Longmen Memoirs

"Thank you." Shuangxing suddenly spoke softly. "I should have told you earlier, and I hope it's not too late now."

Chen Mo paused.

"No need to thank me, Froststar, maybe this is a bit hurtful, but I still have to tell you, if Tallulah wasn't here, I wouldn't be able to do these things for you."

"Then I owe her something."

"She may not think so. I guess she definitely doesn't want to hear this from you." Chen Mo said.

Shuangxing hesitated for a moment and did not refute.

"What she said is true."

ps: If all this is destined.

Chapter 24 After that... ([-])

【May 1

Huijie:

Following what we talked about last time, I found the whereabouts of Tallulah on the Ursus Tundra. She was with a group of infected people. They established an organization and also gathered a group of infected warriors. Speaking of which, You may not believe it, but she has now become the leader of those infected.

A group of fighters called guerrillas. They are quite famous among the infected in the northern snowfields of Ursus. From them, I saw the shadow of the Ursus army. They were led by a Wendigo, even in Kaz. Dale, there are no pure-blooded Wendigos anymore, but I met one in the snowfield.

I had a brief conversation with him, and it was a pleasant conversation, at least without any conflict.

The guerrillas had previously repulsed the outpost garrison of the Ursus Fourth Army. In order to avoid being surrounded and suppressed by nearby pickets and the advance team of the Fourth Army [@#

I didn't follow.

When I write this letter to you, I am moving south with the team. In a few days, I will cross the Solawol River and arrive at the meeting point agreed with the guerrillas.

Some troubles occurred along the way. The team was trapped on the road by a blizzard and lost contact with the guerrillas. The team was temporarily led by a Carters-infected warrior named Frost Star.

She is a good fighter. Although she seems a little cold, she is not a bad person. She is somewhat idealistic but can look at reality objectively.

Someone in the team quietly left the camp with the little food left. Later, another group of infected people contracted inflammation. The inflammation caused the infection to worsen. I think you should have guessed what happened next.

So we stopped for the time being and planned to go to the nearest mobile city to get some medicine. Although we knew in our hearts that even if we got the medicine, it would be difficult to completely cure the patient's condition due to the team's medical conditions, but this did not mean that Frost Star will give up on them.

She is indeed an upright person. Although she is still a little immature now, if she grows up, she may not be able to stand alone.

In the city, I met an eccentric businessman named Cannot.

This man is full of weirdness, but what is certain is that he is not from the Ursus Empire. At least judging from his willingness to cooperate with the infected, they do not reject the infected.

We got some medicines from them, which temporarily alleviated the team's injuries. Things should go smoothly afterwards. I also have to be prepared to stabilize the situation in the camp in advance before Tallulah and the guerrillas come back. But I can't do these things alone.

Hui Jie, what I want to tell you is that Tallulah has found his ideal, and she also has her own career and what she wants to do. Although it will inevitably make people feel disappointed, we should have understood this truth long ago.

I think you are as worried about this matter as I am, because we all know Ursus' attitude towards the infected, and we also understand what Tallulah will face in the future if she continues.

But Xiaota will not stop. I understand this, and I also understand that here, her ideals are taking root and sprouting. She has paid so much for these, so that in the future, she has regarded this as her mission. .

She has grown up and is no longer a child who needs protection. She also has new friends and things she wants to do. These are not easy. She will not give up just like that. Maybe we will all feel sorry for this. It feels strange to the small tower, because this land always makes good people suffer.

Good things are not easy, and good things that are not recognized by others are even harder.

Hui Jie, I should have chosen to leave after finding Tallulah and understanding all this.

But I can't worry, at least not now. If it were you, you might make the same choice as me, because I know very well how many ups and downs they will go through in the future given their current situation. Maybe Tallulah is already prepared. , maybe Xiaota thinks she can face this.

But I can't leave until I'm sure they can stabilize.

I have to stay here.

To be honest, I miss you and Xiao Mo a little. I want to watch that child grow up. I should have been by your mother and daughter's side. Hui Jie, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

But I don’t even hope that one day when we hear the news about Tallulah again in Longmen, you and I will regret what we did. I don’t hope that this will leave a scar in your heart that will never heal. I don’t hope that one day I will lose you because of this.

I asked the people in Cannot to send this letter back to Longmen. If you can read this letter, Tallulah should be back by then.

Also, Happy New Year, Xiaomo’s mother also conveyed these words to our daughter on behalf of my incompetent husband and father. 】

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Missing sometimes inevitably makes people weak.

Chen Mo understood this truth long ago.

But Chen Mo also understood that if a person has no sustenance in his heart, then he also has no bottom line. Although such a person is alive, in fact, there is not much difference between living like this and being dead.

Everyone should have some thoughts.

Some unrealistic or expected thoughts, so as to tell myself how to proceed in the future, and also tell myself that I still have concerns and should not give up so easily.

The snowfield was very cold, indeed very cold. It was so cold that the old wounds on his body never stopped hurting. When the temperature dropped sharply at night, even if a bonfire was lit, Chen Mo could still feel the stinging pain caused by the onset of scars on his body, as if He was reminded all the time of what he had done before.

He folded the letter and put his hand on the bonfire. He couldn't help but cover his mouth and cough a few times. When he raised his hand again, his palm was dazzling scarlet.

Recently, the frequency of Origin Stone attacks has decreased a lot, but Chen Mo knew that this was not a good thing. He started to cough up blood. Unless he could find a place where he could no longer worry about thinking or use spells and rest in peace, otherwise The changes taking place in his body would sooner or later bring him down.

The past events consumed too much of his energy. In the past, Chen Mo didn't believe in the saying that the oil was exhausted and the lamp was exhausted, but over the past few days, he felt increasingly powerless.

Chen Mo understands that people like him are too scheming, too murderous, and have too complicated pasts. Such people generally do not live long, and they are easily hindered by worldly affairs and will never find stability.

Fortunately, Chen Mo didn't think about stability.

He has never been a real villain, so he doesn't have the courage that a villain should have. It's just that things in the world often push Chen Mo forward, and when he looks back, many things have already happened.

Maybe the patriots were right. If all was said and done, people like them would all deserve death. They all deserved their punishment, but Chen Mo didn't dare to die yet.

He never denied that he was a damned person, nor did he deny that his hands were stained with blood and that he did not deserve a good ending. However, before confirming Tallulah, or rather before confirming that Chen and Xiao Mo could live safely in the future, Chen Mo did not Dare to die.

Tallulah is Chen's last concern, and it is also the regret that will always remain in Chen's heart. She wants to make up for it, but Chen Mo is not willing to let Chen do this. She is not willing to let Chen Lai suffer this kind of pain. He also does not want Tallulah to fall. On this road, at least while he was alive, he would never let this happen.

Compared with himself, if Xiao Mo asks where his mother is in the future, how should Chen Mo answer? He should answer that Xiao Mo's mother went to find Xiao Ta, because his father did nothing, so he lost his mother.

It was impossible for Chen to give up on Tallulah. Even if she said so, she would definitely make up for her debt and guilt. It was also impossible for Tallulah to give up on her ideals. From the beginning, she had never thought about returning to Longmen. , as she said herself, she had nowhere to go.

Chen Mo dared not tell Tallulah about himself and Chen, because Chen Mo knew in his heart that this was the only excuse for Xiaota to let him stay with peace of mind. If he told Tallulah, maybe there would be a real relationship between them. Nothing is left anymore.

Maybe this is okay, but maybe Chen doesn't know how to face Tallulah in his heart. Chen can't be calm. Will she feel that she has robbed Xiaota's things, and will Xiaota feel that she doesn't? It's time to take her life away from Chen again.

If Chen is gone, can Chen Mo give Xiao Mo a stable environment to grow up?

Chen Mo knew that he couldn't give it, and his best option was to leave Xiao Mo in Longmen and lose his father again after losing his mother.

Chen Mo didn't dare to imagine that kind of future, because both he and Chen knew what that future would look like.

Chen will not let Xiao Mo become what he once was, so even if he is gone, Chen can still live well, even if it is just for Xiao Mo.

He, Xiaota, and Chen may have had their fates intertwined together when they were in the orphanage. Because of Xiaota, Chen Mo got to know Chen, and because of Chen, Chen Mo returned to Kazdale. Later, because of Chen and Xiaota, Chen Mo came to the snowy field.

It was Chen who gave Chen Mo everything he had ever hoped for, even though in Chen Mo's heart it should have been Tallulah.

Things in the world are constantly changing, and everything is going wrong.

When I came back to my senses, everything had changed.

The moment he saw Xiaota, Chen Mo understood the feelings in his heart.

There is still a little bit of his past love, and even the memory of the orphanage has long been blurred. Xiaota has become an obsession in his heart. This obsession was relieved when he saw her and saw that she was still alive.

In Chen Mo's opinion, what maintains the relationship between Chen Mo and Talulah is more about the meaning of Xiaota to Chen, and more about complex feelings that are not just love.

Like a relative or an old acquaintance, Tallulah is a trace engraved in Chen Mo's heart. Although time passes by, despite the wind and rain, and the sun and rain, for Chen Mo, she still remains in his heart.

The doctors brought by Cannott have treated the infected people in the camp. They are also trying and teaching these infected people how to relieve their illnesses. However, the medical conditions in the camp are really poor, much worse. In fact, what patients really need is not antipyretics to treat fever, nor Originium blockers.

The first thing they needed was intravenous injection to provide their weak bodies with enough nutrients to survive the surgery.

They can't continue running, otherwise even if they survive this time, the rest of the journey will kill them.

Shuangxing was a little lucky about this. Fortunately, Chen Mo also brought back doctors. Otherwise, even if they had medicines, they would only be able to watch these people die. But similarly, when the doctor brought by Kannot mentioned these things, she Also became more worried.

There is no news about the guerrillas, and they are worried whether they will encounter more of this kind of thing in the future.

Especially when those ordinary infected people who saved their lives after undergoing surgery weakly held Shuangxing's hand and asked her if they could survive, they said they didn't want to die.

Those eyes were full of desire to live.

Froststar was helpless, looking like a child abandoned in the snow, not knowing how to answer.

The patriot protected her very well. The patriot taught her many principles and trained her into a qualified and tough warrior. She also thought that she was mature enough, but there were some truths that she could only think about and face by herself. Some truths are never as good as hearing them from others but experiencing them yourself.

The guerrillas rescued the infected and trained them into fighters. That was the way the guerrillas used to stay active in the snowfields, but now they have to take these infected people with them.

When these things happened in the past, Shuangxing was used to the way the patriots and medical soldiers dealt with them. She had also seen the same thing happen in the past. At that time, she didn't think it was anything. She felt that she was used to life and death, so she should You should not hesitate about these things.

But that doesn't seem to be the case now.

When she came to bear this expectation, Shuangxing realized that she couldn't speak.

She doesn't want to deceive these infected people, nor does she want them to give up hope.

Maybe Froststar didn't think so in the past, because she was a warrior. All she had to do was protect the camp and deal with the enemy. What she had to think about was how to defeat the pickets and collect more supplies.

The infected should not expect more, because no one dares to guarantee them, and they should understand their fate, because they are precarious in the snowfield.

But not all infected people have the courage to welcome their own death. Maybe they understand these truths, but when death comes, the instinct of life is to live, even though living means having to endure more suffering. Life itself may not be so beautiful.

But there is nothing wrong with living.

They haven't done anything evil, so why should they accept such a fate? Is living a wrong thing? Is it wrong for them to be afraid of death?

This has never made sense.

Not before, not now.

Shuangxing didn't want to deceive them, but she also didn't dare to promise. At that moment, Shuangxing seemed to finally understand the weight of this land. The heavy weight on the shoulders of the young Custer warrior made her find it so difficult to speak.

The injustice of this land is happening before their eyes. The injustice of this land and their desire to live make it difficult for Frost Star to calm down.

She should have known this.

It shouldn't be like this.

But what can we do?

We are leading them to death. Can we really change this Ursus alone?If we do nothing, we will just watch this happen over and over again.

But are we really ready?

The ideal suddenly becomes unclear. Perhaps it was unclear from the beginning.

Many questions suddenly emerged in her mind, and no one could tell her the answers to those questions.

But she finally spoke and told the infected a lie that even she herself didn't quite believe.

ps: Mr. Chen is no longer a warrior who only knows how to fight and kill.

Chapter 25 After that... ([-]) Nothing was accomplished

Chen Mo looked at the infected people who gradually felt relieved under Shuangxing's words. Chen Mo thought that maybe they knew in their hearts that Shuangxing was just comforting them.

A false hope, but even if it is false, it still makes people want to grab it.

Chen Mo understands this truth. Just like the Sarkarz who gathered under the Tower of Babel when they were in Kazdale, they don't actually care about Thearesia's ideas, but they inevitably have expectations, because apart from that, they don't Know who you should trust and what you should live for.

People always need a purpose.

But for Frost Star, could she understand the meaning of the lies she told, or maybe she just said them casually because she wanted to feel at ease.

The difference between the two is that the former carries some kind of responsibility, while the latter is something Chen Mo takes for granted.

April 1

10 kilometers near the Soraval River, snowy wilderness

Temporary camp for infected people

The vehicles were preparing to leave. Accompanying the Cannott group were the seriously ill infected people in the camp. The medical staff and soldiers carefully moved the patients to the snowmobiles. Several friends or relatives of the patients were doing so. Say goodbye.

"Don't worry, Vatov, I'm going to recuperate and not go to the execution ground. You should be happy for me. Besides, Team Leader Alina said that she will send someone to take us back after she recovers. I used to But I never dared to think that I would still have this kind of treatment.”

An infected person lies on a stretcher and pats another infected person on the shoulder.

"Little Ash, I will leave it to you to take care of them. I know you have always wanted to be a warrior, but you are a little timid. You may not be able to stand firmly on the battlefield and die. I still hope to see you when I come back. Until you are alive, Vatov."

The infected man named Vatov slapped his hand away.