Ikari Shinji's Harem Comedy Daily Life

"Commander Ikari has already decided that you will be Shinji Ikari's guardian from now on."

"!!! No, why? I've made contributions to NEVR and shed blood for the Tactics Class. You can't do this to me! I want to see the commander, I want to see the commander!"

"He has been selected by the Marduk Agency as the third most suitable candidate. The plane is ready, please board."

"?!?!? Wait... Hey!"

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2015 5 Month 10 Day.

The Middle East, a certain country, a certain place.

Fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari, a battle-damaged handsome boy, clutches a guitar, clad in a tattered military uniform. Six strings in his left hand, a clapboard in his right, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He strums the strings with his left hand, beats the clapboard with his right, and puffs of his cigarette. A Russian version of "Victory Day Song" begins to play.

Beside him, a battle-damaged young man with a shrewd face, Sosuke Sagara, played the accordion. He didn't smoke, and he didn't even drink. His hobbies were hunting and fishing, and he had nothing in common with the mercenaries and guerrillas around him, with the exception of Shinji Ikari.

"This is Victory Day, the smoke has cleared! Welcome the festive season, even though my temples are gray. How happy I am, even though my eyes are filled with tears! Victory Day, Victory Day, Victory Day!!"

"Hello, Mom. We couldn't all come back. I wish I could run barefoot in the fields..."

Misato Katsuragi's helicopter landed nearby. When she saw this somewhat unkempt group of beautiful boys, her brain froze.

You know what, this group of young and handsome guys who look so rough are a thousand times better than the real young and handsome guys.

Battle damage, scars, bandages—a gun slung across his back, a guitar in his hands.

Suddenly, a line of poetry flashed through Katsuragi Misato's mind: "With a fierce tiger in my heart, I can still smell the roses."

And her looks were a plus (emphasis added). She didn't even bother to look at the other rough mercenaries around her.

Being handsome is true love, being ugly is perversion - love is so disgusting.

"Uh..." But when Katsuragi Misato saw Ikari Shinji for the first time, she really felt a familiar feeling. She didn't know why, but she felt like she had known Ikari Shinji for a long time.

……nonsense!

Ayanami and Yui Ikari are cut from the same mold. Little Ikari doesn't need to wear makeup or grow her hair longer to perfectly cosplay Yui Ikari.

You say you can't see the relationship between Ayanami and Ikari? Are you blind?

Here's a spoiler for a joke I've been wanting to play for a long time - wait for the day when Xiao Ding imitates Zhuge Liang's makeup (maybe the story of Sima Yi endorsing Shu brocade women's clothing).

Grow your hair longer and cosplay Ikari Yui every day! Dye your hair, and even if it's disgusting, it'll disgust Ikari Gendō to death! — Of course, this is risky. It's hard to say whether those two old perverts, Ikari Gendō and Fuyutsuki Yukimasu, will be desperate enough to take action and then split the peach.

"Swoosh!" I don't know who blew the whistle first, and such a mature lady like Katsuragi Misato came to the middle of a group of mercenaries. In an instant, dozens of mercenaries and local guerrillas climaxed instantly.

A bonfire party celebrating victory was interrupted.

"Get out of here, get out of here! This is our guest! Where do you think the meat, canned food, and wine are coming from? Get out of here! Get out of here! If anyone dares to move (beep) I'll chop off his chicken (beep!)"

How rude! Misato Katsuragi curled her lips.

Then he looked at the soldiers who followed him down from the plane.

Honestly, I feel it's not good enough.

"Hello." Katsuragi walked straight up to Shinji Ikari and the guerrilla leader, shaking hands with each of them before introducing herself: "My name is Katsuragi Misato, a UN official. I should have told you why I'm here—I'm glad to meet you. I'm sorry to have bothered you by coming here."

"Let's forget about the Japanese tricks." Shinji Ikari's accent in this dimension was a bit strange.

Japanese with a Maoist accent.

The 14-year-old handsome boy blew smoke rings skillfully, looked at Katsuragi Misato in front of him and said, "Let's get straight to the point."

"..." Fuck! So... handsome. Katsuragi Misato was no pushover, and after a moment of inner turmoil, she felt the beautiful boy in front of her was right: "Then let's get straight to the point. Yeah, but before this, I was still a little confused. I always thought you hated the Soviet Union. The song you just sang was really nice. What was it?"

Although it seems casual, each question actually has a purpose.

"'Victory Day Song', I have never hated the Soviet Union." Shinji Ikari glanced at the other person and thought to himself, how could I not understand you?

He seems innocent, but in reality, he's always walking on a knife's edge... though, he might not have much of a brain. With an inward smile, Shinji Ikari continued, "Although I think the Soviet Union is indeed on the wrong path, I know! The idea of ​​communism is not wrong, and a world where everyone is equal is not wrong. Only the dogs of capitalism will die, and death does not belong to the working class. I firmly believe in this! - And besides, even if another ten thousand years pass, I firmly believe it will succeed! Otherwise, humanity has no future."

"..."

Oh my god, this isn't the Red Army, is it? A thousand thoughts flashed through Katsuragi Misato's mind.

"You said you wanted me to go to Japan and fight for you, right?" Ikari Shinji asked, feigning confusion. "Putting aside whether I'll accept the order or not—why, is there a war in Japan? How come I didn't know about it?"

"...How can I explain this to you? Anyway, it's a very important job. That's all I can tell you. By the way, I heard you're an expert at operating large robots?"

"Sousuke and I are both experts," Ikari said, looking up proudly. "Reconnaissance, blasting, operating vehicles and large humanoid vehicles are all part of our daily routine."

"..." Is it really necessary to brag so much? However, it seems that this beautiful boy is really good at shooting. "Well, I have a document here that I can show you. It will be destroyed after reading. I specially brought the Russian version for you--"

"...Oh, it doesn't matter. After years of fighting, I'm familiar with Russian, Japanese, Chinese, English, Persian, Dari, and Udu. The only thing Sosuke lacks is Chinese—"

As Ikari spoke, he looked at the abridged version of the information. When pretending, it's natural to act like a dragon and a tiger.

The more Ikari looked, the more he pretended to frown.

About ten minutes later, Xiao Ikari tore up the document and threw it into the fire.

"I understand." The confidential document, labeled NEVR, was burned. Ikari said, "But I have a request."

"?What?"

"I thought it was just an ordinary AS, but if it's something I'm not familiar with, like the AS, it's not out of the question. I can't guarantee I'll be able to effectively deploy it in combat right away, even if I'm training from scratch. Also, it's obvious this new vehicle is a test piece and hasn't seen actual combat. I have no idea what the enemy is—the price you gave me is off."

"...Uh, what do you say?"

"An outstanding retired Marine mercenary earns $20 per year, paid daily. An average Air Force mercenary pilot earns $50 per year, paid daily. An AS pilot earns $100 per year, paid daily." This is a parallel world, and any resemblance is purely coincidental. "I'll be piloting your new toys, and even conducting actual combat with an unknown unit. This is strictly a test aircraft pilot, and the risk factor is not the same. I demand a salary of $200 per year, paid daily."

"...Uh, that's not my call." Why are you talking about money? Shouldn't a young man be excited about a giant robot? Isn't saving humanity his duty? How tacky is it to talk about money? Besides... "Oh, your father has always cared about you. He's now the commander of NEVR! Can you give me a friendly price..."

"Pah!" Ikari Shinji spat fiercely, threw his cigarette to the ground, stomped on it, and said, "Three million dollars a year, no bargaining! If you can't find another pilot, just ignore him. If you do, there are definitely two prices for him! Get lost."

“…” Ah, no wonder I can never get the price down every time I try to bargain, is my bargaining ability so bad?

Never mind. It's not my own money anyway, and success or failure isn't up to me. As the saying goes, "Success doesn't have to be mine, but even if I do, success isn't guaranteed." Anyway, if I make mistakes later, nothing will happen to me. By then, the world will share the heat and cold, and we'll all die together. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

"Really, 3 million yen?" That's several times her salary! Katsuragi Misato's annual salary, including various allowances and bonuses, adds up to over 1,000,000 yen. And that's with her employer-assigned housing; otherwise, working in Tokyo-3 would be even worse. With that much money, she could buy a Renault A130 with just 12 installments (though... it was blown to rubbish right after she got it). With that much money and no future plans, the only last-minute treat she could offer was a ramen meal.

It is understandable. After all, as the saying goes, staying at home adds another set of dishes and chopsticks, while working outside empties six wallets - this is the current situation of capitalism.

"Right." Ikari was surprised to hear that—his exorbitant request actually worked? Hey, you've been deducting my wages all last round! "Oh, by the way, there's also—my brother Sosuke Sagara has always wanted to join the Mithril Mercenary Group. There's also a guy named Kalinin, let's help him get some retirement benefits. I don't know when I'll be back, or if I'll ever be able to come back—you have to take care of this job for my brother and this old man!"

"? Shinji?" Sagara Sousuke finally calmed down and grabbed Ikari's shoulders. The two boys clashed, and Katsuragi Misato, watching from the side, thought to herself, "—Are you going to break up with me?!"

"All good things must come to an end... Besides, this time, after reading what they just said, I'm in for a near-death experience. But I have no choice but to go." Little Ikari sighed and said, "I'm just hoping they can't afford the salary so I can quit. Then we'll be able to form a team. Otherwise... if I really go to Japan, the person I'm most worried about is you. I don't know if Kalinin can take good care of you... I don't even know if the old man can take good care of himself."

92 Soviet English, Soviet Warning, Soviet Shinji (no chapters, just 5k)

Everything requires study to understand. I remember Hideaki Anno often eating people, but I couldn't quite recall it. I flipped open the manga and saw that these fan works weren't official. "Hideaki Anno, I fuck your ancestors!" was scribbled across every page. Unable to sleep anyway, I perused EVA for half the night, only to make out the words between the pages. The entire page was covered in the two words: "Eat people."

If you think about it, the entire first episode illustrates a serious problem: bullying children.

A group of adults who are almost a hundred years old in total. Katsuragi is 29, Akagi is 30, and the two of them together are approaching 60. Old Ikari is already 55. Born in 1967, Ikari Yui was born in 1977, a real old cow eating young grass.

This group of adults combined was worth the CPU of a child. Old Ikari started with a sarcastic tone, his nose was not a nose, his eyes were not eyes; he just attacked him head-on, like a beggar begging for food and still complaining about it. He even used the sweetheart trick on his own son, pushing the seriously injured Ayanami to the front.

...Typical bureaucracy, they don't take the lives of frontline workers seriously; they employ child laborers and have a tendency to abuse and kill.

But it didn't matter anymore. Ikari was the type who, knowing there was a tiger in the mountain, would flatten it. Hey, there was a big scar on his head, and Asuka was still waiting for him to attack.

"Are you feeling good?" Katsuragi felt a wave of uncertainty as he watched Shinji Ikari clinging to his beloved gun in the helicopter. However, the older sister quickly prepared a plan for his future.

I must use my love, my heart, my emotions! My sweat, my body… ahem, cross this out! To soothe the heart of this cold, wounded, and helpless boy.

You are an adult now, so it is normal to help children.

"Yeah, that's good." Xiao Ikari nodded. After all, he hadn't expected to get three million dollars so quickly. After all, mercenary wages are life-saving, and long-term contracts require half of the money upfront. Otherwise, if I die mid-transit, who knows what you'll do with my compensation?

Ko Ikari received his 1.5 million swords on the spot. Except for a small amount for his travel expenses, he gave the rest to Sosuke Sagara.

"So much money, I thought you were obsessed with money." Katsuragi leaned closer to Ikari, and the aura of an older sister instantly hit her face. Katsuragi has one advantage, that is, she is shameless! In this respect, adults are indeed thicker-skinned than minors. In a tone of praise, she said, "I didn't expect you to give it all to your friends?"

"Emma, ​​Caroline, Charlotte, Isabella, Cath, Jennifer..."

"?what are you saying?"

"We've been fighting around here for almost three months. Sosuke and I often scout the terrain here. Some of the villages here support the guerrillas." The small, familiar man wiped his gun; it was a Soviet product, after all. Its toughness and endurance were its hallmarks. "What I just mentioned are the names of the girls in these villages."

"Oh, so you're a little romantic, you..."

"They are all dead. Last month, the government army dropped a bomb, and those who were not dead were half-crippled. Sosuke and I came and dug twenty-one graves before we buried them separately, because many of them are gone." Xiao Ikari put the gun on his back. To be honest, it is impossible to survive in such an environment with peace of mind. Basically, everyone has suffered a lot and has deep hatred.

"Nonsense, this local situation is full of warlords fighting each other. The Soviet Union and the United States are mired in a quagmire near the Middle East, and proxy wars or other wars are raging. It's very lively - naturally, the lives of local residents may not be so satisfactory."

"I've discussed with Xiangliang about building a small school for the local area. One that can be attended by both boys and girls. Lenin said that intelligence comes from learning, and genius comes from accumulation. The children here are all very smart, even smart to the point of mischief. Xiangliang is waiting here until the school is completed. In the future, countless warriors with the same faith as me will appear here."

"Oh..." Of course, the people in District 11 didn't understand this: "Shouldn't we study hard and improve our lives?"

"My friend, the average person there earns less than a dollar a day to feed their entire family. And the capitalist dogs would kill a thousand locals just to make the oil price go up by a penny." Ikari bluntly refuted the other party's statement. "We communists don't emphasize individual struggle for personal improvement. That harms others and competes for social resources at the expense of others. We emphasize individual effort and social struggle! We transform society as a whole and create more social resources... Although the Soviet Union has taken the wrong path, I believe someone will always take the right path."

These are the words that 14-year-old Ikari keeps saying.

"Are you like this because of a few slogans?"

"Slogans? Friend, you need a complete set of Marxist-Leninist works to understand them." Xiao Ding said as he opened the pocket of his backpack: "I have Comrade Lenin's 'State and Revolution' here, would you like to take a look? And here is Comrade Chairman's 'On Holding ..."

"Uh... Thank you. I'll take a closer look." After all, he was the head of the Tactics Department who had been studying the art of commanding his subordinates. But Katsuragi looked at it for a long time and said, "But, but I don't understand Russian."

"Oh, I can help you translate it. Friend, in Moscow, not only can you buy 'La Traviata', but you can also see the ballet of 'La Traviata' at any theater anytime. Can I buy the Japanese version of 'The State and Revolution' in Tokyo?"

It seems not possible. The Red Army was causing a lot of trouble in those two years, and every one of these books was banned.

"Don't keep calling me friend, friend. My name is Katsuragi Misato, and we'll be together for a long, long time." Katsuragi suddenly smiled like an older sister and said, "Just call me Misato-nee."

"Okay." Shinji Ikari was very obedient, climbing up the ladder in this regard. However, this generation of Shinji Ikari had a heavy accent, and said in a slightly rusty Japanese: "Misato-san."

"Okay, Shin~" Katsuragi felt that this was his first step towards reconciliation between the two worlds, truly groundbreaking. "Well, Shin~ put the gun down for now. I think you're more suited to that guitar. Children should study hard in school. Well... although I'm not in a position to say this, I will do my best to let you experience the beauty of life."

"I started school at age four, so I'm no longer a child." I started attending a paramilitary school at age four. Although I was a young soldier, I didn't neglect my academic studies. Everything was a combination of learning and entertainment. In the morning, I studied academics, and in the afternoon, I worked in the fields. One day, I learned chemical formulas, and tomorrow, I made explosives by hand—I studied with great intensity, because if I lost focus and forgot the properties of a particular formula, I could easily end up destroying myself with explosives. "As for a good life... I have a lot to say. But never mind. I know my mission is to fight. I've seen what Nevr has said. If it's true, it's part of the struggle for universal human liberation. I'll participate, and there won't be any conflict with you."

The position is clear and the stance is firm.

That’s enough for the character set up here.

"Okay, okay, I'm not a child anymore... I really can't act like one." Katsuragi scratched his head, then made a final attempt: "I actually quite like you."

Ha, ha, take my straight ball!

But the problem is that this is a Japanese straight ball and it is not very powerful.

"Thank you. I like you too, dear Misato-san." Ikari caught the ball and threw it back directly, adding a more powerful version: "It's strange to say this, but it's like I've known Misato-san for a long time. Well, dear, you are so beautiful and gentle. You will definitely be a good mother and a good sister."

“?! Uh…thank you, thank you.” Fuck this…

The Russian greetings are: "Dear, you are all right." It's perfectly normal to describe a woman as gentle and beautiful.

"But, Xiao Zhen, I have to teach you some etiquette in Japan. Uh, these greetings might be normal in Russia, but in Japanese, you can't say words like 'dear' casually... Uh, and don't be so direct when complimenting women. Words like 'beautiful' and 'gentle'..."

Especially with your looks.

You shouldn't say a single word of these words. Walking on the bustling streets of the Third New Tokyo City at night, with your face, I guess you can have a threesome tonight.

"No." Xiao Ikari frowned, not at all embarrassed. He simply said in a serious tone, "I don't say this to every woman - Sister Misato has a familiar feeling and a kind smell."

"...You're such a brat!" He's only 14, Katsuragi Misato, be more normal, Katsuragi Misato! He was just kidnapped to Siberia when you were in college!

But the problem is...

I didn't surf at the age of ten (I witnessed a double surge at the age of ten), I surfed at the age of twenty, and I'm on the crest of a wave at the age of thirty. This... is indeed a little more attractive.

"Let's put it this way." Xiao Ikari is not really a straight man... although he is indeed very straight and tough.

But the Katsuragi in front of him was also his old lover. Although he didn't know how he was doing in this world, he was the type that he absolutely could not give up on.

And I also think it's easy to conquer—ah, easy to do. "Misato-san, I wrote some songs in my spare time between battles. I have nothing better to do, so I'd like to play them for you."

"? Great, I didn't expect our Xiaozhen to be so talented?" Well, to be honest, now when Shinji Ikari says what he can do, Misato Katsuragi can remain calm.

Generally speaking, in Misato Katsuragi's mind, Soviet people should be... that, that, that kind of thing.

Yet, Soviet people's daily lives, vacations, and hobby classes were countless, dating back to before World War II. Can you believe that a large number of air force pilots came from extracurricular hobby classes? Can you believe that a large number of paratroopers came from amateur skydiving enthusiasts?

Tune the strings.

"Позови меня ... You don't understand Russian either, forget it, let's switch to Japanese."

Gently calling my name, offering me sweet nectar. Is my empty heart still resonating? Love, tenderness, and yet indescribable. Once again, I enter a sleepless night; once again, I gaze out the window—now currants and lilacs are in full bloom.

Jingjing calls me, my hometown. Calls me, every time the night falls. Calls me, with a sorrow that is hard to heal, calls me... Calls me, every time the night falls. Calls me, with a sorrow that is hard to heal. Calls me... I know we will meet again. I always want to postpone our separation, the blue crescent moon hides behind the city...

I know we will meet again.