilling than the previous ten years.

"Of course there are..."

I had no vision for the future, was addicted to games, and hoped that games could blind me, but in the end I was saved by her simple yet slightly paranoid personality.

"Come write something for me."

Just like Senior Amano in the Literary Girls series, she made this request to me, who was far inferior to Kokonoha.

"But...I've never written anything."

I've never done anything before, so I simply don't do it. Even if I did, I wouldn't do it well, because I'd always fail anyway... There are always plenty of excuses for avoiding things. I'm just a loser who won't take the first step.

"Writing is actually as simple as speaking... It doesn't matter. I'm the only one reading it anyway, so just give it a try. After all, our club is a literature club."

"..."

"After all, it was your guidance that led me to try writing. I never thought I would devote so-called effort and time to such a thing..."

Now is not the time to reminisce about the past. But I can't help but recall the things that happened between her and me back then.

"I know now is not the time to talk about this...but, all that comes to my mind right now are images of you."

"..."

After hearing what I said, the anxiety on Rinquanchuan's face seemed to be replaced by an intense shyness. Even after two years of being with me, her personality hasn't changed at all... But I do like the way she blushes.

When she turned her face slightly away from my sight, the black hair hanging down to her shoulders would slightly cover her red cheeks.

Do other girls also make this kind of expression when they are shy? This is the question that has been on my mind for the past two years.

Because apart from her, it seems that no girl would be shy in front of me, and...it seems that she is the only one who would chat with me.

If you say that.

"...Actually, I sometimes wonder how much longer I'll be able to spend with you. This question has been buried in my heart since I joined this club."

As I said this, I began to look around unconsciously.

The iron bookshelf is filled with various books. Although there are five stools, we are the only two sitting on them all year round. On the coffee table without tea sets, there is a small speaker that I took from home without her permission, and a game console that she brought by chance, and of course, there are also cassettes that I brought by the way.

The ceiling and walls are stained with countless years of stains, long since transformed into various images by my imagination while writing. Looking at them again now, I feel a sense of attachment... and more and more memories come flooding back.

"But I always told myself...it was still early. From two years ago, to a year ago...I kept telling myself not to think about it. So when the time came to make a decision, I didn't think about it at all—what an idiot I am."

With this sigh, I turned my gaze towards her again.

However, if I'd been thinking about separation from the beginning... I wouldn't have had that joyful experience. I used to think that only games could make me feel alive... but in reality, I was just afraid of boredom, and I hadn't found reasons to live a fulfilling life.

"But even though I'm so foolish, I still spent two years understanding something very important." However, I don't know exactly how this can be achieved. "I don't know what the probability is of it happening... I want to continue this time with you as long as possible."

“…”

However, she seemed not to hear what I said and remained silent for quite a long time.

"Um, um...say something."

It would be fine if I wasn't silent, but now it feels a bit awkward.

"I don't know what to say either." She nervously touched her cheek. "You clearly know my situation, yet you still say this... You really are an idiot."

"..."

Just like powerful skills often come with side effects, although he seems to have no worries about food and clothing and a bright future, the price he pays is that after completing his studies, Rinquanchuan will have to obey the arrangements made by his family and live his own life.

But then again, can a life controlled by others still be called a life? Ah, what a troublesome question.

"That kind of thing doesn't matter... I don't dwell on whether I'm smart or not. What I care about is that you look so worried when you mention what's going on."

"..."

"Honestly, I don't know how to solve this kind of thing."

"I think so..."

"But there are probably many things in this world that don't have definite answers. So I think there may be other solutions to the problems you encounter."

"..."

However, this method requires time to prepare.

. . . .

When I was in elementary school, I always felt that there were only two places in the world.

There was the town I lived in, and then there was another town that was huge and far away. As I grew older, I became more and more aware of the places I knew...but one thing remained constant.

That feeling of insignificance has always existed in my heart, and it is precisely because of this feeling of insignificance that I have such thoughts.

The sky was as sticky asphalt, completely dark. Pushed by the cold wind, Rinsenchuan and I, who had escaped from home late at night, boarded a train car packed with passengers.

"We're going somewhere far away."

I said this to her, and also to myself.

"Ah."

I could clearly feel her hand tightening slightly as she held mine. Right now, I was the only person she could rely on.

The world is big enough for people to escape from troubles. This is something I've understood since childhood. However, the more things you need to escape, the greater the price you have to pay.

"..Are you scared? Or is it too cold..."

I could feel her body trembling. Unable to do anything for her, I could only try my best to pull her into my arms.

Doing this on such a crowded train felt like a couple deliberately showing off their simple and indifferent love.

"I don't know..." She tried her best to get closer to me while saying this. "I just never thought that one day I would make such a decision."

"..."

It's true that people can never know what will happen in the future. That's why we have small expectations for the future.

"..Can I really escape? While I was waiting for you, I was worried almost every day."

"..."

Before I met her, I never thought that the process of waiting would be full of torment. The moment I decided to escape, she and I put all our efforts into preparing the necessary conditions.

"It has come to this point. There is no point in regretting it."

"I have no regrets... I'm just a little uneasy," she said, looking out the window. "I'm worried about what life will be like from now on."

"..."

"The train is about to depart—passengers, please..."

The journey began. From then on, her life and mine would undergo a huge change.

"I should be looking forward to it," she said, hardly a comforting word. "I'm also filled with doubts about what life will be like from now on. But if I do nothing, the life I get won't be what I want, and I definitely don't want to see that happen."

"..."

"I know why you're worried. Because I'm the only one you can rely on right now. If I'm a terrible person, then you're doomed... Well, actually, I think you should trust me a little more."

For her words, I can face a lot of troubles.

very many.

There are indeed a lot of troublesome things.

Like raindrops constantly hitting your body, it is gloomy and makes you feel uneasy.

But the rainy day will eventually clear up.

"I am back."

As usual, I always say this to her when I get home.

“Welcome home~”

However, the voice that responded this time was a little different.

"....Who are you?"

I looked at the woman sitting on the sofa in the living room, wearing a black sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. Her face seemed a bit like Izumikawa back home, but her voice and figure were completely different.

The biggest difference is that the expression between her brows is filled with the emotion of someone who has never experienced any setbacks or hardships.

"..Eh? It's been all these years, and Izumikawa never mentioned me to you?"

Compared to Izumikawa, she has a much wider range of expressions. She was speaking to me with a look of surprise and helplessness.

“…No.”

As far as I can remember, she never mentioned the existence of such a person.

"Well, that's understandable. After all, she never really liked me since we were little, so it's normal for her not to mention me to you..."

"Well. Before that, can you tell me how you got in here?"

I suddenly noticed this. It looked like Rinsenkawa wasn't home either, so no one should be around.

"Oh, I climbed in through your bedroom window... Hey, what were you doing with your phone?"

"Of course I called the police."

This is already an illegal invasion.

"Don't be nervous, I'm not a thief." Although she was a little nervous, she didn't stand up from the sofa. "I am Izumikawa's sister. My name is Rinhanekawa."

"Even so... you shouldn't turn..."

"Don't bother with such trivial matters." She waved her hand and changed the subject. "I've been waiting since ten in the morning. I'm really hungry."

"That's a small matter, right?!" Having said that, I still carried the cake I bought into the kitchen. "...Since you've been patient for so long, just wait a little longer. I'm going to make lunch soon. Although I'm not sure if Izumi-kawa will let you stay when she sees you when she comes back."

"Oh... so you can do housework." She didn't seem to care about Lin Quanchuan's attitude towards her.

“I really didn’t know how to do it at the beginning, but there are some things you have to learn to overcome.”

"Oh, okay."

"What do you mean..." I always feel that the tone is quite perfunctory.

"It's nothing." She looked around. "I've been wanting to say this from the beginning. Your place is so small."

"...Maybe it's a little small compared to your house." But it's enough for the two of us. Besides, having a place like this is already difficult enough.

"Will this really make her happy?"

Her tone was like a casual question.

"..." So I didn't intend to respond seriously, "Then what do you think is happiness? Is marrying someone you don't like happiness?"