Hikigaya Hachiman is still in the dark

Just like what Yukinoshita Haruno said, maybe even though you hate me, you don't want to be hated by me.

Yukinoshita is gentle and correct, which I have determined long ago. However, the correct person is not wrong, and the gentle person is not wrong either. However, correctness and gentleness are two incompatible qualities. If you are correct, you cannot be gentle, and if you are gentle, you cannot be correct. Because once you insist on being correct, you will inevitably hurt others. If you insist on being gentle to others, you will inevitably not be able to insist on being correct.

This world is neither right nor gentle, and most people just go with the flow and cannot clearly distinguish. To put it simply, if your friend makes a mistake, if you insist on being right, you can point out his mistake. If you insist on being gentle, you can avoid the problem and comfort your friend. So, how should the right and gentle people deal with such things? How should women face this world that is neither right nor gentle?

So, how should people who insist on their own ideals without giving in and at the same time do not want to hurt others face the world?

So, how should people who want to be recognized by others and stick to their principles face the world?

So, how should Yukinoshita Yukino face such a world?

The stubbornness beyond ordinary people and the definition of deviation have reached the point of paranoia. If you want to insist on being right and gentle at the same time, you will be the only one who gets hurt in the end.

I understood this a long time ago, so I bore all the pain alone because I had long been accustomed to this kind of life.

My thoughts paused for a moment, and Hiratsuka-sensei's voice appeared in my mind again, "Even if you are used to the pain, you should have realized that seeing someone get hurt will hurt you."

But is there really anyone who would be sad if I got hurt?

Yukinoshita? Yuigahama? Isshiki? Or the other girl in my memory who cried because of me?

Oops, the bad memories are coming back again, is it because of the nightmare? I can't help but think of her lately.

Trying hard to shake off the figure in my mind, I looked at Yukinoshita. Yukinoshita was sitting on the sofa, looking a little tired, rubbing her temples with her hands. This guy was still not good at physical labor as before.

However, there is still a subtle sense of incongruity. Yukinoshita's behavior today was completely like that of a young lady with a bad temper, which is very different from my impression of Yukinoshita. Memories can be deceiving, and maybe my memory of someone is very different, but I will never forget everything about Yukinoshita, about Yuigahama, and about that club room. That was the real thing I was looking for in high school, and it was my first place that I could call home.

But so much time has passed, it is understandable that there have been some changes. I guess it is just wishful thinking on my part to expect Yukinoshita to remain unchanged.

However, I can never let go of this expectation.

"Ah, Xiao Xueno, you guys are back." Yang No came out of her room, looking like she was just doing her nail care, with fresh nail polish clearly visible on her nails.

This person, is this the important thing? He looked at Yang No with a reproachful look, and Yang No also looked at me as if she noticed my gaze, and then smiled at me kindly.

It was so scary that I looked away in pain.

"Thank you for your hard work. Leave the cleaning of the ingredients to me."

"Well, thank you for your help."

"Komachi really wants to help, but she can't hold on any longer." Yukinoshita and Komachi, who were taking a break, responded at the same time. As expected, both of them were not good at physical labor, although I'm not very good at it either.

"Hikigaya-kun, come help me."

"Why me? I also worked hard to buy the ingredients. Or rather, I carried most of them back. I was also very tired." I naturally wanted to turn down such a job.

Chapter 62: Whitewashed Memories

"Hikigaya-kun, you're a boy! You won't give in so easily, right? You won't let your lovely sister go to work alone, right?"

No, I don't mind at all. Rather, you are not a cute sister. You just scare me.

"Hikigaya-kun, you won't, right?" His tone became a little heavier, his voice was much lower, and the corners of his smiling mouth were much higher than before, but why did I feel that my temperature had dropped a lot?

"Right? Hikigaya-kun?" This is even more terrifying.

"Okay, fine." I nodded helplessly and agreed. I knew a long time ago that I couldn't refuse Yang No's request, so basically until now, I would only resist appropriately.

"Yeah." Yang Noi's smile made me feel a little scary.

Although she is not good at cooking, she can still do simple things like washing ingredients, so she works quite efficiently. Yang Noi beside her didn't say much, but just washed quietly beside her. However, because I know her nature, I still find it a bit scary. I really want to finish these ingredients quickly and then hide outside by myself.

When she was almost done cleaning, Yang Noi stopped and looked at me with her usual smile, which of course made me feel very scared.

"Hikigaya-kun, you are really good at this kind of thing!" Yangno said to me.

"It's just average." Not knowing whether this person was genuinely complimenting me or being sarcastic, I gave an ambiguous answer.

"Well, no, you are really very charming..." Yang Noi's words made me stop what I was doing and turn my gaze to Yang Noi. I don't know when she had looked away and was staring at the ceiling in a daze.

"But Hikigaya-kun, you are very cunning. One day, you will create the situation that you least want to see." She spoke in a low voice, as if she was instilling irrelevant things to an irrelevant person, as ethereal as the sound of a piano on the sea.

"It's better for you not to get in touch with people from the Qianye family."

"What do you mean?" Hearing the unexpected words, my tone became cold, so cold that it made me understand a fact: I said I would forget her, but in fact, I still couldn't let it go.

If regret is part of memories, then I am probably just a poor person who is occupied by a part of memories.

Yes, from that day on, I have been deceiving myself and living in this world in self-deception.

"Shouldn't you know what I mean?" Yang Nai said in a mocking voice, her face revealing her true nature as usual. "Although I couldn't hear it clearly in the car, I just checked the recording carefully." The important thing this person said turned out to be such a thing. I clenched my fists tightly and could clearly feel the cold sweat taking away my heat, but on the contrary, my mood became more and more irritable.

"You'd better not get in touch with the Qianye Family."

Yang No said seriously, her eyes more like a warning than advice.

Ignoring my dazed look, Yangno left the room.

I know, things like this, things like this, I don't need you to remind me.

Yes, I knew about this a long time ago.

His hands drooped limply, and the water from the faucet gradually overflowed the vegetable basin, dripping onto the floor along the kitchen stove, making a crisp sound that filled the entire world.

Even the sunlight seemed so dazzling. Under such sounds and in such environment, the sound of water falling to the ground was like the sound of my cold heartbeat.

I felt like something was stuck inside me. I wanted to express something but my throat was stuck. In the end, it turned into a meaningless moan of pain, so quiet that only I could hear it.

The water in the basin was still overflowing, and the dripping sound kept echoing. I raised my hand with difficulty to turn off the faucet. There was no running water to take away the warmth of my hands, but my hands still felt cold.

I remember what Hai Zhixing said. Some people's memories are unwilling to be touched. Some memories of the past cannot be explored, cannot be picked up, cannot be recalled, and can only be buried deep in the deepest part of the heart... Such memories are either so hot that regret fills the whole body, or so cold that regret fills the mind.

I am still not sure whether the memories between me and Qian Yeying are real or imaginary. After what I experienced, everything became unreal. Memories can sometimes be deceiving, but the mood and state of mind that people have experienced will not lie.

However, if I began to question the state of mind and mood of my own experience, then were my memories, all my memories of Chiyazakura, just a dream that I was unaware of?

Thoughts filled my mind and my head felt like it was going to explode.

When did I begin to question my college years? When did I begin to doubt my memories and feelings?

That day, I lied, using the lie I hated the most to cover up everything in my memory.

I clearly know it, I clearly understand it, and I clearly don't want to do this.

Why, at that time, did I deceive myself?

The huge regret mixed with sadness overwhelmed me, making it difficult for me to breathe and I gasped heavily.

I moved my steps with great effort, and I had never felt that these few steps were so long, as if they were crossing the sadness of years.

Walking into the living room, Komachi seemed to have recovered some energy. She was sitting next to Yukinoshita, and I don't know what they were talking about. Komachi quickly noticed that I walked out of the kitchen, and then noticed that something was wrong with me. Komachi looked at me with a worried look.

"Brother, what's wrong?"

I felt a little warm inside, and my heavy heart eased a little. My sister, Komachi, is definitely the best sister in the world.

"Nothing, just a little tired. I'll go back and rest for a while."

Seemingly still worried, Komachi looked at me anxiously: "Do you want me to go back with my brother?"

"It doesn't matter. You stay here with me..." The voice suddenly stopped, and I looked at Yukinoshita beside me. She was so quiet, with an expression that showed no trace of her mood. She was like the stone statues on Easter Island. I felt inexplicably more sad.

"Just stay here."

"Well, brother, please be careful." Although she seemed a little worried, Komachi still listened to me and nodded.

I opened the door and walked towards my apartment.

When I reached the bedroom of the apartment, my feet could no longer support my body and I fell onto the bed with a thump.

I am so tired, really so tired, both physically and mentally. Thinking of this, my eyelids drooped shut.

I don't know how long I slept, but I felt someone pushing me. I pushed that person vaguely, and because I didn't want to get up, my body naturally made the move of wanting to stay in bed.

"Brother, if you don't get up, you won't be able to eat!" Komachi's somewhat annoyed voice sounded.

"Whatever. I don't have much appetite anyway." I answered vaguely. Indeed, the heavy mood just now made me lose my appetite completely.

She put her hands on her waist in dissatisfaction, and her cheeks were slightly puffed up due to anger. Why did this give people the feeling that she was like the incident in the strategy game where a childhood sweetheart called her to wake her up?

"Brother, you haven't eaten since this morning, right? You also slept on a bench in the hospital all night, right? Now get up and eat!"

Although what he said is true, I am not really hungry. What is the principle behind this? What kind of mood stimulates the brain to produce what hormones to cover up hunger? Forget it, it's too troublesome, so I'll just leave it to the scientists.

"But I really have no appetite..."

Sighing, Komachi sat on my bed and leaned next to me: "Brother, you must take care of your body, including sleeping. It's almost winter, and brother didn't turn on the air conditioner. If you sleep in bed without a quilt, you will easily catch a cold. Fortunately, Komachi is worried about brother, so she came to check it out."

Oh, is that so? I was so sleepy that I didn't realize when I had covered myself with the quilt. I did remember that I fell on the bed right away.

"So, brother? What happened?" Komachi came closer to me and looked at me with shining eyes.

"What happened?" I suddenly felt bad again. Although I wanted to tell Komachi, this was definitely not something I could tell others. Some things can only be endured by myself? What's the point of speaking it out? It just adds another person to my pain. One person's joy and pain cannot be shared. Sharing will only double the sadness and joy.

"Nothing." Feeling guilty, I looked away.

"Well, is that so?" Komachi asked in a low voice as if she was sighing about something, leaned back and distanced herself from me, then gave a wry smile.

"Brother, I really won't lie."

Indeed, this kind of behavior doesn't look like someone who has nothing wrong. I would be a little worried about Komachi if she believed me.

"What should I do? Facing such a brother, Xiaomachi really wants to get angry and leave. It's really troublesome not to talk to such a brother for several days. It's really troublesome that my brother is the same as before. It's terrible!"

"No need to talk to this extent," I protested weakly.

"No, it's just a huge trouble. It's so annoying. You useless idiot, Hachiman!"

There must be some weird curse words mixed in...

Thinking about it carefully, when we came back from the high school school trip, I did have a conflict with Komachi due to some awkwardness. Although we made up later, there was indeed a very long period of time in between when I didn't talk to Komachi. I don't know if Komachi will be as angry this time as last time. Thinking of this, I looked at Komachi with worry.

"What a strange gaze..." Komachi said a little angrily, but her tone softened and she spoke gently, "Even Komachi will grow up. This time Komachi will not be angry. Komachi will learn to wait until my brother takes the initiative to tell me everything that happened."

The unexpected answer made me focus my attention on Komachi again. She had the same charming smile as usual, and her eyes were as bright as the stars in the sky.

Seeing me turn my gaze towards her, Komachi moved slightly, then looked at me with blinking eyes as if asking for something: "Brother, please get up a little bit."

Chapter 63 Growth

Eh? Although I was a little confused, I still stood up and leaned my upper body against the wooden board behind the bed.

Seeing me stand up, before I could react, Komachi quickly put her head on my shoulder.

"Hehehe, it's been a long time since I last saw my brother's shoulder." Komachi laughed softly.

The familiar weight, even the perfume is not much different from a few years ago. If I remember correctly, it was the first time Komachi asked me what perfume I liked, and my answer was a perfume with this scent. Komachi always remembers such insignificant things.

A warm feeling flowed through my whole body and I relaxed unconsciously.

"Four years have passed since then. Komachi has grown up, and my brother is still the same, but he's a little different."

"She is my sister after all. Ah, Hachiman scored a lot with what he just said."

"Although my brother is troublesome, he is my brother after all. Ah, what I said just now is a big win for Komachi."

Then we both laughed, a very relaxed smile like the cool autumn breeze.

"So brother, you have to keep growing. Even for Komachi, you have to keep working hard."

Stopping her smile and showing a serious expression, Komachi said seriously.

"Well, there's nothing we can do for Komachi. After all, we'll still be together for a long time, many years to come."

"Well, then brother, let's go have dinner. Komachi doesn't want to be with a brother who's like a zombie."

"Even though you're called a zombie, I'll especially forgive you today. Let's go."

"Yeah." Komachi responded softly.

"Komachi, you guys are so slow!" Since the ingredients were washed in Yukinoshita's apartment, the place for dinner was naturally also in Yukinoshita's apartment. As soon as Komachi and I entered the door, Haruno complained. Yukinoshita was sitting very quietly in her seat next to her. Unlike Haruno who seemed a bit casual, Yukinoshita was sitting in her seat very seriously.

How should I put it? It's really meticulous, isn't it? Although I don't think it's necessary.

"Sorry, did I keep you waiting too long?" Komachi asked apologetically, clasping her hands together.

"Since Komachi is so cute, let's forget it."

Has Komachi's cuteness become a pass? She is truly the best sister in the world, but if it were me, I would probably ban her from the whole world. They are obviously siblings, but such biased treatment is really frustrating...

"Brother, sit down." When I came to my senses, Komachi had already pulled out the chair for me. He patted the chair proudly, and then bowed slightly to me like a waiter in a hotel. He is such a competent waiter. If there is a hotel with a waiter like Komachi, I will visit it every day!

After we sat down, Komachi quickly served each of us a full bowl of rice. Haruno naturally took the rice from Komachi, but Yukinoshita seemed a little shy and embarrassed.