Will the plagiarism girl be a substitute for the preference for women?

The girl counted the money in China's hand; it was enough to buy ten boxes of cough pills, but the pharmacy certainly wouldn't order that many at once.

But from the smugglers, it's enough to buy five boxes.

"Is he addicted? Is that why he's so eager to spend so much money on a box?" the girl wondered to herself.

Xiangzi, standing to the side, felt that this matter was not simple, or rather, somewhat magical.

This person resembles me, visited my school yesterday, and today seems to be protecting me.

The high price paid to the other party was probably to prevent them from causing trouble.

What exactly is her relationship with herself...?

Even if there's no connection whatsoever and it's just a coincidence that they look alike, I still owe her a favor because she protected me.

Xiangzi felt this would be a very troublesome favor.

However, she saw China talking quietly with two girls.

"Give me the drug dealer's contact information," China added as a condition for the other party to accept the money.

For people addicted to drugs, getting a single box of medication from a legitimate source in the short term is certainly not enough to satisfy them.

Therefore, even if illegal drug dealers sell drugs at several times the price, they are willing to buy them in bulk.

China knew about these things, which is why she asked that question.

Of course, it wasn't about buying drugs from smugglers and then getting intoxicated by the hallucinations they brought.

In this life, she needs to make some changes.

"So the channels were cut off recently. In that case, this money is just right as an information fee."

The girl didn't lower her voice in response and seemed quite proud of it.

Xiangzi's pupils suddenly contracted: Was that person who looked so much like him also a drug abuser?

When she was still a pampered young lady living in a greenhouse, she had no idea that cough pills could be addictive.

But the family fortunes declined...

She witnessed her scoundrel father pour a strip of pills into his wine and drink it down in one gulp, then fall into a coma for a day and a night.

Only weak people would use this to escape reality, Xiangzi thought.

Later, I heard from some underground band members that this stuff is a source of creative inspiration, and you might be able to create a hit song while using it and turn your life around.

Xiangzi despised them and hoped that the drug dealers would disappear.

just now.

Suppressing his disdain, Xiangzi left the scene of the transaction between the two landmine girls and Qiannai.

It's almost time to go to work.

She can no longer have the time, or the sincerity and purity of heart, to preach to him face-to-face as she used to...

Right now, she just wants to enjoy her life...

At most, if I meet China at school, I will persuade her to expose the drug trafficking organization herself and then go to the hospital for drug abuse withdrawal treatment.

After obtaining the smuggler's contact information, China noticed Shoko's departure.

"It seems we've been misunderstood."

"I'll explain when we start school."

China bought the doll that Shoko had been eyeing, and then left the shop.

……

arrive home.

Chika slowly closed the door and drew the curtains as if she were a normal person...

Suddenly he roared and bent over, pounding his fists on the wall several times.

"What are you thinking! Do you want to fight the entire gray industry all by yourself?!"

When Chika saw Xiangzi in trouble, Chika only wanted to stop the landmine woman from harassing Xiangzi.

But coincidentally, a manic episode occurred.

So he then thought of obtaining information about the drug dealers so that he could eliminate them on his own.

That's a truly outlandish and absurd idea.

"Ugh, what is all this..."

"I'm just a musician..."

Chapter 9 What Can Give You Freedom

China looked at the prescription cough pills in the bag, which reminded her of the past, of listening to post-punk music and then taking the pills to enter a dazed world.

These past scenes have faded and blurred as I swallowed more than a dozen pills back then, leaving only the negative feedback of nausea and fainting echoing in my memory.

It sucks.

Regarding the past, China has a self-criticism within her, and her evaluation of the past is too subjective. She also has a power struggle with her two friends who suffer from bipolar disorder, leading to constant arguments.

If you can't even trust yourself, you have to imagine another evaluator to regulate you.

This evaluator is not absolutely objective, but rather an authority figure, a kind of self-reminder to avoid overstepping boundaries and to maintain a rational and orderly existence.

Let's call it the "Other" for now. She imagined this formless observer, based on mainstream social values, to critique and advise her.

They criticized her past weakness, saying she used drugs to escape reality at the cost of her health.

She is advised to break free from drug abuse and embrace a new and healthy life, having made friends and earned a substantial income in the new world.

Please let the band shine!

Following the advice of the "Big Other," China placed the note with the above words on it next to the cough pills on the bedside table, constantly reminding herself that the medicine was for stopping coughs, and that she should take one pill at a time, not twelve at a time.

Driven by curiosity, she then opened the account of the drug dealer she had just added, who then pulled her into a group chat called "Herbal Garden".

The group members suffer from mental illnesses due to congenital or acquired factors, and they also experience enormous life pressures.

Some people dabble in hip-hop, rock, or other subcultures, and are led astray by certain individuals within those circles to seek thrills and pursue individuality.

Their chat logs reveal that they felt their behavior was justified, and even something to be proud of.

How about we report this group?

An idea came to mind.

Then, a speaker symbolizing the group suffering from mental illness and substance abuse was also conceived.

She imagined the drug-addicted speaker denouncing her as a traitor, saying that she had relied on drugs to get through painful times, but now she was turning her back on her, which was utterly heartless.

She thought of the "Big Other" who encouraged and endorsed this behavior, saying that one should actively assist society in combating illegal activities while ensuring one's own personal safety.

The user named "Mania" remained silent.

China carefully recalled her motives during her manic episode: to obtain information about drug dealers and to crack down on illegal transactions.

Was it purely irrational, just doing whatever came to mind?

Or is there an underlying logic, but it just seems irrational to normal people?

……

After a moment of reflection, I came to a conclusion.

It's for the sake of pleasure.

Simply enjoying the pleasure of destroying a gang, an act that is accepted by the mainstream, unlike drug use which is socially repulsive.

At the same time, the feeling of betrayal and immorality, which stems from becoming a drug abuser and a fighter against drug dealers, is intertwined with the sense of righteousness recognized by mainstream society... It's quite a strange feeling.

I wonder if those rap and rock singers who used to use vulgar language to insult the world in their lyrics, now that they've started praising the beauty of the world to cater to the mainstream and are making more money than ever before, have ever had this experience.

“Mania, I have sensed your thoughts.”

"But I'm a songwriter, not a criminal police officer. The most I can do is press the report button and risk my life to investigate the hideout, which is not something the Big Other advocates."

"And how am I supposed to explain this to Xiangzi? Tell her that I'm actually a mole infiltrating the drug dealers' group?"

China looked at the bottles and jars on the table, wondering if she should increase the dosage slightly, until the illness completely stopped, so as to avoid causing a lot of trouble because of the illness.

However, the current situation, where the illness only occurs occasionally and can only be considered "mild," is already considered to be well controlled.

Increasing the dosage may not be effective and could even lead to drug resistance.

The side effects of the medicine, such as nausea and dizziness, also made China not want to take another half a pill.

Most importantly, although I regret the things I did during my manic episodes...

But the euphoric state during mania is quite addictive...

No, no, no, what am I thinking?

China focused her attention on composing the music, trying not to let her mind wander.

As for what will happen at school tomorrow, I expect it will cause me a lot of trouble and embarrassment in my normal state.

Unless you're in a state where "as long as I'm not embarrassed, it's others who are embarrassed"—that is, a manic state.

After composing the piece, China poured out her usual amount of lithium carbonate tablets and put them in the medicine box for tomorrow.

After thinking for a while, she folded one of the pieces in half and put it back in the medicine jar.

"The trouble should end it."

"Let mania deal with what it does."

Reducing medication dosage and prolonging the duration of manic episodes to make up for the damage caused by previous manic episodes sounds crazy.

It was as crazy as when someone is having a manic episode.

"...Wait, am I really having a manic episode right now?"

China gripped her hair with both hands; the feeling of not being able to find her true self was driving her crazy.

She had to open the music player's author backend and look at the continuous stream of playback revenue to calm her down and sort out her thoughts.

...In any case, the misunderstanding needs to be resolved, and the reasons need to be explained to Xiangzi in an appropriate manner.

Even if having a lot of money gives you confidence and you don't need to maintain a perfect social image, the "drug use" image is still too much.

……

Early in the morning, after a light rain, the steam fogged up the glass windows.

When she opened her eyes, China felt weak all over and didn't want to move at all.

Why do we have to go to school? What has this bed done to wrong you? Isn't it better to lie in bed all day?

Various negative thoughts emerged, and it seemed that "experiencing campus life" was not a good idea; it would be most comfortable to just sit back and do nothing while receiving the broadcast revenue.

I'm having a depressive episode.

But she was somewhat relieved that she slept well last night; depression did not bother her during the night, but left those pessimistic thoughts in the morning.

"Perhaps I enjoy mania and want to reduce the dosage, prolong the duration of mania, or even use mania to deal with distressing situations."

"But reducing the dosage might prolong the duration of depression."

Depression—she still hated this spoilsport the most.

But she couldn't just accept mania and completely reject depression.

Mania and depression are relative moods, and the dosage of antidepressants must be carefully controlled.

Trying to significantly control depression can easily exacerbate mania, causing the manic episode to shift from "this person seems very excited" to "this person is a lively, energetic mental patient."

The commonly used medication remains lithium carbonate tablets, a "balanced" drug that can alleviate both manic and depressive symptoms simultaneously.

However, despite her depression, Chika still took half a pill less than usual.

Because at this moment, she is pessimistic about whether her normal self can fill the hole left by her illness, and wants to entrust things to mania.

Chapter 10 Hello, Big Sister

"Indoor shoes, an argumentative essay about lights, power banks..."

After confirming that I had everything I needed, I glanced at the peephole before leaving.