I, who advocate giving up, feel like a disqualified person

After treating the wound, my father did not send me to school, but sat with me on a bench in a nearby park.

He said, “People feel sad when they lose something precious, but there are also things that they have to give up despite the sadness.”

“If you meet someone you like in the future, cherish that person, but you must distinguish the difference between liking and loving.”

These two sentences were what touched me the most at that time.

Now I have someone I like, but I still can't tell the difference between liking and loving.

I felt lost for the first time in my life.

...........

Are the strong strong because they are alone? Can they become strong because they are free from all worries?

I don't think so.

Only those who want to protect something are strong, and the idea of ​​protecting something will make people stronger and stronger.

Possessing overwhelming power but having nothing to protect is meaningless.

I am an absolute weakling, a complete loser.

His motor nerves are underdeveloped, he is not very noticeable in the class, he has no opinions of his own, he is often ordered around but never complains, and in the eyes of others he is simply a coward.

I think so too. I am indeed weak and cowardly.

But I won't continue to be a coward, because I have people who need to be protected.

And now, that person needs my protection.

Even though the opponents were five times my number, even though they looked stronger and taller than me, even though they didn't seem to be easy to talk to or the kind of people who would reason with me.

but...

...............

In the face of powerful forces, I finally realized that I was right to think of myself as weak.

The body kept feeling the pain of being hit, and the vision became strange because of this pain.

Lights and shadows flickered before my eyes... My nose felt hot, ah, was it bleeding?

The human body is really fragile. When I rushed up to fight with them, I had a moment of wishing that I was not an Earthling, and that I could burst out with some special abilities and knock them down without getting hurt.

But in the next second I realized that I was still an Earthling, and a very ordinary one at that.

Being hit will hurt, and the intense pain will make you lose the ability to resist, and then you will have to endure the pain that continues to come.

I can't protect anything now...and I'm making the people I'm supposed to protect so worried.

I'm such a useless guy... Someone like me wants to protect others, but I guess I can't protect anyone even if I risk my life.

I remember wanting to be a hero when I was little... It's great to be a hero.

It appears in times of crisis, representing justice and strength. It appears in the midst of brilliant light and leaves in the same spot.

For someone like me who doubts justice and has no power, being a hero has nothing to do with me.

However, calling for help is a skill that mortals are very good at.

Although there was only a chaotic chaos of light and shadows before my eyes, I could vaguely hear the sound of sirens, and the continuous beatings disappeared... I was able to hold on until the police arrived. This is really...

...............

"Are you awake?"

Came Jiayin's voice, followed by a sigh of relief.

"Where am I...Aren't the police here? Why am I..." I looked at the familiar environment around me. It was still the alley where Jiayin was approached by a street thug.

"That was just a police car passing by. They were just feeling guilty and their tune was off."

Jiayin's eyes were filled with tears, and her voice was a little hoarse... It seemed like she was worried about me...

"Great... I'll take you to the hospital right away. You've lost a lot of blood..."

"How long have I been unconscious?"

"It wasn't long, just two or three minutes. Let's not talk about this anymore. I'll go see if there's anyone nearby..." He wiped his tears and prepared to get up.

"Wait... I'm glad you're okay..."

"What nonsense are you talking about? You are important too! Just stay still, I'm going to..."

"Wait a minute..." I grabbed her hand, feeling its delicate touch. I didn't expect that the first time I held hands with a girl would be in this situation.

She was a little surprised, but did not struggle or resist, and moved closer to me.

"What do you want to say? Just tell me..."

Looking at her face and her expression at this moment, I wanted to tell her a decision I had thought about for a long time, and something I had just made up my mind to tell her.

However, it takes great courage to say this. I feel my heart beating violently and my hands shaking.

"Now, let's get out of here."

"Huh? Why? You're not..."

She looked at me in surprise.

"I just realized that I can't protect anything."

I loosened my grip on her hand because my heart felt like it was being pricked by needles.

I struggled to stand up, but found it difficult, so I gave up.

"No, you've already protected me. I know that, so..."

"So what? Do you think I'm so powerful? Do you think I'm doing this for you? Don't be silly. Put away your naiveté and move towards your goal. Don't be distracted by me and those scumbags just now."

"Why...why would you say that?"

Her eyes immediately filled with tears.

"because..."

I didn't say anything else. I struggled out of there, holding on to the wall, and she didn't follow me.

Some questions don't need answers

Give up

A word consisting of only two characters has different meanings.

If there is something that cannot be obtained, and even if it is obtained, it cannot be maintained or protected, is there any need to pursue it or to keep it without hesitation?

I don't know how other people would make decisions in this situation.

When I faced this situation, I chose to give up.

.............

Most people hate giving up, perhaps because giving up is always associated with words like failure, negativity and decadence.

It is very painful to give up something precious to you. How should I put it? It is more painful than being surrounded and beaten by five people and then walking to a nearby hospital with gritted teeth.

After that, I took a few days off using the excuse of recuperating at home...because I didn't have the courage to face her again.

Maybe I was being sentimental, and I was making myself feel guilty about Jiayin. Maybe she never cared about me at all, and just thought I was worth getting along with.

Regardless of whether it was awkward or sentimental, he no longer had the courage to stay with her.

This is what they call reaping what you sow.

.............

The time I spent suppressing my heartache with sleep and daze didn't last long. Under the repeated urging and threats of my homeroom teacher, I entered the classroom with trepidation, a classroom I hadn't been to for a week and a half.

However, she was nowhere to be found.

It's not a sick leave, but a transfer to another school.

As for the reason, according to the homeroom teacher, Jiayin planned to study music, so she transferred to another school.

I don’t know how I felt when I heard the news.

However, I must have felt bad after choosing to forget this memory.

And now, the guy who had disappeared from my memory has appeared in my life again.

How should I react?

Chapter 7: Some questions don’t need answers

"Are you...really Jiayin? Why did your hair color change? I remember it wasn't black before, and neither was your hairstyle, and your clothing style..."

I was pressed under Jiayin and I couldn't even speak properly, not knowing whether it was because of excitement or the joy of seeing each other again.

"Stupid, my hair is naturally black. As for my attire, it's just what the school requires. By the way, I'm a music major."

"Are you really going to study music?"

I murmured as I looked at her happy expression.

"That's right, and there's still hope of getting a recommendation."

It turns out she's really moving forward with the original agreement. It seems like she didn't transfer schools because of me... Well, I'm glad my words back then didn't affect her.

"Well, anyway, let's get up first..."

Although it is class time now, this kind of push-down... no, reverse push-down situation at the intersection will inevitably be seen by students or teachers who happen to pass by.

And it would be terrible for either of them to see it.

"That's right."

Then she quickly got up from me and held out her hand to me. I hesitated for a moment, then took her hand and stood up with her help.

Holding hands with a girl in that pathetic high school campus, oh yeah, that's really cause for celebration.

"Sorry, I'm a little excited because we haven't seen each other for a long time." Jiayin said as she straightened her clothes which had just gotten a little messy.

"Ah, it's okay, don't worry about it."

I said as I started patting the backpack that fell to the ground after being pushed...it was Jiayin's.

"You're dirty too, let me brush it off for you." Jiayin said as she walked behind me and brushed off the dust on my body.

"Okay, let's continue our tour."

"Uh...oh."

................

"Yeah, they really brought the person here."

Brother Nan spoke to me with a slightly surprised tone.

You have so little confidence in me...

"Hello, I'm this guy's homeroom teacher. You can call me Teacher Nan. Welcome to First High School, Suzu Kanon-san."

Apart from the somewhat disparaging way in which I was addressed, the whole opening speech was quite good.

So could you please introduce me properly...ah, we're already so familiar with each other that no introduction is needed, well, forget it.

"Thank you. It's an honor for me to be here at your school. I hope I can learn something valuable during this time."

Jiayin’s response is pretty good, much better than a few years ago.

"Haha, of course you learn something. After all, that's what we're exchange students for. But be careful with that guy next to you. His negative attitude is really strong. Be careful not to pick up that habit."

After saying this, a barely perceptible smile appeared on the corner of his mouth... Is it fun to bully me like this?

"Thank you for the reminder, teacher. I will pay attention to it."

Then he turned his head and smiled at me... Ah, I felt healed, and it felt like no matter how many blows I received, they wouldn't matter.

"Okay, Yi Sheji, go back to class,"

Are you kicking me out now... Well, never mind. It has nothing to do with me now.

"And Ling Jiayin, please stay. I have some small matters to take care of. I'll introduce you to the classmates in a while. Are you nervous..."