Toyokawa Shoko doesn't want to become a witch

"Are you going to work at the rally tomorrow, Saturday?" Hailing asked.

“Let’s rest.” Lixi hooked the wildcat’s chin. “But we still have to go to RiNG.”

The stray cat had just been enjoying Lixi's chin-touching gesture, but now it's unhappy. It jumped off Lixi's lap and ran back to its cat bed.

Lixi watched as the stray cat stuck its butt out and crawled into its cat bed, and let out a soft "Ah!"

"Found new teammates?" Hailing nodded gently. "No wonder you're in the mood to write songs."

"No such thing."

"That means the broken mirror can be mended."

Hailing stood up, stretched, and her bones cracked and popped from a long day's work.

"congratulations."

What to say.

There's not much to say. They just happened to be neighbors, in the same class, met at the entrance of CiRCLE, and owed each other a meal.

With a snap, the old filament of one of the streetlights, which had lasted for several months, finally went out.

It got a bit darker around the apartment.

have nothing to say.

It's a good thing that things can be mended after a breakup.

Lixi is someone who deserves a place to belong, unlike her.

"I'm going to sleep. I have things to do tomorrow." Hailing turned and walked towards her apartment.

"Going to help out at the church again?" Lixi turned around and called out to her.

"No, I made some new friends."

"Hey... new friend, that's great." Lixi asked vaguely, a straw in her mouth.

"So you're allowed to mend a broken mirror?"

“No, that’s not it.” Li Xi looked away.

Hai Ling squinted and glanced at Li Xi a couple more times, a slight smile playing on her lips.

"Oh, you're jealous."

Li Xi glanced at her, stood up, waved to Hai Ling, neither admitting nor denying.

"I'm going to sleep too, goodnight," Lixi said.

"Good night."

The Tale of Nirvana: Keeping Your True Self: Chapter 76 Talking to Yourself in the Mirror

A pure white hall.

Xiangzi stood at the entrance of the hall.

The hall was so large that you could hardly see the edges, and Xiangzi looked as small as an ant inside.

The source of the light was unknown, and no shadow was cast on the ground.

Xiangzi walked forward.

Faint music echoed in the empty space.

In the center of the hall, there was a dressing mirror.

Xiangzi squinted.

The source of the sound was on the table next to the dressing mirror.

She strode toward the dressing mirror in the center of the hall.

The little leather shoes made a crisp sound when they hit the ground.

The music became clearer and clearer.

We stand on either side of the stairway to heaven, reflecting on our lives, discussing the past years and events...

The source of the sound was a Walkman, and besides that, there was a pile of parts on the table.

Xiangzi walked to the dressing table, picked up his Walkman, and turned off the music.

We're facing each other, and across from you is...

Click.

She put down her Walkman.

Looked up.

Look at that mirror.

The person in the mirror wasn't the self he had imagined, but a disheveled homeless man with two gunshot wounds to his chest and blood bubbles coming out of his mouth.

=======

Xiangzi suddenly opened his eyes, and the fluorescent stones on the ceiling were shining like stars in the night.

He threw back the covers, and a cold wind rushed in. The sweat-soaked fabric clung to his skin, and the cold wind quickly took away his warmth. The icy touch stimulated his skin, and Xiangzi immediately got goosebumps all over his body.

"Ayinqi left one deletion (two) Your wine two sneezes..."

Xiangzi pinched his nose and sneezed, then curled up his legs and huddled at the head of the bed, his blue hair falling onto his arms like a waterfall.

The sky outside the window was so dark it seemed to press down, swallowing the earth. In this pitch-black world, only the fluorescent stones, which had absorbed enough light during the day, twinkled in the darkness, replacing the night outside and pretending to be stars.

Xiangzi looked up at the star pattern on the ceiling.

Earlier, the reason I was able to maintain my rationality and communicate with Hailing for so long was entirely due to the overdose of medicine I took inside the familiar barrier.

The medication has now stopped working.

She tried her best to stop thinking about what that person looked like when they died, but the more she tried not to think about it, the easier it was for her to think about it. That face, a mixture of fear, confusion, ferocity, and despair, appeared in her mind again and again.

The urge to vomit surged up again.

In a panic, Xiangzi rolled off the bed, pushed open the door, stumbled into the toilet, and vomited violently while hugging the toilet bowl.

"vomit......"

However, she had already vomited up her dinner last time, so this time she could only dry heave while holding the toilet, her spasming stomach and esophagus relentlessly sending the urge to vomit to her brain.

She vomited a lot of stomach acid, and even lost consciousness for a short while.

When the spasms finally subsided, Xiangzi leaned against the wall, exhausted, and slumped to the ground, his chest heaving.

"This is absolutely terrible..."

Xiangzi sighed.

Fortunately, no one else saw him in this disheveled state.

She didn't want to be surrounded by Chu Hua's concern and care, nor did she want to be scrutinized by Hai Ling's sympathetic gaze, let alone Miao Meng.

Xiangzi helped himself up from the toilet, flushed, and staggered to the sink. He turned on the light and looked at himself in the mirror.

The familiar structure reminded her of the dream she had just had, and the nausea almost returned.

Shanlin closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.

That cowardly self that needed the encouragement of a lamp to make a decision is dead.

She shouldn't be so preoccupied with this kind of thing now.

But that dream...

Although what we saw in the end was the homeless man's death, the white hall earlier, the cassette player playing music, and the parts on the table—those were pistol parts, right?

When Xiangzi recalled that dream, he felt that something was not quite right.

"Did you remember something?"

Shoko Toyokawa in the mirror suddenly spoke.

"I also feel like something is stirring."

Xiangzi looked at himself in the mirror with half-drooping eyelids and a heavy-hearted expression.

Do you know what I dreamed about?

“We are the same person. Of course I know what you dream about. Do you feel like there’s something that’s been deliberately blocked, like you’re about to remember it, but you can’t quite remember it?”

In the mirror, Toyokawa Shoko made a gun gesture with her right hand and drilled it on her temple.

"Sometimes I get so frustrated that I feel like shooting myself in the head."

The metaphor is strange, but Toyokawa Shoko is right.

Xiangzi leaned against the sink and nodded.

“I always feel like the style in the dream is a bit like…” She pursed her lips, “…‘Cocoon’, was that really a dream? Or did I actually go inside the ‘Cocoon’ before?”

"Cocoon" is the most mysterious building. The only door is locked. Xiangzi searched all around but couldn't find a way in. Even Miaomeng could only sigh and say that she had no idea how to get in.

“Nirvana has five familiars, and we’ve basically come into contact with them all recently.” Toyokawa Shoko played with her fingernails, casually raising her eyes to glance at Shoko. “Except for Oblivionis, right?”

"Oblivionis means forgetting, so you mean it erases its own information?"

"almost?"

Xiangzi had already figured out most of the characteristics of the familiars, but Oblivionis, which represented oblivion, was so mysterious that it seemed to not exist at all, and the Cocoon Building was also closed off.

If the dream wasn't just a dream, but rather something Xiangzi actually remembered.

So she may have actually entered the "cocoon," but because of Oblivionis's characteristics, she forgot all the information about the cocoon.

“It’s playing hide-and-seek, and that’s the most troublesome thing.” Xiangzi sighed again. “If there’s only one thing that can stop me from dealing with Yuki’s ultimatum within two weeks, it’s most likely Oblivionis.”

"We've always been taking it one step at a time, just trying our best." Toyokawa Shoko yawned. "Maybe four familiars will be enough to get Yuuki to spare your life."

"Impossible, she won't let me off the hook. If I were in her position, I wouldn't let myself off the hook either."

"It's all a lie to say that she'll let me go if I give her enough information. She doesn't trust me at all. Those words are just for Kasumi's ears. All the information she'll be satisfied with is just empty promises."

“The barrier of Nirvana is so vast that there must be many entrances inside that I myself am unaware of. It’s only a matter of time before they find them. What I accomplished in more than a month, they can do in less than two weeks.”

Xiangzi clenched his fists.

She remembered the cold look in her eyes when the sickle was held to her neck that day.

Only someone like that could lead a group of people to survive the days when witches ravaged the land.

"Two weeks was just the time she gave herself to investigate."

“As long as I cannot kill Nirvana, I will die when the time comes.”

"That's what Yuki wanted to say back then."

The Tale of Nirvana: Keeping to Your True Self: Chapter 77 - The Comfort Dog

Crackle...

Xiangzi filled a cup with water, rinsed his mouth, and washed away the sour taste.

I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror.

Toyokawa Shoko has gone back to sleep.

The person in the mirror had thick dark circles under their eyes, their pale gold eyes looked dull and lifeless, the corners of their eyes were red as if they had been crying, their shoulders slumped down listlessly, and their hands on the light switch were so thin that they looked like they would break if they fell.

Survive, then make a comeback and return to your former life through your own means.

When she said those things to Miaomeng that day, she spoke with great conviction, but now she looks like a pathetic woman on the verge of collapse.

People always say one thing and do another, and it seems she herself is no exception.

I've told myself countless times not to be lost anymore. I have goals. I have things I have to do. Death hangs over my head like the Sword of Damocles.

Do you feel you have the leeway to feel lost?

Xiangzi sighed self-deprecatingly and pressed the switch.