restless daily life

"Just like some people don't want to win the lottery, some don't want to be popular, some don't want their words to be agreed with, and some don't want to be praised by others—people would definitely hate such weirdos."

Hachiman Hikigaya remarked, "I still really hope to win..."

“Yes, even a small company like Enterprise has a chance to win the lottery.” Yui Yuigahama pursed her lips. “But I like Enterprise if it doesn’t want to win the lottery. Not wanting to win the lottery is because it hates getting something for nothing, not wanting to be popular is because it likes to think alone, not wanting to be approved is because it’s used to self-reflection, and not wanting to be praised is because it’s about keeping humble… People will like it, but it’s not what I like.”

"I suddenly understand why Xiaoqi dislikes gentle people."

Yui Yuigahama took a deep breath. Although she tried to keep smiling, her eyes couldn't help but flicker with emotion: "You're being extra serious, but you're being treated accommodatingly by the other party. It's impossible for you to be happy about that. —Hachi, I refuse your acceptance... You're just flustered by Shiro's plan and can't stay calm. In this situation, you're faced with a question that you have no reason to refuse, so you agreed."

Hachiman Hikigaya couldn't refute it. He asked himself honestly, was this all a scheme and trap set by the terrifying chairman...?

"Feel sorry."

He scratched his head and replied subconsciously.

"Actually, the result was pretty good." Yui Yuigahama chuckled. "The first time he confessed, Hachiman firmly rejected him. The second time, he hesitated and agreed. But the third time... and then..."

Words stuck in her throat, unable to escape; the sorrow she had been trying so hard to suppress in her eyes had finally burst forth. She couldn't tell whether she was being consumed by her own emotions or whether the certainty of the answer had opened a hole in her heart.

There was already an opportunity. Through years of getting to know each other and experiencing so much together, they understood each other better, sharing joyful moments and unforgettable memories. They had grown accustomed to their relationship, and Xiaobai had created such a wonderful opportunity for them. All they had to do was be accommodating to Xiaoqi's concessions and gently reciprocate her kindness—

"I'm such an idiot..."

The blurred world rippled and swayed incessantly.

Fools deserve to be sad.

Hachiman Hikigaya stood there, stunned, staring at Yui Yuigahama. She bit her lip, unable to speak, tears streaming down her cheeks. Through the tears, one could see the deep sadness in her eyes—had she ever been so heartbroken?

If you express your feelings to someone and confess your love, and you are rejected, you should only feel embarrassed and ashamed, right?

I've never experienced being so heartbroken that I cried.

Whether I was rejected before or just now, why do I feel this same sadness now, as if I've caught it?

Yui Yuigahama choked slightly, unable to speak. Not wanting to be seen in such a disheveled state, she hurriedly turned to leave.

"and many more!"

Hachiman Hikigaya suddenly stepped forward and grabbed Yui Yuigahama's wrist. Yui Yuigahama tried to pull her hand away, but he grabbed her and added urgently, "Wait!"

Why did you stop me?!

An overwhelming sadness surged forth, stirring up feelings akin to anger.

Yui Yuigahama didn't turn around, and unusually, she erupted in emotion, her voice hoarse as she growled, "Don't be gentle at a time like this!"

"This isn't gentleness! This is mockery!"

Rinhikigaya Hachiman yelled back, "Serves you right for being an idiot!"

"what?"

Yui Yuigahama paused for a moment, and Hachiman Hikigaya seized the opportunity, tightening his grip on her wrist. He gasped for breath, his emotions running high: "Yes, you're such an idiot! You made a decision, learned to read people's expressions, and tried to fit in with everyone, not wanting to be an idiot, but instead, you joined a weird club to befriend a few oddballs, and even had conflicts with the friends you already had! You felt lonely when the club disbanded, but then you said it was a new beginning! You're an idiot, yet you fell for another idiot!"

"It's clearly a good thing, but you refuse to do it; it's clearly a bad thing, but you insist on doing it! I will never sympathize with you, pity you, or help you, because you're an idiot that even a fool would like! It's like staring at a stock that's bound to depreciate, ignoring everyone's advice—that kind of guy is a fool who deserves to lose money!"

"Coincidentally, this stock, which has no future, is so cheap that even a fool could afford it."

In the silence, only the panting of suppressed emotions echoed. After a long while, Yui Yuigahama still didn't turn around, but her voice trembled: "Hachi, let's talk about it tomorrow after you calm down."

This was just a momentary impulse, a momentary sympathy, a temporary feeling of reluctance...

Hachiman Hikigaya didn't let go, still holding onto Yui Yuigahama's wrist tightly: "Unfortunately, if we don't sell this stock to an idiot now, we'll never have another chance to sell it—it has no future, it's been depreciating since it appeared, and there's no sign of improvement at any time. It's guaranteed to lose the investment, so no one but an idiot would buy it."

Yui Yuigahama bit her lip and said hoarsely, "Then why are you trying to sell it to me?"

"Because you weren't like a fool at all before."

Hachiman Hikigaya abandoned his thoughts and let the words flow from his heart: "How could a smart guy be interested in this stock? If he is, he must be mistakenly thinking that it will appreciate in value and that he can get a bargain. In order to be responsible to customers and avoid their complaints later, of course I can't sell this stock to a smart guy."

“Actually, you’re just an idiot, so I should give you a proper sales pitch—this stock is hopeless, it’s been depreciating all along, there’s no future in it, buying it would be a mistake for you, it’s perfect for a clueless idiot like you.”

Yui Yuigahama slowly turned her head, feeling extremely afraid, afraid to see even the slightest bit of pity, afraid to see even a hint of tenderness. With tears still in the corners of her eyes, she looked at Hachiman Hikigaya, feeling his slight trembling on her wrist. In her vision, he looked like he was panting and going all out, not handsome at all, but rather very disheveled.

"Who told me to be such a blind fool?" Hachiman Hikigaya forced a smile. "I want to break free from this ingrained predicament, but I always end up using seemingly philosophical words to avoid taking action. I can't tell what others really mean, yet I'm overly self-conscious and judge them..."

"What you want is right in front of you, but you just can't see it."

Hachiman Hikigaya took a breath and met Yui Yuigahama's quiet gaze.

"I don't make friends; that's just superficial childish play. I only joined the club because I was forced by the violent teacher. I met a few people in the Service Club who I got along well with, but it was all because I was forcibly detained by the president. I help out in the commissions because I don't dare to disobey the president. I feel nostalgic because the club is about to disband; it's definitely because I can't find a place to read. I rejected Yui Yuigahama's confession because it was just Yui Yuigahama's distorted gratitude..."

"As long as I can find an excuse, I am a lone wolf. I will not make expectations on my own, nor will I be saddened by disappointment."

"This is the twisted me, a fool who always says he has to do whatever he wants to do."

Yui Yuigahama turned around, and the hand that had been holding her wrist gently grasped Hachiman Hikigaya's wrist in return. She tried to suppress her trembling voice, which was trembling with emotion: "I want to be friends with everyone because I don't want to be the one who gets ostracized anymore; I want to be friends with a few unsociable people because I like how they aren't afraid of being ostracized; I like life in the club because it's fun and lively; I'm confessing to Hachiman Hikigaya because I like him..."

"Although I'm afraid of loneliness, afraid of being ostracized, afraid of changes in relationships, afraid of my favorite places becoming unfamiliar, and afraid of the sadness that change will bring..."

"I'm more afraid of getting used to all of this, so I'm a fool who likes to create trouble for myself."

"so……"

Yui Yuigahama took a deep breath, her hand sliding down her wrist to tightly grasp Hachiman Hikigaya's hand: "I—"

Hachiman Hikigaya opened his mouth, then immediately interrupted, "Wait a minute, I finally cut off my own escape route, how come you're suddenly the one talking?"

"Huh? Uh... Oh." Yui Yuigahama said in a flustered manner, "Then, then it's Hachiman's turn to speak!"

...The self I aspire to be, the self I yearn for, the self I have given up on.

And, now, I'm just a hypocrite.

"I had a wonderful time in the Service Club. I was involved in all sorts of things and thoroughly enjoyed it. I made several very good friends. I am genuinely loved by Yui Yuigahama. I am experiencing a vibrant and colorful youth, and I am deeply immersed in it. I am the most popular person at Soubu High School..."

He's someone who's always praising youth, yet he keeps denying his own joy.

I might actually be a problematic guy.

Hachiman Hikigaya slowly spoke, word by word, about the feelings he had long since feigned and deliberately ignored. He looked back at Yui Yuigahama, her different images and evaluations flashing through his mind. Perhaps without realizing it, he had been influenced, becoming less hypocritical, nostalgic for his time in the club, unwilling to let the relationship change, and indulging in the falsehoods he had previously defined...

As a result, she continued to strive forward, never giving up or making excuses.

Authentic, authentic...

The self, constantly hurt, misunderstood, and deceived by interpersonal relationships, to the point of being distorted, yearns for a relationship where there is no harm, no misunderstanding, and no deception. It fabricates a relationship with someone that can be like that, while other relationships are deemed false.

And so, in his twisted state, he remained confined to his own territory, passively waiting for the real thing to appear before him.

A white shadow appeared... slash it out!

There are no inherently real or fake things in the world, only people and paths that pursue the real.

Take that seemingly fabricated facade built on habit and concealment, and sculpt it with sincerity, enduring the pain and confusion brought by each touch, still striving and persistently questioning it...

Yuihama has never changed; it's just that I'm getting to know her better.

I am getting to know her better because it is I who am truly changing.

"Please use your life to correct my life."

After slowly finishing his sentence, Hachiman Hikigaya, unable to withstand the sparkling gaze of Yui Yuigahama, added, "Maybe I'm a hidden gem?"

"Idiot, I won't cash it in. Whether it depreciates or appreciates, it's all the same..." Yui Yuigahama bit her lip lightly, took a step closer with his hand, and couldn't help but lower her head to bump into Hachiman Hikigaya's chest. "Take it and use it. It's my life."

A gentle breeze blew through the woods, creating a peaceful and tranquil atmosphere.

The onlookers carefully and orderly left the scene.

Yukino Yukinoshita, unusually, chose to take action instead of speaking. She covered her mouth with one hand to silence her, and with the other hand, she grabbed the white figure by the throat and dragged him away from the scene.

Stop licking your palms! If you keep doing that, I'll wipe my saliva on your clothes!

……

……

At night, Hachiman Hikigaya lay motionless on his wooden bed, pretending to be asleep, while his mind was racing.

To be honest, it was a bit unexpected. It was when Yui rejected me that I suddenly felt a strange, indescribable flutter in my heart, and I understood a lot of things... What does this mean? Does Yui like me or not? And for me, do I like my Yui or not?

A strange conversion method.

I never expected... that I would confess my feelings to another "popular girl".

In junior high, a popular girl would often talk to me, who was not a sociable person. I misunderstood that she liked me, and then... ugh!

This time, it's still a girl who's a social butterfly... no, that's not quite right either.

Hikigaya Hachiman felt a subtle self-mockery.

High school, youth, clubs, romance... I'm such a social butterfly, a real social butterfly.

Thank goodness the president wasn't there, otherwise I don't even want to think what would have happened...

Go to sleep.

……

"Don't be gentle at a time like this!"

Bai Ying forcefully shook off Sakurajima Mai's hand, and said indignantly, "I am questioning your sincerity, not demanding your sympathy! I am conveying my love, not arousing your pity! Enough, enough! I don't need your concessions, nor do I need your tenderness!"

"This isn't gentleness! This is mockery!"

Mai Sakurajima raised her hand and grabbed the white figure that was about to leave, her voice high-pitched.

"Mocking my foolishness! Mocking your earnestness! Mocking our similar fates, which have divided our paths!"

"I love you!"

"I do not believe!"

"I just love you!"

"I just don't believe it!"

I love you so much!

"I sincerely don't believe it!"

The two were rehearsing their play earnestly in the open space, playfully pulling and tugging at each other, while students with nothing else to do gathered around to watch and point and comment.

"Ugh, what kind of third-rate romance script did the student council president write? So cheesy and cheesy!" "How could there be such a romantic scene in real life? It's not realistic at all." "Isn't drama all about exaggeration? It's normal. Normal people in love don't go through all that 'real' and 'fake' stuff." "Damn it! Having Sakurajima-senpai act in this lousy drama is definitely an abuse of power by the student council president!"...

In the crowd, Hachiman Hikigaya and Yui Yuigahama, who were originally standing together, subtly distanced themselves, appearing less close, before inwardly roaring.

How much did he actually hear?! ×2!

Chapter 59 When will we break up?

The white eggshell cracked with a snap, and he came into this world. The moment he opened his eyes, he saw a mother duck and instinctively felt a special closeness to her. He was about to call out to her...

"What an ugly child."

"That's what the mother duck said."

"Gah?"

Confused, he let out a short, abrupt cry.

Among all the ducks, he was the ugliest, and was therefore mocked by the other ducks as the Ugly Duckling.

The Ugly Duckling was very sad. Although everyone treated him badly because he was so ugly, he believed that if he did something kind, he could change their minds and make them treat him kindly.

He greeted the dog in a friendly manner: "Hello, ga..."

Dog: "Woof woof woof woof!!"

It's okay, maybe my voice is just too awful.

He gave the maid a friendly smile.

The maid burst into laughter, which cheered him up, and he tried to put on a more friendly smile.

The maid said with a chuckle, "His smile is really ugly, but it's quite funny."

The Ugly Duckling's smile froze, and she silently turned away.

It's okay, maybe it's just that I'm laughing and not saying anything, which makes me seem boring.

The Ugly Duckling found the black cat on the fence and thought that maybe the cat didn't dislike him so much. He tried to tell some interesting little stories, like Snow White and Little Red Riding Hood. The black cat sat silently on the fence, seemingly listening attentively without reacting. This, however, made the Ugly Duckling very talkative, and he talked from sunrise to sunset.

The Ugly Duckling, feeling a bit parched, couldn't help but ask for the other's opinion: "Quack! How was my presentation?"