Longmen Memoirs

"Aren't you going home?"

But just when Chen Mo was thinking this, a strange yet familiar question suddenly rang in his ears.

Chen Mo, Chen Mo didn't know whether he should call him this.

He was standing inside the iron gate, wearing a blue and white children's jacket, black shorts under the jacket, and a pair of small black leather shoes under the shorts.

Chen Mo remembered this outfit. It was impossible to forget it. It was the clothes he wore the most in the orphanage. When Teresa distributed the clothes donated by others, she put this coat in her hand. Even the immature and young face He will never forget his face, even though he has changed compared to now, becoming much more mature and indifferent.

He is himself when he was a child, Chen Mo when he was a child.

How do you feel when you see photos of your childhood? They feel familiar, yet a little strange at the same time. You will suddenly think that I was so cute when I was a child, or maybe I was so sloppy.

Chen Mo also had a similar feeling. The child in front of him felt familiar yet strange at the same time. Did I look like this when I was young?

It's not that cute, but compared to now, there are probably more people who like that youthful appearance.

When he was a child, Chen Mo always thought that he was so stupid and so smart. He always thought that he could change something. He also tried to do so, but later he sadly discovered that he could not do anything. Unable to change, he only has a mature soul, but the soul cannot be his support, let alone bring him any actual value.

He has been looking forward to time going faster so that he can escape the shackles of this body, but at the same time, he can't help but feel confused about his future path and what he can do in Longmen.

So he had no choice but to treat himself as a child. He was almost treating himself as a child, and tried to live according to the pace of a child's life.

It wasn't until he met Tallulah and Chen later that he truly reconciled himself to being a child, and he lamented the slowness and speed of time.

But now, he has nothing.

Just like at the beginning, he had nothing, but he was back at the beginning, but he would inevitably still be unwilling, in pain, and naturally helpless.

"Why don't you come in and take a look?" Chen Mo in front of him continued to ask. He tilted his head and pointed towards the orphanage, as if to invite Chen Mo.

"No."

"Don't like it here?" Xiao Chen Mo seemed to have thought of something. "How about changing places."

He snapped his fingers lightly, and the scene changed again.

The cracked ceiling, the old-fashioned electric fan on the ceiling, the small apartment of less than [-] square meters, the double-door refrigerator placed in the corner, and the white shirts floating in the breeze on the clothes drying rack.

The sunlight falling into the living room from the balcony divided the small living room into two. Chen Mo stood where the sunlight could not reach.

He hasn't seen this place for a long time.

Chen Mo's eyes looked around every place in the room, and every corner involved a part of his memories.

He looked at the door uncontrollably. That day he opened the door, and his life changed drastically. From then on, his life became a difficult journey.

"Do you regret it?" the little boy asked.

"Yes, I regret it."

How could I not regret it.

Chen Mo kept thinking later that if he had not opened that door that day, everything would not have changed. If he had not opened it, would his life still be as sad as it is now.

He would not have met Tallulah and Chen, and he would have regretted it, but his not meeting them should have been a fate, a fate that belonged to him.

"Regret is the cheapest and meaningless thing." Chen Mo shook his head slightly and sneered.The smile was full of ridicule for himself.

He is a cowardly person, and he regrets it because of his cowardice. Because of his cowardice, he lost a lot of things that originally belonged to him. By the time he wanted to get them back, it was too late.

"I'm very happy that you can understand this truth." Xiao Chen Mo said in agreement. "Regret is a lie that the weak tell themselves."

"Weak?" Chen Mo looked at the boy standing opposite me.

"Weak." The boy nodded: "Just like you in front of me."

"I never wanted to become a strong person."

"No, you have thought about it." The little boy moved gently and walked slowly to the sofa. He sat on the sofa, leaning on the armrest, and looked at Chen Mo in front of him. That look and movement looked like Chen Mo for a long time. He was sitting in the same position, looking at the woman outside the balcony, until the doorbell interrupted his thoughts.

The little boy rested his chin on his hands and swayed his small leather shoes hanging under the sofa.

"Why else would you leave the orphanage, Chen Mo." He seemed to see through the hypocrisy and lies in Chen Mo's heart: "You are a liar. You tell so many lies that you almost got deceived by yourself."

"Have you forgotten?" He said: "Have you forgotten the promise you made to that woman when she died in your arms? Have you forgotten your powerlessness, unwillingness, pain, and regret? What did you say at that time? What were you thinking at the time?"

His figure suddenly disappeared from the sofa and appeared in Chen Mo's ear.

It's like the devil's hell, and it's like asking yourself.

"You want to tear this world apart, you want to kill everyone, you want to destroy everything you can see." His words changed, full of helplessness and sighs: "But you can't do it, how did you do it? Here, because you are a child, you are trapped in a child's body, because you have a soul that does not belong here, and your soul makes you mature and makes you timid."

"Think about it, you haven't forgotten, have you?"

Chen Mo didn't answer. His breathing seemed to be getting heavier and stagnant with every word of the boy. In the end, he even forgot to breathe. He only felt that something was suddenly involved in his heart, and raging flames and waves surged out. Anger, unwillingness, that kind of anger and unwillingness seemed to drown his reason.

Chen Mo squeezed his hand tightly and told himself that he still had something to look forward to and that his life was not worthless.

But the boy had no intention of letting him go. He was a real devil.

The boy raised his feet and walked to Chen Mo. The scene changed again with his footsteps.

But this time, it was in a crowded commercial street, but there was a sound in the crowd, and the specific faces on each person's face could not be seen clearly.

Everyone seemed to have pressed the pause button on time.

Chen Mo stood in the middle of the crowd, the crowd gathered together, the two little girls sitting in front of the electronic keyboard, and himself staring at them in the crowd.

What was Chen Mo thinking at that time? Yes, he was a little envious. He looked at them enviously that they could sit together, but he didn't seem to belong here, as if he was alone.

He should have been able to be like them.

"They are your obsession." The little boy walked gently towards the two little girls behind the electronic keyboard. "Look, they are here. You can see them as long as you want."

"But... can you remember, can you remember what they look like?" The little boy stretched out his fingers and gently brushed the silver hair, and the silver hair passed through his fingertips. "Stop lying to yourself, Chen Mo. They have forgotten you. How important do you think you are? How many things do you think a child can remember? You know best in your heart. You... are a special case. Forget them. Forget them. Only then can you be liberated.”

Chen Mo indeed could no longer remember their appearance, nor their voices and smiles. Even this dragon gate was just a remnant that remained in his mind.

The dragon gate was so big that it was impossible for me to touch it at that time.

But how could Chen Mo forget them? He tried it and regretted it later. People shouldn't regret the same thing twice. What's more, he can no longer explain how he feels about them.

Is it concern, nostalgia, or obsession that remains in my mind, or is it just a disguise to deceive myself.

"You're right." Chen Mo said: "I can't remember. I decided to forget. I didn't forget what I was thinking when she died. I hated my own powerlessness and rebuked myself for my cowardice. I was a liar. I am also a clown. I try my best to treat myself as a child, because I don’t have the courage to resist the world. I know I can’t do it. The cruelty of this world once made me despair.”

The smile on the little boy's face became brighter and brighter, and he seemed to be waiting for the answer he wanted to hear.

"Then forget them. Only by forgetting them can you become your true self."

"It's them who allowed me to have these things again and let me have warmth. They are my family. Even if it is my wishful thinking or my delusion, it is all my business."

The excitement in the boy's eyes passed away, and he was a little disappointed mixed with a little happiness. Amid the happiness, he looked at Chen Mo with sadness in his eyes.

"Have you admitted it?"

It was as if they were the only two people left in the crowd in the world, staring at each other, one big and one small, the same person.

"If this is my destiny." Chen Mo glanced at the two figures behind him gently: "If I am destined to go on this road, even if I don't want to admit it, what can I do."

Even if I don't push the door open, what should happen will still happen. What can't be avoided will eventually have to be faced.

Chen Mo met Tallulah because he knew that she was an extraordinary person. He was willing to get close to Chen Mo because he saw that majestic man. He knew that they were not ordinary people, so he despicably and hypocritically Pretend to be a child to deceive their trust and use this to change your powerless life.Use this to find the strength he needs. Otherwise, if Chen Mo is really willing to be peaceful and live such an ordinary life, it will not be easy for his soul at that time.

He is himself, me as a child, so he can clearly know what Chen Mo was thinking at that time.

A person can deceive everyone, but he can never truly deceive himself.

Chen Mo once tried to change everything, using everything he could, including his feelings and his identity as a child. He succeeded, but he also fell into the abyss.

He hates Chen, it is better to say he is afraid, fearing that her appearance will disrupt his original plan. He is like a duckweed, drifting with the tide of the world, with no place to return, and no retreat after failure.

So Chen Mo planned all of this carefully and finally left the orphanage and came to Black Wall. However, he always overestimated himself, so it was inevitable that he would have complicated feelings for them.

He asked himself if he admitted it?

Have you admitted your selfishness, hypocrisy, and despicability?

Even if he didn't admit that there was any way, he did all this after all, and then put on a mask and gave himself a false belief, just like the belief that the man said.

Terra, the Crystalline Era is a world with strict classes, weak and strong. How can an ordinary person change his or her destiny in this world?

ps: There is another chapter in this volume

Chapter 70 Untitled

[We played a game when we were kids, three points for the face, five points for the chest, and two points for the waist. I have never been able to beat you, Chen, but it’s different now. 】

------

The electronic clock on the bedside table broke the tranquility of the morning. The green fluorescent display read the time - 6:30 am.

In the bathroom, the cold water dispelled the drowsiness in the brain. The water stains wet Chen Mo's black hair on his forehead and slid down his face. The person in the mirror made Chen Mo feel strange and familiar.

【%

With an indifferent face and equally indifferent pupils, his gaze touched the past but could not bring back a trace of his memories.The young man in the mirror was also looking at himself. Under the white light, they stared at each other, as if they were two different people.

The naked upper body was covered with scars, large and small, deep and shallow. Each scar represented a period of the past. Chen Mo could remember where they came from, but they were so unreal and unreal that it was absurd. .

His fingers couldn't help but touch his waist. The black crystals glowed with a cold luster under the light, and the hard feeling from his fingertips was enough to bring him back to reality.

I don't know when, these Origin Stone crystals became something he could rely on.

Tell him what and who he is.

No one on this earth has ever been able to do it again. What was supposed to happen has happened, and what cannot be changed cannot be turned back. From the moment these Origin Stones appeared on him, he had no choice but to look back.

But he still thinks of his dream. In the dream, he returned to Longmen and the orphanage, but he didn't dare and couldn't lift his feet and walked into the "home" that would always open the door to him, and he shouldn't ask for more. I can continue to hold their hands and walk on the streets of Longmen together.

He was right.

I have not forgotten, I have not forgotten everything I have ever done, I have not forgotten what I wanted to do when that woman died in my arms, I have always deceived myself into thinking that everything about my life has been tampered with, but in fact, it It's just changing little by little according to what you want.

052 said, will I still be myself after I go back?

is it?

Not anymore.

Chen Mo died a long time ago, died in his delusion, died on the day that woman died. The one who survived was not Chen Mo, but another soul, another desperate and lonely soul.

Chen Mo didn't know why he had such a strange dream, but maybe it was just because Jessica's appearance brought back some memories about his past, making him think of them uncontrollably in his dreams.

A week has passed since Jessica was taken back.

Chen Mo did see the deputy director of the Operation Department downstairs, Mr. Lionhead, a tall Waifan man wearing glasses and black horns on his head. The glasses were just his decoration, he didn't have any Carrying weapons and wearing a crisp suit, his eyes gave people a strong sense of oppression.

He came alone and stood downstairs. Sfeldt had no intention of quarreling with him again. He was a keyboard warrior, and he himself knew very well that if he really went down, he would not be able to fight. , the only thing he deserves is to be beaten. After all, the other party is the deputy director of the Operations Department, and he cannot hold this position without any ability.

“A gentleman does not stand behind a wall.”

He can be considered a gentleman, and he's not a wall, right?

Chen Mo felt that he couldn't beat him. He politely did not mention the relationship between Si Feilte and himself. He probably thought that he would be tricked by Brother Si.

"Trainer?" Lion Head was a little surprised by Chen Mo's gray training uniform.

"Yes, the ninth issue, code name snake, number zdf7943." Chen Mo held Jessica in his hands: "I met this child."

"What's your relationship with Sfeldt?"

"Sfeldt is my Originium Skill Instructor."

"Oh, I remembered, you are the snake." He seemed to have thought of something and looked Chen Mo up and down.

Chen Mo didn't expect that the other party would know about him, but after thinking about it, he realized that it was probably Sfeldt's fault again.

Then his attitude suddenly cooled down.

"Sfeldt said you were his brother?"

Brother, whoever becomes his brother will live at least [-] years shorter.

"Yes." Chen Mo didn't deny it. He felt that he was really tricked by Sfeldt, who said he wanted to be his best man, so he stupidly believed him.

The atmosphere cooled down. Jessica looked up at Chen Mo and then at the man opposite, her little face becoming nervous.

"Forget it, since you are willing to hang out with Sfeldt, I can't say anything. Just leave her to me."

"Excuse me for being rude, but may I know where you are taking her?"

"These are not things you, a trainee, can ask."