Longmen Memoirs

That cemetery has not been visited by anyone for many years.

The photos on the tombstone seem to have become more blurry than before, just like the memories in my mind. When I think of some things, I clearly know that it happened and where it happened, but I can’t remember the scene at the time, nor can I remember the specific details. did something.

As time goes by, memories are constantly being renovated again and again, like a coating, covering up those old and broken stories under layer after layer of new dye. When you look back, you can only see As of now, you can only see the joy, anger, sorrow and joy of the present. As for the past, it has gradually been forgotten.

But even if it is forgotten, it is still there, half a lifetime of joy and anger, half a lifetime of bitterness, just like the brand-new Longmen City in the distance, you can often vaguely recall its past appearance, every plant and tree, Ramp dock.

Chen Mo's hand slowly touched the wind and rain-eroded edges of the tombstone. Perhaps only when he stood here could he truly calm down, like a wanderer who had finally returned to his home.

He buried the box containing the ashes next to two tombstones and three tombstones next to each other. It seemed that the family who should have been here many years ago were finally reunited at this moment.

So, who am I?

Looking back now, the three people sleeping here all died because of me.

For a moment, Chen Mo had an illusion.

He was standing on the endless snowfield, and heard a low call from a distance beyond the reach of his eyes, as if he was calling his name.

*[(]

He was about to respond, but was speechless because he saw the three of them gradually retreating away, and there seemed to be no place for him beside them.

He talked a lot that day.

He said they shouldn't have brought him to Longmen, he said they shouldn't have done these stupid things, and he said he killed him.

He said he was back in Longmen and they would miss him.

He said, if you want to hate or regret, just hate, he will not deny it.

He said that he is married and has a child, and if there is a chance in the future, he will bring them to see you.

He said that he had made many friends outside over the years, and he had a lazy Aslan. He liked that girl very much.

He said he could no longer see out of his right eye and his seizures were becoming more frequent.

He said that after leaving this time, maybe even he himself didn't know if he could come back. He said that maybe he would go back to Dayan, and he would go there and have a look if he had the chance.

He said, after talking so much, you must be tired of hearing it. I know it is not easy for your family to reunite, but I can't help but want to talk to you. After talking, I will feel much more at ease.

Maybe Chen had thought about this scene in his mind.

She thought that when she opened the door of her home, Chen Mo and Xiao Mo would be waiting for her to come back at home, and warm lights would be lit at night, falling on the two people she loved most.

"You brought Xiao Mo back?" Chen asked.

"I met Ms. Wenyue."

"Have you seen her?!" Chen couldn't help but asked loudly: "She... what did you say?"

"I didn't say anything, I just talked about something about you and Xiao Mo. She has been taking care of you while I was away from Longmen. I am very grateful to her."

"that is it?"

"She also talked with me about her future plans." Chen Mo said: "I told her that I was going to go to Ursus, and she knew what I did in the past."

Chen pursed her lips and her eyes fell on Chen Mo, as if she was considering whether what he said was true or false.

It wasn't until Xiao Mo opened his hands to her and called Chen's name that Chen finally withdrew his gaze.

The gentle Chen Huijie has a rare motherly nature in her body. When her eyes fell on Xiao Mo, she was so gentle that Chen Mo could never forget it in his life.

He should have given Chen Huijie a better life, he should have been by Chen Huijie's side, and experienced every bit of life with them when Xiao Mo was growing up.

Chen Mo seemed to think of that old apartment again.

There was a cracked ceiling above her head, and in the winter morning, the bright sunshine fell into the house from the balcony. She stood in the light, and her appearance became blurry.

Could it be that the ups and downs and setbacks I experienced in the first half of my life still can't change my life to a stable one?

Could it be that what I have paid is not enough to atone for my sins?

No, Chen Mo knew he couldn't.

What has happened is destined to be irreversible. Wrong is wrong and right is right. If people still want to move forward, they will inevitably experience more hardships and ups and downs. Right and wrong cannot and cannot be compared.

Looking at Chen's figure in the kitchen.

Chen Mo, who was holding Xiao Mo, gently stroked the girl sleeping in his arms. Her small hands tightly grasped Chen Mo's sleeves and nestled in his arms.

Chen Mo's black eyes reflected the warmth in this apartment, and he wanted to remember all of this deep in his mind.

This time, he was no longer afraid of being forgotten.

Chen came out of the kitchen and noticed Xiao Mo sleeping, and her steps subconsciously became lighter.

"Fell asleep?"

"Asleep." Chen slowly leaned down. She squatted in front of Chen Mo, gently stretched out her fingers to touch the side of Xiao Mo's face, and looked at Chen Mo.

"Are you ready to go?" Chen suddenly said.

Chen Mo was stunned.

He clearly never told Chen, or even showed any signs that he was about to leave Longmen. He didn't know how Chen knew.

But from Chen Huijie's eyes, Chen Mo seemed to understand the reason.

Chen was very uneasy. She was trying to convince herself, but she still couldn't avoid her uneasiness, the reluctance and selfishness in her heart.

Maybe Chen knew a lot of things clearly in her heart. She was Chen Huijie from Longmen after all. She didn't mention it, but it didn't mean that she couldn't understand it. It just didn't matter anymore. It didn't matter.

Chen Mo opened his mouth.

"Don't lie to me. At least this time, I don't want to listen to your lies anymore, you liar."

"Wen Yue will come to pick up Xiao Mo tomorrow." Chen Mo said.

"...I know." Chen replied, her red eyes flickering slightly under the light. She missed Chen Mo's gaze and looked at the sleeping Xiao Mo tenderly.

Chen's reaction was too calm. It was so calm that it surprised Chen Mo. It was so calm that Chen Mo felt tingling pain and guilt in his heart.

"Hui Jie..."

"I am listening."

"I'm very sorry."

"..."

Chen raised her head and looked at Chen Mo, looking at the face under the black hair that she loved but could not hate no matter what.

She gently stretched out her hand and touched the side of Chen Mo's face with her slender fingers.

Time seemed to stand still at this moment.

In the stillness, the high-rise buildings in Longmen outside the window, the night view of the city in Longmen outside the window, and the diffuse light, Chen slowly approached Chen Mo's face.

The blue hair hung down, and Chen's lips gently pressed against Chen Mo's lips.

After several seconds, Chen separated from him again.

"You have to come back." She said, her tone strong as an order, but her red eyes showed reluctance and nostalgia that she couldn't hide.

Longmen is big, but Longmen is also small. Longmen is prosperous and prosperous, but Longmen is also cold and cold. Chen Huijie of Longmen is a child who has been unloved since childhood.

"I will be back."

"Then I will wait for you, one day, one month, one year, ten years. I will always be here waiting for you to come back to me."

Chapter 1 Northland

[If one day, unfortunately, I leave you, there is no need to be sad, let alone shed tears, because I have been here before and done what I can do. Just as I am leaving now, it is just that you have lost one of me in your later life. , one less person you have been able to learn to face losing. 】

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Later, people in the village said that the man came from far away in the south. Usually when people want to make up a wonderful story, most of the protagonists in the story will say that he came from far away.

He came on foot, holding a black camel loaded with groceries in one hand, and walked into the village entrance from the snow-covered muddy path, leaving a long string of footprints on the snow. It was evening, and everyone was already there. Returning to the village, including the villagers who went out to hunt and work.

There were curious children and villagers looking at this outsider. He was wearing a thick cloak, the same black as the picket men. I heard that the picket team had just visited the western village, so his appearance was particularly eye-catching, but He is obviously not one of those black bugs. The black bugs do not allow the villagers to look at them. They will only order the villagers in the village to accept inspections and find ways to take away their few remaining properties.

The man walked into the village and stopped for a while in front of the blacksmith shop that had not had time to extinguish the fire. He said something to the old blacksmith wearing a dirty leather apron. In December, the weather in the north of Ursus was unbearably cold. The man A thin layer of frost formed on his shoulders and outside his cloak.

He pointed to the package hanging on the side of the horse. The blacksmith shook his head and pointed in another direction.

That direction is not unfamiliar. It is the direction of the village chief's house. Not far east from the blacksmith shop at the entrance of the village is the village chief's house. It is said to be a house, but in fact it is just a shack made of wood and turf.

They talked about something else.

The man nodded.

The blacksmith put down his tools.

He left his simple blacksmith's furnace and led the man in the direction he pointed just now.

The man led the camel beast and followed the blacksmith.

No one knows what the stranger said to the village chief that night. All they know is that he stayed in the village and lived in the house that originally belonged to the Gennady family.

There were originally only two people left in the Gennady family, Gennady and his father Gennady Sr. A few years ago, the garrison called for labor to build the garrison. Black insects came and took Gennady's father away, and they never saw him again. After coming back, Gennady later went to the mines. After contracting Originium Disease, his house was completely deserted.

So the man lived in Gennady's house.

When people saw him again the next day, he had taken off his thick cloak and was standing in front of his camel beast, feeding hay to the camel beast. He was very young and had black hair, but he was not Ursus, because he has no Ursus characteristics.

He said that his name was Lev, and he was a traveling painter from the south of Ursus. He wanted to know the scenery of the north of Ursus, so he came to the north with his paintbrush alone.

He had never been to the north. The snow was too heavy and blocked his road. He didn't know where to go, so he met their village on the way.

Judging from his words and deeds, he should be a city person, but he does not have the arrogance and prejudice of city people. He is very talkative and kind. When villagers talk to him out of curiosity, he usually behaves very patiently. , which made the villagers have a good impression of him.

He would also invite the children to sit on his humpback and take them to play in the snow outside the village. The children liked this stranger named Lev more than the adults, and soon became familiar with him, and occasionally He would take out a few candies from his bag and give them to the children. Occasionally, he would unfold the drawing paper and record the lives of the villagers. But when someone had the guts to ask him if he could draw a portrait of himself, he would mostly not. reject.

He bought some food from the villagers, borrowed a pot from the blacksmith's shop, and the Gennady house was lit with fire again.

Although he only stayed in the village for a few days, the people in the village quickly became familiar with this outsider. Sometimes when a bonfire was lit in the village and the villagers sat together and talked, he would become one of them.

Burying the potatoes into the sparks of the bonfire, he and the villagers sat in front of the bonfire that was lit on the village ground. The firewood was burning with the firewood that was usually stored for drying. Light snow fell from the sky, and the light of the bonfire reflected everyone's thin and disheveled faces. It was all red.

At this time, even the children will not fight.

When the smoke comes over, people sitting in that direction will choke and quickly move to another place, causing everyone to laugh.

He said that he would not stay here for a long time, and maybe he would leave after some time when the road was clearer. He told the villagers that he had climbed over the Ural Mountain Ridge, and when he came over, the Solevol River had already been thickly covered with ice. Ice, people can cross that big river on foot, and that's how he came.

He also said that the south was not as cold as the north. He did not expect it to be so cold in the north, so he started the journey without bringing many clothes, which almost made him freeze into ice pimples on the way.

"Then why don't you go to the city?" someone asked him.

"Alas, there are too many people in the city who are better at painting than me. I won't have any business going there."

He replied with a troubled look on his face.

He is a man without any airs, so what he says usually arouses laughter from everyone. The villagers don’t understand that this is called humor, but in their opinion, Lev is a very interesting person, although they do not understand painters and poets. , the idea of ​​​​these masters who have nothing to do when they are full does not prevent them from liking to get along with people like Lev.

Lev is good at telling stories, and his stories are very attractive to the villagers, but his Ursus language is not very good. In the northern dialect, sometimes what he says is not what people think. Same thing.

But to the boring boredom of winter and the hardships of life, the story in Lev's mouth is another world, a world that they have never been to but might as well imagine now.

Maybe Lev was lying. After all, they had never left the North, but these were not important to them. There was no difference between lies and reality for those who could only stay where they were.

After all, they couldn't go, and they didn't even think about going.

Because after waking up, they were still sitting in front of the campfire, sharing hot and tasteless potatoes, and had to worry about tomorrow's livelihood, but this was the life they were accustomed to.

No one could notice the helplessness hidden deep in Lev's eyes when he said these things.

The Dark Rats found clues about the name Tallulah in the snowfields of the North, so he came all the way to the North and wandered around the snowfields for more than a month before learning about a group of people from the local garrison. The infected people called the guerrillas were heading south, so when he came to the snowfield, he had to follow this clue and turn back.

By the time he looked around for clues, the time had passed from September to December. For more than three months, his footsteps had never stopped, but he still had not made any progress.

The snow in the Ursus Snowfield is getting heavier and heavier, and the roads are covered by heavy snow. The beasts are hungry in winter, and the roads are becoming more and more difficult to travel. Maybe it will be better in the spring. After the snow melts, the roads will be much easier to walk.

... Tallulah.

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[Hui Jie:

I don't know how far I have to go.

Occasionally I hear the clear cry of winter feathers, what does that mean?Is spring coming soon?