A world only known by the God of Lost Love

Chapter 44: Negative people sometimes have clear wisdom

How many ways are there to fall out of love?

Orally, in letters, in the chat window, or in a tacit agreement without any actual performance...

At least either way, it should only have a mental impact.

But for Ren Suzuki, his first love break came much more spectacularly than others.

At least when he saw the unconscious girl lying on the hospital bed, he really experienced what real fear was.

As if the blood had stopped flowing, the entire body became cold and stiff.However, within it, one could clearly feel the ever-increasing heartbeat and the sound of blood flowing in his ears.

Vision becomes blurry and hearing becomes distorted.

Facing the adults surrounding him, Suzuki Ren's mind went blank and he couldn't say anything.

It wasn't until the hospital staff kicked them all out of the ward that Suzuki Ren's consciousness finally returned to his body with the touch of mechanical movement.

What followed closely was the words she had spoken countless times in the past——

[For me, being with Lian-kun... is indeed a bit too hard. 】

[But without you... I would have no other place to stay. 】

[So, please...please don't abandon me. 】

【otherwise--】

"...Ah, that's right."

After regaining consciousness, the first words Suzuki Ren said were:

"It was me... who made her become like this."

Because he didn't listen to her words, he impulsively and decisively chose to break up.

Because they judged that being together would be painful for both of them, they decided to break it off.

And the result is like this.

The lonely and helpless girl made an impulsive choice after losing the lover she regarded as her only salvation.

Fortunately, after learning the whole story, no one... including her family, did not blame him at all.

Rather... they were just blaming the girl for her impulsiveness and naivety, and blaming all the responsibilities on the girl herself.

And after hearing words like "This child has been abnormal since she was a child" "It must be because of her bitch mother" "So she shouldn't have been adopted in the first place", Ren Suzuki immediately realized that the situation this girl was in How hopeless and gloomy the environment really is.

At the same time, he finally understood why she made such a choice after he proposed breaking up.

Because his brain was too confused, Suzuki Ren could only remember a very small part of what happened after that.

He only remembered that not long after, a woman who looked very similar to the girl rushed to the ward anxiously.

He only remembered that after that, the woman asked him a lot of things about the girl.

He only remembered that before leaving, the woman said with a complicated face that it was not his fault.

He only remembered what the girl said to him when he walked into the ward for the last time:

【who are you? 】

Ren Suzuki's first love officially came to an end with such a ridiculously simple ending.

........................

"Fortunately, the Goto family is not like her family..."

Recalling what he saw and heard at the Goto family, Ren Suzuki breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Goto Kazuri is well loved by her family. Even if she encounters setbacks, she has people she can rely on and a place to stay."

In this way, even if he did leave her in the end, the scene he was worried about... would most likely not happen.

But before that, in order to eliminate even the slightest possibility, he still had to continue to watch Gotou Ichiri for a while.

She also needs to become stronger and more confident.

She also needs to develop deeper friendships with her bandmates.

She also needs to find a more ambitious and clear goal.

When the meaning of her existence became almost insignificant in her life——

Then he can really leave with peace of mind.

"This time, I will never make the same mistake again."

........................

"...Suzuki-san."

After reading the entire lyrics of Ren Suzuki, Ichiri Goto leaned back in his chair with a blank look on his face.

"So...is this what happened?"

Although the full picture of the incident cannot be restored by just relying on a few words in the lyrics, Goto Kazuri still got a glimpse of what is enough to call it a conclusion.

This heaviness, which is almost equivalent to the separation of life and death, and Suzuki Ren's self-narrating perspective from beginning to end, create a tragedy that is clear at a glance.

If this tragedy is regarded as the starting point of everything, then... the reason why Suzuki Ren adopts this attitude toward himself becomes obvious.

Everything is based on the experience of a tragedy.

What is projected onto himself is probably what Ren Suzuki calls "atonement" and "self-satisfaction."

So...the reason why he treats himself so tenderly is because he wants to make up for his past mistakes, so he wants to start a new relationship with her and avoid all past mistakes?

……

I'm afraid that's not the case, right?

Goto Kazuri was very convinced of this.

Although she did have an interesting misunderstanding of Ren Suzuki at the beginning, her inferiority complex provided her with a very clear self-understanding and perspective.

Suzuki Ren did not regard her as a replacement for his ex-girlfriend. It was more like that after experiencing a bad ending, he began to voluntarily provide help to people who might follow in his footsteps.

"...Well, I really can't feel it."

Recalling every moment of his time with Ren Suzuki, Goto Kazuri couldn't help but laugh and scratch his head.

"Suzuki-san's attitude toward me...is exactly like an adult taking care of a child."

Approach cautiously so as not to arouse her disgust and vigilance.

The purpose of exchanging secrets with her is to find a way for her to grow.

The purpose of contacting the band for her is to help her find the possibility to realize her ideal.

Let her participate in the school broadcast so that she can build up her self-confidence as soon as possible.

Ren Suzuki is like a skilled multi-game player, leading her to this day in the most efficient and correct way.

Although his ultimate goal is still unclear, the motivations for all his actions so far finally have the most reasonable explanation.

"……call."

After thinking about this, Goto Kazuri first showed a relaxed expression as if she was relieved, then she picked up the phone and sent Yamada Ryo:

"Yamada-senpai, regarding the arrangement of this song...can I join in?"

"I have a little bit of a personal opinion about this song."

Chapter 45: The luxury of unrequited love

"...I'm coming."

"Ah, good afternoon, Yamada-senpai."

After school, Ryo Yamada and Ichiri Goto chose to gather at a fast food restaurant not far from [STARRY].

As for the purpose of the gathering, naturally there is no need to say more——

“It’s indeed the right choice to give you the lyrics to take a look at first.”

Yamada Ryo said straight to the point:

"So, what do you think about this song... Little Porky?"

"That's a very direct question...but the reason why we are gathering is to talk about this matter."

Gotou cleared his throat slightly, then took out his phone and opened the photo of the lyrics.

"First of all, I would like to ask... Yamada-senpai, what kind of emotional tone do you think this song should have?"

"The emotional tone...it's really a troublesome question to ask right from the beginning."

Yamada Ryo frowned slightly.

"To be honest, I tend to be sad. After all... the story in the lyrics is a tragedy that is obvious at a glance. There is nothing wrong with interpreting it with a sad feeling. But... if it is just that simple Defining this song, I always feel like there’s something weird about it.”

"...That's right!"

Hearing this, Goto Ichiri suddenly nodded heavily.

"This song... is definitely more than just sadness!"

"……Oh?"

Seeing Goto Isato's tone so clear and resolute, Yamada Ryo immediately looked at her with interest:

"Then, what does little Pochi think?"

"Well, the core emotion of this song is of course sad, but...in addition, there are more important feelings!"

Probably because he couldn't convey all his thoughts verbally, Goto Kazuri even started to dance and gesture:

"Suzuki-san is telling this past story from the perspective of a person who has experienced it. All his questions are actually just questions and answers about a certain memory. And all his regrets have been solved by himself. acknowledgment and relief. Rather than simply being sad...it feels like this song feels more like a sentiment with a little regret."

"So in order to express the sense of boundary between reality and the past, I think... the melody of this song should be more complex... a feeling of brilliance, freedom and a little loss intertwined!"

"…………"

Ryo Yamada just stared into Goto Ichiri's eyes and listened to her thoughts silently.

It wasn't until she finished telling all Goto Kazuri's thoughts on the song and began to look at her with slightly uneasy eyes that Yamada Ryo finally spoke again:

"It seems that you have found part of the truth about Suzuki from the lyrics of this song."

"Uh...well...I don't know if what I saw is the truth."

Goto Kazuri could only say in an uncertain tone:

"Although I'm trying my best to understand, after all, I haven't asked Suzuki-san personally, so... these can only be regarded as my own opinions."

"That's enough. For songwriters, this subjective idea is often more important."

Yamada Ryo said:

"Besides this, I have another question to ask you."

"?what is the problem?"

"After reading this lyric and knowing part of his past, has your opinion of him changed at all?"

Yamada Ryo asked very seriously:

"For example... the idea that he is a person with 'ulterior motives' or something like that."

"…………"

After hearing this, Goto Ichiri thought for a moment, and then showed an embarrassed smile.

"Honestly...except for the relaxed feeling of being satisfied with my curiosity, I don't feel anything else..."

"Oh really?"

Yamada Ryo raised an eyebrow.

"After reading this, you should be able to feel that even Little Boqi has an 'ulterior motive' for approaching you, right? Even so, has your opinion of him still not changed?"

"Yeah~ About this, I've actually felt it since the first day I met Suzuki-san."