Longmen Memoirs

Chen Mo always thinks of Longmen in the past, the heavy snow before Christmas in Longmen that year, and the firelight flickering outside the window that night.

She hugged herself and hid behind the overturned desk and chair. Chen Mo couldn't quite remember what the warmth in her arms felt like, nor what exactly she said to herself in her arms at that time.

Human memory is never reliable. Most people can only vaguely remember some past events, but the details have usually become blurred with the passage of time.

For a period of time, Chen Mo desperately hoped that he could remember these, recalling every bit of it in his mind again and again. However, contrary to his imagination, no matter how he wanted to retain it and retain these memories, They will still fade away from his mind little by little, like fine sand flowing between his fingers.

He was afraid he would forget.

He was also afraid that one day he would be like them and be forgotten.

Chen Mo thought that as long as he remembered them, they would not have left or truly died.

I thought that as long as I remembered him, someone would also remember him.

But later, Chen Mo discovered that he was wrong.

Perhaps from the moment the box was buried in Longmen's cemetery, some of what had been lost was destined to never come back. He was just begging in vain, hoping to give himself some comfort so that he could tell himself how to live. What to live for.

He regards these past events as his future, and while trying his best to avoid them from happening, he can't help but feel that maybe one day this will be his result.

So then [@{

In these days of growing up, in these long-lasting sunrises and sunsets, spring, summer, autumn and winter, in the 24 hours a day of breathing and opening and closing eyes day after day in the mornings and dusk.

Gradually, from the helpless kid he thought he was, he gradually gained the ability to change his situation and give himself more choices.

But what remains unchanged is that after changing the environment and being in a different position, Chen Mo discovered that there is a limit to what a person can do.

Looking back, perhaps in the process of thinking that he was moving forward, he had actually stayed where he was, at the dragon gate in the past, and in those vague memory fragments in his mind.

Until I met Chen Huijie again.

The strange Chen Huijie, the grown-up Chen Huijie, her appearance disrupted all of Chen Mo's original plans. She was an accident, but what she did seemed to tell Chen Mo that those things he had finally touched when he was a child The so-called extravagant hopes and visions that have been abandoned in the midst of compromise and worldly affairs are actually still there, they are still waiting for me, and they are actually real.

Chen Mo didn't dare to have extravagant hopes or expectations anymore.

But Chen realized those fantasies that his coward and coward had long given up on.

Under the premise that Chen Mo thought that he could predict and be determined to welcome the end of all this bad ending in the future, Chen's appearance ruthlessly shattered everything into pieces.

Chen's appearance was like a weak flame in Chen Mo's long dark night. It appeared without warning when he finally decided to stop his steps of not knowing where to go. Even though it was not enough to light up the road under his feet, it seemed to be there. Tell Chen Mo that he is not the only one left.

But Chen Huijie had to sacrifice her life for this, the stability that was within reach, her brilliant future, and even the few family ties that she might have cherished and cared about that she had been familiar with. everything of.

Maybe Chen won't think so, maybe Chen won't regret it.

But Chen Mo can't.

Chen Mo has always been a selfish person, but selfishly he hopes that he can give Chen a better result.

Cars drive through the streets of Longmen.

The girl Anati who drove the car was relatively petite and had conspicuous short white hair. Except for the first time she met someone who was waiting for her to come out and expressed her intention to come, she never said a word along the way.

The first impression she gives people is that she is cold and uncontactable, but what is different from Texas's coldness is that her coldness is more like a coldness cultivated by her unknown identity and work. It is better to say It's a professional rule, not an indifference to having an indifferent opinion about anything.

Chen Mo could notice that her eyes would occasionally fall on herself in the back seat through the rearview mirror when the car stopped. After a brief stay, she hurriedly moved away. It seemed that Chen Mo's presence made her a little curious, and she was very vague. He is restraining himself from this move.

"We're here." She reminded aloud.

Chen Mo originally thought that the person who asked him to come here would choose a more prosperous place, but it cannot be denied that he is actually more accustomed to this scene than a beautifully decorated manor.

From the platform on the outer ring of Longmen Lower City, you can overlook the sea of ​​clouds outside Longmen. From a distance, the seemingly flat and vast wilderness outside Longmen looks like a calm, sandy sea. Further away, the horizon is low. On the low hills, you can vaguely see the broad traces left by the Longmen voyage. They were gradually buried under the soil in the wind and rain day after day.

When was the last time Longmen walked through here?

Chen Mo suddenly thought.

Maybe the last time Longmen passed here, it made him familiar with it.

After the car stopped, Chen Mo saw the person waiting for him, who was as elegant and quiet as when he stood in the rain with an umbrella, and he also saw the child in her arms.

The little girl lay quietly in her arms, holding her shoulders and looking curiously in Chen Mo's direction.

He seemed to be wondering who this stranger he had never seen before appeared.

She has short silver hair, a childish face, small horns on the top of her head, and a pair of clean and bright red eyes. She looks more like Chen Mo than Chen Mo. But with that silver hair, she doesn't know who she looks like.

Chen Mo seemed to be able to imagine that Chen and he had the same mood at that time.

She reminded them of the same person.

Chen Mo thought he could say something, but when he saw the child, his mind suddenly went blank.

He opened his mouth, but found that he couldn't say a word.

A feeling he had never felt before welled up in Chen Mo's heart and spread to his shoulders. He seemed to be able to feel some kind of weight brought by it, silently pressing on himself.

Let his soul, an outsider, finally no longer waver at this moment like in the past.

"hug……"

A childish and vague voice sounded in my ears.

Her red eyes looked at the direction where Chen Mo was standing, seemingly with expectation.

"Ah, it seems that I have picked you out."

The woman holding her looked at the child who opened her hands to Chen Mo with some surprise, with a gentle smile on her lips.

"It's Dad."

She turned to look at Chen Mo who was stunned and said softly.

"Dad...hug..."

Chen Mo came to his senses.

Putting down the heavy long box containing the sword and hatred belonging to a certain person, he took Xiao Mo in her arms.

But the moment he picked him up, the child, who was supposed to be lighter than the long box, gave Chen Mo the illusion of being heavier.

Maybe it's not because Xiao Mo is heavier than the sword, but for Chen Mo, no matter how much hatred he feels from this moment on, it can't be as important to him as Xiao Mo in his arms.

She held Chen Mo's neck with her short little hands and leaned on his shoulder. The breath of a child filled the tip of Chen Mo's nose, but it also carried an indescribable fusion of blood and water.

Chen Mo thought that he would never be able to experience this feeling again in his life, the feeling when she hugged him on that fire night, but now Chen Mo vaguely understood what she was thinking at that time and what he was to her.

Is it Chen Mo, or the person who bears the name Chen Mo.

The memory of the past and reality are becoming increasingly blurred.

Chen Mo raised his head slightly. In the bright sky of Longmen in the distance, there was something vaguely trying to flow out of his eyes uncontrollably. Chen Mo thought that he had lost this kind of thing a long time ago.

Even later, no matter what I encountered, there was no regret, reluctance, or helplessness.

He thought that after the fire, he would not be able to do anything, and what had been lost along with the fire and her departure were his last weakness, my unwillingness, anger, regret and helplessness.

A small palm gently brushed the corner of Chen Mo's eyes.

"...don't cry."

The little girl in her arms comforted him with vague words, looked at him in panic, gently held his head, and held him in her arms, just like someone once comforted her, but now she A clumsy and naive attempt to comfort this crying dad.

"I asked Bai Xue to bring you here. The reason why I did this is because I want to see you, and I think you also want to see Xiao Mo."

Wen Yue gently straightened the clothes that were messed up when she hugged Xiao Mo, and looked at Chen Mo.

"...Thank you for your trouble, Ms. Wenyue." Chen Mo said, "Thank you for taking care of Hui Jie and Xiao Mo."

"With your answer, do you intend to treat me as an outsider?"

Chen Mo didn't answer.

"In terms of both emotion and reason, I can be regarded as Hui Jie and Xiao Mo's elder."

"Yes." Chen Mo did not refute.

Wen Yue glanced at the long box placed at Chen Mo's feet.

"Have you been to Qi's house?"

"They have decided to leave Longmen and return to Yan Country in the past few days."

"Alas." Wen Yue sighed softly: "Do you blame him, blame him for standing aside and watching."

Chen Mo shook his head.

"This matter has nothing to do with him or this dragon gate. I can still tell the difference."

"When you returned to Longmen, I thought about it. I was prepared for the worst, but in the end you left Longmen. Can you tell me why you gave up in the end?"

"It's over, madam." Chen Mo said. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Just think of it as fulfilling my wish?"

"..."

"I really want to kill him."

After a moment of silence, Chen Mo looked at Wen Yue in front of him and said: "Because besides him, I don't know who else I can blame. For so many years, I have been living for this. I told myself that I want to hate someone." Man, because I have nothing left but hate.”

"But after coming to Longmen and understanding the past, or rather before, I actually understood it, but I didn't want to admit it."

"Over the years, I have been asking myself: Do I hate Wei Yanwu? Do I hate him, or do I hate my own powerlessness more? Wei Yanwu is just the carrier I found for the hatred that I have no way to vent. I actually already have the answer to this question in my heart .”

"He actually didn't do anything wrong. As the city lord of Longmen, every choice he made was correct. It was so correct that it was impossible to refute, and it was so correct that it made people feel cold. I am just one of them."

Chen Mo said, holding Xiao Mo's hand tightly.

"Besides, even if I can really kill him, what will happen to Longmen after he dies? I hate this city, and I also loved it. I don't want it to be destroyed like this. It has left so many things that I can't bear to forget. memory."

"At that time, I knew that even if I killed him, the Sakaz I brought would have to stay and bury him. You would not let us leave so easily. Many people in Longmen would die because of this, and their blood would flow like rivers. "

"I did come back to kill him, but I found it wasn't worth it."

"I found that the two people I left behind in Longmen didn't want me to embark on this road. Even after death, I knew those two people would think so. Besides, even if I left them behind in Longmen, Just because of them, Longmen shouldn’t be a city full of suffering, and I shouldn’t be the one to bring this.”

"Now, I'm very glad that I didn't do this, madam, whether it was out of weighing the pros and cons, or out of selfishness." Chen Mo said: "At least if I really did this, maybe we will be better now. We can't stand together so calmly, maybe I won't have the courage to face Hui Jie, or in other words, I won't be able to be like this."

"I don't hate him anymore. He's not worthy of my hatred. Likewise, I'm not qualified to say forgive, forgive anyone, or forgive myself. But even if it's just for Chen and Xiao Mo, I'm willing to reconcile with myself."

Wen Yue looked at Chen Mo who said these words.

She was silent for a while.

"It seems that Xiao Chen has really found a good husband worth trusting." She looked at Chen Mo with a smile.

"You may be mistaken."

"Maybe, I know your difficulties." She said: "But I am very happy that you can say this. Wei Wei owes you an apology. I know you don't care about an apology, even if it can't restore anything, but I still want to say sorry to you on his behalf. It was because Longmen failed to take good care of you when they left you here."

"..."

"I'm done with him." Chen Mo replied.

"That's you and him, it has nothing to do with me." Wen Yue said, and then asked: "Can I call you Xiao Chen?"

"Miss……"

"Xiao Chen."

"..."

"I watched Xiao Mo grow up, and so did Hui Jie. I watched them grow up from a young age, and slowly..." Wen Yue said suddenly.

Chen Mo was stunned.

"You don't have to."

"Do you think it's annoying for me to say these words now?" Wen Yue asked slightly sadly.

"...Aunt Wenyue." Chen Mo said softly.

"Wen... Wenyue..." Xiao Mo followed Chen Mo's words and kept waving his hands.

"Hug." She said, holding Chen Mo's shoulders tightly.

"It's a bit forced." Wen Yue said, with a sad look as if she had never seen him before: "But it doesn't matter. From today on, you, Hui Jie and Xiao Mo, we are all a family."

Chen Mo suddenly felt a little dazed. He looked at Wen Yue who said this. He never thought that he could get Wen Yue's recognition.