Longmen Memoirs

I deprived many people of their right to continue living, whether I wanted to or not, but these were indeed committed by me, and they did nothing wrong. But now, I can’t even recall many of them. Faces, what they looked like before they died, I can only remember the scars on my body, but I can no longer recall when it was left.

I have become a murderous executioner, a thug who takes human life lightly, a villain, a bastard... I have become such a person, and I think I will commit more crimes in the future to take away more people's right to live.

I think I can no longer complete the things we agreed on, or maybe you have forgotten me. If that is the case, you who stay in Longmen should have a better life and future, and these , is something that a person like me cannot give.

But before that, I have something to tell you, something about what happened.

I am a despicable guy, Xiaota. I took advantage of you and Hui Jie. From the day you came to the orphanage, I discovered that you are different. You are different from our group of children. You were in the orphanage. You seem out of place, but you have a good education, which far exceeds the knowledge and literacy of children.

'[)^ You act so withdrawn, like a child who is unwanted and unloved.

I never told you that I saw your arrival on that rainy night and the car that took you to the orphanage. I also never told you that after discovering your differences, I began to want to get closer to you, so I deliberately I have instilled something unique in you so that you can trust me and rely on me. Maybe one day in the future you will marry me when we grow up.

Maybe I have thought about such a distant day, but I also know that that day may never come. We are not relatives, but you have shown your differences. Hui Jie’s arrival and your differences have made me see When an opportunity arises, it is as if it was narrated in a vulgar storybook. In order to separate the rich daughter and the poor boy who fall in love with each other, the rich daughter's family will always provide some compensation.

This became what I wanted most at that time.

Because I know that if for no other reason, I may end up being ordinary like this in my life, but I cannot and cannot willingly accept to become an ordinary person who cannot control his own destiny.

I'm going to tell you something.

Since my father passed away, my mother has been living in a state of confusion as if she has lost her soul. Maybe if it weren't for me, she might have left long ago. Her heart has died. It was me who forced her to stay and let her live in the world. I am surrounded by torture while alive.

Until one day, she can no longer hold on. She has suffered enough in this world, and I should no longer be selfish and force her to stay.

Maybe from then on, I wanted to change something, but I was powerless. I could do nothing but watch her leave me day by day.

I let go of her hand.

The conflict between Longmen and Ursus took away everything I had left. Since then, I have lost my home and traveled alone in this huge city.

Only then did I realize how small and confused I am. I can't do anything. Little Tower, even if I want to, I don't have the ability. This is how this land is. It doesn't care what you have experienced, and what it does to you. The past and tears are not interested, it only cares about your present and what you have.

I'm hypocritical enough, Xiaota. I once wanted to live as if nothing had happened and live a normal life. But later, I realized that I couldn't do it. Even if there was a slight chance, I Can't stand it anymore.

You and Hui Jie are my opportunity, because your appearance has given me hope that I shouldn't have, or rather... extravagant hope.

That rainy night, he gave me two choices.

I don’t know, maybe he had already seen through my thoughts, and he said he would tell me the truth. I didn’t care about the meaning of these two words at the time, but now that I think about it, maybe he already knew, and knew something that I didn’t know. matter.

I should be happy, but I overestimated myself and my determination. I did get the promise and compensation from him as I thought. I also know that my departure will never be able to make up for the difference between us. The space is missing and blank.

I am like a child who has done something wrong, but I no longer have the ability to redeem it. What he said is right. If I were just an ordinary person, even if I stayed, I would not be able to maintain the connection between us, because I know very well what kind of torture those helplessness and powerlessness are.

So... maybe I'm afraid, afraid of my own timidity, afraid that everything is a wonderful dream. When I wake up from the dream, I'm still there. After growing up from a child, I suddenly realize that nothing has changed. I'm still the same. So powerless, helpless, and unwilling to stay in vain.

Little Tower, Tallulah, maybe Hui Jie is right.

I have always been a despicable selfish ghost, a coward who tried to take something from her and you but was not prepared to repay or make amends.

I committed an unforgivable crime against you, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for it. It was because of my weakness and cowardice that I gave up the opportunity to stay in Longmen. It was because I couldn’t bear the torture in my heart and the consequences for the future. Fear and gave up on you.

What I have always hated, in the final analysis, is just myself, my own weakness and powerlessness, my self-righteous longing that chose to escape the future. 】

Chen Mo slowly put down his pen, closed his diary, and looked up at the white ceiling.

The diary records his past over the years. Perhaps this diary will never be opened by anyone other than Chen Mo. Perhaps the content he wrote will never be seen by the person who should see it.

Until his death, he hoped it was the latter, because if Tallulah didn't have to see this, it would mean she had forgotten him.

Not many people care about a stranger's past, and not many people have the leisure to care about the joys and sorrows of people who have nothing to do with them.

Chen Mo was just afraid that one day he would forget even himself, that he would be like the empty box buried in the soil. He would die as if he had never lived, leaving quietly and unknown, just like his name.

But people will eventually have to face the present, accept and conceive of the imaginable future, and people will always move forward as time goes by.

There is never any turning back.

He still has to find the truth that was shrouded in fog back then, even though this so-called truth no longer has much meaning.

No.30 Six Black Steel Old Acquaintances ([-]) What did Chen Mo say to Franka that day?

The fox is a very cunning creature. Among all the Volpers that Chen Mo knows, they all show the same trait. They like to create accidents frequently, and they also pursue adding an extra touch to the ordinary and boring life. Some fun.

This kind of fun is not boring.

So when the youthful, beautiful and flamboyant Walper, wearing a gray dress with a belt, black stockings and high-heeled leather shoes, appeared at his door and raised his hand to say hello with a bright smile, Chen Mo naturally closed the opened door again.

A bad feeling came over him.

This premonition became reality within a few minutes.

ten o'clock in the morning.

Franka raised her hand and froze in the air, and the gentle and sweet smile she deliberately created on her face froze at the corner of her mouth. The door in front of her opened, the man in the shirt glanced at her, and the door was closed again.

Franka was stunned, then raised her hand and knocked on the door in front of her again.

The location was Sfeldt's outhouse, not far from Heigang's administrative building, but more or less a few blocks away.

"If you don't open the door, I'll have to take some unconventional measures." With a hint of threat.

The door was not opened, and the person inside seemed not to hear the knocking, but Franka knew that he could hear her words.

Sure enough, within a few seconds, the door opened again.

"Don't you think it's rude and tasteless to turn a blind eye to a beautiful girl?" Franka asked with a smile.

Chen Mo stood at the door.

"I don't think a polite and beautiful girl will show up alone in front of a man who lives alone, and..." Chen Mo looked at Franka's dress: "... She is very beautiful today."

"Ah, it's rare to hear such praise from you. It seems that my hard work today was not in vain." Franka sighed and raised her hand slightly, showing off her graceful figure without hesitation, and said with some complaint: " If you sounded more sincere, maybe I would be happier."

"How did you find this place?"

"Actually, I went to the dormitory in the headquarters first, but they said you had moved out yesterday. Then I asked my colleagues in the human resources department out of curiosity, and they told me about this place, so I came over to check it out. Just luck."

She put her hands behind her back and tilted her head playfully, with a charm that was somewhere between youth and maturity. The pointed ears on her head made her movements a bit more playful.

"My luck has always been pretty good." She said, and then asked, "The instructor kept the secret well. Are you not going to tell anyone? This makes me a little sad."

"Well you know that now."

Chen Mo remained unmoved. Franka's disguised obedience had no effect in front of him.

"Yeah, so I'm still going to guard the door of the Human Resources Department. Anyway, you still have to go back then."

"It's a good thing you didn't do that."

"Are the instructors afraid of getting involved with me?" Franka asked curiously.

"I'm afraid of those gossipy bastards in the human resources department. They dare to tell anyone about anything." Chen Mo looked at Franka, thinking of the latter's bad-tempered character who was afraid of chaos in the world.

He felt that he might be able to become a living Chen Shimei in their story through Franka's embellishments.

He turned sideways: "Want to come in?"

"No." Franka shook her head cautiously, looking at Chen Mo as if she could guess what he was thinking. "I don't dare to go in. I'm afraid I won't be able to get out if I go in. What if I accidentally have a child? I'm not ready to be a mother yet."

Her words were so frivolous that people didn't know how to answer. Normal girls would not say such words without hesitation, but Franka was an exception.

She looked at Chen Mo with interest, as if teasing a man, as if expecting his reaction.

"...It's up to you." Chen Mo replied helplessly, probably already used to Franka's frivolity. "So you're here to confirm this."

"Of course not." Franka shook her head: "Actually, I just wanted to go shopping, but Razer just didn't come back, so I stopped by to take a look."

"I remember that you have always been very popular in Black Steel." Chen Mo heard Franka's meaning: "It shouldn't be difficult to find someone to accompany you, Franka, you don't always say that you want to chase someone." A lot?"

"Are you jealous?"

"I just want to say that if you want to find coolies, you can find someone else. I am very poor and cannot afford to support you."

Chen Mo pressed his hand on the door frame, and he wanted to close the door.

"Then it doesn't matter if I tell Razer?" Franka asked with a smile.

"I didn't promise you anything."

"Oh, then I'll have to wait at the entrance of the human resources department."

"If you're not afraid of trouble."

There was a hint of resentment in Franka's eyes.

"Someone said that you really don't understand the style at all, but I made a special trip to deliver it to your door."

Chen Mo didn't answer.

Franka raised her head and glanced at the gloomy sky, then looked down at Chen Mo in front of her. The autumn wind blew her brown hair around her ears.

"Come for a walk with me. You'll always be alone. You don't want to just...disappear quietly."

She paused on the words "quietly".

Under the gloomy morning sky in Colombia, those bright golden eyes seemed to be shining with a light that penetrated people's hearts. Perhaps it was just Chen Mo's illusion.

No one had ever mentioned that this frivolous and cynical girl had such sensitive emotions.

On the streets of Colombia, they walked side by side like ordinary friends. The young and beautiful Franca always caused passers-by to turn back frequently, so much so that it brought an invisible pressure to Chen Mo who was walking beside her.

Chen Mo, who was dressed casually and whose outfit never cost more than 200 yuan, was really not suitable to stand with Franka. The dwarfed comparison made it difficult to imagine how such a guy could get involved with the beautiful girl next to him.

But Chen Mo thought that they would never want to know how difficult the beautiful girl in their eyes was to deal with.

People are used to judging the likes and dislikes of something with their own eyes. Even though Chen Mo deliberately kept some distance from Franka, the eyes that fell on him still contained most of the confusion, and a small part of contempt and inability to hide it. But unprovoked malice.

Chen Mo did not deny that he was actually looking forward to it. Unfortunately, no one had the courage to rush forward.

"So how did you notice it?"

The girl a few steps in front of them walked briskly and casually. They had already visited several commercial streets, but they didn't buy anything. They just walked on the streets of Colombia, passing through the windows and following the flow of people.

"Didn't you tell me yourself?" Franka slowed down and walked to Chen Mo: "I lied to you. I wasn't sure at first, but now, I just hold it and try it. I thought of giving it a try, but I didn’t expect you to admit it directly.”

Chen Mo's expression became very subtle, and he couldn't say the sentence "You're fooling me" for a long time. The fox in front of him was too sharp, but he was helpless.

Chen Mo looked sideways. She was walking beside me on the stone road. Her shoulders were slightly lower, so she could clearly see the pair of pointed ears with black fluff on the top of her head.

Franka did not turn her head, as if she was not aware of Chen Mo's gaze. Chen Mo saw her side face, the tip of her small nose, the slightly raised corners of her lips with crystal clear lip gloss, and her focused gaze staring forward.

The golden pupil of that eye squinted slightly and fell on Chen Mo.

"So, you really plan to just disappear into Black Steel without telling anyone, and never plan to come back again."

"Not everyone." Chen Mo replied.

"Yes, with your relationship with Sfeldt, he must know."

She seemed to have remembered something. She had never called Sfeldt even a senior, and even addressed Chen Mo as an instructor with no respect at all.

"So...can I know the reason?"

"No."

"Do you need me to act coquettishly?" she said, coughing slightly, as if she was about to do what she said.

"It's best not to." Chen Mo quickly stopped him.

"But I heard that women can get anything if they act coquettishly." She turned her head, glanced at Chen Mo, and reminded: "This is my first time, so I may not be very skilled in business..."

"It's not that I don't want to tell you the reason." Chen Mo sighed: "This is a decision from above. With your current authority, if I tell you it may not be a good thing, you should understand what I mean, Franka."

"Actually, even if you don't say it, I can guess that it's because of that incident." Franka replied: "So just like the rumors outside, Black Steel is really related to Lai... Don't tell me that you He is one of the parties involved, the instructor."

"As you think."

"Are you afraid that the company will kill you, so you want to run away in a hurry?" She asked half-jokingly.

"The company won't kill people just because of a certain possibility. Besides, even if it needs to be cleaned up, I shouldn't be the first one."

"I thought you would admit it directly, and then just find another excuse to get over it." She turned her head and put her hands behind her back: "Is this okay? Instructor, just let go of what you already have so easily. everything, and then go back, for someone who may not remember you, for something that has passed."

"As you said yesterday... you know very well what is waiting for you, right?" She turned back and looked at Chen Mo: "Actually, when I met you yesterday, you were hesitant, would you be reluctant to let go? "

"Why do you ask?"

"Just as a bystander, I am very curious, extremely curious, why you made this choice."