Longmen Memoirs

Chen Mo stopped and they bent down to pass through the collapsed gap in the passage. He turned around, leaned the weapon he was carrying against the wall, and reached out to Tallulah behind him, who took his palm.

His silver hair was stained with dust, and the military uniform under his gray coat looked like it shouldn't appear in this dirty and dilapidated place.

"Isn't it necessary to follow me to such a ghost place?"

Tallulah looked up at him.

"Don't change the subject."

She didn't seem to appreciate it. Chen Mo let go of his hand, but Tallulah tightened it again. The touch from his hand contained a touch of warmth.

Chen Mo looked at the weapon leaning against the wall. He handed the flashlight to Tallulah, who took it and held it in her hand.

So what was strange was that while walking in the black and ruined corridor, Tallulah was walking behind with a flashlight, and Chen Mo, who was holding his right hand, was walking in front.

The dim light reflected the two figures on the dark wall, and they slowly moved away with their footsteps.

"At that time, I didn't dare to think that one day I could get out of here alive and return to Longmen alive. I gradually got used to living here, getting used to being tied up and fighting with other people, and getting used to how to kill people. Chen Mo said: "But then the days of fighting each other in the black wall ended, and we were sent outside to a colony of infected people."

He could clearly feel Tallulah clenching his hand a little harder.

There was no need for Chen Mo to go on. Tallulah could imagine what happened next.

"Later, this matter became a part of my life for a while. I remember that it seemed to have snowed heavily that day. It seemed that the snow had stopped. When we came back from there, he suddenly told me that he wanted to kill someone."

Chen Mo paused for a moment, and the sound of rain in his ears became clearer and clearer as they approached the exit.

"Later, I became an infected person here. At the end, I killed him. I thought I killed him. The fate is really wonderful. I didn't expect that we would meet again in Ursus many years later, and this time he Becoming an internal guard, I am an infected person."

"You mean it's a coincidence that you met him here?" Tallulah asked.

"It's not a coincidence." Chen Mo shook his head and said, "They came here for you. At that time, Shuangxing and I bumped into the inner guard. Later I learned something about you from him."

Tallulah fell silent for a moment.

"The Duke's adopted daughter?" she asked in a low voice.

"You are also hiding something from me, Xiaota." Chen Mo said, "I heard it. I heard the conversation between you and Alina on the night when you came back from Kazdel."

"I thought you were asleep?"

"But I'm glad I didn't fall asleep."

"Why didn't you ask then?"

"Just like you didn't ask me, I won't ask you either." Chen Mo said: "I don't quite believe what he told me, but the conversation between you and Alina made it impossible for me to refute this fact."

Tallulah fell silent again.

"You want to know about Cosciche?" she asked.

"I don't care about a specious rumor." Chen Mo shook his head and added: "But I want to know what you told me about Cosiche."

"Like you're doing now?"

"I think it's fair."

Chen Mo stopped, turned around, and his eyes fell on Talulah's hand, which he was holding.

"I told you that I had been to Shevata. I also found out your original identity and that the Duke died in an assassination. You killed Kosiche and then escaped from the Duke's city. Later you hid in Alina The village where you met, am I right?"

Tallulah was a little surprised and looked at Chen Mo.

"So you already knew."

"I have been looking for you from south to north for a year, following your clues from south to north in Ursus. I originally thought it would take longer, but I know that you will definitely not be able to live peacefully. of."

"How do you know I won't settle down as a village girl?" Tallulah asked deliberately.

"Ha, or find a young and strong Ursus guy." Chen Mo asked with a smile: "If you really do that, I will be very surprised."

Tallulah snorted slightly, not satisfied with his statement.

"If you had found me earlier, maybe I might have done this." She said with a sigh, but her eyes fell on Chen Mo.

"But we can't predict the future, so we can't let ourselves go back to the past." Chen Mo replied. "And I think if I had it to do over again, I would make the same choice."

"Kazdale? Froststar came back and told me that she saw the monarch of Kazdale and a land speeder there. I don't think a group of Ursus-infected people with nothing deserves to be taken seriously by Sarkaz. They are Coming for you?”

Tallulah looked at Chen Mo.

They stopped at the door of the black wall. It was raining heavily outside in the night. It was very similar to the scene in the orphanage when they were children. Although they encountered similar heavy rain later, Chen Mo could never remember that time so clearly.

"You want to know why?"

"I'm listening, another long story?"

"It's not very long. You can understand it as a foreigner who became a general of the Sakaz people in a daze, and became famous after the end of the Kazdare Civil War."

"I am very curious about what kind of general is worthy of letting the monarch meet with him in private." Tallulah said. "Froststar said that Sakaz looks young and beautiful. From her words, I can easily hear that she has a good impression of the other person. This is the first time I have seen her treat someone like this to someone they meet for the first time. Attitude, when I met her, we had a fight without explanation. Where did she get such a good temper?"

"Is this your prejudice, Tallulah?" Chen Mo asked.

"Ok?"

"No matter how cold and arrogant Frost Star is, it is impossible for him to be unfaithful to a Lord Sakaz who seeks help."

"I do not deny."

"And the patriot is also Sakaz, so Shuangxing may have a certain affection for Sakaz." Chen Mo continued.

Tallulah looked at him, her eyes seeming to reveal her inner thoughts.

"Do you believe it or not?"

"..."

Chen Mo felt that it didn't matter whether he believed it or not. Tallulah didn't seem to believe it anyway. He was still a bit smart. At least staying silent was more important than Chen Mo.

"Anyway, it is a good thing for us to be in contact with Kazdel now, and it is true that Sarkaz is willing to help us." Tallulah said, as if she had given up and continued to ask.

"That inner guard, what do you think?"

"He is not our enemy for the time being, but he is also untrustworthy."

"But he said that the internal guards of Ursus are having disagreements, and many forces within Ursus are also shaking. As far as I know, the new emperor is indeed unable to control all the power of Ursus, including the rising upstarts and big men. The military powers left behind by the rebellion are not optimistic about the new emperor's policies. They do not work for anyone or anything except money." In Chen Mo's sight, Tallulah said: "At least on this point, he has no Wrong."

"Should I say something now?"

"I told you I wasn't listening," Tallulah said. "So... I'm sorry."

What she said was very insincere. Chen Mo couldn't hear the slightest apology in her words, but she looked at him without looking away.

"I think you won't talk to me if I don't use this method. If you keep telling lies, I don't know if I will one day walk away from you because of misunderstanding. I have seen many such things. , but I don’t want us to be like this.”

Chen Mo was very disappointed. He realized that he had been tricked by the girl in front of him, but what was surprising was that he didn't feel any anger in his heart. On the contrary, he felt like he was suddenly relieved.

He still underestimated Tallulah, and this underestimation and self-confidence put Chen Mo in the current situation.

The words Chen Mo originally wanted to say were blocked in his throat.

He forgot what he wanted to say. He forgot how he felt when the person he wanted to forget stood in front of the black wall that once concealed his most difficult memories.

When did he get used to lying?

What a strange fate.

He asked Chen Mo to meet Tallulah again more than ten years later, and meet someone he should have told himself not to think about here. Even though he tried his best to remember it later in Colombia, he could not think of it again.

This seemed to be the compensation given to Chen Mo by fate, or maybe it was just pity.

Chen Mo didn't know.

He just knew that in this black wall, the starting point where all stories really began, more than ten years later, he and Xiaota left Longmen but came here in this way.

Everything has changed over time, and everything seems to be back to its original state again, just like a ridiculous dream.

Chapter 94 Then, come back

[All great actions and thoughts have a humble beginning...]

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The heavy rain has no intention of stopping.

The wilderness of Ursus was shrouded in torrential rain.

They sat under the collapsed rocks at the door of the black wall. The building hidden deep in the valley faced the wind and rain. The rainwater dripped down the mountain wall and formed a rain line.

The rainy night was a little cold because no fuel could be found. The sound of rain was so clear and echoed clearly in people's ears. The weak light of the flashlight was the only light source in the darkness.

People often drift apart due to some misunderstandings and unspoken words, leading to misunderstandings about each other.

In fact, for many things, if we can sit down and have a good talk, we may not be able to achieve a result that is acceptable to both parties. However, people always have too many considerations, or perhaps the so-called self-righteousness and wishful thinking are actually just illusions to a certain extent. In a kind of comfortable selfishness.

Chen Mo is probably like this. Among his many shortcomings, this is the only one that he cannot correct. Just like there is too much suffering in the world, he cannot make everything conform to his own ideas. .

Chen Mo understands this truth.

He understands that sometimes people can only try their best, but they may not be able to expect results. He also understands that most things cannot be achieved just by thinking about them and doing them. Most things are not guaranteed to come true just because someone hopes for them.

People must learn to stop when enough is enough, and also know how to act within their capabilities, measure themselves, and measure others.

But there are always some things, even if they know that human power is impossible, even if they know that the hope is slim, people still have to do it. In the eyes of others, they will think it is ridiculous, stupid, and arrogant, but that is because they have not encountered that kind of thing , they didn't encounter anything that they wanted to defend, but they knew the result very well.

If something is difficult, don’t do it. If something is meaningless even if you do it, then you should give up.

There is no such reason.

In fact, most things in this world are never worth it. What is worth in this world may not be the same for everyone, so things in this world can only be determined by willingness or unwillingness.

Tallulah took out the injection she found at the door.

"this is yours?"

Chen Mo didn't try to hide it anymore.

"The targeted drugs I brought back from Kazdaele last time can temporarily suppress the onset of the disease in my body."

"You didn't say it."

"I'm afraid you'll be worried." Chen Mo said, "But there's no need for it now. I rarely use spells anymore. Tallulah, I really want to tell you that it's not that serious, but I know you won't believe it."

"You don't have to hide it from me."

"It's not necessary." Chen Mo replied: "The life of an infected person is very short. From the day we are infected with Originium Disease, our lives begin to shrink with the passage of time. Maybe one day, I will become a piece of ice." I have always been afraid that the day will come too soon. Even if I am prepared, I still have too many things I want to do. Even after I finish all those things, I still want to live and live longer."

"Depressing words."

"Is the truth."

Tallulah glared at him.

"No one is not afraid of death, Xiaota."

Chen Mo could feel the hand holding him tightening: "I can accept my death calmly, but I can't accept my appearance after death calmly. I can't accept you leading the infected people under Ursus' pursuit. You are homeless, so I think there is something else I can do for you and your infected people, so that the road ahead for you can be better, and the situation for you and the infected people can be better."

"You've done enough."

"It's not enough, and if you want to survive, you can't rely on me alone. I didn't have this idea before, but since I came here, I met Alina, Frost Star and Snow Monster, and I know the deep love between you. Feelings, I also know that you can't let go of them. If I were you, I wouldn't be able to let go of everything here either, so I can understand you, your thoughts, and your wishes."

He said this in a very soft voice, but it was inevitably filled with a bit of helplessness and relief.

"You don't have to think that way. There's no need to think that this is what you should do. No one should do anything for anyone."

Tallulah said, but she knew very well in her heart that if she hadn't stayed here, he would not have done this for a group of infected people.

What she said even made her feel a little shameful.

"But what about after these?" Chen Mo asked: "Who can you accept losing? Losing Alina, losing Shuangxing?"

Tallulah didn't answer.

"I am the same. The longer we are in contact, the harder it is to let go. But what we have to face is Ursus. Our opponents will not show mercy. They will not let us go just because we are unwilling to lose anyone. Not only for For you and the infected, and for myself, Tallulah, I never thought about what I would do in the future. It wasn’t until here that I finally found something truly meaningful to me... I think Let you live."

"I have made so many mistakes that I can no longer count them all. Even the memory of being here is almost lost to me. I always have to repay and correct the mistakes I made in the past. , even if this behavior is meaningless, so it is not only for you, but also for myself."

People often talk about retribution, so Chen Mo believes that his current experience is also a kind of retribution, a kind of retribution for turning a blind eye to suffering in the past and having bloody hands.

This statement may be too ridiculous. He just wants to repay it now. At least if this is really a kind of retribution, he feels that he should bear it himself.

He is also a stubborn person, but his stubbornness usually manifests itself in the people he cares about, not himself.