I am the emotional sustenance of your deceased

It's still raining.

Su Shi felt like she could cry again, but it might be that the rain flowing through her hair confused her perception.

"today…"

Today, Nagasaki Suyo is going to end everything about Crychic!

What's the point of having a band since my mother is gone anyway...

My mother is gone anyway, so what if I get caught in the rain? It doesn't matter if I die, no one will love me anyway.

An indescribable feeling welled up in Su Shi's heart.

I thought I would lead the band to shine and make my mother proud.

But I ended up following in my mother's footsteps, and my band failed just like hers.

Su Shi walked along the path she was all too familiar with and arrived outside the rehearsal room where they usually rehearsed.

She didn't care about her disheveled appearance, nor did she pay attention to the corners of her clothes that were still dripping with rainwater.

Nagasaki Suyo pushed open the door of the rehearsal room.

"Sushi! Great, you're finally here!"

Everyone had different reactions when they saw Su Shi coming in.

Gao Songdeng breathed a sigh of relief, Li Xi turned his eyes away with some impatience, and Mu sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling window with his back to everyone, watching the rain, as if in a daze.

Toyokawa Shoko took small steps forward and continued:

"You're soaked, are you okay?"

"You didn't come to school, and you didn't reply to my messages..."

Xiangzi took out a handkerchief and wanted to wipe the water stains off Su Shi's face, but the other party grabbed his wrist.

For the first time in so many days, Su Shi felt so powerful.

"I'm here today to talk about something..."

"I'm quitting Crychic."

"Huh? Wait a minute, sit down first."

Shoko Toyokawa may have predicted this a long time ago, so she was trying hard to comfort Su Shi.

But this comfort seemed so dazzling to Nagasaki Suyo.

[Toyokawa Shoko...you, you don't know everything, do you?...]

Why do you know more than me?

Why? Why? What gives you the right to know more than me?

That's obviously my mom! Mine!

Why do you know so much about my mom!

Su Shi gritted his teeth and tried his best to say what was in his heart:

"That day... Xiangzi, why did you know that my mother was about to...die? Why did you know so clearly? Why...why did you keep it from me and not tell me that my mother was not well? You knew everything, right? You knew everything! Right? Speak up!"

"Eh?"

Everyone in the room had different reactions, but except for Shoko Toyokawa, everyone was just shocked.

They were shocked at how complicated the relationship between the two was...

Xiangzi lowered his head, feeling somewhat bewildered.

She did know a lot of things... but that was just by chance.

And there were many things that Sister Qiansui didn't allow her to tell Su Shi.

Seeing Xiangzi's silence, an unknown fire ignited in Nagasaki Suyo's heart.

She grabbed Xiangzi's collar, as if she wanted to pull him up.

But she didn't have enough strength, and her movements were so soft that it seemed like she was acting coquettishly.

"I…"

"That day... that day before the performance... what were you doing? Why weren't you there? Why weren't you in the right state during the performance? Was it because you saw something? What did you see? Tell me now! Quick!"

Su Shi shouted and said the last word.

She no longer had the strength to support herself and her body collapsed.

She lowered her head stiffly and vaguely saw her own shadow on the floor.

The shadow was hazy and the shadow within it was turning red.

This seems... a bit close to Noshiro Chitose's eye color...

Toyokawa Shoko also knelt down.

Nagasaki Suyo's condition was worse than she had imagined, so much so that her inner anxiety was about to overflow.

She no longer held back because she knew that hiding her words any longer would be too cruel for a child who had just lost her family.

"Su Shi..."

"..."

Nagasaki Suyo resisted Toyokawa Shoko with silence, she had no intention of speaking.

"Actually, Chitose-san was there that day too..."

"What? You…what did you say?"

As if she had just regained consciousness, Nagasaki Suyo suddenly raised her head.

Her eyes widened.

"I...I saw Chitose-sister at the door that day."

Toyokawa Shoko seemed to be relieved.

"She was pushed in by Ms. Nagasaki... She was very vulnerable, but she still wanted to come and see our performance."

"After we went on stage...she was actually watching us from behind the scenes, but she left before our performance was over."

"What? Are you...real?"

"It's true... Chitose-nee wants to see us one last time... no, she wants to see Su Shi's performance one last time."

"I saw her. I've been keeping an eye on Chitose-sister... Her eyes never left you, Sushi... She still loves you so much... She..."

At the end of this story, Xiangzi couldn't make a sound.

When Toyokawa Shoko raised her head again, she saw Nagasaki Suyo with tears streaming down her face.

"Really? Mother really came to see me? Then why... then why..."

"Because Chitose knew she didn't have much time left to live, she didn't want to make you sad. She was very happy to see you forming a band and didn't want to spoil your fun..."

"She's afraid she'll affect your life trajectory. She wants you to live a good life. She also thinks... you and Ms. Nagasaki should get along better... so she specifically asked Ms. Nagasaki to watch our performance from the audience. She hopes to see your mother-daughter relationship become more harmonious in these final moments..."

"Stop it... stop it! It's fake, right? It has to be fake... why are you telling me so much!?"

While Su Shi was crying, Toyokawa Shoko took out a small note from her pocket.

She unfolded the note and placed it in front of Su Shi.

"This is what Chitose-sister wrote to you...I found it backstage."

Su Shi forced herself to open her eyes, but she felt even more sad after seeing the note clearly.

She saw the note which read:

I'm proud of you.

【Sushishi has always been the best. 】

【From the one who loves you forever——】

【Noshiro Chitose】

Ch109. Letter to Nagasaki Suyo

"Mom, you always like to put on makeup at home."

"Yeah, it looks good, doesn't it?"

"It looks good! But every time I see my mom putting on makeup, I think she's going out."

"Silly child, Mommy is hiding the wrinkles on her face. I haven't been feeling well lately. It might be because of the work pressure and I haven't had enough rest... My skin has become worse too."

"Eh?"

"Pfft, idiot Sushishi, don't you think your mother looks younger after putting on makeup? I don't know how Nagasaki-san maintains her skin, it's so good."

"Mom hasn't aged at all."

……

In the empty living room of Nagasaki's house.

Su Shi knelt on the ground alone, looking around blankly.

Everything I saw, heard, and thought about were all bits and pieces about the past and Chitose's mother.

She still couldn't accept her mother's death.

Su Shi looked at the liquid foundation that Chitose Noshiro left at her house, and couldn't help but recall her previous memories.

"So Mom was already in poor health back then?"

Why haven't I discovered it yet?

She looked over and over at the crumpled little piece of paper in her hand, and accidentally turned it over and found a small heart on the back.

"..."

"Woo..."

Why, why did you use that sarcastic tone to talk to your mother?

Obviously...I clearly saw my mother and Xiangzi hugging each other at that time, and my mother just wanted to comfort Xiangzi, right?

It is obvious that most of the time it is my own misunderstanding and my own selfishness that is at work...but why can't I wake up?

I've clearly discovered my own selfishness a long time ago...but why should I allow selfishness to spread...

My mother taught me so many things and imparted so much knowledge to me through words and deeds... Why haven't I learned anything?

Nagasaki Suyo fell backwards, completely disregarding whether she would fall and get hurt.

The note in his hand was blown away by the breeze created by his back touching the ground, and Su Shi was no longer able to catch it.

[Never mind… let’s just leave it at that.]

Chitose Noshiro's urn was staring at her on the fireplace less than ten meters away from her, and Chitose's portrait was hung in their home by her mother.

As long as she looked over, she would receive Qiansui's gentle smile, but Su Shi simply didn't want to look.

She would cry, and she would be even more breathless.

Su Shi opened her eyes, closed her eyes, and her brain was slowly shutting down.

She doesn't want anything anymore.

No one came to comfort her anymore.

Mother is also very sad and upset, but she still needs to go to work today.

This family needs a pillar, but the pillar cannot take care of every aspect of Su Shi.

The mother who could take care of Su Shi is gone.

She considered so many things before she left, but she didn't consider her own importance in Su Shi's heart.

"Mom... why are you so stupid? At the last moment... you still wanted her to come to my performance and wanted me to have a better relationship with her..."

Don't you know how much you mean to me? You are very important. Without you, my heart is empty and without warmth.