A world only known by the God of Lost Love

In order to get more information from this NPC that refreshes irregularly in the future, she once again wrapped herself in the Suzuki Ren quilt and chose to temporarily conceal the existence of Akasaka Ryunosuke.

"I saw the report about Ren and Hiiragi, and then I knew the name."

"...Is that so."

Because the original incident had indeed been reported, Ren Suzuki did not doubt Shiina Mashiro's story.

However, the fact that the most important secret in his heart was so easily investigated still made Suzuki Ren subconsciously feel uneasy and nervous.

"So...after seeing that, does Shiina-san think that I am a terrible person?"

"No."

Shiina Mashiro shook her head almost without hesitation.

"Although I don't understand why that 'Hiiragi' jumped off the overpass, after all, it was just her own choice, right? Does it have anything to do with Lian?"

"This... can't be said like that."

Even though he has completely reconciled with that past, he still doesn't intend to put all the responsibility on Hiiragi at that time.

"Putting aside my age and mental immaturity, I really failed to do my best when interacting with her. Although it doesn't help to say this now, if I could have given her a little more tolerance at the time With gentleness, things might not get to that point.”

It was precisely because of the regret at that time that Suzuki Ren would try his best to show his most considerate side to every girl he faced after that.

In order not to experience the regrets of that time again, and in order not to let myself become an accomplice in pushing others into desperate situations.

Like atonement, also like escaping, his thinking habit has continued to this day——

"...So, this is where the 'coffee color' comes from."

After hearing Suzuki Ren's words, Shiina Mashiro finally got one of the answers he wanted.

Although Ren Suzuki had indeed reconciled with his failed first love at this time, in the period immediately after his breakup, he had not yet escaped from self-blame and could only use this self-critical method to alleviate his guilt.

And this excessive "tolerance" is the final product of that period of self-criticism.

"lotus."

"what happened?"

"If it's me, you don't need to be patient to that extent."

Shiina Mashiro looked into Suzuki Ren's eyes and said in a more serious tone than usual:

"I'm a person who doesn't know much about the world, so I don't know whether my actions are correct... If I do something that makes Lian unhappy, Lian can stop me at any time."

"…………Unhappy or something, there is no such thing."

Hearing Shiina Mashiro's serious statement, Suzuki Ren was stunned for a moment, then shook his head:

"Shiina-san and I are basically very happy when we are together——"

"you're lying."

Before Suzuki Ren could finish speaking, Shiina Mashiro immediately frowned.

"When Lian was with me, she never showed any signs of happiness. You can't fool me about this."

"You said color..."

After being rebutted so bluntly, Ren Suzuki couldn't help but be confused for a moment.

He didn't understand why Shiina Mashiro's attitude was so determined, nor did he understand what the colors she often talked about meant.

But no matter what, just looking at Shiina Mashiro's unyielding attitude, he had clearly realized that he could no longer get over this topic with a few simple words.

"In other words, you want me to show you a...more real side?"

"kindness."

Shiina Mashiro nodded.

"There is no need to be patient or force yourself. Lian just needs to tell me her true thoughts."

"Is this really necessary?"

Suzuki Ren asked with a confused look:

"Shiina-san, aren't you happy being with me like this?"

"Very happy."

Upon hearing Suzuki Ren's question, Shiina Mashiro answered almost without hesitation:

"In other words, just because of Ren's existence, I am happy every day in Japan."

"Then why do you still ask me like this-"

"But my happiness is only based on being with Lian. As for patience or tolerance other than that... it will make me feel alienated."

In order to emphasize her tone and proposition, Shiina Mashiro couldn't help but lean forward slightly when she said these words.

"Although I don't know if I can do it...but I also want Lian to feel the same as me. So...you don't need to be too patient with me. Lian just needs to express your true thoughts." .Just like I’ve always done to you.”

"…………"

Hearing Mashiro Shiina's statement, Ren Suzuki was completely frozen in place this time.

He never thought that Shiina Mashiro, who almost never showed emotions, would have such deep feelings for him.

It makes me happy just to be with him, and I hope he can feel the same way?

Is this really what a proud woman like Mashiro Shiina should think?

And... could this kind of thing really happen to someone like him?

"Is it really worth asking you to do this for me?"

"Ah...it turned up as expected."

Sure enough, under Shiina Mashiro's continuous attack, she saw another thing she had been pursuing.

The color that appears whenever Suzuki Ren accepts kindness from others... and is also the color that appears whenever he mentions that "senpai".

"Then, next... is about the origin of this color."

Like peeling an onion, as Shiina Mashiro continued to deepen, she felt that she was getting closer and closer to Suzuki Ren's reality.

Under the gradually dimming brown color, Shiina Mashiro finally caught the dark red pulse with her own hands.

"The person who made Lian think that she is not qualified... must be the 'senior'."

In Suzuki Ren's gradually wavering eyes, Shiina Mashiro peeled off Suzuki Ren's "next layer".

"So...do you really have no complaints about that 'senior' as you said?"

"…………"

The dark red barrier began to surge violently at this moment.

Weekend afternoons seem particularly suitable for reminiscing about the past.

Chapter 39: Pulling the brush from the thick bucket of paint

For a person who has just experienced a tragic failure and has no goals to move forward, it is a very happy thing to have a strong and confident person to lead him.

This was Suzuki Ren's initial thoughts about Yui-senpai.

She is smart and always does the right thing, so she just needs to follow her without any thinking or mental burden.

She is strong and always believes in her goals, so even after experiencing several failures, she still will not lose the way forward.

At the same time... there is another very important point.

Being selfish, she always prioritizes her own affairs, so she will not hesitate to take advantage of others without leaving any possibility of being harmed by others.

A knot that has always been self-centered will never be hurt by anyone.

For Ren Suzuki, who considered herself the "perpetrator" at that time, this could be said to be the most trustworthy existence.

In this way, with this almost pathological compensatory mentality, Suzuki Ren began to follow behind this talented senior.

As time went by, the opportunities for the two to come into contact continued to increase, and he began to understand this person better.

Clumsy is the perfect word to describe her. This person who can't use chopsticks always only eats with a spoon. Sometimes she even chooses to use disposable gloves.

This genius whose brain is faster than her mouth is very bad at interpersonal communication. Whenever someone fails to follow her thoughts, she will subconsciously say some anxious and mean words, which will inevitably cause others' displeasure.

The more he gets to know her, the more Ren Suzuki's "indestructible" impression of her will collapse.

While the admiration and dependence gradually dissipated, they were replaced by a self-identity that originated from unknown sources.

Although Yui never expressed her gratitude to him when the two got along, she did begin to become more and more accustomed to Suzuki Ren's care.

At the same time, when Ren Suzuki communicated with others on behalf of Yu, the outside world did gradually change their view of Yu because of his existence.

He realized his positive influence on knots and subconsciously developed his own "necessity" for knots.

He finally began to break free from the shackles of the "perpetrator" and began to actively think about the value of his own existence.

He began to become more confident and regained his motivation to move forward.

And it was in the process of getting on the right track that Ren Suzuki began to have other feelings for Yui besides dependence——

Unfortunately, before this feeling could take root, Knot suddenly disappeared from his eyes.And the reason, as he said before... is just for her personal development.

As if mocking him for feeling good about himself so far, Yui left his side without any regrets.And Suzuki Ren's second relationship that had not yet begun came to an end simply and neatly.

Fortunately, Yu's departure did not take away all of Suzuki Ren.

Praise for his character and communication skills still exist, and his excellence has been recognized by everyone after Yue's departure.

Unfortunately, Yui's departure caused Suzuki Ren to start his second "self-reflection".

The so-called "necessity" is just his self-righteousness. In fact, from beginning to end, he was not indispensable to the knot.

Everything he could do, others could do, and better than him.

He just appeared in front of her at the right time and then happened to play this role.

……

In other words, this is how most relationships in the world are, right?

No one is indispensable, and there is no situation where you cannot live without someone.

In the final analysis, the relationship between people is just about getting what they need.

Don't take your own existence too seriously, and don't make the mistake of thinking that you are "necessary" to others.

[Don’t think that everyone else is like you and needs the approval of others to survive]

........................

"Actually, when Yui-senpai just went abroad, I was confused for a while. But after I thought about it all, my mood became much more relaxed."

Having said this, Suzuki Ren exhaled a long breath:

"I am indeed a weak person who needs approval from others to survive, but this does not mean that others are the same. Even if everyone pursues different things in me...but these things are not unique to me. can provide. Therefore, in order to maintain this kind of relationship where everyone gets what they need as much as possible, all I can do is to try my best to satisfy the other party’s needs. As for me... I don’t need it. Nothing special. As long as I get a little bit of praise or thanks, that's enough for me."

"..."

"Actually, Shiina-san should also understand, right? Everything I have done for you is actually nothing special. I am just a person who happened to come to you because of the connection between our parents. Even so. Without me, someone else will definitely take my place."

Ren Suzuki said:

"So, I don't think you need to worry so much about my thoughts. As you have talents, you only need to focus on your own affairs. As for me, you don't have to care at all."

"…………"

At this moment, although there was indeed an obvious smile on Suzuki Ren's face, under that smile, Shiina Mashiro could not see any happiness or relaxation.

All the "dark red" hidden in Suzuki Ren's heart was now exposed to her sight.

And after hearing the story between Suzuki Ren and Yui-senpai, she finally understood how Suzuki Ren had been getting along with her so far.

"Wait for me for a moment."

After listening to Suzuki Ren's story, Shiina Mashiro's heart suddenly surged with various colors.

She had a lot to say to Suzuki Ren, but she really couldn't summarize what she was thinking at the moment in a short time.

This is the most troublesome point for most patients with synesthesia.

She does have sensibility and talent that ordinary people don't have, but because of this different way of perception, the more complex her emotions and thoughts are, the more time it takes to interpret and translate them——