I, the first son, became a woman

Blurred consciousness, like placing oneself in a raging fire.

The body seems to be constantly being smashed, crushed, and shaped.

Xia Juan only felt as if she was quietly lying on a river that never ceases to flow.

The warm river filled the surroundings, soaking his body and wrapping him together.

Are you... dead?

Time is so fast... so fast...

In a trance, from that side in Taiping City to now...

How could I think of it myself...

My final destination is to lie in Ye Ning's arms and disappear...

It's just that I have done too many things wrong in my life.

I'm also sorry for too many people.

I owe my parents, my sister, and Ye Ning.

Originally... Originally, I finally woke up and wanted to live the rest of my life well.

And Ye Ning...to be together well, let parents and sisters see their happiness and reunion.

but……

Now it seems... there is nothing I can do.

It seems that the heat is constantly burning my body, so hot, it hurts so much

Xia Juan desperately wanted to open her eyes to see what this place looked like.

But she found that she couldn't open her eyes at all.

She seemed to be drifting down the river, heading somewhere.

So... will it be my home?

I always feel that my life is so short, but so rich.

It seems to have done a lot of things, but it seems that nothing has been done.

In my senior life, I was immersed in hatred, anger, and darkness for 18 years.

I hated the assassination this time, I was hurt by the injustice that God had done to me, I hated myself as a man... but I lost the most basic ability of a man.

That accident made him fall to the bottom even more.

For me, who is already manless, becoming a woman...is like God's mockery of me.

I vented like crazy, sick, and angry from embarrassment.

Immersed in loss and confusion.

Over the past ten years...what on earth have I lived for?

What exactly are you doing?

It seems that... I have been continuing my fragile life, but aimlessly.

Just like what Yin Bo told himself the night before he climbed Bingxuan Mountain.

Eternal life... What is the meaning of it?

Does living forever mean eternal happiness?

but happiness...

What is it?

It was when I was a child that my parents held my hand and strolled on the street to have fun.

It was fighting with the sisters, and finally they laughed together.

still is……

Like Ye Ning said.

Hold your hand and grow old with you...?

Maybe my former self really didn’t understand.

but now……

If... If you can really give yourself another chance to live.

in case……

If all this can be done again.

I'm still me...he's still him.

All this has not changed...

Then... I think...

This time, I will live my life again.

No more whining, no more complaining, no more anger, no more jealousy, no more living in the past.

Maybe... I will be happy with Ye Ning, holding the child and reuniting with my parents and sisters.

Or maybe, even if it still only has a short lifespan.

But remember when you die.

It shouldn't be as dazed as it is now.

Xia Juan... Your whole life seems to be empty, immersed in wandering all the time.

If I am not so obsessed with it, I can let go of my knot...

Looking back now, it will be completely different, will it be... colorful?

Xia Juan didn't know.

Her consciousness is also constantly blurring, as if it has been stripped away.

Her body could no longer feel pain, nor any other sensations.

She shuttled freely in the river like a fish, walking forward with purpose.

As for where the end is...

Xia Juan had no clue, and was at a loss.

Is this... the taste of death...

There was no expected pain, but no expected comfort either.

It's like an ordinary life, nothing, nothing and nothing.

That life, whether it is drifting like it is now.

Until it takes root and lands, how about getting married and starting a business?

and kids...

I used to be afraid of his coming, and even more afraid of mentioning him.

Even when he learned of the existence of the child, the first thing he thought of was resistance.

However, until now, all that remains is guilt.

She conceived his life, but failed to bring him into this world after all.

If...if all goes well.

If...if I can still live.

Then, can I see his appearance with my own eyes and hold him tightly in my arms...

maybe.

It's just that now, no matter what, it's a thing of the past.

I am dead.

Xia Juan... is already dead.

There is no restart and no continuation.

Life, drifting towards the end, finally turns into a dissipating cloud.

Named Ye...

you can't...

Don't find me a concubine...

Because... I would really be jealous.

I would be... angry.

From being indifferent at the beginning, asking Ye Ning to marry a concubine again, to now...

like……

A lot of things... have really changed...

everything has changed...

At the end of his thoughts, in this pale thought, he finally stopped abruptly.

The drifting of the body also seemed to have finally stopped at this moment, motionless.

Is this... the taste of death?

only……

Ok?

I felt that my eyelids seemed to be starting to loosen a little.

Xia Juan frowned, and suddenly opened her eyes slowly.

in front of you.

A ray of orange sunlight at dusk fell gently in front of his eyes through the window.

It was a ceiling that I was no longer familiar with.

In the room, I also... the sandalwood scent that I am no longer familiar with.

"This...here is...?"

Bang!

I didn't care about many things, and I was almost scared to death in an instant!

Xia Juan's eyes widened suddenly, she propped herself up suddenly, and sat up all of a sudden.

She stared blankly at everything in front of her, at everything she was familiar with.

The strong shock, like waking up from a big dream, made her unable to tell whether all this was true or not.

"Squeak-"

The door slowly opened with the push of the arm in pajamas.

The light of the setting sun at dusk dyed the sky orange, and the fiery clouds looked like a beautiful oil painting, rendering the birds flying high below.

There are traces of falling snowflakes on the ground.

Xia Juan was stunned, still feeling at a loss, not knowing what to do.

While hesitating, she heard a voice, raised her head in a trance, and looked around.

outside the kitchen.

"hiss--!"

Putting down the cooked food, Ye Ning quickly pinched his earlobe with both hands.

Beside them, Zhaodi and Nannai wore aprons, held seasonings and towels, and were satisfied with the finished food.